Ace: YAY, I'M BACK FROM THERAPY! In actuality, that means please disregard the chapter length, or lack thereof, because I finally just got out of writer's block here, 'kay?

Greed: YAY, ENVY CAME BACK!

Envy: You're actually happy to see me?

Greed: Sorta-kinda. *kisses on cheek*

Ace: DISCLAIMER, I SUMMON YOU!

Disclaimer: Ace5980 does not own FullMetal Alchemist. However, she does own a pair of pants which have an Ed-patch on them and a Mustang-patch happens to be on her brother's pants.

Chapter Five: Pride Stalks Grown-ups from Their Rosebushes?

"Actually," he said coldly, "I thought you were Envy." I growled at the mention of that pain-in-the-ass sin, which caused him to frown. "Having problems with your babysitter?"

Yes. "No." Damn my urge to protect him even when I knew something was horribly wrong.

He cocked an eyebrow in disbelief. "I don't think having a mental breakdown is normally a good thing, little Greed."

I growled. Pride's self-satisfied ways never failed to make me want to punch his little face in. "Don't you have somewhere to be? Children to demotivate? People to impress?"

Suddenly, I was pinned to the wall by living shadows. He sauntered over those few steps, trailing a finger down my face. "You know what?" he purred frighteningly, "I think I do."

"I would let her go right now if I were you, Pride," Envy hissed, appearing out of nowhere to clench his hand around the boy's wrist.

"And if I don't?" Pride replied snarkily, his many eyes narrowing. Without any pre-emptive change in his expression, Envy tightened his fingers, effortlessly shattering Pride's wrist. The boy howled in pain, his shadow things withdrawing as he cradled the healing arm.

"Stay away from Greed," Envy snarled, grabbing my arm and yanking me along with him on his angry stalk-away. Fury radiated from him in dark waves, a terrifying sight to me, the poor surfer so unwisely caught up in the eminent storm.

"Envy," I murmured shyly, unwilling to turn his anger upon myself, "you're hurting my arm." all the haste drained out of him in that instant, and he dropped me like I was burning him. My wrist, slightly crushed from the unintentional force of his anger, sparked as it healed over.

"I don't want him touching you ever again," he said, awkwardly rubbing his arm.

"Possessive much?" I said sarcastically.

"Pride's different. I'd call him a pedophile, but that's not really the correct term. He's a creepy kid who hides in the adult's rosebushes with the intent of raping them."

I shivered. "And let me guess. He's hiding in my rosebushes now, isn't he?"

"I never said he had a good sense of self-preservation," he chuckled darkly, cracking his knuckles.

I raised my eyebrows but refrained from commenting on the unsaid evil laugh after his last sentence. "So, um, why did you save me after all that?"

"Because it's my job."

"Bullshit, now give me the real reason."

"Because I didn't... I didn't want to lose you again. I don't think I'd be able to take it."

That made sense with what I already knew, but for some reason, something still didn't sit right with me. I crossed my arms and felt my boobs brush against my arms strangely. "Um, Envy?" I asked, blushing, "Do you think I could-"

He blushed too, realizing what I was asking. "Yeah, sure, no problem," he said hurriedly, uncomfortable. "We can stop by a clothes store before we go off on our mission."

"MISSION?" I yelped, so horribly confused. "WHAT MISSION! WE HAVE A MISSION!"

"Yeah," he confirmed lazily, performing one of his strange instant mood 180s. "Lust came by while we were going at it. We're supposed to go 'persuade' some alchemist to keep his nose out of other people's business, if you catch my drift."

"When and where are we going?" I asked, shrugging off my lack of seeing Lust as a byproduct of my panic. "Liore, and we should be leaving now, preferably sooner."

I sighed, looking down at myself. At this rate, seeing as my boobs were still noticeable beneath my black shirt, I doubted I would be keeping much of my dignity before we reached the end of the day. "Fine. I'm ready to go."

There was a heavy sigh, and then something warm was dumped unceremoniously on my head. I slipped it off, feeling the gentle slide of silk on my fingers, and discovered the thing was a nice jacket that would prove most elegant for hiding my boobs and appeal to my taste. Surprised by the gesture, I looked at Envy's violet eyes, only for him to uncharacteristically hide his lavender orbs from me. "I don't want anyone to think they can steal my Greed," he explained, a light dusting of pink coating his cheeks cutely.

"Thanks," I murmured, kissing his cheek. "That's really sweet."

"It is?" he asked, dumbfounded.

"Mhm," I confirmed absently. "In a kind of creepy stalkerish way, yeah, it's very romantic." seeing the contemplative gleam in his eye, I added, "But before you try it, I'll tell you right now that if you start stalking me, I will take you down."

"Sounds fair to me."

Ace: AND LOOK, THERE'S A SQUIRREL!

Greed: Okay, back to the hospital with you!

Ace: *screaming as she's being dragged away* NO! I WANT TO LIVE!

Envy: Come here, love. *scoops up Greed*

Ace: REVIEW SO THEY'LL STOP KISSING! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!