Step Nine: Naughty words have not the ability to attract as those words artfully woven do.

Dirty Dog In Tokyo

Chapter Nine: Poetry in Motion

"My long shaft of love—"

"No."

"My flag pole of pleasure—"

"No!" came a second denial, strongly said and barely giving him time to finish.

Sesshoumaru scowled at his audience, but then straightened once more. "My pulsing pleasure machine—"

"NO!"

"Radioactive rod?"

The silence that greeted his words were answer enough.

Then a strange idea entered his mind. "My retro-love machine," Sesshoumaru continued with a leer of satisfaction, letting his voice trail off as images filled his mind of himself and miko entwined in a moment of passion. The silence of his audience bothered him not in the least as these pictures filled him and hardened him.

His audience, which consisted of both the miko's grandfather and her brother, both groaned simultaneously—after a short pause of awe, he was sure. The younger of the two lowered his head to hide the obvious blush on his face. "I am retro," the daiyoukai insisted, feeling the need to argue his point at last. "This one doubts she'd find another cock as old as mine."

"It's not the length or the age," her grandfather insisted with a fisted hand striking the empty air with emphasis as each word left his mouth. "It's how one uses it!"

"Jiji," Souta said, slightly mortified as he felt his blush increase, "We don't want him to…use it…just yet." Was he the only one thinking of his sister's young age?

As if Souta's reminder awakened something within the surprisingly lecherous wannabe priest's mind, the old man's eyes sharpened as he looked the youkai before him over. Yes, he'd found much of himself within the old dog, but that didn't mean he needed to be so accepting! "Yes. Yes," the old priest agreed, which earned the younger of the two a most dirty and mean look from the daiyoukai. "There's talent there, but it's hidden by vulgarity. You must learn that there is a time and place for such talk, youkai."

Souta, sensing that his grandfather had not quite understood what he was talking about, cleared his throat and then gulped when the daiyoukai's eyes—still so cold to him—focused on his face. "Perhaps you should begin with some poetry?" he stutteringly suggested.

"Poetry!" crowed his grandfather. "Yes, women love poetry!"

"This one knows no poetry."

Again the weighty stare of the daiyoukai fell upon him and Souta dug deep within himself to find some form of poetry that might be acceptable. Thankfully his grandfather spoke up first. "Roses and red. Violets are blue. Your pussy is cute but—"

"I don't think that'd work, Jiji," Souta interrupted to save himself from hearing the rest of the poem—which earned him two sets of eyes instead of just the one. "He needs something special."

"Such as?" his grandfather asked, appearing slightly miffed to have been interrupted.

Then, quite suddenly, a poem he'd heard in school earlier that week suddenly burst across his mind like a ray of sunshine—or like an angel watching out for him. For surely if he had produced nothing both his grandfather and the daiyoukai would have kicked his ass.

Souta rushed out the words in his head and then turned to look at his grandfather, the least intimidating of the two.

Jiji was staring at him as if he'd lost in mind, but the murmured words of the daiyoukai reassured Souta that perhaps his head was to remain where it was—for now.

"Brilliance."

*DD*

Sesshoumaru waited for the miko to return. His younger brother was nowhere in sight and had not been for some time. The last he'd seen of the hanyou, Inuyasha had been closeted away with the miko's mother. Sesshoumaru had just known her ear fetish would get in his way somehow…

Straightening his stance, he pushed such thoughts out of his mind. After all, his ears were just as…pleasant?...as Inuyasha's—though not quite as furry in his humanoid form. Hm. This one wonders what the miko's mother would think after seeing me in my true glory…

Thankfully he was saved from having to indulge for long in such thoughts by the arrival of the miko. He stepped forward from the shadows and noticed immediately the tense awareness of the female in his midst. Reminding himself what the miko's grandfather and brother had instructed him in before, he bowed politely. "Might I take your pack?"

"What?"

Had he said the wrong words? "This one offers to carry your bag for you."

"Oh. Yeah. Thanks!" the miko said, brightening obviously from her previous wary form. In his mind he did a fist pump—Souta-style. The miko then handed over the bag with a low groan and Sesshoumaru easily hefted the weight. It was hardly anything—to him, at least—but he felt he'd taken a step in the right direction by offering such.

"And how was your day, miko?" he asked as they began to climb the stairs towards her home.

Was it him or did the miko blush as he questioned her? "It was a day," she answered finally with a shrug of her shoulders. "Tests and quizzes. Homework and studying upon studying."

She fell silent after answering and Sesshoumaru strove to keep her talking. "Did anything of interest happen?"

Her blush deepened—if possible—and she looked away. Sesshoumaru sniffed and read much from her bodily scents. Somehow his younger brother had interfered in her day… He would kill Inuyasha later. "Nothing that I couldn't handle," his miko answered at last.

And that remark brought a slow smile to his face as he could very well picture how the miko handled his brother. He would never forget the first time he'd seen the hanyou subdued. Such sweet moments. "Yes. This one is well aware of your ability to handle a nuisance."

She shot him a look out of the corner of her eye, a small smile on her lips. Had they made a connection at last?

Not wishing to put too much pressure upon the bridge they'd finally formed, Sesshoumaru backed away from the subject of Inuyasha. He small talked their way up the shrine steps and, by the time they reached the top, the miko seemed to be in an easy going and accepting mood—though a hint of wariness still hung in her eyes. Sesshoumaru continued to escort her towards her family home, stopping once he reached the base of the steps leading up to the front door. The miko turned to him and he handed over her bag without asking. She took it, groaning from the added weight and muttering something about the studies she'd do that night. "Thanks, Sesshoumaru," she said easily and then stopped. "Wow. I never thought I'd say that…"

Her voice had trailed away in wonder and a silly grin had spread across her face. Sesshoumaru pressed upon her then, while she was trapped in such a mood.

He stepped forward and took her hand into his own. Connecting their eyes, he refused to allow her to look away. "Miko," he said, his tone entirely serious, "This one wishes to impart words upon you before I leave. May I?"

Seeming to be shocked by his request for permission, the miko stayed as still as a doe caught in headlights for a full minute. Then she replied, her voice strangely detached, "It's not going to be about your penis, is it?"

Grateful that her brother had come up with something different, Sesshoumaru shook his head no and hid the chuckle that came forth. The miko let go the breath she'd been holding and then nodded her consent, obviously relieved. Hm. Perhaps this one needs to pay attention to the younger more than the elder?

"Miko," Sesshoumaru began, keeping his eyes connected with hers and willing her to see the truth behind his words.

*DD*

"I just don't fuckin' get it!" the half-breed howled, slamming his fist down upon the table top.

A quick look from Kagome's mother had him flattening his ears in apology, but then he scowled up once more. "Why is she even bothering with it?"

"What are you talking about, Inuyasha?" Kagome's mother asked with the same patient tone she'd always taken while she set about taking care of her family's evening meal.

"If she gives in to me, Lord Stick-Up-His-Ass goes away. Forever. Yet she keeps telling me to go the hell away!"

Kagome's mother was silent for a long moment and then she released a long slow breath. "Perhaps something about him interests Kagome," she offered.

"Oh fuck that!" Inuyasha replied, not even bothering to apologize for his mouth.

"Well, there's something about older men," Kagome's mother began and then her voice trailed off.

Inuyasha, smelling her moods and sensing more than any normal human would, groaned out his disgust. "Don't tell me old dirt bags turn you on…"

Kagome's mother shot him a look over her shoulder. "I've never talked with you about Kagome's father, have I?"

Inuyasha groaned anew.

*DD*

Kagome secreted up to her room that night—well, as much as she could secret with two dog demons sniffing probably nearby—and wrote down on paper the words Sesshoumaru had said to her earlier.

They were cheesy. They were ENTIRELY cheesy. But something about them…affected her. Something about them twisted her insides the way nothing else had. Was something wrong with her?

Kagome stayed up most the night, focusing on these words, what they meant, and on Sesshoumaru's tone of voice as he'd said them—as well as the look in his eyes. No studying was done, but, for the moment at least, Kagome didn't give a care.

*DD*

"He's a fuckin' Lolita chaser!" yelled Inuyasha.

Kagome, still barely making her awareness of the world, gave him a glare and then turned away. The hanyou, she knew, made up a screwed-up face at her refusal to listen—but who really wanted to listen to that first thing in the morning. "I have a history test today, Inuyasha," she tried to explain.

"Well," her hanyou friend said with a puff out of his chest, "I'm all ABOUT history."

At that, Kagome rolled her eyes. Little did the hanyou realize the history she studied in school had nothing to do with youkai. Five-hundred years in the past mountains that had been youkai were nothing but mountains in present. Magical things had no place in human history.

Sensing he'd lost her, Inuyasha rushed up to Kagome's side once more. The bandana on his head, hiding his ears from the other humans, bothered him greatly and he wanted nothing more than to rip it off. Knowing how Kagome would react, though, he stayed his claws. Instead he fell into step beside her, staring at her until the weight of his gaze forced her to stop and turn to face him. "You are not going to school with me today."

"Give in and kiss me and I'll go away."

For days now Inuyasha had been pestering her with this kissing business. Once upon a time her heart would have jumped for joy that he wanted her affections—and still slightly did but such were the pains of first loves—but she knew that Inuyasha wasn't truly interested in her in such a way. He just wanted to beat Sesshoumaru at something. Oh Kagome was well aware of what "bet" the daiyoukai had laid at his brother's feet and, while a small part of her wanted to see the daiyoukai defeated, she refused to lower herself in doing so. She would just outlast them! Sesshoumaru had never conceived of her not giving in, after all. Maybe if she outlasted them, she could then call the shots?

Laughing inside her head and sure she was certifiable then, Kagome grinned to herself. She was a damsel in distress no longer, by Kami! No. Now she was a damsel in defiance! "I'm not kissing anyone, Inuyasha," she ground out between clenched teeth when Inuyasha continued to stare at her.

"Fuckin' Lolita-chaser," the hanyou huffed again under his breath as he folded his arms across his chest. He had to have learned the term from Souta at some point in time.

Kagome raised a brow at him, feeling saucy with all her defiance. "And what are you then?"

"Huh?"

"How old are you, Inuyasha? Two-hundred? Two-hundred and fifty? And you want me kiss you. Now what does that make you?"

He scowled at her, knowing she'd hit the nail right on the head where his latest Lolita argument lay. Honestly Kagome couldn't have cared less what arguments he gave, but she was tired of hearing this one over and over again—especially when it applied to Inuyasha himself. And couldn't he come up with ANOTHER argument against her kissing Sesshoumaru? There had to be something after all besides the fact of ages.

Don't you love me and want me?

Huffing to herself, Kagome redirected her thoughts and readjusted her hold on her backpack. Thanks to Sesshoumaru and his surprising tactics, she'd gotten no studying done last night and now she was about to pay for it. "Go home, Inuyasha," Kagome ordered in a tone she knew Inuyasha knew better than to argue with. "You can bug me when I'm done with school. And if I see you a moment before the last bell, you won't be needing to worry about what Sesshoumaru is chasing after."

The threat of her words made the hanyou remain behind as she continued on her way.

*DD*

Several hours later, locked in her classroom, Kagome doodled on the edge of her paper Sesshoumaru's words…

I want to get close to you

Like shoes with lace

Teeth with braces

Orsentenceswithoutspaces.

So cheesy…

But maybe she was a cheesy kind of girl?

*DD*

To be continued…

A/n: My thanks to those who've nommed this for the Best Humor/Parody category on Dokuga. I'm so pleased to find so many with the same sense of humor as I. :)