It's All My Fault…

It was about midnight when I started tossing back and forth in my bed, sweating as the endless dream kept playing over and over again. Clenching my sheets, I always yelled the same thing as the one I loved the most vanished from my life; my father.

Even after a whole year after I defeated Cell, that day came back to haunt me. Sure I acted like everything was okay when I was around my friends and family, but when I was alone, I was an emotional wreck. The only person who seemed to notice was Piccolo; then again he always knew when I was troubled since we're so close. But he never got a chance to confront me about it since my mom forbids me to see him. I still don't see why though; he may be an alien but so are Vegeta, my father, and I.

There's that word again….father….In case some of you don't know, my father is the legendary Goku who deserves to live; unlike me. Who am I? Well that doesn't matter, the only thing I'm apparently good at is being kidnapped and causing everyone I love to get hurt. Sure I've become the most powerful person in the universe, but I don't care about things like that. All my powers have brought me are sadness and chaos that I can't keep bottled up forever.

Who am I? Me, I'm Gohan, only son of Goku. But what son would let his own father die? I had the chance to finish off Cell, but I let all that ignorance and power get to my head and I let Cell transform into that a bomb. If it wasn't for my father, the entire world would be nothing but space dust amongst the farthest places of space.

How'd he do it? He used this special technique called Instant Transmission that allows you to travel at the speed of light. All you have to do is imagine the place you want to go and channel your energy there and bam! You're there. Unfortunately, he had to be the only one that knew how to use this technique….This is when the dream always kicks in….

'I slam my fists into the ground and repeatedly ask myself why I allowed Cell to do this. I had so many opportunities to finish him off but I wouldn't take any to my advantage. Boy what mistake that was…

The fear that stroked everyone was evident in the atmosphere, and that made me feel even worse. We all were going to die all because of me; I let my self get too cocky. When Cell was only a minute from detonating, I heard my friend's screams and my heart stopped.

"GOKU!"

I forced myself to look up and saw my father standing in front of Cell. He was stern, concentrated, yet he was smiling. He turned to me and basically laughed.

"I'm proud of you my son and don't let others say otherwise. You've exceeded my expectations by far!" All I could do was stare up at his turquoise eyes unable to speak. As he placed two fingers upon his forehead, I knew what he was going to do. "Please watch over your mom and the others for me while I'm gone. I'm no longer needed here; you've learned everything I could possibly teach you and more! Protect the planet for me son, I'm proud of you…goodbye…my son…." And with that, he disappeared along with Cell. I tried to catch them, but since they traveled at the speed of light, all I caught was the on coming wind.

"No come back!" I yelled as I heard all our friends calling my father; pleading he would come back. But we could do nothing except wait until we no longer felt his presence…'

That day always appears in my dreams as my father's last words and a smiling face appears. He didn't look afraid, no in fact he looked…happy…I try to remind myself of his happy expression, but the horrific shock of Cell coming back still alive masks it. My father died in vain and it was ALL MY fault.

Everyone said that I looked so stern and in control when I was fighting Cell before all that took place, but I don't think that's the case. I was the one doing it, but yet, it seems like I wasn't. It was as if I was in my body but someone or something was controlling it for me.

I wanted to kill Cell the first chance I had, but I kept on beating him up instead. If I told anyone this, they'd think I've gone crazy and blame it on my guilt they thought I shouldn't have; but truth to be told, this wasn't the only time it happened.

I'll be walking about the forest when a sudden pain shoots through my head and collapse in pain. But just as quickly as it starts, it ends and I stand up again. Most of the time however, I feel as if someone else is controlling me and makes me cut down trees, kill innocent animals, and I begin having dark thoughts. I've tried to push whatever it is away, but it doesn't seem like it wants to go anywhere. I'm afraid that one of these days it'll try something more aggressive like, like try to hurt people; especially my friends and mom.

But who can I go to? If I tell mom about this, she'll freak out and blame it on all my training and involvement in the Martial Arts; then she'd forbid me to ever train again.

Piccolo? Sure I'm close to him, but wouldn't he be disappointed in me? I couldn't fathom the fact that one of my true friends who's like an uncle to me, to think I'm a failure.

Krillin? No, he wouldn't understand and blame it on puberty or something; he always does. Bulma? Vegeta? No, Bulma would tell my mom and Vegeta won't probably care. All my other friends won't be able to help me…

Who can I turn to? Even now I feel something trying to get into my head and tell me what to do, and I'm trying to stay strong; but how long will this last? Pretty soon what ever this thing is will consume me entirely. The only person who might be able to help is, is dad…but he's gone…

Night after night, the same dream pulses through my head and an evil laugh sounds off after each time I see it. The laughing is so familiar yet in alien to me. Oh father, I wish you were here …

Authors Note:

Okay, so this is the first chapter of another bad/good Gohan story! Of course he doesn't turn evil, but someone or something uses his emotional distress against him and take him over. And yes, I do know that he really wasn't all depressed after he talked to him on the Lookout, but then where's the excitement? It's kindaish like Stuck In the Future and Crises Within, but there's no Cell thing doing it; something else is.

So this chapter was mostly about how Gohan feels like no one can help him and his views of everything that's been going on.

And when I rewrote the scene where Goku sacrifices himself, I know that's not exactly what he said but oh well; close enough! So please stay tuned and R&R please!XD