A Confession

How long has it been now? One, two years?

I'm now standing in the CEO office of the Hyuuga Groups. Finally, I'm able to prove to my parents that I'm capable of handling this multi-billion company. I formed a smirk as I drink my red wine. I'm trying to get over about how I changed. Then again, I never fail to remember the face of the only person who changed me.

Oh, yeah right, it has been 10 years and a half when I was a bad ass, drug addict twenty year old guy. Believer it or not, but the now CEO was a drug addict. I was a kid who destroys his own future.

I sighed and leaned on the glass wall of my office. Hey, how good was the sound of that? MY office.

I should owe my best bud, Ruka and his airhead girlfriend for all of these; Heh—especially to that airhead girlfriend, Imai.

I sighed again, this time, searching something from my pocket. I found it and opened my hand. Guess what it is.

Believe it or not. It was a rosary. Crimson beaded one with a gold cross. I grasped it and held it close to my heart. I don't use the rosary but I pray—sometimes, when I have time. This thing could be so little but, really, it means everything for me. I can exchange this whole company for the rosary.

I sighed and wondered.

Where is she now? Is she happy with her true love? Yes, it was a girl who changed me. Showing me so many things—so much love and faith and hope but, she was the only creature in this earth I couldn't get. It was just like what she said, her first love was more important.

10 years and a half ago. . .

"Natsume, would you stop that!" Ruka yelled as he gets my stick of opium. His dumb head girlfriend opened the curtains and let that stupid light through. I groaned with that sight. "Ugh, would you at least get your ass up Hyuuga." Imai yelled at me. I lazily stood up from the marble hard slash cold floor and sat on the couch. "Natsume. I told you, stop with drugs. You're destroying yourself."

Ah~ I would love it if I was just plain dead. Nobody would care. My parents don't give a fuck anyway. "Yeah right." I said to them. "Look, we're trying to help here. Hotaru phoned her best friend, and she is coming for counseling, since it also her vacation so she said that it was fine." Ruka said while setting himself beside me.

"What chick?" I questioned. "She's not just a chick, Natsume. She's one respectable lady. Don't you dare lay a finger on her."

I raised a brow, this might be fun "Really? Hm, I'm going to make a schedule for her, how about a small drop of heroin at the bath tub early in the morning, sticks of Cannabis on the sofa and we'll do the counseling on the bed every night."

"I warn you Hyuuga. If it wasn't for Ruka and my pity and disgust of seeing you drunk with drugs everyday, I wouldn't let you meet Mikan's shadow. If you lay a finger on her I'll—"

"Kill you? As if I care Imai. Ugh, where is she anyway, I don't have all the time on the world." I said while searching for some opium in the table in front of me. "What the—"

"I threw all the drugs Natsume. You have to meet her clean. She's going to help you, so at least help her help your ass to change." Ruka said to me.

"This is fuck."

"Oh yeah, cut that word." I rolled my eyes as a small silent moment indulge on us. Imai opened her cell and dialed a number "Hello?"

Ruka and I looked at her as she said, "Yeah, you got it right, idiot. This is his condo unit. Yes. I'm going to open the door now." Then, she left us to get the door.

I don't live with my parents, they're too much to handle. Ruka went to my closet and took a white tee and threw it on me. I forgot to mention I'm half naked. "What's this?" I asked him. I usually don't wear tops when I'm inside my sanctuary aka jail.

"It's called clothes Natsume. It's for clothing. Now shut up and wear it." He said as I followed what he just said. "Who is this girl? Why does she sound so important." I asked. Ruka looked at me and said "You'll meet her in a minute."

Ruka and I stayed in silence as little noises came from the doorway. I heard a sweet laugh but I'm sure it wasn't Imai's. I'm becoming curious about this girl they want me to meet.

I leaned my head on the sofa. Damn, opium got me bad ever since I started drugs last year. My head was dizzy. I closed my eyes to focus on darkness instead of the pain. "Ah~ Mikan. It's a pleasure of meeting you again." I heard Ruka said to whomever Mikan.

She laughed again. It was really sweet. And by the sound of it, it's like my soul gained another lifetime to live. "Come on Ruka-pyon. The pleasure is all mine. I guess this is my new assignment?"

Assignment?

She probably meant me. "Yep, this is Natsume Hyuuga."

"Hello, Hyuuga-san, nice to meet you." I heard her address me. Her voice was really smoothing to the soul. It was like an angel owns it. I opened my eyes and welcomed the image of her face. Her eyes and lips were smiling at me. Olive eyes, olive locks.

For the first time in my life, I saw a piece of heaven.

She was wearing a black and white get up. A white button up shirt, white knee length skirt, black flats, and her black bag; and there was a crimson rosary hanging around her neck.

"Natsume, this is Sis. Mikan Sakura, she's a Junior Sister and will be an official nun after 8 months."

Back to Reality,

Yep, she was a Junior Sister. She is a lady of faith now. Praying and walking with that veil on her head.

It was a miracle for me. Someone like her changed me into a complete new person in just a short time of a month.

She marked me—while she was marked by the Big Boss.

She was loved as much as I wasn't.

Slowly, her voice, her smile, her—changed me bit by bit.

I quit all the vices that I had.

Some time within,

We were in the beach which she favors too much. Out of my small world, she brought me to hers. Just like what they say, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

"Isn't it amazing how God made the sunset so gorgeously?" She asked me out of the blue. I looked at her again. She is smiling out of something stupid again. How can a sunset be great?

Then, she closed her eyes—that made me smile. That's why I love her. She brought me peace. "Hey—"

I called as I stared at the sunset. "Are you sure you're going back to that convent tomorrow?" I asked. I felt her olive orbs stare at me while I pretended not to notice it. "Yes. I will be graduating soon. I can't continue far away." She said to me. I lazily nod at her reply. "If ever God will allow you, do you still want to meet me in the next lifetime?" I asked out of the blue.

"Of course. You're one of the best gifts I ever had, Natsume."

"Then—if you meet me, and I wasn't a jerk like I was before and you haven't entered the convent, do you think you and I have a chance?" I asked so boldly.

She was shocked of that sudden confession.

Yeah right, a drug addict and a novice sister.

Hah—what an irony.

She sighed and smiled "I wish. But, God is still my first love. I would still serve him, even in the next life." Then, she took off her crimson rosary and put it on me. "I know you don't have enough faith in you, Natsume but you're not alone. Try praying once, and you'll have a company. Just imagine that when you have that rosary, I'm just a bead away."

Reality,

That's how I was rejected.

I will forever be a bachelor. And besides, the someone I need was already out of my reach.

After that rejection, I accepted the fact that she belongs to Someone I can't be greater to. I accepted the fact that she and I are only to be friends because that's how it should be. I accepted the fact she wants be beside a priest and her fellow nuns blessing and changing people's lives than to be with a renewed addict like myself.

I accepted the fact that despite the heaven and earth distance, I still love her—until now. And who knows, I may stay as a bachelor who fell in love with a lady of God.

I smirked at the moment when I walked in the rain, a week after she left for the convent.

No, I didn't return to my vices. I wouldn't be a stupid ass again after all of her efforts to change me. Or she didn't give any effort at all. Maybe it was just me. Maybe it was just me who allowed her.

Flashback

I was walking alone one rainy afternoon. I was thinking on how to start all over again without her aid now. I didn't know where I was going to. I am a stray cat—no, I WAS a stray cat.

I looked up and saw the cross. Since the day she left, I didn't let go of the rosary she gave me. I held it close and entered the church.

I was dripping wet, but I still entered. She once told me that God doesn't choose anyone who needs His help. Yeah, I don't have enough faith but I do need some company. I sat at the farthest seat.

It was 6:30 pm and it was raining, so I have the place all for myself. I looked at the crucifix at the altar. I know that it's wrong to wish for something impossible but I did, once or twice. I imagined her.

I imagined her in a white dress. No—it wasn't her sacred robe. It was her wedding robe. I imagined the impossible. That someday I will marry her.

I looked at Christ and tried talking to him. "Sometimes, You're really unfair. You let me met someone like her. Someone You know can change me. But why her? Why me? But thanks by the way. I am still a lucky guy after all. But—" I didn't realize I'm crying already "I didn't realize how much I would fall. Why can't You just give her to me. You already have so many people to do Your service."

"I know that I'm not one of Your favorites—but I want to ask for a favor, at least help me move on." I looked at the rosary again and held it close in my lips.

End of Flashback

After that church incident, I decided on the first step on changing my life.

And my first decision was to go home.

Yes, I succeeded on my career. My parents are fine. Ruka and his airhead girl are engaged and will be getting married the day after tomorrow.

Life wasn't so hard; except the thing that I don't have my love beside me.

Like what I said, the someone I need was already out of my reach.

It was like finding the one I need to spend forever, only knowing that she already has Someone she would spend her lifetime and the next with.

I was amazed about the sermon of a priest once; God destined someone for you, for others and for Himself.

Stay tuned for Chapter two.