- FEEL-
This morning, when I woke up, I was pretty confused. I found myself lying on my bed peacefully, with the lights off, wearing nothing but a slip, with another man that I practically didn't know. Now that was not only confusing, but also scary…Very scary.
Clinophobia
Achluophobia
Dishabiliophobia
Virginitiphobia
I stoop up rapidly, covering myself with the white, plain blanket. I saw the eyes of the other man slowly opening.
-W-What did you…Why am I half naked? You undressed me after drugging me? You…You tried to rape me, didn't you?
-Jae, calm down, I just…
Blank.
I could only hear a sound of clapping; I couldn't see anything because of my teary eyes. Wait, did I just…slap him?
-Aish…J-Jae, I…
-DON'T FUCKING CALL ME LIKE THAT!
Slap. I slapped him a second time, this time harder. Then I just screamed. I don't know why, but I screamed. A long, loud scram. "Jae"…He gave me a nickname…I couldn't help being angry at him. Who wouldn't? My reaction was absolutely normal…Right?
I looked at him. He had a hand on his cheek, looking at me with sad eyes. Why is he looking at me like that? Maybe he's feeling bad because he actually raped me? Of course…I knew I was right.
-I HATE YOU! YOU RUINED MY LIFE! DON'T EVER DARE TALKING TO ME ANYMORE!
-Jae…!
Blank again.
I just hit him in the face with a metallic padlock. Haha. That must be a dream or something. It can't be real. I'm a good boy; I don't hurt people…Right?
-Yunho…Look at me. You're not really bleeding…Are you?
No answer. I climbed on my bed so I could get closer to him and I hugged him tightly.
-You bastard. I know you're not bleeding. You're trying to trick me, right? Haha! Look, I'm laughing! Isn't that what you taught me yesterday?
I felt tears flowing down my cheeks, but I didn't make any sound. I hugged even more tightly and whispered.
-You won't die, right?
Necrophobia
-Tell me you won't die or I'll kill you!
He laughed softly and took my face between his hands.
-Isn't that a bit contradictory?
-You jerk! Why are you bleeding? I didn't really hit you, right?
He looked down, with a compassionate look before looking at me again with a fake smile.
-Of course not! It's fake blood.
-…R-Really?
-Really. You didn't do anything wrong…Okay?
I sniffed and looked into his eyes with the saddest eyes he probably ever seen.
-Okay. I like you. I forgive you for raping me, because you're hot.
He gave me the most beautiful smile in the world; image that I won't ever forget.
-I know, I'm hot.
-Are you a narcissist, Yunho?
-No, I'm not. But I can recognize someone who's hot and someone who's not.
-Am I hot, Yunho?
-You're not "hot", Jaejoong. You're beautiful. That's different.
-Do you want to make love to me?
He looked surprised for an instant, staring at me without saying anything.
-No. I can't do that, Jaejoong.
-Why not? Didn't you just say I was beautiful? Don't you want to make love to a beautiful person?
-Love isn't about being beautiful, Jaejoong.
-Hmm…Would you like it better if I was a woman? I could pretend to be a girl, if you want. I could wear a dress, and putting on make-up.
-Love isn't about gender, Jaejoong.
-Then what is love?
-Love is when it feels good to be with a certain person, when your heart start beating faster every time you see that person, no matter the age, the gender, the race…
-I think I love you, Yunho.
-Don't say that.
-Why? You don't love me? It's okay you know, I saw that in a movie.
He squeezed me a little and looked right in my eyes, making me blush.
-What did you see in a movie?
-There was a girl who was in love with a man, but the man didn't like her.
-Really? What happened, then?
-They slept together. See? It's okay if you don't like me, we can still do it.
-Jaejoong…Could you tell me what happened after they slept together?
-Well, the guy left.
-And how did the girl felt about it?
-She was sad. She cried.
-See?
We looked in each other eyes for a moment, I didn't understand what he really meant but I understood something that felt painful in my heart.
-So you don't love me?
-Jaejoong…I think you don't know the real meaning of love.
-But…
-I'll be glad to teach you.
-R-Really?
He ruffled my hair and smiled at me. I blushed and heard some steps coming over my room. Yunho looked at me with questioning eyes.
-Oh, It's only the butler.
As I mentioned him, the butler entered in my room. He smiled when he saw Yunho.
-Hi! You must be Yunho.
-Hum, yeah…
-I am Junsu! It's nice to meet you!
They shook hands and Junsu looked back at me.
-Do you like him, Jaejoong? He's taking good care of you?
I hugged Yunho's arm and smiled back at Junsu.
-Yes…I hope one day he'll marry me!
They both looked surprised at first and then started laughing at the same time, not understanding that I was death-serious.
"Just wait Jaejoong…First I have to teach you what love is." thought Yunho.
-END
Clinophobia : Fear of going to bed
Achluophobia : Fear of night/dark
Dishabiliophobia : Fear of undressing in front of someone
Virginitiphobia : Fear of being raped