The Break Up

Fletcher Renn couldn't understand his girlfriend at all. She never wanted to do girly stuff, she never wanted to pass an occasional kiss in their relationship and her idea of a date was a magical fight.

He couldn't get her, couldn't raise high in her book. She seemed to revolve around Skulduggery but never had a tad of romantic feelings toward him. She said she loved him all the time, though and Fletcher believed she really did.

It just didn't matter in the slightest.

It was hard to describe Skulduggery and Valkyrie's relationship. It was like a constant eclipse, Skulduggery was the moon, keeping Valkyrie from seeing the light. He was always there, and she loved him, but in an odd way. Not like a Father or a brother or a cousin or a friend or a lover. But different, other, Valkyrie and Skulduggery had a paramour (AN: para means 'other' and mour means 'love' = 'otherlove' which is why a paramour is also a... mistress for a married man, but that's not what I mean here – pronounced like the band paramore – now I think about it, probably for a reason).

Fletcher had tried he really had, trying to do all the stuff couples were supposed to do. But it didn't work Valkyrie had no room in her life for anything but her paramour.

That was why tonight he was going to end this relationship, a year and a half after its doomed origin.

It was three in the morning and Fletcher knew that Valkyrie would be home soon. He teleported to her bedroom, made himself comfortable on her bed a consoled himself with the fact that she wouldn't be upset for too long. And besides, maybe the sight of her in tears the next time Skulduggery came would spark the paramour that they shared into... something less paramour-like. Not that that made any sense.

Valkyrie slid through her open window into her dark room. Fletcher took a deep breath.

"Surprise." He said. She jumped about a metre (3 ft roughly) in the air.

"Fletcher, what are you doing here?" She hissed.

"Valkyrie, I came here to talk to you."

"Yeah, right, all YOU think about is how to get my clothes off, or how to feel me up."

"We've been dating for a year and a half, Valkyrie, and I use the term lightly, because we've never been out on what I'd call an actual date."

"Are you trying to get me to have sex with you?" She asked staying away from the bed he was sitting on.

This is it, Fletcher thought. "No, Valkyrie, I'm here to do the opposite."

"What's the opposite of sex?"

"A couple breaking up."

A pause, then, "Wh-what?"

"Val, I'm breaking up with you."

"Just because we haven't had sex yet?"

"No, just because we haven't had a date yet. I don't think we are compatible."

"COMPATIBLE?"

"Keep your voice down!"

"No! Get out Renn before I thump you."

"Val-"

"DON'T YOU VAL ME!"

Across the hall there was crying from Valkyrie's baby sister, Emma.

"Great, now you've woken the baby."

"Shut up, right now. Get out."

"Val-"

"OUT!"

Fletcher disappeared.

Valkyrie couldn't believe she'd spent so long in bed crying. Why was she so torn up? Just because annoying, stupid Fletcher Renn? Yes.

And it sucked, he was her first boyfriend.

It was bound to happen. She thought miserably, going through the unsecure stage of post-break up. It wasn't like she was pretty, or girly or – or...

"What's the matter, sweetheart?" Valkyrie's mother said, coming into her eldest daughters' room.

"It-it's no-noth-ing, m-mum." Well that was embarrassing.

Valkyrie's mother frowned, she hated to see her like this, it made her want to cry too. So that's exactly what she did, she sat down on Valkyrie's bed and cried with her.

After both of them were cried out, Valkyrie said. "Mum, did I ever tell you about Fletcher?"

"No, who is he and why is your father going to smash his face in? Not that he'd need to; you've probably already done it."

Valkyrie laughed a little at this. "He's my, boyfriend. Well, I guess he's my ex now."

"Aw, Steph, if it makes you feel any better your father owes me money."

"What?"

"We have a running bet on whether or not you've got a secret boyfriend, and if so would we find out about him before or after the break up."

"Oh. No, it doesn't make me feel better."

"OK, love, can I ask a serious question and get a serious response?"

"Yes."

"Did you... have... a... strong relationship?"

"Are you trying to find out if I'm still a virgin?"

"Yes."

"Then, yes, I am still a virgin."

"Damn, we had a bet on that too. It is good, really, just not for my wallet."

Valkyrie laughed for real this time. "Do bet on everything of your children's lives?"

"Yes. We have a bet on whether Em grows up to be like you or totally different. I think she'll be like you."

And then she left.

Valkyrie looked like shit when Skulduggery picked her up.

"What's going on?" He asked, as she slid into the Bentley.

"Fletcher broke up with me last night." She said. She heard something like a growl erupt from Skulduggery.

"How am I going to kill him?"

"I am."

"Not if I get to him first."

"He'll be pretty hard to catch now."

"Good, half the fun is in the hunt. A race to see who can kick the hell out of him first?"

"You're on."

A/N: I think I'm going to make this a four-shot or whatever, The Break up, The Revenge, The Eclipse and The Paramour.

So, if you like this, add it to story alert, review, and enjoy.

Brought to you by,

Greaya Smith