Once upon a time...

"You said it was my turn."

"Did not."

"Did so."

"No."

"Yes."

"You tell horrible stories. They always end with high amounts of blood being spilled..."

"Those are the best kind!"

"Arthur..."

"Who's the prince here, anyway? I say it's my turn, so it's my turn."

Merlin conceded with a shake of his head.

"Keep the blood splatter down, okay? I want to be able to sleep tonight."

Arthur snorted under his breath.

Merlin sighed. "Get to the damn story, Arthur."

Once there was a cave with a giant...baby rat inside.

"Arth..."

Named Fluffy. He had big teeth and big paws and ate sorcerers for breakfast.

"Sire..."

SO one day, a highly cheekboned absolute GIRL named Merlin came sauntering by, not paying attention to the surrounding area or to where he was going.

"I thought you said you LIKED my cheekbones."

Arthur went a little red, then coughed in a fake sort of way.

Anyway, this warlock named Merlin decided that right in front of where the cave was would be a lovely place to have lunch. So he hauled out the sausages he'd stolen from someone else and started smacking his lips in utter enjoyment. Fluffy heard this infernal noise and came running out...

"Is this whole story built to insult me?"

"Shut up, Merlin. I'm getting to the good part now."

"You're going to show up, aren't you?"

"Quiet."

Little did Merlin know that a handsome and wonderful prince had been watching the whole scene the whole time, waiting for the chance to kill Fluffy and rescue the idiot who'd decided to eat sausages right in front of a giant baby rat. So Arthur the Amazing...

"No. Just. No."

"How about Magnificent?"

Merlin looked at him sideways.

"Really? You're not arrogant enough without the extra adjectives tacked on?"

"Other people have done it. Orlic the Mighty. Gunder the Great. Hastort the Huge..."

"All right, I get the point."

So, onwards. Arthur the Awesomely Amazing...

"Oh, gods..."

...went into battle with the giant baby rat and there was much blood splatter everywhere because Arthur was so princely and so wonderful...

"Hmpf!"

And so the giant baby rat died and the sorcerer was saved and he was forever grateful to Arthur and he got on his knees and...

"Didn't I do anything during all of this?"

Arthur frowned. "Oh, yes. You blew off some spell that blinded the thing and pissed it off so that I got thrown into a cave wall and knocked out. And then..."

"Yes?"

There was a silence.

"YES?"

"."

"What was that, again?"

Arthur made a small, pained noise as his toes were squashed through the blankets.

"You killed the giant baby rat. With a spell. While I was knocked out."

Merlin sat back, satisfied.

"Damn right I did."

"If you hadn't sat RIGHT DOWN in front of the CAVE with the beast IN THERE, SMELLING..."

"If you hadn't been sitting in the woods calling to the stupid thing..."

"Was not! I was tracking."

Merlin shook his head and hopped off the bed.

"I assume your story is done, since I saved the prince again?"

"I do manage to save myself once in a while. Without you."

"Not that your pride can handle all the times I did rescue you."

"It hasn't been that many."

Merlin smiled.

"You really have no idea, do you?"

Arthur smiled weakly.

"I'm about to hear it all, aren't I?"

"Oh, yes," said Merlin, sitting back down in Arthur's big fur-covered chair. "You are."