So…yeah, another attempt at angst story. Not sure about updating speed on this one though…
I'm not even sure how I'm gonna end it.
Never Realized
By ShadowYin-Yang
I was in love…at least supposed to be. It was puppy love…and that was it. But I couldn't bring myself to end it…
Not just because I couldn't bear to break his heart. It's also because I'm just too selfish to let him, or at least his 'company,' go and I hope you get the drift. As cruel as that sounds, I personally think I'm doing him a favor at the same time. It's better than having him wandering around where people with far more worse intentions than me can get him…
Even so…I still felt guilty. So I have tried to end it with him many times…but I could never bring myself to do it. He tries so hard to make me happy and everything I do seems to make him happy. Heck he's happy so long as he's got my arm to latch onto when we're together.
I didn't know how long I was going to keep this up…but I was practically delighted when I found out I might not have to…
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
"I'm moving…"
"Huh?"
"I'm moving…right after we graduate. We'll be…many hours apart because…I'll be in Radiant Garden."
The blonde looked up from his school work to look at the depressed brunette who sat before him with his head down.
"Y-You are? Sora I…"
Sora shook his head and gave a weak smile after lifting his head up,
"I'll really miss you, Roxy…"
"Sora…I'll miss you too…"
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
And just like that, we were over. At least it was implied. Sora said something how it was unrealistic for us to keep a relationship when we'll be hours apart and while doing so in the middle the transition between high school and college.
I saw him off at the airport though when the day came for him leave. It was the least I could do. Although my older brother came too…well he was seeing off Sora's older brother so I guess it didn't really bother me that much that he was there.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
"Please take care, Sora," Roxas pleaded, not wanting anything bad to happen to Sora because he wasn't there to protect him.
And Sora offered that sweet smile to him…
"I'll be fine!"
And Roxas looked away to avoid feeling the guilt. Especially since he knew how heartbreaking it was for Sora, even if he didn't feel the same way.
"Come on, Sora…"
That fierce, deep voice calmly ordered Sora and Roxas looked to his side to see Cloud waving to Squall. It was almost sweet…
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Yes, it was quite odd that my brother dated Sora's brother while I was dating Sora. I just wasn't sure how they're planning to keep dating while being apart. That's what surprised me the most. At least more than the fact that Sora's brother was going with them. I mean, the guy just got out of college and I frankly don't see a difference in finding a job around here than over there…except for the fact that Radiant Garden is bigger but that's not the point. The point is that he's leaving Cloud behind. I don't know what they're thinking nor is it my business but I don't get why Cloud couldn't move out with them…save for the fact that maybe he doesn't want to risk going out to somewhere he's never been with a boyfriend but still…
So Sora (implied) ended it with me while our brothers spent the whole time since the given news to figure out how they'll keep dating. It was incredibly embarrassing to have a brother that keeps his mouth shut on everything only to have his mouth open when it comes to Sora's brother.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
"Take care…I promise I'll call as soon as I land…"
Cloud simply nodded with a straight face before Squall offered a weak smile for him in hopes Cloud will smile too, not that he did. Roxas could've sworn he saw light reflect off his brother's blue eyes…
Squall gave a soft smile and waved before walking again, leaving a down-than-usual-Cloud…
Sora was already following and Roxas did as well until he couldn't go any farther. But Sora paused and turned around with a sad smile. Roxas was about to say some words to cheer him but didn't get the chance to.
"I thought I should let you know that…I know."
"……Know what?"
"…That you never loved me…"
Those words stung.
Never loved him? Did he really never love the boy standing before him?
Though Roxas couldn't bring any words to come out of his mouth as he stared with wide eyes…
"But it's okay! Thanks for being there anyway!"
Now the guilt got worse…
"Take care Roxy! Hope you find someone down the road!"
And that was the last time Roxas ever thought he'd see Sora…
That image of the boy running off with a wave and a smile after slinging his bag over his shoulder…it repeated in the blonde's head many times over his life…
Mostly for the first few weeks since Sora left at least.
Other than being graduated from high school, Roxas life didn't seem to have changed that much. He still went out to go to work and hang out with his friends. Occasionally, he'll stop by Cloud's apartment to see him too…although now he's doing it more often because of how gloomy Cloud seems to be these days.
But other than that, life went on for Roxas. He misses Sora, he'll admit. After all, there was nothing wrong with Sora, he was a lovable guy. The blonde just couldn't believe he's really gone and out of his life…
"Why are you packing?" Roxas asked during one of his unplanned visits to Cloud. He started bringing food like pasta to cheer Cloud up(which was healthier than boxes upon boxes of sea salt ice cream), and after a while it just became something the two did together at least once a week: eat dinner together(and Roxas would sit there while Cloud goes on about Squall. But the way Cloud talks sometimes it sounds as if the man died).
"Visiting Squall…"
Roxas raised a brow at that as he watched Cloud toss clothes from the closet and then pants from the drawers.
"Really? Well…how long will you be gone?"
"Don't know. Don't worry, I'll drop a 'hi' to Sora for you."
"Erm…sure?"
"Not that Sora will need it from what I've heard."
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Wait WHAT is THAT supposed to mean? Explain!
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
"What do you mean?" Roxas asked instead of demanding it.
"Well Squall often tells me how well Sora is doing. He made some new friends and isn't moping around the house all day now because of you."
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Thanks for giving me a guilty conscious!
You sound like it's my fault that…okay fine it is…
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Roxas withheld an angry remark as he watched Cloud start to fold his clothing properly and continued speaking.
"Sora is also going to college, although he is unsure what he is doing-much like you."
"……Can you bring pictures back? I would like to see how Sora is doing," Roxas requested.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
I don't care what Cloud's boyfriend says. I only trust what I see when it comes to Sora. If he's truly enjoying himself, I'll be able to tell from the pictures Cloud brings back if he does so. Hmm…wonder if it's appropriate for me to go too…If I do go it may send the wrong message to Sora. On the other hand, I don't want to appear to be some heartless jerk either. Well I sent a greeting with Cloud so should that mean something? Oh, maybe I can send a small gift…but that may give the wrong idea too…ugh, I'll just stick with Cloud giving him a 'hi' from me…
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
And that's how it went. Cloud stayed with Squall for about 3 weeks before coming back. He handed a letter to Roxas from Sora which was more than Roxas thought he'd get from Cloud from the trip.
Dear Roxas,
Cloud says you worry about me…
That's NOT what I said! Even if it's true…Stupid brother…
But don't, I'm fine! Really! I made lots of new friends! They're all so nice and fun!
I wouldn't trust them if they're too nice…
I tried skateboarding with one of them and apparently I'm a natural. Not sure how since I fall all the time!
Then get off that dangerous thing! And stay off it!
There's also a beach near here and I played with a blitzball for the first time. And don't worry, my big brother is taking very good care of yours! They're quite happy together!
Not to sound cruel…but I could care less! If that leather-fetish-freak mistreats my brother, I know he'll kick his ass himself!
And I'm heading off to college with my new friends too! Because most of them just graduated as well!
MOST of them? Then how old are your other friends? 5 years younger or 5 years older?
Hope you're doing alright over there, I do miss you! But don't worry about me okay? I'm fine! I have pictures!
Sincerely,
-Sora
Wait a minute, 'sincerely'? What happened to 'love'? Oh yeah…never mind…
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Roxas took out the pictures and examined them. One with Sora waving in front of his new house, another with what looked like Sora jumping himself in-between Cloud and Squall on a couch and snapping a picture the moment he landed, and the last one was Sora with a bunch of strangers who are probably Sora's new friends.
Let's see…a dirty-blonde, a silverette, a red-head, and a blonde.
At that moment in life, Roxas didn't think that 2 years later he'd cut the picture up just so he can see Sora. At that moment in life, Roxas also didn't think that one day he'll be wishing he could go back in time and go with Cloud to see Sora…
Because if he had known that his life was going to turn upside-down because his heart decided to turn a 180 from meeting Sora again, he never would have let him go…
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