This ramble brought to you courtesy of the end of finals. I meant to write an angsty-ish Tokka fic, but it ended up being about a bar, drinking, and some weird shit going down.

For some reason, I'm now in love with the idea of Ty Lee and Toph being friends. You know, the slightly psychotic and irresponsible kind of friends? Yeah.

I probably will be inspired to just crank out random Toph-thoughts involving further insanity, ramblings, and underaged drinking. (No, I don't condone it, but Sokka has to have something he can yell at Toph for...temporarily at least, that is.) In the meantime, consider this a messy, convoluted idea brought to you by the end of finals and the happiness imbued in the license to be a bitch all new upperclassmen get. Rated T for minor language and mostly, underaged drinking.

Disclaimers: AVATAR DOES NOT BELONG TO ME. Don't drink underaged, especially not at twelve or thirteen. Toph should not be your role model. Neither should Ty Lee.

So everyone likes cute rainbows and hearts and bunnies and stuff, right? Too bad. See, we get enough of that with Katara and Aang, now that they've finally admitted they luuuurve each other. Yes, that was my cue for someone to throw up, no it wasn't me. I've got a strong stomach, after all. And so, back to Katara and Aang, they're glued at the hips. And the mouth.

And other places that I, unfortunately know about. I've told them to keep away from the ground a hundred freaking times, but they can't just control themselves, apparently, even with me threatening to loose Big Brother on them. Not that Snoozles is all that scary, but still. I guess he isn't any better with Suki though, but fortunately, they keep away from the rocks. I might actually have to hurt someone in that case.

Yeah, everyone loves rainbows and bunnies my ass. Apparently, one of the Spirits has a thing for torturing teenage girls with romance - and sex - all around her. I did, after all, honestly walk in on Mai and Zuko giving a whole new meaning to the Fire Nation's throne room as the 'birth of power'. Ugh. Yeah, that particular Spirit has it in bad for me. First my parents, now an overload of finally released hormones.

Of course, that leaves me with the rest of the Kyoshi Warriors while the two couples in our travelling camp go at it every horizontal, vertical, diagonal, and circular surface they can find. Or underwater. The only reason I know about that one is because Ty Lee saw and told me. For an overly cheerful acrobat who used to try to kill me, she's pretty fun, and she has one thing up on causing mischief with Snoozles. She doesn't care that the legal drinking age in the Earth Nation is sixteen. And neither do the bartenders, once they see the size of her boobs. Those things are so big I can feel them when she's walking. Frankly, it's a little creepy, but hey. It gets me my beloved cactus juice. Sokka wasn't the only one to get high off that stuff in the desert, it seems, because there's a whole brand of alcohol made with those cactus'. It's freaking delicious, and the hallucinations aren't too bad either. I mean, I saw all sorts of pretty colors the first time, and now I've progressed to narrating my life story in bawdy bar songs while I'm seeing evil ostrich horses massacring giant airships. They're some really realistic hallucinations, yanno.

The only drawback of the whole alcohol thing is that once in a while, it gets me (and maybe Ty Lee) into trouble. Like now, we're listening to Sokka, Sugar Queen, and Twinkletoes berating me for nearly destroying a bar. Ty Lee is still completely drunk, but I sober off quickly. Apparently Fire Nation girls are lightweights.

"How could you be so completely irresponsible, Toph?" he yells, and I can feel him flinging his hands up for dramatic emphasis.

"I help too!" Ty Lee crows, flopping backwards onto Suki's shoulder. Yep, she's still wasted.

Suki actually went with us, did I mention? She helped us destroy the bar. Well not completely...I just Earthbent it into a crater. The owner actually likes it - I think. He was mentioning needing a new name when Sokka, Aang and Sugar Queen came to drag us away.

"How could you go along with it, Suki?" Katara demanded, right behind her brother. For once.

Suki is probably giving Katara a skeptical look, and I mean, after Zuko's birthday party, who wouldn't? I think the whole Earth Nation knows about that little display. "We needed booze," she says slowly, like she's talking to a small child. "Booze i' good."

"Okay, moving past that," Twinkie sighs. Twinkie...that's a good way to make him sound sillier, must remember that for later. "How did you manage to put the bar in a crater and set half of it on fire?"

Suki and I can piece it together, I mean, we're clearly the most rational.

"Some guy tried to drag Ty Lee off to a back room," Suki says slowly.

"And she knocked him to the ground with all the pin-sticky stuff, and maybe he went sterile 'cuz she's drunk," I say, grinning.

"And then his friends decided to attack her, so we stepped in," Suki continued.

"And I was trying to Earthbend one of them down into the ground and got the bar instead."

"And that's how the candles fell over and set the bar on fire," Suki finished for me.

Ty Lee giggles. "An' I got moar juice," she adds, hiccupping.

I can feel a threeway meeting of Mr. Face-meet-Mr. Palm coming, and it's just too much. In short order, Suki and I are in hysterics with Ty Lee.

You know, even if she is with my erm...'crush'...Suki really isn't too bad. Especially when she pulls the pinecone out of her ass and does something crazy.

In conclusion, now that I'm feeling like falling asleep in a crazy pile of rocks, bars are very cute when they're in big ditches and when you're daydreaming about Sokka and evil muffins.