Oh, look, an actual update! After more than a year of not updating and leaving you on that cliffhanger! That has to be some kind of record!

Ha!

Haha!

Ha.

Ha...

Yeah, I wouldn't blame you if you threw virtual rocks at me.

ANYWAY, I do hope you enjoy this next entry in Sonny's diary! I did my best on it, so hopefully you'll all forgive me for taking so obnoxiously long :'D

~Ginger

My bathroom, 6:40 P.M.

Ok, I know what you're thinking. Or, at least, I know what you would be thinking, if you actually had a brain that could form coherent thoughts. 'What's this crazy girl doing writing in her diary in THE BATHROOM?'

There is a completely logical explanation as to why I have locked myself inside my bathroom with only you, my loyal diary, for company. No, I am not using the toilet (I could never write in you and pee at the same time. Just thinking about it makes me want to gag a little).

I.

Am.

HIDING.

You don't understand, I can't go back down there! I've already pretty much humiliated myself, what with the corn and all, which was not on purpose, I swear, and Chad is being all weird and Claire is being, well, Claire, and my mother is embarrassing me even more and I have a feeling that I'm going to have to take advantage of this opportunity and tell Chad about my plan with Tawni but I really don't want to and if you can't tell by this run on sentence I'M FREAKING OUT.

That probably didn't make any sense at all.

I would explain, but it would take too long, and as much as I don't want to go back down there, I think I have to eventually.

Oh, why can't I just live here for the rest of my life? I could just make myself a little hut out of towels or something, and that one rubber duck under the sink cabinet could be my pillow to sleep on. Or a guard dog. I could totally live off of scented soap and toothpaste so long as I don't have to go back downstairs and face everybody!

...Hey, that's actually a pretty good idea. I think I might just do that! Take that, Coopers!

6:45 P.M.

Then again, I might get cramped in here.

And I can't live without my TV, either.

Dilemma, dilemma...

6:47 P.M.

How long have I been in here, anyway?

6:50 P.M.

They all probably think I'm constipated now. Oh God.

6:54 P.M.

Ok. I'm going to head back now. I'll clarify everything and tell you about what happened once this is all over. You know, if I don't die of embarassment before then.

Wish me luck. I feel like I'm going to need it.

Chilling in my room, 7:48 P.M.

They finally left! Took them long enough. Ok, I guess they actually weren't here all that long, but trust me, it felt like they were here for hours. I was very tempted to throw myself headfirst into a trashcan, that's how horrible this whole thing was.

All right, maybe I'm exaggerating. At least I lived through the experience! Of course, after what happened, I'm not so sure that's a good thing...

I bet you're extremely confused by now, Siri. Okie dokie. I will tell you everything that happened, starting from the beginning, when my mother invited the Coopers inside our home (and caused me to almost have an involuntary heart attack in the process).

After watching our neighbors casually stroll through our front door, I hurriedly turned and rushed over to my own door. I ran a little too fast and skidded on something that had been lying on the ground, and this made me fall and bang my head against the wall. I grunted in pain, then, while clutching my poor head with one hand, fumbled with the doorknob and ran downstairs. Pain was inconsequential. What was important was to get to my mother and find out, once and for all, if she was truly insane.

Downstairs, my mom was engaging in friendly conversation with Mrs. Cooper, who was just hanging up her expensive-looking coat. Claire hovered beside her mother, looking around the front room with an expression of distaste plastered on her face. I tried not to look at Chad, even though I could sense that he was looking at me as I stumbled awkwardly down the stairs.

"Why are you holding your head like that?" Claire asked as I approached them. "Oh, I see, did you finally realize that your brain size is inadequate?" Ha ha ha. Nice greeting. Such a wonderful sense of humor she had. Great to see you, too, mini Tawni. Whose souls have you killed today? I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from saying something along those lines. Instead, I just ignored her and was pleased to see Mrs. Cooper shooting her a disapproving look.

"Hi everybody," I said as graciously as I possibly could. "Um, Mom, can I talk to you for a sec?" I didn't actually give her much of a chance to respond and sort of dragged her off to the kitchen where no one could witness my interrogation.

"Mom!" I whisper-yelled indignantly as soon as we were alone. "What are they doing here?"

"You mean the Coopers?" Mom asked.

"No, I mean the Addams Family. Yes, of course I'm talking about the Coopers!"

She ignored my sarcasm. "Well, Sheila and I were talking, and I mentioned that my home cooked meals were practically famous for being so delicious, and she said it would be lovely to taste it sometime. So I invited her over to dinner."

Dinner? With the Coopers? She had to be joking. "What? But - But Mom - !"

She immediately took on her rare stern mother expression. Uh oh. "No buts, Sonny. I don't know what your problem is with that boy, but I want you to be nice. To all of them. I don't want to have to ground you, so don't give me a reason to."

Ok, that was just unfair. For one thing, she'd only ever met the polite Chad. She didn't go to school with him. She hadn't seen His Royal Highness, The King Of Jerkdom in action. Not to mention she had just witnessed mini Tawni insulting my intelligence! And she was fussing at me? "Mom, you don't understand - "

"What don't I understand? Please enlighten me, because, frankly, you haven't talked to me at all this past week, and I can't understand anything when you won't even tell me simple things. For instance, why you were crying when you came back from the school dance." She placed her hands on her hips and frowned at me. She was really never going to let that go, was she? I guess that's one of the downsides of being incredibly close to your mother.

Anyway, I gave up after that. I was not about to explain to her the whole James thing, because then I'd have to tell her about my plan with Tawni, and she would object and take matters into her own hands. She would also probably go throw attack James and throw him into a sewer or something, which would most likely lead to getting her arrested, and then what? Nope, she needed to remain oblivious, for her own good. And mine.

So I hurriedly changed the subject back to the dinner and agreed to be pleasant and welcoming to Chad and his younger spawn of - I mean, sister.

Be preparared, Siri. It just gets worse from here.

Mom ushered the Cooper family over to the dining room, and I trailed along after them unenthusiastically. Upon reaching the dining table, I was surprised to see the whole surface of the table covered with delicious smelling food, including my mom's pork chop (best pork chop ever, by the way), potato salad, creamy corn, bread, and a ton more stuff. My mom seriously outdid herself.

I plopped myself down onto my usual chair, my mouth practically watering at the sight of all the yummy food. Then Chad sat down on next to me, which kind of made me lose my appetite right then and there. When my mom wasn't looking, I glared at him and muttered, "Go away."

He smirked at me. "But I was invited here, Sonny. I can't just get up and leave. That would be rude."

"Oh, please, rude is your specialty. And you know that's not what I meant."

His smirk widened. "Do I, Sonny? Do I really?" Ugh. He was so irritating. I hated how one minute he could go from being kind of/sort of nice, to being annoying and hateful. And to top it all off, he was looking more gorgeous than usual, which just made me mad. I mean, how is it fair that someone like him could be that good looking? It was distracting. And if I was distracted by him, how was I going to make it through this dinner without doing something stupid?

Oh, yeah, and I had to talk to him about the whole fake dating thing, too. Obviously him being here was a sign that it was way past time to tell him about it. It was too much of a coincidence to not be a sign.

So, to sum it all up, I had to make it through a dinner with Chad and his family, then somehow get him alone long enough to inform him that we needed to start a fake relationship.

Sounded like fun, right?

Yeah, didn't think so.

I busied myself with shoveling food onto my plate, doing my best to not notice Chad's presence beside me. (It was a little difficult, though, because he kept clanking his spoon on his plate as he ate, and his leg kept brushing against mine. Hasn't he ever heard of personal space?) Sitting on Chad's other side, Claire examined my plate and said loudly, "Do you really eat that much? Doesn't all that food give you indigestion or something?"

"No, not really," I replied sweetly. "I have a healthy appetite. I'm not like those California girls who starve themselves just to stay skinny."

"Yeah, but a lot of them are pretty, so at least they've got that going for them. You're just plain," she argued.

So in her point of view, I'd gone from ugly to plain? That... was almost a compliment, coming from her.

Her mother didn't seem to think so. "Claire," Mrs. Cooper said sharply, frowning at her daughter. "Don't be so rude."

Claire made a sulky face and slumped in her chair. "I'm just pointing out a fact," she mumbled rebelliously as she stabbed her fork into a slice of pork chop. Mrs. Cooper gave me an apologetic look. "I'm sorry, she's not usually like this."

Since when? "It's fine," I said, giving her a smile. At least for her I didn't have to fake anything. She was so sweet and down to earth. Again, I don't understand how she could have produced such hateful children.

Speaking of which, Chad hadn't talked since our short exchange earlier. Strange. Normally he'd have jumped into the conversation with some insult of his own, or at least some bigheaded proclamation of talented and clever he was. Or... something like that. But he was just kind of sitting there, eating quietly. What the heck? That was completely out of character.

While my mom and Mrs. Cooper became engrossed in a serious discussion about needlepointing, I hesitantly nudged Chad with my elbow. Yes, I know, I'd meant to avoid talking to him for as long as possible, but I couldn't help it. I was curious. And mildly concerned, I guess. "Hey. You ok?"

"Huh?" Chad glanced over at me, his brow furrowing. "Why do you want to know?"

"Well, normally by now you would've mentioned something about how gorgeous you are," I informed him. "But you're being really quiet. So... I'm just wondering."

The corners of Chad's mouth lifted. "So you admit that you think I'm gorgeous, then."

What? "That is not what I said at all!" I said, glaring at him even while I felt my face turning red.

"Deniallll," he sang. Ugh, how infuriating! I try to ask him a legitimate question, and all he does is make fun of me. I huffed and turned away from him, returning my attention to my meal. "Whatever. Forget I even asked. Like I care about your well being."

His teasing smile disappeared. "I was just kidding."

"Sure you were," I snapped, reaching across the table and violently yanking up the spoon from the potato salad plate. Unfortunately, as I did this, my elbow knocked over the bowl of corn, and the bowl fell, causing all its contents to pour out onto Mrs. Cooper's lap.

"Sonny!" Mom gasped. Chad and Claire sort of just gaped at their mother.

I yelped and jumped to my feet. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!" I exclaimed, flitting over to Mrs. Cooper's side and attempting to wipe corn off of her. I think that just made it worse, though. She gently pushed my hands away, looked down at her lap for a moment, and then returned her gaze to me. Her smile was only slightly strained. "It's fine, Sonny. Accidents happen. At least I'm wearing jeans," she added with a laugh. This didn't make me feel any less horrible. I stammered a few more apologies, then fled to the kitchen to find some paper towels.

When I returned with the towel roll, my mom had begun a new conversation. Guess what the topic was this time? Yep. Yours truly. I handed the towels to Mrs. Cooper and sat down again, flushing with embarrassment as my mom said off-handedly, "Oh, Sonny's always been pretty clumsy. It's even worse when she sleepwalks. She always knocks things over and wreaks havoc over things. Like a human Godzilla, but smaller and not as angry. Or scaly." Oh, God.

"You sleepwalk?" Claire asked in a voice that sounded like she was barely holding back laughter.

"No," I protested.

"Oh, yes!" my mom said helpfully at the same time. "Once or twice a month, as a matter of fact! Luckily it hasn't happened recently, but we always have to be prepared. Don't we, Sonny?"

I sank down a little bit in my chair. I didn't want to partake in this conversation. At all. For the first time in my life, I silently willed them to talk about Chad instead, so he could start bragging about himself and turn the topic away from me.

But my mom didn't take a hint. Darn it. "D'you know, there was this one time when we went biking, and - "

Dread filled me. Oh, no. Not this story. It was probably the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to me (and no, I'm not going to tell you about it, Siri. I'm still a little uncertain about whether or not you'll use that information against me. So just forget it).

This is the part where I excused myself, ran upstairs, grabbed you, and bravely hid in the bathroom.

Hey, don't judge me! I mean, come on. The conversation was already going pretty badly. Just imagine what Mom would have started talking about next if I had stayed. She probably would have spent thirty minutes describing every excruciating detail of that one time I accidentally dyed my hair green. I've honestly done a ton of stupid things in my life, and Mom could have easily picked any of them to chat about. So you can't blame me for fleeing the scene. It was my show of righteous protest!

Anywho, when I eventually did decide to go back down, it turned out that everyone had finished with their dinner. Everyone except me, I mean. Because, you know, I'd gone to the bathroom and completely abandoned my plate of food. I guess Mom thought I'd finished, too, because my plate had magically disappeared. I stood there for a moment, mourning the loss of my food. Then I looked around, seeing that the room was empty except for Mom and Mrs. Cooper, who were clearing up the table. I could hear Claire's voice coming faintly from the living room, so I assumed Chad was with her.

Well, at least everyone had quit talking about me. Mom passed by me with a handful of plates and said, "Oh, good, you're back. Were you ok up there? Were your bowels working correctly?"

Gee, Mom, say that a little louder, please. "Yeah, I'm fine. Do you need any help?"

She waved a hand dismissively at me. "No, Sheila and I are good. Go spend some time with Claire and Chad." There was a hidden warning in her words. I sighed, then turned and trudged to the living room to meet my demise.

Claire and Chad were chilling on the couch. Claire was talking very animatedly to Chad about something (not sure what), and when she saw me come in, she shut up immediately. I waved at them. "Hi. Have you made yourself at home yet?"

Claire scoffed. "Like I could make myself at home in a place like this."

I pretended not to hear her and instead looked at Chad. He wasn't saying anything, just watching me with a strange expression on his face. Ah, might as well get this proposition thing over with. "Hey, Chad, can I talk to you for a second?" Alone, I added silently, giving Claire a sharp look. She seemed to get my quiet meaning, judging from her pout.

Chad blinked and stood up. "Uh, yeah, I guess so. Actually, I kind of wanted to talk to you, too."

Well. Ok, then. Worked for me. Whatever got him to come with me so I could explain to him about Operation James.

I couldn't help but notice that his voice sounded a little strange, though. Like he was... I dunno. Nervous or something. I wonder...

I led him down the hallway and up the stairs, into my room. Once I had shut the door behind us, I took a deep breath and turned to face him. "Ok, listen, I - "

"No, wait, let me go first," he interrupted. I stopped, giving him a quizzical look. He avoided my curious gaze and instead examined my bookshelf. After a moment of doing this, he looked right at me, his jaw set in a determined sort of way. I frowned, not sure where this was going. Why was he looking at me like that? "Chad?"

Words tumbled out of his mouth in a rush. "Look, I just wanted to ask you - "

He never got to finish whatever he was about to say, because suddenly a MOO! sounded from somewhere in our room and scared us both silly. "Ah, sorry!" I left Chad standing there and darted over to my bed, belly flopping onto it in my haste to find my phone. I patted around my bed covers for a moment, sure that I had left it somewhere there. I finally did find it under my pillow, and it 'MOO'ed at me some more while I attempted to find the speak button.

Once I pressed it, Tawni's voice came blaring over the speakers, "Did you ask him yet?"

Oh, no. I'd accidentally put it on speaker phone. How had I even done that? And now I couldn't turn it off, because I was so flustered that I couldn't remember where the speaker phone button was.

So, in a pathetic attempt to block Chad from hearing my partner in crime, I whispered (in a pitch that only bats could hear), "Tawni, you're on speaker phone."

"WHAT?" Her responding screech may or may not have broken my eardrums. "HELLOOOOO? DID YOU SAY SOMETHING, ALLISON? ARE YOU IN A TUNNEL?"

"No, I'm - "

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU! ANYWAY, DID YOU ASK CHAD YET?"

"Ask Chad what?" Chad himself asked suspiciously, coming over to stand beside me. "Oh, nothing," I said brightly, trying to stuff the phone out of sight under my bedsheets. It was pointless, though. Chad casually plucked my phone out of my hands and strode over to the other side of the room. "Hi, Tawni, it's Chad."

Silence on the other end. Then Tawni's voice muttered, "Oh, crap, did I dial the wrong number?"

I made a wild grab for the phone, but Chad held it just out of my reach. "No worries, you got the right number," Chad replied calmly. "Sonny's a little preoccupied at the moment. So what exactly am I supposed to be asked about?"

There was another long pause, then Tawni said in a fake perky tone, "Uh, what? What was that, Mother? Of course, I'd love to whack the microwave with a baseball bat!" There was a click, and then she hung up.

Great cover, Tawn. Real smooth.

Chad tossed the phone onto the bed. Narrowing his blue eyes at me, he jabbed a finger in my direction. "Explain."

I folded my arms stubbornly over my chest, doing my best to look nonchalant even while I was quietly panicking on the inside. I mean, that wasn't how I wanted to begin the proposition, y'know? "Explain what?"

He retaliated by striding over to me and giving me the evil eye. I forced myself to keep my eyes locked on his (even though I had to tilt my head upwards to do that, because he's taller than me), matching his glare. "Tell me," he said.

"Say please," I huffed. Ok, ok. I know, he was giving me the perfect opportunity to go right out and tell him. So why wasn't I telling him? Well... because. He was being annoying. Isn't that a good enough reason?

"How about I don't say please and just keep pestering you until you tell me?"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"Good!"

"Good!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

A glare war ensued. It was really quite intense.

But, in the end, I gave up. Might as well just get it over with. Just say it quickly, like ripping off a bandaid. Easy peasy. "All right, so... this is kind of what I wanted to talk to you about in the first place," I began.

He just frowned at me. Ok, going well. At least he'd shut his mouth. I steeled myself, then explained hurriedly, "Ok, so you remember the whole James thing? Tawni and I devised this really great plan, but the only way it'll work is if you're involved, and your involvement is going to require us becoming fake boyfriend and girlfriend. D'you want a snack? I can go get something right now - "

"Whoa, whoa, wait a second," he interrupted, grabbing my arm before I could skedaddle out of there. "What?"

So I told him everything. About the spy mission Tawni and I had been on the other day, about her dating James again, about the party we had planned, about James's old girlfriends and the phone numbers, and about our part to play in this whole thing.

When I was done, I stopped and waited apprehensively for him to... I dunno, laugh. Or yell at me. Or something. What I didn't expect was for him to tilt his head and say, "Count me in."

I think my jaw dropped about twenty feet. "Say what now?"

He smiled a little at the expression on my face. "I'll do it. I'll fake date you."

"Oh. Huh. Wow. That was... strangely easy. I thought I was going to have to tie you up and blackmail you to go along with it," I said, smiling weakly.

He actually laughed at that. "Like you could actually do that, Munroe."

"Don't underestimate me, Cooper," I warned. He just shook his head, grinning. Then he became serious. "Anyway, I'm not going to pass up the chance to get back at that guy for what he did to you. He's a real asshole." True, true.

"Point taken," I agreed.

"So... to clarify, this is all just fake, right?"

"Of course!" I laughed. Now that everything was settled, I felt much more relaxed. "Trust me, Chad, I would never go out with you for real. That'd be weird. And, I mean, we'd make a pretty awful couple, what with us fighting all the time."

He nodded slowly. "Right."

I giggled a bit more, then remembered something. "Oh, yeah, what was it you wanted to ask me earlier?"

He examined himself in my mirror. "Nothing, really. It wasn't important."

"Okaaayy," I said, drawing out the word to express my confusion. Then I shrugged. "Well, whatever you say. Chad Dylan Cooper's word is law, after all."

He made a face at me. "So sarcastic, Sunshine. I'm reconsidering this whole dating thing now."

"You haven't even asked me out yet," I pointed out.

He smirked. "Sonny Munroe, will you do me the honor of being my fake girlfriend?"

I mock curtsied. "Why, yes, good sir, how kind of you to ask."

"Sounds like the beginning of a beautiful fake relationship to me." He extended his arm out to me, and I took it, linking my arm around the crook of his elbow like they do in the old movies. "Let us proceed downstairs then, m'lady!" he said with a wink. We bantered teasingly a little more as we walked downstairs, then unlinked our arms as we entered the living room. After all, this fake dating thing was supposed to be secret from our families, so we couldn't just go waltzing in looking for all the world like some lovey dovey couple.

Claire looked at us a little suspiciously from her perch on the sofa, but apparently decided she didn't really care and said nothing when we sat down next to her. For the rest of their visit, we watched Friends on TV, and for a little while it actually felt as if we were all getting along. Chad was way more relaxed than he'd been earlier, and Claire was being non-Tawni-like. Weird, I know. Anyway, after we'd rolled around laughing at the antics on the sitcom (even though Chad apparently doesn't like comedy, he said that Friends is the only one that he thinks is worth watching. Uh, I beg to differ! Comedies are so much better than Mackenzie Falls. But he does like Friends, so I guess there's some hope for him), they left.

And I was FREEEEEEEE!

Then I came back upstairs and called Tawni to tell her about what had happened, and she spent about thirty minutes chewing me out for not telling her that Chad had been in the room with me, and that I needed to quit being such a slowpoke, get my head in the game, and get prepared to be couple-y with Chad tomorrow, oh, and to start calling the girls on my list or so help her, God, she would -censored-.

Yep. That is an exact quote right there.

Anyway, it was right after I hung up on the queen bee that I realized the enormity of what we were doing. I mean, what if this goes really badly? And how in the world are Chad and I going to possibly act like a couple? We can barely stand each other! What's going to happen if he gets on my nerves and I yell at him and give the whole thing away?

Oh, no. I can't think about this. These are not happy thoughts.

I just need to focus on the getting-back-at-James part of this whole thing. Yeah, that's it. That should keep me going, anyway.

But wow, we sure are going to need a lot of luck, Siri. I guess tomorrow is when my acting skills will be put to the test.

Oh, I just remembered that you're a common bringer of bad luck. So... I should probably stop writing you before you somehow manage to destroy our whole plan. Don't take it personally. I should probably go to bed anyway, I just realized how tired I am.

...you know, I still kind of wonder what Chad wanted to ask me. Then again, if it had been important, he probably would've just come right out and said it. But I guess not. Eh, whatever.

Good night, Siri!

Hmm... what do you think Chad wanted to ask?

The world may never know.

Well, I hope that this chapter made up a little bit for my lack of updating! I'll do better, though. Cross my heart and hope to eat pie. I will finish this story, guys. It's gonna happen.

Soo... review please? Pretty please? 83

Thanks for reading!

~Ginger