Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or its characters. I am not making money out of this.

Warnings: This story contains foul language, yaoi and shounen-ai, sexual themes, graphic sexual scenes (limes, lemons). Not proof-read! Flamers will be ridiculed :) The beginning might be a little slow, but it'll speed up later!

Summary: When Sasuke met Naruto, he was sure that the blonde was the one. He had not, however, counted on Naruto to be taking care of a kid. NOT MPREG. SasuNaru.

READ! More story info (updates, longer summary, inspiration, any research links, any fanart links) will be found on my profile. I'd love some constructive critism, and please notify me if you spot any errors/mistakes. Feel free to ask me questions. And yes, I'm allergic to apples.

Dove and Grenade

Written by Venerate

Chapter one: Average

A deep sigh passed Uchiha Sasuke's lips. The young man closed his eyes for a second, the corners of his mouth pointing down in disgust. He was seated in a popular coffee shop downtown, trying to focus on what his older brother was saying. He was, however, doing a poor job since he was unable to concentrate. The volume in the coffee shop was way too loud. There were a lot of mothers with their newborns meeting up to chat over a cup of tea. The squealing and crying of the babies were really grating on Sasuke's nerves.

"Focus, Sasuke-kun."

Sasuke kept yet another sigh inside, and sent a fierce look his older brother's way. "Why on Earth are we meeting up here, Itachi?"

The tall, lean man in front of Sasuke leaned back in his chair with a sly smile. One of Itachi's long fingers came up to play with the silky ponytail, his narrow eyes never leaving Sasuke's figure. The younger Uchiha could tell exactly why his brother had brought him there. It was to torture him; to make him uncomfortable by adding the two things Sasuke loathed the most.

Women and children.

This café seemed to be made for housewives with kids – the perfect place to be able to meet likeminded women with children. The walls were filled with pink roses, the tables and chairs in dark brown and antique-looking lamps dangling from the ceiling to offer a comfortable light. Big windows followed the wall towards the street on which the café was located, the window sills covered with delicate vases and fresh flowers. Romantic, he guessed, if not for the playground in the corner, on which the slightly older kids were playing and watching cartoons.

"How is mother doing?"

Sasuke shrugged, stirring his copper-coloured tea with the warm spoon. He hadn't talked to their parents in a while either. Life was hectic, for all of them. "Last I heard, she and Fugaku were on their way to Slovenia."

"Slovenia, you say." Itachi lifted the fragile, flowery cup and took a sip of his earl grey. "Yes, now when I think about it, uncle Madara mentioned that they needed a break."

Sasuke scrunched his nose slightly upon the mention of his old uncle. "Why aren't you moving out of the compound, Itachi? You'll become sick, with that much family around you."

"Quite the contrary, dearest brother," Itachi protested as he put down his teacup to put yet another bit of sugar in it. Sasuke stared, enhanced, as his sibling absent-mindedly stabbed the slowly dissolving sugar with the silver spoon. "I feel much loved where I live. Uncle Madara appreciates my presence as well. I am sure that you must feel very lonely in that apartment of yours."

Sasuke shook his head in disapproval. "Grow up, Itachi."

The older male gave a bland grunt. "I can't see why independence is so important to you, little brother."

"You're twenty-seven years old, brother. I think it's time you move out of uncle's house and get your own. Fugaku will get irritated if you don't give him an heir soon. The clan must live on, no?"

A particularly loud screech reached Sasuke's ears, and it sent chills down his spine. He was dangerously close to standing up and leave, but knew that nothing good would come out of that. It would be smarter to just growl at the kid and rudely tell the mother to shut the kid up.

"I can see that this conversation is taking a bad turn, but if you must know, our dear cousin is giving birth in a few months. And, if you must know, I did propose to Konan last week."

Sasuke raised an elegant eyebrow, slightly surprised over the news. He hadn't counted on the blue-haired woman to be accepted by the tribe. "Congratulations, brother."

"Thank you. Now, before we both become insane, I suggest we leave this place. How about a walk before the rain reach Konoha?" Itachi stood up, assuming that his brother would agree. Of course, he was right. Sasuke stood up, not minding that he hadn't finished his red tea. He took his coat and the umbrella before following Itachi outside.

Well outside the café, the world seemed quieter. They walked down the pedestrian street, both sides of the cobblestone path filled with teashops, boutiques and shops. There weren't a lot of people out, as the sky was covered by heavy, dark clouds. It had yet to start raining, but there was a silent threat looming over them. Neither Uchiha was bothered by it. They had their expensive, warm coats, and their big umbrellas. If it started raining, they wouldn't suffer from it.

"How's work?" Sasuke decided to ask.

Itachi seemed a little surprised by the question, but answered flawlessly anyway. "Quite good, thank you. We have been discussing taking the business abroad lately. I'm taking Konan and Kisame with me to Shanghai in a few weeks. Would you like to come with us?"

They passed an exclusive-looking boutique, filled with jewellery and accessories. There were two loud teenage girls standing by the window, pointing at different rings that they wanted to get by their future fiancés. Sasuke almost rolled his eyes, but then reminded himself that he had to answer Itachi's question. He did so, honestly and straight-forward;

"No."

Itachi nodded, amusement glinting in his obsidian eyes. "I guess you have to work as well."

"Yes. Some of us don't rely on their relatives when business doesn't look good."

The comment didn't hurt, but Itachi couldn't help but frown. His brother really needed his independence. Why, he would never understand. "I hope we will be able to meet up before I go. Perhaps on a more serious ground, without females and children."

"Perhaps," Sasuke muttered. It wasn't until now that he realised that they had reached the end of the street and successfully stopped by Itachi's car. It was spotless, despite the muddy road that led from Konoha to the Uchiha Compound. "Have a nice weekend. Don't call me, I'll call you."

Itachi smirked, unlocking his car. "Liar."

Sasuke nodded, putting his free hand in his coat pocket, holding the umbrella in his other. "Seriously though, don't call me. I'm busy as it is. Say hello to uncle."

Itachi gave a curt nod before climbing inside the vehicle. Not until the black, sleek car had disappeared down the road, did Sasuke move. He walked over the parking lot, his mind filled with new information. It wasn't often he met Itachi these days, and he could only say that he didn't mind the lack of meeting. He was so close to get a promotion, and he would be damned if something screwed it up.

Instead, he dug up the car keys and unlocked the 2010 Jeep Grand Cherokee. It wasn't his only. He had bought it together with his friend Juugo, mostly since they lived in the same neighbourhood. At first, it had felt a bit odd to share a car – especially since he didn't like sharing at all – with a friend and co-worker, but it had turned out to be very practical. Not only was it cheaper, but it was also nice to share the responsibility. That way, Sasuke got a lot more work-time instead of taking care of the car. He let Juugo handle that.

It was a joy driving it though; so smooth and quiet compared to the car he bought when he moved from the compound.

His cellphone vibrated, and Sasuke picked it up with his right hand, secure enough in his driving to drive with one hand. "Yes?" he answered offhandedly.

"Sasuke-kun? You're late!" It was the rough voice of Karin, one of his few friends and co-workers. "I need you to come and pick up the files about–"

"I'm on my way. Five minutes." He hung up, ignoring her frustrated cry. He drove through the seemingly empty town, turning left to one of the taller buildings. He parked the car outside, grabbing the umbrella in case it would start raining on his way inside. As he got out of the car, locking it, and walked to the doors, he noticed a young kid and her mother by the entrance. A scowl reached his face, hoping that they wouldn't want him something.

The kid grinned big when he walked up to them, aiming to slide past them inside – unnoticed. Of course, his plan failed as the woman opened her mouth,

"Excuse me, could you give us directions to–"

"Do I look like a map? Ask someone else." He opened the door, well-aware of the stunned expression that followed him inside. He couldn't understand how low her IQ must have been. They were standing outside a lobby – there were at least three receptionists working today – it would have been much easier to ask one of them. Then again, Sasuke suspected that the woman was standing there looking for a father to her child, not directions. He had to give her credit for that one – it was the perfect place to look for a successful male.

Such as himself. He was a successful, young man. He had long ago discovered that there was nothing wrong with his looks either, as females fawned over him. Even the plain receptionists who offered shy smiles and quiet greetings. Hence, he had adopted the thought that all females were enemies. So far, he had been proven right.

"There you are! You have no idea how annoyed I am! You left me all alone with Suigetsu!"

A slender, red-haired woman with a purple blouse and thick-rimmed glasses ran up to him. It was obvious that she had emerged from the elevators, probably having seen his white car arriving from her office. She wasn't repulsive, but Sasuke wasn't that fond of her. She was skilled within her range of work, however, and it was greatly appreciated. He held out one of his big hands, taking the folders from her.

"Thank you, Karin."

Immediately, her nose turned pink and she snorted awkwardly. "Eh, uh, I– don't be late again! Bring those to the computer lab. Bye!" With that, she stormed off, acting as if he had insulted her. She was one of the many women he would never understand.

With the annoyed scowl back in place, Sasuke walked back out to his car. He would have to go to Nara Shikamaru and Akimichi Chouji, which was a good thirty minute ride in the opposite direction from his apartment. He glanced down on the folders before exiting, opening one of them and judging the importance of the files.

He looked at the date. There was no hurry. He could do it tomorrow.

A sticky, small hand ran through Uzumaki Naruto's blonde hair. The blonde-hair male let out a chuckle as second hand came up to get tangled in the strands. He smiled widely at the baby's prattle and only laughed when drool ran down the tiny chin. He used the collar of his shirt to wipe the drool off, not minding that there would be a wet spot there. He turned around, the baby still in his strong arms.

"He gets more and more adorable every time I come and see you, Kurenai-sensei! Of course, so do you."

The mother of the small baby blushed, her red lips forming a smile at the compliment. "Thank you, Naruto-kun. How sweet of you."

It was true though. Even in this dull weather, Yuuhi Kurenai seemed to glow. Perhaps it was because she had given birth only weeks ago; perhaps she was glad to see Naruto. He wasn't sure, but it didn't seem important either. The room was quite bright, sounds coming from the television. The news was on, but Naruto didn't listen – it was too depressing. He carefully untwined the tiny fingers from his hair, and Kurenai held out her hands for her precious baby boy.

"Can we go now, Naru-nii?"

There was a tug on Naruto's jeans, and the blonde male looked down. Sarutobi Konohamaru sent him a childish glare, impatience radiating from his very being. He was never very fond of visiting Kurenai. Naruto suspected that it had to do with more than boredom, but he didn't question it. The ten-year-old wouldn't answer honestly anyway.

"I guess we better go," he said with a shrug. "Thanks for the food, Kurenai!"

The older woman chuckled, the baby in her arms prattling and drooling some more. Naruto's grin widened impossibly. "Come back soon again."

Naruto nodded, silently promising to come back next Friday to check up on his friend. He would drag Konohamaru with him if he had to. He knew how much it meant to Kurenai. When he entered the small hall, the kid was already in his jacket and shoes. He was holding both his own, yellow umbrella and Naruto's orange one.

Since they had already stayed at Kurenai's for half an hour longer than he had promised, he hurriedly put on his jacket and hopped into his sneakers. They exited the apartment, leaving Kurenai with the television and her baby. After a few sets of stairs, Konohamaru decided to voice his displeasure,

"I don't like the new kid. It smells bad!"

Naruto rolled his eyes. "So did you when you were a baby. And, for your information, babies only smell bad when–"

"Yeah, yeah, I got it. Ino-nee already said that."

The air outside was a big contrast to the air in the apartment building. Plenty of times had Naruto asked Kurenai to move in with him, only to get rid of that horrible smell of cigarettes and urine. She was too proud to accept, however. And it wouldn't look too good to the public if she moved in with him.

Konohamaru tugged at his jeans again, demanding attention. Instead of asking nicely, the brown-haired boy shoved his umbrella at the older man. Naruto arched an eyebrow in question, silently inquiring the magic word. Not until they got out on the pavement did Konohamaru surrender. He sighed dramatically, even though there were no people out on a day like this.

"Please, Naru-nii, help me unfold the umbrella."

Grinning in victory, Naruto accepted the umbrella and unfolded it. It had yet to start raining, but it would start any second now. He then proceeded in unfolding his own. They walked in silence, neither having much to say. It was Friday afternoon, and they were both tired. They had both gone to school all week, and visiting Kurenai could be energy-draining for several reasons. The weather wasn't really helping either.

"Naru-nii," Konohamaru said suddenly. "Can we have pancakes tomorrow?"

"Yes!" Naruto jumped in joy. "What a great idea! Pancakes..."

They crossed a street, passing a fast food restaurant and finally getting to the right bus station. They lived outside town, in a small house. It was a nice house, with two bedrooms, separate bathrooms, a living room and a nice kitchen. It was rather cheap because of the location. It seemed that a thirty minute bus ride outside the city core wasn't good enough.

"Great," Naruto said with a sigh. "Now I'm really in the mood for pancakes. Thanks a lot, Konohamaru."

The ten-year-old grinned innocently. The grin disappeared when his tummy growled, apparently in the mood for some food as well. "Is the bus going to show up soon, Naru-nii?"

"Five minutes," Naruto answered with a shrug. "Check yourself."

"Meh," Konohamaru mumbled. A small pout started to form on his childish face. It was obvious that he had no idea how to read the time table. He spun around, his sneakers making a scraping, wet sound against the asphalt. It had started to rain, they could tell, by the small smatter the water made as it collided with their umbrellas. "Ne, Naru-nii, can't you make it stop raining?"

The tall, blonde male sighed. "I told you, Konohamaru, I'm not allowed to do magic outside school!"

This made the brown-haired boy laugh, as he knew fully well that Naruto was no wizard and couldn't do magic. He found it extremely amusing every time Naruto said things that implied otherwise.

"Don't laugh!" Naruto sent a half-hearted glare to the younger boy, his lower lip sticking out in an immature pout. "When I finish school, you better watch your butt!"

This evoked even more laughter from the boy, who almost dropped his umbrella as he clutched his stomach. The loud laughter made Naruto smile, feeling accomplished. He looked up at the sky, which had turned completely grey. For a second, he wondered if there weren't any ways to make the bad weather go away. It had been looming over them for days now. Perhaps when the rain finally was over, the sun would triumphantly return. He hoped so.

"The bus! The bus, Naru-nii! Yes!"

"Okay, try not to behave suspiciously, Konohamaru, or they'll understand that we're double agents!" Naruto helped the boy to fold the umbrella, and then proceeded to take out their bus cards from his pocket. Konohamaru tried his best to keep his face straight, but Naruto could see the big grin threatening to break free. He didn't say anything until the bus stopped in front of them. "Remember what I said, young master."

Even though the sentence held no coherence, it had Konohamaru laughing yet again. He almost stumbled on the way into the bus, and the bus driver sighed at their antics. Naruto flashed him their bus cards, and the chauffeur nodded for them to get inside. As they walked to the far back, they found unoccupied seats with the perfect view over the whole bus.

"See that lady there, Konohamaru?" Naruto nodded towards a lady in brown dress, a small dog in her lap. "She used to be an astronaut. We visited the moon together before she retired."

"Yeah," Konohamaru snorted. "What's her name then?"

Naruto paused, tilting his head as he searched for a suitable name. "She's from Russia. An old cosmonaut, you see. Her name is... Svetlana."

It was the only Russian name that he could think of, but it didn't suffice for Konohamaru, who gave him a disbelieving look.

"Svetlana Cosmonaut," Naruto reassured.

"Liar," the ten-year-old giggled. Naruto shrugged, knowing that making up so many stories would probably make the boy a compulsive liar one fine day.

"I was just kidding," Naruto said and wrapped an arm around his little friend. "How about we eat pancakes when we get back home instead?"

Konohamaru seemed to think about it, his dark eyes scanning the bus for answers. "Okay. Can we have pancakes for breakfast anyway?"

Naruto grinned, flashing pearly white teeth. "Yeah, sure. But if you tell Ino or Shika about it, I'm the one in trouble."

"I won't tell! Pinky swear!"

To Be Continued

Author's note: Before I'm off to masturbate, I just wanted to tell you that it might be a while (like, a week and a half) before next chapter (which is going to be longer), but that reviews with more than "update soon" will make me cut off some time of school and focus on this fanfic. Thank you for reading!