[AUTHORS NOTE: If there is any specific room/ rule you want added to the list, feel free to toss it our way.]
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By the end of the year boards had popped up everywhere throughout the building, the rules on them generally pertaining to the area they were placed.
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AMENDED RULES AND REGULATIONS
AT RANGEMAN CO.
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Rules and Regulations Cont.
Things you need to remember about injuries, medical emergencies and training:
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93) Field injuries do not entitle you to a handicap sticker on your SUV
a) It was your own stupid fault
b) We don't have a handicapped space anyway
c) Painting the handicapped symbol on the closest space to the elevator isn't fooling anyone
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94) Employees are not to deface company property, including but not limited to walls, floors and car spaces, with paint in any form.
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95) A 'broken heart' is not a medical emergency
a) Bobby does not appreciate the late night phone calls
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96) New recruits are not required to pick a team in the Pirates Vs Ninjas debate.
a) Nor is anyone else required to pick a team.
b) Not even if you need to have two teams for a training exercise.
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97) There is no Pirate Vs Ninjas war.
a) So hog-tying someone and leaving them butt-naked in the middle of the gym because they're "your enemy" is wrong.
b) And will be punished.
c) And everyone knows Cowboys are better anyway.
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98) The 'Field of Honour' does not exist; therefore it is wrong to challenge New Recruits to a showdown there.
a) And then rag on them for "chickening out" when they can't find it, and therefore don't show up.
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99) You are NOT required to wear bulletproof cups on duty.
a) Nor are you allowed to "test their durability" by making new recruits wear them
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100) Bombshell is no longer required to kiss any of your "little boo-boos" better.
a) She has better things to do with her lips
b) Don't you mean better PEOPLE to do?
c) Do I need to start censoring the rules?
d) No, ma'am.
e) ... So, big boo-boos still count?
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101) New recruits are not required to pick a team in the Cowboys Vs Zombies debate.
a) Again, neither is anyone else
b) And again, not even if you need to have two teams.
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102) Calling in sick cause you're suffering from period pain, only works once a month.
a) And generally ONLY if you're female.
b) Generally? Not absolutely?
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103) While sending New Recruits to go find "headlight fluid", "a box of grid squares", "left handed wrench" etc might be hilarious, it is in fact a waste of training time.
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104) "Dog piles" are not required training.
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105) I don't know what you're telling the new recruits about Steph, but cut it out.
a) They're afraid to go in the elevator with me!
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106) Medicine balls are not appropriate equipment for playing dodge ball.
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107) Not allowed to play "human bowling."
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108) New recruits are not required to pick a team in the Dinosaurs Vs Dragons debate.
a) Seriously guys, how many times do we have to go through this?
b) And calling Tank the "Dinosaurs' Mascot" will only result in injury.
c) *Sniggers* Dinosaurs' Mascot, that sounds diiiirty.
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109) Nursery rhymes are not to be used as a cadence, no matter how 'catchy' and 'rhythmic' they are.
a) Yeah, the boss and bombshell are already dreading having to learn them all anyway.
b) But this would so totally help!
c) I swear to God I will taser the balls of the next person who implies I'm pregnant!
d) That's just cruel! What did my golf balls ever do to you? :P
e) Dude, golf? Really?
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110) 'Hazing' New Recruits is a juvenile practice, any stunt/ activity you force them to do, you will be required to do also.
a) Strip club anyone?
b) As long as you're paying.
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111) Bobby doesn't care if you got a paper cut.
a) You know where the bandaids are
b) But those ones are plain and he has Disney ones!
c) Suck it up Princess!
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112) Calling the teams "Team Morelli" and "Team Ranger" will get you fired.
a) Seriously, what are you? A bunch of hormonal schoolgirls?
b) Besides, you should all be Team Ranger anyway.
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113) Steph has a STOMACH FLU, her throwing up, is therefore NOT "hard evidence" that she is pregnant.
a) Cause she's not damn well pregnant!
b) We get the picture; you don't have to get so defensive about it!
c) Yeah, we're not judging you... or your 'abilities' in getting her pregnant.
d) Indubitably, some perfectly fertile people have trouble getting pregnant, for absolutely no reason whatsoever.
e) Indubitably?
f) Indeed.
g) What?
h) What?
i) I'M NOT PREGNANT! WE'RE NOT TRYING TO GET PREGNANT! WE! ARE! NOT! A! COUPLE!