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Love cannot fill the thickened lung with breath / Nor clean the blood, nor set the fractured bone. -Edna St. Vincent.

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1.

There is little fanfare when Inoue finally returns home: just an empty apartment and a quiet night, the sulfur glow of streetlamps puddling in the dark.

xXx

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"Ishida-kun? Can I ask you something?" Inoue says. She looks tired, but she'd never say so.

"What is it?" Ishida says. Inoue hesitates, as if searching for her words.

"When hollows die, they return to Soul Society, right?" Inoue says.

"Right," Ishida says. "Unless a Quincy get to them first."

"So what about Espada?" Inoue says. "They're made up of other souls. So if they die..." Inoue's voice lowers. "If they die, what happens to them?"

Ishida watches her, quietly. "You're worried about Ulquiorra, aren't you?" Ishida says.

"N-no! No, of course not-"

"Espada are made up of a multitude of souls," Ishida says. "That thing that was Ulquiorra won't come back."

Inoue's hand flies to her mouth, but she catches herself, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to!" Tears fill her eyes and Inoue laughs, shakily. "I was just curious..."

Her voice cracks. Ishida turns, avoiding her eyes. Slowly he helps unpack the next box, his hands wrenching open the last flap of cardboard.

Because he loves her, he says nothing at all.

xXx

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Ishida remembers the first time he really spoke with Inoue. He thinks about it now, looking out into the dark.

Two days after his first run-in with Kurosaki Ichigo, Ishida was in the cafeteria, sitting alone and turning over his Quincy bracelet in his hand. He rolled each bead like a rosary, the beads cool and heavy in his palm.

A tray clanked loudly against the tabletop. "Ishida-kun! Is it okay if I sit?" Inoue said.

It was before the time with Hueco Mundo, before they first journeyed to Soul Society together. The cafeteria was gray and the people were dull and indistinct, but beneath her uniform Ishida could see the markings of a pink T-shirt underneath. "Inoue-san? Is that okay?" Ishida said.

"Oh? This?" Inoue pulled up her blouse. Ishida jerked back, his hand flying to his mouth. Inoue laughed. "Ishida-kun! It's just a shirt."

"Why are you wearing that?" Ishida asked. "Certainly you must feel warm."

"Mmm. As soon as school gets out I'll take off my blouse! That way I can go to the market." Even now, years later, Ishida will remember how transfixed he was, how happy she seemed, sunshine and orange hair, and he'll remember how Inoue touched his arm. "Ishida-kun, you want to come?"

"What?"

"To the market!" Inoue smiled. "I have a new recipe I want to try, and I thought since we're friends now, I'll try it with you!"

"Friends..." Ishida held his Quincy bracelet between his fingers, then slipped it over his wrist. "I'd like that," Ishida said.

"Good!" Inoue said. And she laughed again and gripped his arm.

xXx

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Kurosaki doesn't get it. "Inoue, are you okay?" Kurosaki says, and Ishida tries to ignore that sick sinking feeling in his stomach as Inoue plasters on a perfect smile.

He knocks softly on Inoue's door because he is worried about her, and when he enters he sees her sitting by the window, long hair framing her face and the pale winter light ghosting her skin.

"Ishida-kun? Is that you?"

And Inoue puts on that same sick smile.

xXx

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"Ishida-kun? Are you coming?" Inoue was smiling. She gripped Ishida's hand and pulled him forward, marching with a singular determination toward the soccer field.

"Inoue-san! I don't think this is right-"

"You and Kurosaki-kun need to get along," Inoue said.

Ishida sighed, "Kurosaki is the least of my problems," and Inoue pouted and sprawled out onto the grass, staring up at the sky.

"I don't like it when my friends fight," Inoue said.

Ishida stiffly lay down next to her, worrying that his body would be too close, that the grass would stain his clothes and that Inoue would notice his breathing become more labored than usual. Above them, the sun was setting, and the sky was set ablaze a brilliant orange. Kurosaki was nowhere to be found, and for that Ishida was thankful.

"This is pretty," Inoue said, and Ishida quietly noticed how she was backlit by sunlight. Inoue turned to him and smiled. "You don't have to try so hard, you know," Inoue said.

"What?" Ishida pushed up his glasses, leaning against his arm.

"Trying to act cool. Trying to act mean. But you're not mean," Inoue said. "Kurosaki-kun doesn't get it, but I think you act the way you do because you think you're not good enough."

"I-" Ishida's throat was dry. He took a breath, then glared. "Kurosaki is a shinigami," Ishida said. "That alone is reason enough to hate him."

"But why?" Inoue said. She looked innocent and trusting, as if to her the world still held all its wonder. Ishida watched her, carefully choosing his words.

"You don't know what it's like," Ishida said. "I'm the last of my kind. You can't begin to understand."

"You're lonely," Inoue said. Ishida's eyes widened. He thought of his grandfather, and he was overwhelmed by the sudden warmth behind his eyes.

"Inoue-san..." Ishida's voice broke. Inoue took his hand.

"It's okay, Ishida-kun," Inoue said. She leaned against his shoulder, a warm, comforting weight. "I get lonely, too."

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2.

It snows in Karakura town, and Ishida tramps over snowdrifts toward Inoue's place, his hands fisted deep in his coat pockets and watching the cold plume of his breath arc across the air.

"What do you think it felt like?" Inoue says. She stares out into the thin gray sky, the shock of orange hair peeking out from under her hat. "When hollows die. What do you think they feel?"

Ishida furrows his brow. "You shouldn't think about these things, Inoue-san," Ishida says.

"I can't help it," Inoue says. Her eyes are dark and sad.

xXx

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He is standing in Hueco Mundo. Around him there is dust and dirt and the swirling mist of ash that was once Ulquiorra's body.

In front of him, Inoue kneels, her souten kishun glowing bright, and her lips moving in a silent prayer. Ishida knows what she's doing: she's trying to reject space and time, trying to bring back Ulquiorra with sheer willpower alone.

But it won't work: it can't.

It won't because there is nothing left to bring back.

xXx

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"Inoue, what the hell?" Kurosaki says. Ishida has just walked onto the soccer field where Kurosaki and Inoue are standing. Kurosaki has grabbed Inoue's arm. He's shouting. "You're home! You're safe! Why aren't you happy?"

"Kurosaki," Ishida says. Inoue pulls away.

"I'm fine!" Inoue says. Her voice is forced; her smile wavers. "It's just, sometimes it's like when Sora died. Everything is fine...and sometimes it's not."

"But everything is fine," Kurosaki says. Inoue laughs.

"I guess so," Inoue says. And she laughs and laughs until she looks like she's going to cry.

xXx

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He remembers when she healed his wounds. The sword to the gut; his missing hand. Her souten kishun glowed. "Ulquiorra looked sad, didn't he?" Inoue said. Ishida glanced up, confused.

"Inoue-san?"

She smiled sadly. Her hair moved in the breeze. "He wasn't afraid," Inoue said. "But I think he was sad."

Ishida said nothing. Slowly he watched as the wound to his gut began to knit, the gash in his side beginning to seal together. His hand began to reappear, like so much ash, whirling and taking shape, the opposite of Ulquiorra's hand turning into dust.

xXx

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"Everyone is dead because of me," Inoue says.

"Everyone is dead because of Aizen," Ishida says. He clutches Inoue's arms. "I won't let you blame yourself. It wasn't your fault!"

Her shoulders hunch. Hair falls over her face. "They weren't all bad," Inoue says. "Harribel-san. Stark-san. They weren't all bad," Inoue says. A tear slips. "I just wanted everyone to be safe..."

"Inoue," Kurosaki says.

Ishida and Inoue turn. Kurosaki is standing behind him, his hand clenching into a fist.

"You're crying for the enemy?" Kurosaki says. "Inoue?"

"Kurosaki," Ishida says.

"Inoue, how could you?" Kurosaki says.

"Kurosaki!" Ishida rears up, his Quincy sword flashing. "Apologize to her!" Ishida says.

"Ishida-kun, please," Inoue says.

Kurosaki grips his sword.

"Kurosaki-kun! Ishida-kun! Don't!" Inoue starts to sob. "Please. Please. Stop fighting, please..."

Kurosaki turns. "I don't know what's happened to you, Inoue," Kurosaki says. He stands with his back toward them, his hair moving slightly in the breeze. "I can't pretend I understand. But I'll fight for you. We all would. You know that."

"Kurosaki-kun..." Inoue sinks to her knees, tears rolling down her cheeks. She is beautiful and she is broken, and Ishida knows that nothing he can say or do will reach her.

xXx

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He remembers the summer before Inoue was taken. How they watched fireflies together, sitting by the river's edge and skipping stones across the water.

She made red bean paste and cream cheese sandwiches, smiling brightly and laughing, her small hands lightly touching his arm. She smelled like sunshine and earth and her skin was warm under his palm.

"Why?" Inoue says. Her hands clench into fists. "Why? Why?"

Because I love you, Ishida thinks. Because I love you and care for you and I don't want to see you hurt.

"Because I need to," Ishida says. He clutches Inoue's hands. "Please. Inoue-san. Stop this. Stop..." and Ishida's voice breaks. His fingers knead into Inoue's skin. "Just stop."

"Okay." A tear slips, then another. Inoue sags.

"Okay."

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3.

This is the nature of love. To love without question, to be there when the other has failed.

Ishida knows. She will throw herself into the arms of his rival; she will cry and reject and rage against the circumstances that surround her. Kurosaki will not understand. He won't. He can't. Ishida knows, and this knowing makes him sad.

xXx

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Ishida watches quietly as Inoue slowly packs her things, dull blue eyes the color of dishwater.

She is leaving for Soul Society. Karakura Town is too painful.

"How long will you be away?" Ishida says. Inoue shakes her head, strands of hair falling over her face.

"I don't know," Inoue says. She laughs again, a shaky, silvery laugh. "But maybe more training will make me stronger, ne?"

Outside, headlights from a passing car arc across the living room wall, and from the shadows he can see Rukia and Renji waiting.

"Good luck," Ishida says. And Inoue stops and smiles.