Money has always been a problem for me. My white trash family has always been on welfare and foodstamps, so when I saw the most awesome gaming computer for sale at the electronics store, I knew I'd have to buy it myself. But where's a kid like me supposed to get $1000?

DDDDDDDDDDDD

I figured I'd start at fatass's house. Maybe he'd pay be a couple of bucks to make him food or something. I've learned to never underestimate how much he loves to sit on his ass and watch cartoons. Me and the guys were sitting around like we normally do on Saturday, so I told them about my predicament.

"Hey, if I could do anything for you guys to earn some money that would be cool, I'm trying to buy this gaming com-"

"I have a job for you, Kenny."

Oh shit. It was Cartman's mom, who'd overheard me from her vantage point on the staircase. I'd really rather not fuck her, but I really want to run Crysis. Take one for the team, I guess. I follow her 'come hither' finger to her bedroom, getting sick looks from Stan and Kyle as I walk up the stairs. Liane's bedroom is powder-pink with strange chain-and-leather apparatuses on the ceiling and walls. I think I'm going to be sick.

"So, um, what is it you need me to do?"

Cartman's mom blushes, "Well Kenny, I don't know if you're aware of this, but Eric's mommy works in the...the industry."

"You don't say?", I deadpan.

"Yes, and well, well my love-making equipment needs to be in tip-top shape- and clean, so I don't get the AIDS."

My eyes widen. I think I'd rather fuck her at this point. "You want me to clean your sex toys?"

"It sure would be a big help."

I stare at her, sweating both from heat and fear.

"I'll pay you $10."

Cha-ching!

"Where do I start?"

DDDDDDDDDDDD

Cleaning Liane's, er, 'love-making' equipment is disgusting. I've got every cleaner in the house and I've been at it for about an hour. The guys thought it was real funny and came in to see me, but left after Stan threw up. I had to clean that up, too.

So here I am, wiping seamen and god knows what else off a 2-foot-long double dildo for $10.

I have a feeling earning $1000 is going to be easier said than done.

Hehe, I should be working on Wasteland...but this is really fun. Please review, and alert if you'd like to find out just what Kenny is willing to do for $1000!