"Alice...I made a mistake."

Venom washes into my mouth in a surge, the response triggered by the mere memory of her taste. Even now, part of me wants to crash through the wall between us to get at the last few precious mouthfuls of her blood.

Surely, in my frenzy, I couldn't have left much more than that.

I can't remember if it's been minutes or hours since she died in agony in my arms. Since I killed her.

"Edward, you have to tell me where you are. I can't help you if I can't see where you are!" Alice whisper-yells on her end of the connection. I'd take pride in the fact that my evasive tactics concerning her visions proved successful ― if I wasn't deathly worried about what had just happened in the room behind me.

"Chicago," I snap, finally realizing I'm so screwed that I have to let my family help. Right now, I need my family. A family I've ignored for a year, and now I selfishly expect them to drop everything and rush to my aid. Then again, that's what I am. Selfish. But there's no denying that I need their assistance. I've made a complete mess of my life, and I need them to come and help me clean it up ― again.

I failed.

Now I am surely damned, if I wasn't already before. Bella was my taste of paradise and I greedily squandered her away, my twin lusts robbing her of the very life I so admired about her. Because of me, she now lies cold and unmoving in the next room.

"Edward, you've got to tell me what's going on. All I get are flashes of you...well, that I'd rather not see. Emmett says to tell you congratulations on losing your V-card."

Oh, sweet Jesus Christ. Alice never could keep a secret. If it was physically possible, I'd be turning red.

Like the smears of Bella's blood...

Alice is still talking, her words falling on deaf ears. "...so if this is something bad, you have to tell me what happened," she pleads.

"I...I think I found my mate," I manage hoarsely, nearly choking on the words. Alice's squeal almost pierces my eardrum, sending my already wound nerves a notch higher, and I'm in no mood to gently set her to rights. "Alice!" She stops abruptly at the harshness of my tone. "I tried to change her...it didn't work."

"What do you mean, 'it didn't work'?" she demands, her voice a harsh screech that makes me yank the phone away from my ear.

"I took too much," I whisper. Alice has finally stopped yelling, but now my head feels like it might explode. The pain of tears is so much worse when one literally has none to cry, and added to the piercing tone of Alice's voice, I have a headache of massive proportions ― which I didn't even know was possible for a vampire.

"No! I would have seen!"

"I was hiding from you, Alice."

"You think I didn't know that, brother mine? Just so you know, I let you hide. But I would have seen something like THIS. You're overreacting."

I sigh heavily, knowing there is nothing to be done ― for Bella or convincing Alice of the gravity of my situation. "I suppose Carlisle's already on his way?" I ask wearily.

"Of course, Edward. We wouldn't let you go through this alone, you know that."

"When can I expect him?"

"He'll land at three-thirty local time. And Edward?"

Having a conversation with Alice is so much worse when I can't read her mind. "Yes?"

"You might want to go in and check on her." Is she actually laughing at me? I just killed someone ― no, I just killed my mate ― and my sister finds my situation funny? Rage begins to boil in me as I cut the connection, throwing my phone in the general direction of the couch.

After all that indecision, then all the planning, the surveillance, the manipulation... I got within inches of my goal, but in the end, my much-vaunted self-control failed me. The temptation of her blood, her body...it had all been too much.

I stagger the short distance from the living area to her room, bracing my weight against the doorframe, surveying the chaos and tragedy before me. Clothes are everywhere, littering every surface. The bed is a mess...so is Bella. Though I'd tried to clean her up, there's no mistaking the gruesome marks at her neck and chest. Not so surprisingly, very little blood stains the mussed sheets ― I'd savored almost every drop that bled from her veins as I fell upon her in a haze of pleasure and hunger.

~v~

The first time I laid eyes on Isabella Swan, her death became inevitable. She had no idea how close she'd come when she approached me with her little notepad, smiling uncomfortably, looking small and unassuming in her worn shirt and jeans. With my vampire abilities, my brain was able to process her features much faster than a human male. I had time to linger over her form, to memorize every angle and curve of her face. Shiny, chestnut brown hair, pulled back at the nape of her neck, left me with the perfect view of her elegant, pale...succulent throat. She would be delicious, I knew, just from the way her scent called to me. Doomed, she was destined to feel the edge of my teeth because of her blood, yet...there was something else about her.

I snapped at her when she came to take my order, positive if she remained within my reach for one more second, it would be her last. That memory of her turning away to get my cup of coffee ― my prop to help me look human ― was one of the best I could recall. Immense relief had me slumping back into the seat, thankful that I wasn't going to have to kill everyone in the tiny restaurant.

I couldn't resist observing her walk back to the server's station. Tension of another sort settled low and hot in my groin, only adding to the sensory overload. Her wavy hair fell halfway down her back, pointing straight down to nicely curved hips and...yes, there was no doubt I very much enjoyed watching Bella leave. My body reacted to the unassumingly graceful, loose-limbed way she moved, even though I was positive she was far from relaxed. My suspicions were confirmed when she tripped on the leg of a nearby table, and it was all I could do to suppress my laughter.

It seemed I was cursed to know two kinds of hunger when it came to my pretty little waitress.

After that closest of calls, I fled to Alaska to contemplate my life, in the stereotypical "brooding vampire fashion," as Alice had called it. That's what she thought, anyway, and I didn't disabuse her of the notion. Only Tanya and I knew the real reason for my trips to Denali ― they got my ego fed with a little shameless flirting. We both knew there was nothing between us; she enjoyed the game, and my ego enjoyed the stroking. All friends of a sort, I enjoyed the company of their little coven of singles in Alaska. This time, however, I knew within the first two hours I wouldn't last long up here. Nothing was going to change what had been set in motion when Bella entered my life.

This time, my thoughts were filled with the pretty brunette waitress I wanted to savor...in blood and in body. I couldn't get her out of my head, so I put my computer skills to good use, as I had no need for sleep. The summer brought longer days filled with sun to the Alaskan wilderness, and I spent much of my time inside, planning and looking sufficiently broody. It wasn't hard. The more information I gathered, the more hungry I grew, the need to see her becoming a physical ache. I couldn't deny what I'd suspected since reaching Alaska ― it was very possible that the fragile little human was my mate.

Bella ― my Bella ― had not had an easy life. She had no one left; no family, and few friends. Orphaned by eighteen, she worked hard and threw herself into activity after activity, anything to keep herself busy. She was in Chicago to attend Northwestern on an academic scholarship, which pleased me immensely. Smart and beautiful...and she would be mine. However impressive her academic prowess, it could definitely pose problems if she suddenly stopped showing up for classes one day. Perhaps we would wait until she graduated?

Though my extended family was surprised at the short length of my stay ― I'd never spent less than a month when visiting, yet this time, I left Alaska after a week, promising them a more lengthy explanation later.

Foolishly, I visited the diner while I was formulating plans for our future, telling myself it was to test my resistance to her mouthwatering, control-destroying, delicious scent. She was heavenly, beautiful to my eyes and appealing to my senses in every way, and I was beginning to believe my lust for her body and mind could overpower my desire for her blood. I kept my eyes on her face as she brought me another coffee, noting her pinked cheeks and accelerated breathing, and I knew she hadn't forgotten me, either.

She watched me from across the little space as I warmed my hands with the steaming cup. If she only knew how much I wanted to stroke her skin with my newly heated fingertips... This was all so new for me...she was all so new. For it was on this second meeting that I discovered the most interesting thing of all about my love: her mind was closed to mine.

~v~

When she didn't show up to work the next night, I went to her apartment. I still cannot describe the feeling that squeezed my still chest as I peered through her window, finding her asleep on the couch. Blue light from the television flickered over her face, her delicate features standing out starkly in the ambient glow. I knew then that it was time to put my plan into action. I wanted to be in that cozy little room, to lay with her curled against me. Soon, I'd win her.

Things would have been perfect, had my hand not been forced.

The next night Bella was scheduled at the diner, I disconnected the battery cables in her truck. My plan was to offer to help her out, reconnect the wires, and then take things from there. I'd accustom myself to reining in the bloodlust ― while still thoroughly reveling in the actual lust and I was prepared to spend any length of time mastering my control. Then, I'd reveal my true nature, she'd agree to love me for eternity, I'd change her, and we'd live together happily forever.

I have a healthy fantasy life. It's a very normal trait in those of my kind. We do have a lot of time to kill.

In the end, all my plans had been ruined by a stupid, moronic, mouth-breathing truck rat. When the simpleton stormed up to the cab of Bella's truck, screaming about some pale kid messing under her hood, I knew I had to silence him. He pissed himself as soon as I got my hands on him; one half-snarl and a flash of my eyes later, he was running off into the night, and I knew he'd never be back.

Bella was still huddled in her pitiful excuse for a vehicle when I returned to the lot, intending to go through with my original plan of fixing her truck and introducing myself. She recognized me instantly and began cranking down the ancient window as I approached. A blast of her delectable scent hit me full in the face. I wasn't anywhere near ready for it.

"Hi," she said softly, her voice pitched higher than usual. It made me want to smile, but I was still working through the intense wave of hunger her scent inspired in me. My mouth watered as I took in her hair, which fell in slick dark waves past her shoulders. Water dripped from the curling ends, landing on the cracked leather of the bench seat. She's soaking wet! Is that what's making her smell even better?

"What do you think you're doing, sitting out here in this...truck in the middle of a thunderstorm like a sitting duck for any pervert to come along?"

"Did you just call yourself a pervert?" God, I love her mouth...oh, Jesus...her mouth... Stop it, Cullen! Just fix the wires and send her home!

Because I was a stupid glutton for punishment, I wasted no time escorting her to my Volvo and making sure she was safely placed inside before I went back to repair my sabotage. It was over quickly, and I had to wait a bit with the hood up just to make it seem realistic to her human eyes. I spent my time waffling on how far I should try to take things tonight before I sent her back to her cozy little apartment, to hopefully dream of me.

I needed to feel her lips under mine.

All plans went to hell when I reached the safety of the car. Bella had turned up the heat, as we were both soaking wet and she was likely cold from the early summer thunderstorm. The moist warmth only intensified her scent. I no longer just needed her mouth under mine, I needed all of her. I needed to feel her wrapped around me, hot and tight, and most of all ― scariest of all ― I needed to taste her blood on my tongue as much as I wanted to taste her skin.

I realized I was eying Bella like a starving man would stare at a gourmet feast and struggled to break the silence before I did something we'd both regret. Unfortunately, my chosen tactic was to scold her for turning up the heat in the Volvo, but it wasn't her fault that she smelled so delicious to me that I wanted to eat her in every way I could imagine. How's it possible she smells better and better each time I see her? The warmth in the car put a flush in her cheeks that was ridiculously appealing to me, and I was having enough of a time controlling my baser instincts to begin with. To get myself in check, I tried to formulate a new plan, all the while almost vibrating with the need to snatch her body close to mine.

The brave girl was interrogating me, on a mission to find out my name, and I couldn't help but admire her bluntness. Vampires were forever beating around the bush. They had infinite time, egos to match, and would never think of simply getting to the point. Bella's openness was a refreshing change, and it was another reason I couldn't resist her. I found myself leaning closer, and had to forcibly make my body back away from her side of the car. A momentary panic seized me when I realized I couldn't get any farther away from her.

"Hey, it's okay, you know," she said, her voice soft and melodic and lovely to my ears.

"What's okay?" Is she trying to comfort me? She's the one in mortal danger, and she's trying to make me feel better.

"I know what you are," she whispered, and I wouldn't have heard it if I had human senses. Her words terrified me, but only because I was afraid I'd be rejected, our future yet another casualty of my nature.

Say it... Say it, out loud.

"You do?" I prompted, and if I was human, my voice would have cracked. This was it. The beginning or the end.

"You're claustrophobic. It's okay, you know. If you have trouble controlling it."

I laughed, feeling relief and genuine amusement in equal amounts. But as for the control? Oh, Bella...controlling it is not without difficulty. Facing forward, I said, "You have no idea."

"Do you need to...I don't know, breathe through it, or something?"

"I am," I said, scrambling to think of some kind of excuse for my sporadic breaths. "My doctor recommends infrequent, shallow breaths to get through this sort of thing. It's new." Trust me...you really don't want me taking deep breaths right now.

"Oh. Are you sure you're going to be okay? Should I call someone?"

"No, no." No need for witnesses in case things go wrong.

"No, what? And you still haven't told me your name. You know mine. You have to tell me ― you saved me from being some serial killer's latest victim."

I went along with it. Lying to her bothered me, but not as much as it should have. Ultimately, I was weak and selfish. I gave in to temptation. I saw an opportunity, and I pounced. Fuck virtue...Bella would accept me...I knew it. My perfection was so close, and I couldn't wait to taste her.

When she asked me if her vehicle was fixed, I lied. I told her I was terribly sorry, but it had been more than my rudimentary knowledge of ancient cars could handle. I would, of course, be happy to drive her home.

The point of no return had passed, and I wasn't used to working without a solid plan. Things had never been more dangerous ― for Bella, or for me.

~v~

Now, I watch her still body, looking with my heightened senses for any sign of life. I see a minute rise of her chest, but it must be my mind playing tricks. After all, I can't hear her heartbeat. Slowly, I pad across the room, stopping at the foot of the bed and gazing at her prone form. Even this pale and lifeless, she's still beautiful. She could pass for sleeping, were it not for the gruesome bites marring her breast and neck and the unnatural stillness of her body.

I did that to her.

I force myself to look, cementing the vision into my brain as punishment. Unwilling as my observations are, I notice the bites look better than they had immediately after, when I'd tried to seal her wounds with my venom. Now, they're puffy, jagged crescents tearing the smooth silk of her pale skin, angry red and obvious in their violence.

One bite was enough to bind her to me for eternity, but once I tasted her, felt her blood pouring over my tongue... I was so close to her heart ― feeling it pumping the most amazing thing I'd ever tasted into my mouth ― and I couldn't stop. While flying on the high of orgasm and the incredibly sweet, amazing taste of her blood, my brain had been dangerously neglectful of the passing time. And when I finally managed to rein in my bloodlust ― which had become nearly indistinguishable from the carnal lust I felt for Bella ― it was too late. She was too still, unmoving beneath me, her head lolling to the side to plainly reveal the gruesome evidence of my appetite. I wasn't even aware of biting her more than once, and that alone told me I'd placed too much confidence in my own self-control.

I should have waited, given myself more time to become accustomed to her scent, more time to increase my tolerance. We should have had more time to get to know one another, to let her feelings for me develop, as I'd intended in my original plan. I've been brooding about her ever since our paths first crossed, but I had no idea if Bella was nurturing any feelings for me, especially after I was so cold to her.

I'm over a century old, yet I stupidly let one insignificant human derail all my carefully laid plans in an instant. Impatient and tired of being alone, I rushed into an outrageous lie, using it ― and Bella ― to my advantage. It's my fatal mistake, but one that ultimately meant Bella's death, one way or another.

It didn't turn out like I hoped.

I thought I knew what devastation meant. It wasn't until I raised my lips from her throat and gathered her limp body into my arms, believing she would start to thrash with the pain at any moment, that I truly grasped the scope of the word.

Bella's moment came, but it was over too quickly. She died in my arms, writhing in agony and begging me to kill her, and now I'm left with an eternity of regret.

~v~

Selfish bastard that I am, I couldn't turn down her invitation to join her in her small, cozy apartment.

Some deeply-buried human intuition told me not to follow her into the kitchen, but again, I let impatience rule my actions. I wasn't human, but I still had the faults of one. As a vampire, I had eternity to win her, but I was anxious and greedy for her time. Over a century without her was long enough, and I didn't want to waste a minute more. The primal side of me, the one that wanted to drain her dry, insisted that it was over the moment I smelled her blood without the barrier of silky skin to dilute it. The vampire and the man argued over who would make the choice, but it didn't matter ― we were one and the same, and we wanted Bella. Both would get a taste of what they wanted if all went well.

I kissed her injured hand, rubbing my lips over the knuckles before taking her thumb into my mouth. The metallic heat and electric tingle that was her blood coated my tongue, her flavor bursting throughout my body in a torrent of warmth. She brought back every single sensory human memory I'd ever had ― all the smells and scents of human food. The heavenly smell of roasting turkey on Thanksgiving morning. Intoxicatingly sweet snow ice cream that was a rare treat during the cold Chicago winters. Her taste was all that and more, because this was Bella, and she would be my mate. Hers was also the first human blood I'd sampled in decades, and it sent me reeling. I wanted to drink and drink until it was gone. That alone was enough to make me stop, and I had to literally force myself to pull away.

Having tasted her, I knew I could never go back. I was rock hard in my jeans, and my lips tingled from not only her blood, but with the desire to feel her mouth against mine, to know what her tongue and lips tasted like. To know how she tasted lower, at the slick lips of her pussy.

Her eyes were deep brown, warmed with slivers of chestnut and gold, her gaze so soft and curious. I wanted, more than anything, to see them glow crimson with the evidence of her change. Selfish, that's what it was. How could I do this to her, when I'd believed for decades that I'd been changed too early?

"How old are you?" The question was only to appease myself. I knew she was too young. There was so much I'd be taking from her, just so I could put an end to my solitude.

"Old enough." Her sass was showing, and it made her irresistible. "Nineteen. How old are you?"

Bella, you wouldn't believe me if I told you.

I smirked, mimicking her words. "Old enough." How's one hundred and eleven ― is that old enough? She watched me as if she literally couldn't see anything else. Like I was the only thing in the world. I wondered if her eyes were a mirror of mine. My mate was within inches of my grasp, and I didn't have the will to back away, to be cautious and methodical.

"Bella, tell me you know what you're doing. Tell me you know what's happening here, please."

She didn't even hesitate. "I know what I'm doing." Please, Bella...understand me. This is very, very...permanent.

"Promise?" To bring home my point, I brought her thumb to my mouth for just one more taste, and I knew it hurt her when I reopened the wound with my fingers, though this pain was nothing compared to what would come later. But first, I'd make her feel so good...there was no way she'd be able to forget about me, about us and about the way we could make each other feel. I couldn't wait until she woke up, infused with immense newborn strength and a strong thirst. I would teach her how to hunt, how to ease the burn in her throat, and then I would ask her to be mine, forever.

Bella surprised me, by first pulling her hand away, and then she shocked me even more. "Kiss me." She grabbed at my jaw with one hand and clamped the other at my side, surging upward against my chest, her lips landing awkwardly on mine. She melted into me in the sweetest, softest way, her mouth hot and silky smooth.

Having her so close, her body nearly wrapped around me, was almost too much. Before I even finished the thought, I had her sitting on the counter next to the sink, standing between her parted knees. It wasn't close enough for her, apparently, and she tugged herself to the edge of the counter, using her grip on me as leverage.

She was so, so warm...I wanted to feel more of her. "Raise your arms for me?" I whispered, dragging my lips and nose across her cheek. I groaned when she complied, looking down shyly while raising her hands high above her head. Both my hands went to her hips, fingers spread wide so I could feel every bit of her, and I slid them up underneath her shirt. I traced her ribs and higher, skimming the sides of her breasts and dragging the cotton with me. Her soft gasp at the brief contact made me smile, and I finished removing her shirt quickly. Once her brown eyes appeared again, her shirt tossed away, she caught my grin and did the same for me before wrapping her arms around my waist. She was pressing all of that soft, fragrant skin against my much harder frame, and I'd never felt anything so amazing. I could never live without this now, having tasted it. Her lips landed on my chest, skimming over my collarbones, leaving prickling trails of fire.

"I don't have the strength to stay away from you anymore."

Her response was so soft I might not have heard her if I'd been a human man. "Then...don't."

I was riding the edge, fighting back the bloodlust while reeling at my first sexual experience with anyone other than my hand. I thought I was familiar with sex...after all, it's all humans think about most of the time, but nothing could have prepared me for the intensity of feeling it with Bella.

Kissing her way up my neck, she nipped at the skin just below my jaw. Though I knew she had no idea what play like that would do to a vampire male ― hell, even I hadn't known what it would do, but suddenly, I'd do anything to get inside her, to feel her hot and wet and tight around my cock. I wanted to feel her bite harder, to feel the sting of sharper teeth against my skin.

I also knew she had no real idea of what I was asking her, and I told her so. My Bella was stubborn, however, which was one of the many things I admired in her. She attacked my lips, making it impossible to keep speaking, and I was done fighting it.

I'm taking what's mine.

Her lips parted and I responded in kind, a little breath escaping me at the tingling I felt when I held my face close to hers, barely grazing her mouth with mine. She tasted so good as I pushed her head back against the cabinet and my tongue into her mouth, the kiss hot and wet and better than I'd even imagined. Her response was more than I could have dreamed of, and I knew I'd never tire of this, of her. But when her hand slid around my side, playing at the waistband of my jeans, I couldn't keep kissing her while she touched me like that. My head thumped against the cabinets as I concentrated on not sinking my teeth into her neck, breathing hard against her shoulder as she firmly rubbed her palm over my cock.

The heat of her hand, even through the stiff denim, was pure bliss. Unable to resist, I let my mouth rest on her shoulder as she moved her hand up and down, so slowly, her warm palm stroking the entire length of my erection.

Danger, Cullen! One graze of your teeth and it begins right now...

I had to do something to distract myself, so I began counting Prime numbers against her skin, dropping soft kisses along the slope of her shoulder. The lace strap of her bra was in my way, and I wondered what she'd do if I were to remove it...with my teeth. She sucked in a sharp breath, bending her head to rest her lips in my hair, and it was done, satisfying my need to bite...for the moment. Kissing my way across her chest, I bit at the other strap, and she didn't seem to care how it had happened, only that the restricting lace was falling away. I rubbed my face over her, letting my cheeks and nose drag across her chest, and then snapped at the flimsy connection between the two cups covering her breasts. I was taking deep breaths, becoming drunk on the scent of her, the heat of her, immersing myself in her very human softness.

My eyes were glued to breasts that I knew would fit perfectly in my hands, her pretty, pink nipples furled tight and waiting for my mouth. Taking a quick inventory of myself, I found that my bloodlust had taken a backseat to the raging lust of my seventeen-year-old physiology. Tentatively, I allowed myself to rest my hands at her hips before abruptly tugging her toward me. Startled, she jerked her hand away from my cock and gripped my bicep as I dipped my head again, trailing my lips over the swell of her breast. I languidly swiped my tongue over the peak, letting my cool breath wash in its wake, reveling in her soft moan. Feeling bold, I took her nipple into my mouth, covering my teeth with my lips and sucking hard.

Bella's legs clamped around my waist, and her heels dug into the backs of my thighs as I teased her, her wandering hand suddenly pulling at my hair. Rough little tugs urged me on, and I loved the sweet sting of her careless fingers, letting her know with appreciative noises that corresponded with the rhythm of her deep breaths. I let my hands wander up, over the delicate curve of her waist, my fingers nearly shaking with excitement. Eager to taste more of her, I kissed my way up over her soft, warm skin, licking over the pulse in her neck and nearly exploding with the need to taste what flowed so closely under my lips.

"Will you let me take you to bed?" I asked before I even knew I'd made the decision, locking my hands around her waist at her whispered assent and running for her bedroom, not bothering with human speed. I was done hiding from her. Let her make of it what she would.

If she even notices. Not likely, judging by the way she's pressing that hot little pussy against me...

And...the horny adolescent is back. I had her lying in the middle of the bed, her legs wrapped around my hips, and the only thing wrong with the picture was that she was half naked. Watching her from underneath lowered lids, I propped myself on one elbow and slid my other hand down her belly, where her skin was as soft as anything I'd ever felt. My fingertips feathered lightly back and forth just above the button of her jeans, making me wish I could do the same with my mouth.

Later. I would have eternity to learn every inch of her with my tongue.

Releasing the top button and lowering the zipper, she smiled when I pushed my hands into her jeans, sliding my palms down the sides of her thighs, leaving her in only her white cotton underwear. Though she was beautiful in her comfortable, innocent lingerie, I knew one day, I'd see her in delicate lace and racy leather. My cock literally ached at the thought of her dressed up for me, and I was lost in fantasies of her while I slowly removed her clothes. She watched me with hungry eyes, those lips still smiling, and I had to remind myself to stay in check.

I wondered what my eyes looked like. No matter how much I wanted to fuck her, the ache of hunger was still there, a burn in my throat and a subtle itch behind my teeth. The more aroused I became, the more my venom flowed freely, my mouth literally watering at the scent of her.

Her smile became all out laughter when I tried to yank her jeans all the way off, and I cursed when I realized I'd forgotten to remove her shoes. I had to be especially careful with my strength when I untied the worn, navy-blue sneakers, because I really wanted to slit the laces with the flick of a fingernail and be done with it. I did possess enough wits to realize she probably wouldn't appreciate me ruining her things. After removing her bothersome clothing, I looked up, thoroughly enjoying the way her soft skin blushed, heated with the sweet-scented blood I couldn't wait to taste and the warmth I couldn't wait to feel against all of me.

I knew a little about what turned women on ― and I never thought I'd be this grateful to have been subjected to all those thoughts women had about me. But I'd be damned if I wasn't really fucking excited to do every one of those things with Bella. I crawled over her on all fours, stopping to place a kiss right below her navel, giving in and licking the spot, and it was just as soft as I'd imagined. She gasped, a short, ragged intake of breath, and I smiled up at her in between kissing my way up her body until I was eye-level and settled against her hips. One hand remained behind, the backs of my fingers running over the damp cotton between her legs, and I propped myself up with the other, threading my fingers through her hair.

Her little hands went to work on my jeans determinedly, the soft brush of her knuckles against my dick nothing short of heaven. That is, until she pushed my jeans straight off my hips, releasing me to lay heavily against her abdomen. I moaned, my mouth going dry as I toed off my shoes and socks and dropped my head to her neck. She was using her feet to tug my pants off, her legs sliding along mine as she dragged her toes down my calves.

The fabric covering her pussy grew wetter, clinging to her soft lips, and I could feel her swollen clit through the sheer material. Her hips bucked against my hand as I smiled, licking my way up her hot skin, loving the taste of salt and female. There is one piece of clothing I don't think she'd mind if I ruin...

With one sharp tug, the flimsy material shredded under my fingers. "Ooops," I laughed, covering her mouth with mine, licking at her tongue and lips as I ran my fingers through the wetness between her thighs. When I couldn't wait any longer, I pushed two fingers into her, bucking my hips into hers at the same time.

"Holy shit," she gasped, squeezing her eyes shut and arching her back underneath me. Fucking beautiful, that's what she was. My thumb found her clit and began a counter-rhythm as she grew hotter and wetter around my hand, and I knew if I just kept this up, she'd come all over my fingers.

I couldn't wait.

"Is that it?" I asked, sharing her breath. "Does that feel good?" I could only hope her moan was a yes, because it felt too good to stop. The fact that we were both naked was at the forefront of my brain; I had my fingers in her pussy, and all I had to do was pull my hand away and I'd be inside her.

I had to make her come first ― there was no way in hell I'd last long once I finally got there. Between the burn in my throat and the way my teeth almost ached as well as my cock, I didn't know if I'd be able to keep from biting her.

I would be able to stop. I had to stop. Take just enough to make her like me.

Just a taste.

"Are you close?" I whispered, concentrating on keeping my fingers moving steadily as she tightened even more, her thighs clamping onto my hips and her fingers linking behind my neck.

She opened her mouth beneath mine. "Yes...right there." Her eyes were clamped shut and her head lay heavily against my other hand. I was reminded of how fragile she was to one such as me, yet amazed at how truly easy it was to hold her in my arms without hurting her. As much pleasure as she drew from my touch, I felt double; and when I finally got inside her, I knew it would be like nothing I'd ever imagined or seen in any daydream.

Then she was shaking, coming around my fingers, my name falling from her lips. I couldn't help the satisfied smile I wore. Those sighs and moans were all because of me...and now it was my turn.

"I want you so much," I told her, kissing across her cheek to nuzzle in her soft, fragrant hair. My hand slipped from between her legs to join the other in her hair, and her scent was all over me. I wanted it all over me forever. I wanted others to smell us on each other, so they'd know we belonged together. Venom pooled in my mouth as I thought of tasting her on my fingers, but it was best not to tempt the bloodlust any farther.

"You have me," she answered softly, wrapping her calves around my thighs. It was so easy, so natural. All I had to do was sink forward; the way we moved together was thrilling, in spite of my inexperience, further convincing me that what we were doing was the right thing. We were made for each other. Her pussy was hot and wet, enveloping me in scalding human heat...and her heartbeat...fuck!

My eyes rolled back in my head, and I had to tense every muscle in my body so I wouldn't fall all over her like some wild animal. I could feel the way she pulsed around my cock, the feeling so overwhelming that I shook above her. Her hands moved to clutch at my shoulders as I began to move, faster, deeper, harder, making her sigh in pleasure. Her nipples brushed against my chest with every lunge, and I couldn't resist raising myself up so I could see the way her breasts bounced when I thrust into her.

"Edward, oh...Edward..." God, I'm good at this...it pays to be studious.

And I knew then, that's where I wanted to see my mark. Right above her heart. I could see it in my head ― I could almost feel her heart beating against my tongue and around my cock as I tasted her, knowing soon I would have her forever. Soon, she'd gaze at me with the ruby eyes of a newborn. I lowered my lips to the left side of her chest, pressing a reverent kiss above her heart. My balls tightened and I felt unbearable pleasure coil at the base of my spine as I exploded into her, her name on my lips. Then I gave her another, more dangerous kiss, my teeth cutting into the soft flesh at the swell of her breast. I was lost at the wash of her blood on my tongue, every swallow pulsing with the pleasure of my release.

I drank her down, reveling in the burn she sparked all the way to the pit of my stomach. The more I took, the more intense my orgasm became, until I was clutching her almost limp form against me to hold her still for my erratic but slowing thrusts.

When I heard her start to moan in pain, I realized I had taken far more than I intended. The last thing Bella said to me was "No...stop! It hurts...make it stop." Her lips were cold and bluish, her pallor rivaling mine, accentuating the violent splashes of red at her chest and neck. She shook against my body with surprising strength, and I thought perhaps things would be okay after all.

"Bella, shhh...you'll be fine. I'll help you, love, I promise."

~v~

I blink, the memory fades, and I'm left here to think about my empty promise. Without realizing it, I'd moved to stand over her, and it was only an easy hop to crouch on the bed next to her prone form. Millions of thoughts race through my head, including the fleeting thought of tipping off the human police to see what they'd make of her. No! There are other ways to get myself noticed by those who policed my kind; ways more respectful to Bella.

In the meantime, how in the hell am I supposed to wait here for hours for Carlisle to come and help me dispose of her body? Funny...was it only earlier tonight that I thought the worst wait I'd have would be the three days of her transformation? At least then I would have had the joy of seeing her eyes open again. My chest aches, and suddenly I can see them, ruby red and warm and huge in her pale face. I drop to my knees on the mattress, and my eyes lock onto the jagged marks at her neck. Lower still, I take in the perfect imprint of my teeth on the swell of her breast. Nausea churns in my stomach, and I think maybe that's what will help get rid of all of this...feeling. The need to purge myself of the liquid evidence of my sins is overwhelming, but I am equally appalled by the notion ― if I give up her blood, then I truly will have nothing left of her.

I trace one finger along the torn skin, and it feels smoother, less jagged. As I look closer, I can see the lamplight reflecting off the sealed edges...and it's a prism of hope. She's healing!

This time, when I examine her, all the signs are there: her pulse beats faintly, and I no longer feel hunger when I see it pulsing under her jaw; I feel relief and joy. Her respiration is shallow and too slow, but it's there.

Is it possible...I succeeded?

As if in answer to my question, my phone buzzes somewhere in the living room. The phone is buried halfway under her couch, and I manage to snap it up just before the last vibration.

"Told you."

"Oh, fuck you, Alice!" The little nuisance will never let me live this down.

"Melodromatic queen," she mutters, and I can just picture her rolling her eyes. "Emmett says to tell you ― and I quote ― he's 'surprised your mate's not a dude.'"'

Still broadcasting my business to the rest of the family, I see," I snap, rubbing my forehead in exasperation. "I wouldn't be making such comments if I were Emmett. I'm not the one who had a male Singer." At this, I hear Emmett yelling on her end of the line, vehemently insisting that there was nothing sexual about "eating that dude back in the sixties."

"Well, since no one else will do it ― meaning YOU ― I'm the only one who can. You never tell us anything, Edward."

"Sorry, Alice. I know the concept of privacy is a foreign one," I mutter, stalking back to the bedroom, where Bella still hasn't moved or even made a noise. But when I look closely, the slight rise and fall of her chest is still there. It's not just my eyes playing tricks! "Alice, have you ever heard of anyone being completely quiet through the transformation?"

"Anything's possible, I guess. That question is probably better suited for Carlisle. You'll have to wait for him to arrive tomorrow afternoon." She sounds so self-assured, her voice high and confident. It's still annoying but no longer so grating.

Bella is going to make it...my mate will live.

"Edward!" I wince at her tone, and it's obvious Alice is a little pissed at losing my attention. "Stop brooding and listen up. If I were you, I'd start preparing yourself."

"For what? She's going to be okay, right?" It's impossible to keep the fear out of my voice.

"Oh, she's going to be fine...it's you I'm worried about. She's going to be royally pissed at you for lying to her. And with newborn strength on her side? You're lucky Carlisle will be there to help you." She laughs evilly, and I'm surprised to find the sound gives me chills. Anticipation begins to build in my gut, and I realize I'm looking forward to sparring with Bella. "You've got an uphill battle ahead, Brother dear, but it will be worth it. Trust me."

Shell-shocked, I absently end the connection. On one hand, I know never to bet against Alice, yet... You can't trust vampires.

Trust me.

Note: Title comes from the Oasis song, "Falling Down." Copyright 2009 Oasis Music.

We live a dying dream
If you know what I mean
All that I've ever known
It's all that I've ever known