This is my Diva Off entry to Live journal... and there may end up being a sequel. After the whole thing is over

Author Notes: As to the movie references... I always seem to watch the old school Disney films when I start to become the official couch potato for the summer... so they're in there as well
Warning: Mature language and sexual innuendos
Spoilers: Up to Funk
Disclaimer: All characters belong to their original owners I'm just borrowing for the time being...
Summary: The Gleeks go to the beach, and Kurt mischief ensues.

I hate Summer.

I never tan, and really with this skin who would want too?

Seriously I never tan I always burn.

Which is one of the many reasons why I Never really learned how to swim.

Well that and my Mom –

She was the one who tried to teach me the summer before she died.

And after that I just never wanted to try again.

Because when you always burn, and lets face it when you're the only sixteen year old that can't swim you never want to go to the beach.

"So guys, I think that with the extra money we got from Mr. Ryan we should all do a group activity. It is the start of summer, and I think everyone needs to relax before next week's Regional's. Any suggestions?" Will Schuster's voice reverberates throughout the room.

And of course Rachael raises her hand immediately. "I think-"

I cut her off before she can suggest anything horrendous. "Although I detest our bowling alleys, it would be preferable to anything else this town has to offer."

"Umm aren't alleys dangerous? Besides, I just got a new bathing suit; can't we go to the beach?" Brittany twirled her hair traitorously.

Even if she didn't know that I hate the beach.

And before I knew it everyone, I mean everyone, but me had nodded their head in agreement with Brittany.

And this explained why I was now glowering in my basement. Thinking about how I could possibly get away without anyone noticing the reason why.

I

HATE

SUMMER.

Why couldn't it be fall already?

Fall colors, while not working all that well with my Ivory skin tone are beautiful.

There are no bugs and the heat is less threatening.

And no one feels the god awful need to go to the beach with me.

I glance up at my ceiling. "God why do you curse me so? Is it because I'm gay? Or is it because of that comment I gave Rachael earlier?"

Deep breaths Kurt, deep breaths.

Bad Diva, calm down; one must be at peace with oneself...

Maybe if I apologize to Rach-

Nope that won't work.

*Sigh*

I guess I'll have to find that special sunscreen again.

And the umbrella.

Oh and I'll need to go shopping for a swimsuit and a new hat.

Well at least something good can be taken from this.

Retail therapy, here I come!

I just need to stay away from the water and everything will be fine.

For some reason it was decided that my car would be used as the 'rag-tag bunch- r -us'.

Who better to have in my precious Navigator but the most volatile people in Glee?

Stupid Hate of Fate.

Why me?

So instead of just Tina, me and 'Cedes

I have:

Mercedes –thank you God for not completely hating me.

Quinn, the hormonal queen of Funk.

Puck, I'm badass deal with it – or I'll shove it down your throat

And Finn, who has decided that now is the time to glare at everyone around me.

Good Lord and Liza.

What am I going to do?

A whole hour of this.

I glance up to the heavens, I better not die.

Surprisingly enough, we don't kill each other, each person gets a turn to select a song from my iPod and everything goes somewhat silently.

Till we finally get there.

I go to the trunk and begin to gather what I'll need to survive.

First I start by slathering my skin, with the sunscreen I brought.

I see Puck out of the corner of my eye, snickering. "Dude, what the hell you doing?"

"Unlike some of our kind I burn incredibly fast. If I don't put this on I will look like a Lobster tomorrow, and while Red may be one of my colors, being crispy is not fashionable."

"Whatever. You want me to bring the rest of that stuff to the sand already? I can set it up while we're waiting for the rest of them to arrive."

"Ya, wait one second... Umm." I felt myself shuffle my feet. "Could you put the sunscreen on my back? It always get's the worst."

Puck stiffened then just shrugged his shoulders. "Why not."

After the awkward silence that ensues, I can feel myself turning pink.

Puck's calloused palms seem to skim over my back, and though I don't want to, I feel my body start to respond to him.

I had never noticed before but Puck smells great.

Like Axe and chlorine.

Then all of a sudden it stops.

"Kay Dude all done, you gonna help with this?"

"Just let me grab my hat, Puck." I turn back around into my trunk and grab my hat placing it delicately on my head.

Puck snorts.

"Okay, get it over with."

"That has got to be the biggest sunhat I have ever seen."

*Hmph*

"I'm surprised you even know what a sunhat is."

"You and me both Hummel, now hurry that tight ass up, I wanna get this shit set up before Quinn starts harping at us."

All I can do is look at him in shock, as he walks away.

Geez, I think biting my lip

He even has a nice butt.

I need to get my mind out of the gutter.

"Shut up brain, shut up."

Another hour later and everyone is there.

I naturally am as far away from the water as I can be without being conspicuous,

My head is covered with the biggest sun hat I could find, D&G sunglasses and the most perfect Marc Jacobs swimsuit, with a shirt naturally – to ensure no lobster marks come forth.

Beside me are Mercedes and Quinn both of which have decided to sunbathe for a while.

, Tina, Mike and oddly enough Santana are attempting to play beach volleyball. Artie appears to be cheering on Tina's team from the sidelines.

The rest of them are in the Water.

And that's the moment when Puck races up the beach to where everyone is sitting.

Now, might I remind you that I have standards?

But not even my standards can compete with Noah Puckerman's

Already tanned,

Highly toned,

Dripping wet

Abs.

Good Lord why do you taunt me so?

Couldn't you just dangle a Gucci belt or Prada loafers?

But no

It has to be Noah freakin' Puckerman.

Mmmh what I wouldn't give to lick that water right off of hi –

Fermé la bouche stupid brain.

Puck catches my eye and smirks, I see him start to saunter up to us.

"Ladies want to come down to the water"

God he sounds so arrogant.

"... and Hummel I guess you can come too."

I think Noah Puckerman just gave me the up down

Mercedes notices it too.

"Did Puck just give you the eye?"

Now I am seriously worried.

I am now the only one on the beach.

Everyone else has decided to abandon me.

At least I haven't turned red.

Granted they all think I'm some sort of party pooper, but at least that's better than the supposed alternative to them finding out about well the whole swimming thing.

So I'll just sit here and hope that no one –

Oh boy here it comes.

Mike, Matt, and Finn stalk out of the water.

I've seen those faces before,

Every time one of the jocks decided it was the time to toss me into one of the school dumpsters.

Shit.

Buck up Kurt they're probably just going to –

"What are you guys going to do?"

They came closer, slowly, as if I were some frightened gazelle.

Well maybe if you look at my legs

All of them look so damn pleased.

Double shit

The water.

Okay, so it's time to run.

You boys don't know who your messing with.

I run five miles everyday, singing the entire time of course. (To ensure that I can sing and dance at the same time)

So if anyone can out run you guys it'll be me.

Of course I never counted on turning around and finding the other traitors in on the so called scheme.

Brittany and Rachael - granted we all knew she would turn on me.

"Come on Kurt, it's time you went in the water."

"Yah, isn't that the whole point of the beach?"

"But, I don't want to get wet..." I look around desperately. "It would totally ruin the suit."

They pick me up.

I think my struggling totally should have clued them in or maybe my look of complete and utter horror.

"Wait guys, can't you see he's terrified."

Oh my – was that voice of reason... Puck?

But then I felt it,

Too late to save me;

I know I won't live long.

Maybe someone will notice. Probably not.

I can feel water enter my lungs and not even my struggling will help me.

Hmm look at that, my life really is flashing before my –

I come to with the feel of lips -on my mouth?

Stubble against my cheek?

What the hell happened to me?

"Kurt, wake up. Please, wake up"

But I am awake.

I feel the water come up through my mouth.

So that's what happened

Someone did care,

I guess I didn't die after all.

I open my eyes, and

Puck is leaning over me.

"His pupils look alright, umm... Can you name..."Haha Puck looks funny when he's thinking. "Three designers?"

I snort-note to self that hurts.

"D², Armani and Blondes." Argh, I sound like a dying cow.

"Well I think he'll live."

Everyone seems to breathe a sigh of relief.

Finn holds out his hand as if to help me sit up.

As I take it all in everyone seemed to all attack at once.

"Honey are you okay?"

"We are so sorry for throwing you in."

"If you scare me like that again, white boy, I'll kill you."

"You're really lucky Puck got to you before..."

Wait, Wait, Wait!

I held up my hand, trying for silence. "Can someone please get me something to drink?"

holds out a can of Diet Coke.

I take a small sip. "It's okay everyone", and then I looked at Puck through my lashes. "Thank you for saving me."

"Don't mention it. I always knew I had the kiss of life."

Ahh good 'ole Puck, as vain and arrogant as ever.

claps his hands together. "Well guys, I think it's time we go home. Kurt should be resting. Pack up and go to your respective vehicles."

Puck turns to me and holds out his hand. "Keys please."

"What? No way, 'Cedes can drive."

"Nope I'm going to; I'll be the last to get off. Quinn's with Mercedes, and she's already asleep. Besides I left my truck at your house."

I wave my hands up in surrender. "Fine."

"Finn can you get the stuff and bring it in? I'll grab Kurt." Puck opens the back door to a sleeping Kurt.

Unbuckling him and then lifting him up gently in his arms, he carries him inside.

Asking gently where to put him, Finn tells him to take him to their room in the basement.

Setting him down on the bed that looked the neatest-because really Finn never makes his bed.

Puck proceeds to take off the still damp shirt on Kurt's form, and looks around for a cleaner baggy one.

He probably doesn't even know what a baggy shirt looks like.

Puck takes off the one he had on, wife beater still on underneath it. Then actually looks at Kurt.

Well look at that, little Kurt has muscle tone.

Puck places it gently over Kurt's head and down his body then takes off the rest of Kurt's damp clothing. Putting it all in the clothes hamper he saw by the wall.

Hmm mussed up hair looks good on him.

Getting up, Puck looks around for a glass which he finds in the bathroom and gets Kurt a glass of water, gently putting it on his bedside table. Gathering the covers at the end of the bed, he pulls them up and covers the smaller boy.

Thinking of nothing else to do Puck headed for the stairs.

"Noah?"

Turning back around, Puck sees Kurt rubbing his eyes a little bit.

"Go back to sleep, Hummel you need to rest up."

"Why?"

"Starting tomorrow you're going to be Ariel and I'm going to be Eric."

"Huh, you're going to save me from a giant Octopus?"

Puck bursts out laughing.

"No, tomorrow I'm going to teach you how to swim like a fish, no more drowning."

Kurt gives his small smile. "Okay, why not." He bit his lip. "Thanks again for ahem saving me."

Puck continues back towards the stairs. "Like I said, don't mention it. Not that I minded the kiss of life I gave you." Puck smirks again. "I always figured you were the Snow White type anyways."

"And what the hell is that supposed to mean."

Puck walks back over to Kurt, leans over real close, and kisses him quickly on the lips.

"Prince Charming has to awaken the beautiful Princess from death... isn't that how it always goes..."

And with a laugh Puck marches out of the room.