Iron Heart – Chapter 1

A/N: After writing Bittersweet, I knew I had more to contribute to the Hope/Light fans out there— so this is what I've come up with. I was inspired by Ironman of all things to write this; a sort of imagining of Hope in a Tony Stark view/with some of his qualities. I'm hoping it turns out better than it sounds. I'm going to try to retain Hope at the center of things, but as a result of events, he has changed.

For those of you who remember me saying I had a sad ending in mind for Bittersweet, this is somewhat along the lines of what I had planned for that. I decided to not drag that story into the double digit chapters though, and resolved it the way I did.

Don't own FF13, etc.

Hope sat at his desk, working at a feverish pace. He seemed to be huddled over a mass of papers, and compared to his rather large office, he appeared to be a tiny speck. His office space was decorated with rather interesting adornments—different types of metals, plastics, trinkets, and gears. Certainly not for everyone, it seemed. It almost seemed like a garage than an office with all of the mechanical gadgets and parts lying around. But to Hope, this mess made sense. It was a controlled chaos, and he knew where everything went. This was quite the contrary to the untrained eye.

He would draw a line on his paper, and then just as quickly erase it. He would take out a ruler and take precise measurements on whatever he seemed to be working on. After realizing they were completely off, he would crumple the entire piece of paper, throw it into a full waste basket, and begin anew. It was a frustrating process. After the umpteenth time doing this, he threw his pencils and pens on his desk, leaned back in his chair, put his feet up on his desk, and stared straight up at the ceiling.

He opened a drawer in his desk, and retrieved a ball. He would continually throw it into the air and catch it when it fell to him. This is how he got over mental road blocks. He would continue this process until his stress was relieved, or until the right idea came to him. Hope looked over at the clock as he played with the ball—a little after 3 AM.

With a heavy sigh, and a mutter of how long will this take, he leaned back in his chair and again stared at the ceiling. He began to count the tiles of his ceiling, thinking the numbers would somehow prompt something in his head. He was actually wrong about this, as he found his eyes having a hard time adjusting on the tiles as he counted. Then his eye lids found a hard time staying open too. Soon enough, he was fast asleep. Even in his sleep, his mind was restless. His dreams were often short and sporadic. However, his mind didn't seem to be dreaming this time. It seemed to be remembering.

Three years earlier….

Three years prior, Hope had been 16. It was two years after the descent of Cocoon. Times were tough, but they were also hopeful. In fact, Hope was particularly hopeful himself one particular night.

The group of friends/family/l'Cie had remained very close after the madness of their journey. They had often found support and encouragement amongst each other, and that was all they needed. For that reason, everyone had built up an even stronger repertoire and camaraderie after their focus ended.

In particular, two of the l'Cie had grown to and remained very close. Naturally, it was Hope and Lightning. For the longest time, Hope had the biggest crush on her. He had liked everything about her, even her sometimes brash personality, which some would protest to. To him, she was perfect the way she was. And it didn't help that Lightning was very easy on the eyes. Thinking about her often made him blush.

The group of friends had met for a get together one night on the beach at Bodum. They had brought food and started a bonfire. It was times like these that everyone felt at peace, in the midst of reconstruction of Cocoon and branching out into Pulse. Sazh and Dajh were playing down by the water, while Snow and Serah were huddled next to each other by the fire. Hope noticed that Lightning was off to the side by herself, gazing up through the shell of Cocoon to the stars that lay outside the dome. Seeing the chance right before his eyes, he took it.

"Hey Light…What're you up to?" he asked innocently.

"Nothing…Just looking at the stars. Our lives haven't exactly been easygoing and slow lately," she said, referring to the arduous work she had in the Guardian Corps and general work being done in the society and government. "I'm just admiring what I've missed."

A silence fell between the two, but it was natural and comforting. During their days as l'Cie, when it was just the two of them, sometimes they would stop talking. They would take in all that was around them, or even themselves. It was a nice little moment of introspection and appreciation.

"My mom once told me that people used to wish on stars like these." He heard a small "hmmph" before continuing, "I just did. Would you like to hear what for?"

She gave him a reassuring look. "I wished that someone would wait for me."

Lightning was confused, what exactly did he mean? Her face showed this, which he noticed, but he would answer that soon enough.

"I've gotten very attached to someone. Someone special. She means a lot to me. And I've been lucky to know her so well too. I really like her. I want to be with her."

"Why do you want her to wait, of all things?"

"She's older than me. Age would be a problem to some. But I'll be eighteen in two years. It's not that long of a wait." A flash went through Lightning's mind…He couldn't be meaning what she thought…

"…Will she wait for you?"

"I don't know…Will you?"

Damn, she thought. Lightning was by no means a dense or dumb person. She assumed Hope had a crush on her long ago, as evidenced by how he always clung to her, and by how she sometimes felt him staring at her. However, she thought it was a simple little crush he would grow out of in a few months. And besides, she didn't mind having someone close to her. A good friend.

Hope scooted over towards Lightning, and took her hand with his. He looked into her eyes and said "Light…I really do care about you a lot. More than I could ever say even if you gave me a thousand years to do so. Light, I lo—"

"Hope. I can't," she interrupted.

"But wait, just—"

"I'm sorry. I can't, Hope. I don't see you that way."

"Light, I love you. I know I do. Is that worth anything?" he asked, in an almost pleading voice. She really wanted him to stop. He was making it harder than she would have liked. She wanted this to be painless.

"I…appreciate it. I really do. I'm sorry if you misinterpreted anything, but I didn't mean to send you any signals. But I don't have those feelings for you. I don't have them in general. I'm damaged goods. I can't love you like that." She saw how his eyes gave everything away. He was crushed.

"…You'll find someone, Hope. You're a good kid. Someone who will feel the same way that can return your feelings. Someone who deserves you. Someone that you deserve too…But it won't be me."

"Light, let me just show you. Let me—"

"Hope. Stop. You'll just get hurt. Please accept this." Her tone was imperative. He knew it was futile to continue. This was what was to be. This was not the smooth confession he had envisioned all that time ago. He was crushed; rejected.

"I still want to be your friend."

He said nothing, choosing to look down at his feet instead. His world had crashed into one million tiny pieces. But this was Light. He had to hold it together. He remembered that there are just some things you do, after all.

He forced himself to gain his composure, and to will in any tears that would fall from his eyes. He couldn't show weakness now.

"Yes. We can. I want that. I don't want this to ruin our friendship or anything…Can we still be friends?" He forced his eyes to meet her, and to subdue any sadness he was feeling. This was for the best. Their relationship was special, even though it wasn't romantic. He would kill any romantic feelings for her, if it meant they could still be friends.

"Of course," she said, before enveloping him in a hug. It was hard. He wanted to be holding her in his arms, but to the tune of good news. "Hope, I'm sorry."

"It's ok." He said it, but he wasn't sure if he believed it. He released the hug, and forced a smile onto his face. She seemed to have bought it, for she reassuringly squeezed his shoulder.

And then he woke up. Back to the present, in his nineteen year old body. It was now five years after the fall of Cocoon, three years after his rejection by Lightning. He felt groggy. He released a yawn and squinted at the clock on the wall—8 AM. Wonderful night of sleep, he thought.

A voice soon came from his desk phone. "Mr. Estheim?" said the voice, in a light feminine tone.

"Yes."

"Good morning, sir. Your full agenda for today is…"

"Eh, save it for later. What's first on the list?"

"You have a tech demo at 8:15 for the—"

"Is the car ready?"

"Yes, sir."

With that, Hope got up from his desk. He usually did hang up unexpectedly on his secretary, but he didn't care—for the amount she was getting paid, she could care less too. He ran a hand through his hair, and threw his suit jacket on. He exited his office, and nodded at his secretary. When he got the ground floor, he noticed his driver waiting for him in the front lobby, ready to go.

"Take me home first. Then we can get to the demo."

"Yes, Mr. Estheim."

As Hope was driven to his house, he began to reflect on his life. Ever since Lightning rejected him, Hope began to wallow in his feelings. He needed a way to forget about the pain, an outlet for it all—for Hope, that meant he would divert his attention and energy into his studies. Hour after hour, Hope would pour himself into his books, and before he knew it, he had breezed through high school. College demanded more work from him, but since he was so entirely studious now, that too became easy. He eventually developed his own thesis, theory, and inventions, which his professors took an extreme liking too. To say Hope had achieved a lot in a short amount of time was an understatement. To compound all of this, he was still very young. Hope soon found work with the R&D department in an engineering firm in Palumpolum. He too took that by storm, improving existing technology to levels never seen before.

Hope was awfully good at mathematics, engineering, and applied sciences, and soon took the lead on several projects. He worked quickly and efficiently, so much so that his colleagues couldn't keep up. He was your typical Machiavellian genius—probably the best that this generation would see.

Seeing opportunity before his eyes, Hope left that company in the dust to form his own—Estheim Industries. It was devoted to improving existing technology and inventing new ones. This caught the attention of several civilian contractors, but his largest client was the military, specifically, the Guardian Corps. He was always working on the "next big thing." He usually exceeded expectations, for his designs and schematics were so revolutionary.

This success left Hope with a titanic amount of wealth, which he spent rather easily—it regenerated faster than he could spend it. On top of this, Hope had become rather well known in Cocoon society. His technology was everywhere. You had to be living in a hole or cave to not know his name. As if he couldn't get any luckier, his now older, more mature looks even caught the attention of several young women. Girls wanted to be with him, guys wanted to be him.

However, all of this wealth, fame, and success came at a cost. In the midst of his whirlwind of a life, Hope forgot his friends. His work kept him far away from Bodum, and for many long hours. When he wasn't working, he was finding a way to entertain himself, or even others, depending on if he had a date or not (Chances were that he did).

The past few years had many opportunities for Hope, and he drowned in it. He didn't have time for his friends. He even heard he missed Snow and Serah's wedding. This made him feel sad, but he did have one consolation. He didn't have time to see Lightning. Working had been his way to get away. It had been his way to forget about the feelings he had for her, to forget about the pain of his rejection. To forget about how he would never be with her.

He had learned to shut his feelings of her out. He had learned to live with an iron heart—one that wouldn't get attached or feel romantically towards her. One that would be durable and resistant to whatever came its way. One that wouldn't feel pain again. One that was invulnerable. His heart was sealed shut.

After Hope had cleaned himself up and thrown on a new suit, he made his way back to his driver and car.

"Where is the tech demo today? Who is it for?"

"Bodum, sir. For the Guardian Corps."

"…Interesting."

"We'll be late, sir. Demo was to start an hour ago."

"It's ok. They know me."

As Hope's car sped away to the seaside town, he thought back to when he was last there—it was when he had confessed to Lightning. He wondered if he would see her there. Her rejection was the last time he saw her. He had done fine, coping with her with her not around. But if she was present, things would be different. It was time to see whether or not his iron heart was as strong as he thought it was.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed it so far. Hope it came out decent so far. Don't know yet when I'll be able to write, but if things go well, I should be able to work on this again soon.

Please leave a review, and I encourage you to try writing your own Hope/Light fic.