AN: I think this is one of my longest one-shots. I'm glad that it didn't come out rushed, though. The idea's been toying with me for a while, and I'm glad it wasn't some 300-word thing. M for sex hair, bloody hell and floozy's.

AN2: I fixed the dialogue problem with this, hopefully it's a lot easier to read now!

Disclaimer: Of course I don't own Harry Potter. But his parents are just so fun to mess with! I love JK Rowling for inventing this world that I play in.

Lily Evans was glaring at the boy seated in front of her. To be fair, she was glaring at two of them, but it was really mainly the boy directly in front of her. James Potter. Even in her head, she spat the name. She hated how he always seemed so cool, so relaxed. How he constantly pranked people and constantly found new ways of asking her out - the most embarassing ways. How he thought he was just brilliant, and blimey, he seemed to not know about modesty. She let out a disgusted sound that somewhat resembled a scoff. Her eyes dropped back to her paper, trying to ignore the way he slouched lazily and managed to not get yelled at by professor Flitwick.

The bell rang through the castle, startling Lily out of her notes. Flitwick stated that they'd pick up where they left off next class, but Lily wasn't honestly paying attention anymore. She barely held back a sneer as Potter ran boisterously past her, Sirius in tow and Remus in pursuit at a normal pace.

"Ah, munch! Finally; I don't think I could've stood another minute behind that toerag!" Hestia complained next to her. She sighed, sympathizing with the fellow Gryffindor.

"What was it today?" She questioned, though it was a rather ridiculous question. Hestia slightly fancied Sirius Black, if only for his good looks.

"Ugh, didn't you see him continually sending charms at that floozy, Kristina? All hour, he just wouldn't let up! Could I borrow your notes tonight to copy? I barely got anything down today thanks to that wanker!" Indeed, her complaint screamed interest in the Marauder.

They set off towards the Great Hall for a spot of lunch. They thankfully had no classes this afternoon, a Wednesday, and Lily sighed on a happier note. Her mood plummeted once more as she entered the Great Hall. She heard Hestia come close to a true growl in her own matching upset. The boys sat in her usual spot. Worse, Alice sat next to them, chatting up Remus as though nothing was amiss. Lily remembered this morning, when she'd promised to sit next to the girl so she could help with her Potions notes. She should've known to wait until Black had passed. He'd obviously passed the knowledge on to Potter, and they were using her friendly help against her. Just as Hestia was about to turn back and go to the common room, she grasped her arm. Hestia whined, being dragged up the isle by her redheaded friend.

"Nuh-uh. If I have to suffer, so do you." She let go of the girl as they reached the boys.

Eyeing the seat next to Potter, obviously left empty for her, she sat tentatively. She glared at Hestia, resulting in the girl literally climbing over the table to avoid the empty seat next to Black. A small smirk ticked up on her face before she transferred her eyes to Alice, gaze once again turning accusatory.

"Sorry." The girl interrupted Remus, who didn't look surprised at her squeak to her friend. Alice lifted a large box of Chocolate Frogs and Lily could feel her cheeks reddening, feeling as though she was about to explode. They'd bribed Alice into letting them sit with her! How dare they! As it were, she let out another odd noise of disgust that she hoped everyone in hearing vicinity understood before she started loading her plate.

"You better give me one of those, you rotten floozy." She demanded without conviction. She deftly caught the small, individual package tossed her way. She heard Hestia's grateful grunt as she was handed her own.

"So ladies, how was Charms class today?" Questioned Sirius before digging into a slice of gravy-soaked ham. She raised her eyebrows at the question, which was obviously directed more at Hestia than herself, and dug into her food to avoid the explosion that was sure to follow. It was obvious now that he was only goofing off with that Hufflepuff girl in class because he wanted to mess with Hestia. You just never knew with him.

"It was boring." Lily looked up, chewing paused, to see Hestia looking rather bored now. Alice looked at her as well, before exchanging glances with Lily. She shrugged to her, assuming Hestia must be joining in his game now. She murmured an agreement through her food, trying to back the girl up. Remus was shaking his head next to Alice, who had been attending Divination before the lunch bell rang. Lily swallowed before speaking.

"Yeah. Flitwick really didn't need to go that in-depth with the size charms. I mean honestly, if you don't understand it now, you may as well give up. I don't think we have to go over it next time, as well." She offered her opinion on the lesson, which in honesty had been very boring. But it wasn't as if Hestia knew that, she'd been too busy glaring holes in the back of Sirius' skull.

"Really though, I thought it was a bit interesting. I mean, who wouldn't be interested in making something, like a bed for instance, larger?" Potter finally spoke. Lily stared at him for a moment, eyes narrowing a slight bit as she tried to discern whether or not the bed reference had been sexual. Remus answered her question.

"You just grow too fast, James. Normal people just buy a new bed after the years it takes them to outgrow theirs. You're like a weed." The black-haired boy shrugged, digging into his own lunch. Lily spoke again.

"Well, if you really grow that fast, for one it's not normal. Two, I can see why you'd find a resizing charm helpful. But really, is there much you could use it on aside from beds and clothes when outgrown?" She offered, trying to further the conversation so Sirius couldn't bring it back to Hestia's perception of the lesson, as it looked like he desperately wanted to. Remus looked thoughtful. Potter was eating, and thus couldn't be bothered to care anymore.

"Hmm. I'd say food, if you could. He didn't say, did he?" The sandy blonde replied, a curious look glazing his eyes.

"Well, let's see." Lily stated practically. She pulled out her wand, attracting the attention of those in the conversation. "Dilitatio." She flourished the wand at the fish of her fish and chips meal. They stared as nothing happened. She was about to say it didn't work when more fish popped up on the platter she'd grabbed it from originally. She blinked, and they all stared for a moment longer.

"Probably just the house elves." Alice stated, ending their silence. Lily nodded, putting her wand back and taking another bite of the delicious fish.

"Well, I was still right about the bed, right? I mean, even if you didn't grow that fast, isn't it always nicer to have a bigger bed?" Potter questioned, his right hand absently jumping to his head, ruffling his hair. Lily snorted at the action, rolling her eyes. The noise was covered, thankfully, by Remus agreeing with him. Hestia had seen the boy's nervous motion, as well as a few other girls down the table. They were sighing and staring, obviously wishing he'd repeat the action. She and Hestia caught each other's eyes, smirking.

"Ohmygosh, ohmygosh, cor blimey..." Lily started, attaining a high-pitched squeal. "...sex hair! Ohmygosh!" Hestia picked up immediately where she'd left off, finishing in the same tone. They giggled to themselves at the inside joke. Shaking her head, Lily stood, walking the few feet to serve herself some lemonade before returning. Alice was shaking her head, privately amused.

"Now that all thoughts of Charms class have disapparated..." Remus trailed off, staring at her as she sat back down.

"What the bloody cack was that?" Sirius questioned bluntly. Lily rolled her eyes at him. She and Hestia exchanged a look, silently debating over whether to tell them or not. Hestia nodded infinitesimally, and Lily sighed. She wondered if it would be as fun of a joke if they knew about it. She looked around the group, noticing the boys looking, still confused. Black in particular looked as if he was going to go ballistic if they didn't explain. She reigned in a smile at the thought of him having an eppy right here in the Great Hall, for all to see. She sighed, getting down to business.

She looked at the girls that had sighed earlier. It was a gaggle of fifth years, she now noted, before silently directing their attention back to her. She cleared her throat as Hestia made a face at the girls who were now blushing into their munch.

"Them. We're making fun of all the girls like them." She vaguely explained, nodding her head towards the girls in question. Hestia was having none of it.

"Everytime you do that flim-flam with your hair, they sigh and go all crazy. Hence why they're now blushing like fire engines. They're mad for you, Potter!" She said, raising her voice so the girls could hear. Lily could hear one coughing, as though she had nearly choked. She glared at Hestia, who was smiling, satisfied at the surprised look on Potter's face.

"And there goes all of my fun. What'll I make fun of in class now, Hess?" She questioned, spearing a bit of fish aggressively with her fork and lifting it to her mouth.

"Oh, hush you. There's still plenty to make fun of and you know it, Lils." The girl retorted, waving her hand flippantly at her. She pouted for a moment, chewing on a chip.

"Fine." She bit out rather petulantly; in her mind, it was anything but fine. It was horrible. Sure, they were still a mountain of ways to make fun of the girls, but none of them were as fun as the 'sex hair' one.

"Besides, we can still make fun of them for it. It's just those few who know we do now." Hestia answered her thoughts, jabbing her thumb in the direction of the girls who were now eating as fast as possible - probably so they could get out of here quickly. She snorted a bit in a very unladylike way.

"Nutters." She tossed at them, though her voice wasn't loud enough for them to hear, just the people sitting around her.

"Blimey, mate! Girls to add to your fan club. Better go sign 'em up." Sirius stated, standing and making his way over to the fifth years. They five of them watched as he sidled up and straddled the bench next to the blonde one. Whatever he said, she nearly choked on her food, her eyes going wide. Lily was almost expecting her to slap him, but the girl smiled, ducking her head in a pleasantly embarrassed way. Lily shook her head, turning back to her food. She ate a few more chips, watching Hestia fume. Out of her peripheral vision, she suddenly realized that Potter was not watching his friend hit on the fifth years, rather he was intently watching her, his eyes squinted a bit behind the round glasses as though he might need a new prescription. She was about to question him about it when he turned back to his food.

"So... do you ever say the 'sex hair' part?" He questioned before taking a small bite of ham from Sirius' plate. Lily rolled her eyes; of course - who was she to think that this would be a pleasant meal? Not for Hestia, obviously, as she was still fuming while watching Sirius chat up the girls. She decided to ignore the question, taking a bite of her fish. She was chewing happily on the crispy fish when Sirius returned, and she realized that Potter hadn't pressed the matter.

"Well, mate, I'd say they love your hair and your Quidditch skills." The boy said before digging into a biscuit from the basket in front of him.

"Pfft!" Hestia let loose before taking a large gulp of water and beginning to stand up. Alice grasped her robes, yanking her back into her seat.

"Oi! What the bloody hell, Alice!" She questioned in a loud burst, righting herself after nearly falling backwards to the floor.

"You're staying here, you've got to help me with my notes." The girl justified herself, pulling out a notebook from her bookbag, somewhere by her feet under the table. Hestia glared at her.

"Have you lost the plot, you nutter? Lils is helping you with your notes, because she's ace at them. I barely pay attention at all, remember?" She questioned, still fuming, as she flopped her chin into her hand, elbow resting on the table. Alice sent a lackluster glare at her, recommending she shut up and remain seated. Hestia sighed, grabbing a biscuit to nibble on. She glared at the blandness before quickly reaching across the table to swipe it through the gravy on Black's plate. The boy let out a resentful 'hey!' before pulling his plate a slight bit closer to himself, as though she wouldn't be able to reach it now. Hestia only shrugged before taking a bite of the biscuit, apparently satisfied with the taste now.

"Lily?" Alice called her attention back to the notes she was supposed to be helping with. She flicked her hair over her shoulder to keep it out of the food as she bent over to rifle through her own bookbag and retrieve her Potions notes. James let out a slight gasp as the ends of her fiery hair whipped against his neck. She sat back up, notes in hand. Opening the book to the page Alice needed, she handed it over to the girl. Remus - in the nearly lost style of the gentleman - pushed his plate aside so the open book could be sat where the china had previously rested. Lily watched, rather bored, as Alice copied her notes word for word, adding in her own helping notes here and there. She picked at her chips as the girl worked diligently, not wanting to sit there without doing anything. She frowned in her mind, realizing that they'd have to do these things elsewhere from now on because she didn't want to pick up the habbit of eating out of boredom.

Potter's elbow brushed against her arm, and she looked over to see what he wanted now. She quickly realized that he didn't want to do anything but eat; however, his best friend had nudged him.

"You think we're all set for the match against Ravenclaw this weekend?" The Black boy asked before shoveling in another slice of gravy-soaked ham. She briefly wondered where he fit it all before Potter answered.

"Well... I think that the moves we have planned will win us the game, but..." He ran that fiendish hand through his hair, and she could hear the fifth year's sighing again. She wondered if Hestia was paying attention to this. "...we'll probably need as many practices as possible to get them down by then." The boy sounded genuinely worried, as though it would be life-ending if Gryffindor lost.

"Oh, you'll be fine." She spoke before she realized she intended to. "When have we lost since our first year? Never. It'll be okay." She reassured the boy, who was clearly nervous as he ran his hand through his hair again.

"Are you sure? I mean... Hufflepuff thought they were going to whoop us in the last game, and look where it got them..." The hand rose again. Her own arm whipped out before she could stop herself, grabbing his wrist and holding it in place. She could hear the girls sigh again, this time in obvious sadness. One girl scoffed, but Lily couldn't find it in herself to care how the girl felt about her interception. She dropped his wrist, and it thankfully fell to rest on the edge of the table. She didn't have to look at Sirius to tell he was staring at her, just as Potter was.

"You're drawing unnecessary, annoying attention." She explained, picking up her fork and trying to forget how smooth the skin had been on the inside of his wrist.

"Not to mention," she continued as she picked another piece of fish to eat. "you're worrying yourself uselessly. We'll kick Ravenclaw's arse just like we do every year." She stated matter-of-factly, popping the fish into her mouth. Apparently Hestia had been listening, because she also spoke up.

"Merlin, we've never lost, Potter, what are you flippin' out over? We'll win, of course, and then you'll have to find another reason to worry and make fifth years swoon." She jabbed her thumb in the girls' direction.

They all turned to look at the girls, who's hair whipped about as they tried - pathetically - to act like they hadn't been daydreaming about shagging James Potter, Quidditch Extroardinaire. Lily snorted before picking up another chip to munch on.

"Umm..." The boy in question interrupted her thought process, bring the three's attention back to him - Alice and Remus were much too involved in Lily's Potions notes to notice what was happening around them.

"How long do you think they've been doing that?" He questioned with a pompous air, though she could see his hand twitch and therefore knew he was nervous.

"How long... Oh, for crying out loud, Potter! They aren't the only girls who do it. Girls have been absolutely fawning over you since first year!" Lily had difficulty keeping her voice down. She couldn't tell if he was serious or goofing off. She cast a quick glance at Hestia, who she noted - thankfully - was also staring at James Potter as though he had suddenly grown two extra heads.

"Blimey, how blind are you, boy?" The girl questioned, obviously on the same page as Lily.

"I'm not blind at all, Hestia." He defended himself, the hand flying up before Lily could stop it. He ruffled his hair, and the hand slid down to rest on his shoulder. One of the girls giggled, and she just couldn't take it anymore. Lily whipped around to face the younger Gryffindors.

"Oh, would you just shut up! Yes, we understand what his hair looks like. Go on now, run along and be swooning floozy's elsewhere, we're attempting to have a conversation here!" She didn't exactly yell, but her voice was raised enough that people from Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw looked up to see the raucus. Eyes nearly popping out of their heads, the girls stood and booked it, getting away from the stares as quickly as possible. Lily turned back to the conversation, only to see the five people around her staring, shocked. She sighed, rolling her eyes. Of course...

"Well, go on." She stated simply to Potter, encouraging him to finish what he'd been saying before she'd interrupted. "You were trying to convince us that you knew what was going on." She prompted when he only sat there. At the prolonged silence, she sighed.

"Yes, yes, Lily Evans yelled at someone. Let's all attempt to put the shock behind us and move forward with what we were doing." She grabbed another fillet of fish from the platter, forking a large piece from the corner and transporting it to her mouth. She returned Hestia's stare, shocking the girl out of it.

"Bloody hell, Lily, I don't think I've ever heard you sound so... Stern." Hestia said, digging back into her own munch. She shook her head. Hestia was lying, of course. She'd heard Lily in all sorts of barmy moods. Potter coughed next to her.

"I wasn't saying that I've always known, I just... Well, I'm not blind, thanks." He said, a bit on the offensive. She rolled her eyes before they landed on Sirius. He was lifting some bangers onto his plate, setting them next to the mashed potatoes he'd already grabbed.

"Where in the bloody hell do you put it all?" She couldn't resist asking; Hestia and Potter turned to look at the boy. "The way you eat, you should be at least three hundred pounds by now." She said, popping a chip into her mouth while staring, amazed. If only she were like that.

"High metabolism." Potter answered, shaking his head and turning back to his own nosh. Lily made a face as Sirius dug into his food once more, unbothered by her questioning. Hestia huffed, obviously wishing she had the same metabolism.

"Hey, what does 'plus PWB and BJ' mean?" Questioned Alice suddenly. Lily tossed her a moment's look before going back to her food.

"Add powdered Wolfsbane and Bezoar juice." She answered listlessly. Hestia sighed, obviously bored.

"Can I leave yet?" She pestered Alice, poking her in the side until the girl looked at her.

"Oh, just eat your Chocolate Frog and shut up, Hess." She answered flippantly before returning her full attention to the notes. Hestia mumbled, annoyed, before ripping open the package. The candy hopped onto the table while she examined the card.

"Mm. Hedwig Hawthorn." She said, tossing the card down and reaching across the table, picking up the chocolate, whose charm had worn off just after hopping onto Black's gravy-soaked plate. She pulled a face, wiping gravy off the bottom with her napkin. She broke off a leg, tossing it into her mouth to suck on. Lily returned her attention to Alice.

"Honestly, though, couldn't we at least move to the common room or the library or something? My arse is starting to hurt from the bench, and I need to move." She complained. Alice sent a look to Potter, who ran his hand through his hair again. It shone as it flopped around, definitely an articulated 'sex hair' presence about it. Her eyes narrowed as she wondered if the Chocolate Frogs were for more than just the rights to sit by her. His eyes flickered to his best friend, who's plate was half cleared already.

"When he's done with this helping." Potter answered both Lily's and Alice's nonverbal questions.

"Finally!" Hestia exclaimed impatiently a minute later, when Black's plate was cleared of all vestiges of the bangers and mash. Lily stood, pulling the strap of her bookbag over her shoulder. The others lead the way out of the Great Hall, and Lily got a fiendish idea just as she and Potter rounded the corner. She bumped into his arm, causing him to stop walking and stare at her, just out of sight of everyone as their friends rounded another corner. She was close to Potter, but not intimately close. The situation seemed more personal now that no one was in sight.

"Sometimes, I say that part. But not generally when we're making fun of you and your little fan club, James." She looked up at him through her eyelashes before whipping around - she was close enough to know that her hair brushed against him again, as he sucked in a sudden gulp of air. She stalked around the corner her fellow Gryffindors had disappeared beyond, hearing his feet pound against the marble floors, catching up with her. They walked in mutual silence back to Gryffindor tower.

Neither of them ever noticed the blonde from the group of fifth years, who'd been waiting on the other side of the Great Hall's entrance for Potter.

AN: Munch/Nosh: food. Crikey: my god. Toerag/Wanker: jerk. Floozy: loose girl/girl who flirts a lot. Cack/Flim-flam: Crap. Eppy: Episode. Mad: Crazy. Nutter: Crazy person. Lost the plot: Gone mad. Ace: Good/otherwisely amazing at something. Chips, bangers and mash: Fries, sausages, and mashed potatoes. Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed. Reviews are lovely!