No Regrets

Chapter One – Ga eul-yang

Hello :D Pleased to meet you. I hope you like my story! My name is Leaf and this is the first story I have written for many years online, so please be nice :D (By leaving me lots and lots of reviews, constructive criticism is always desired)

Umm... This story will repeat quite a lot of the drama as it was primarly written for my friends who have not seen it so...

But there will be a lot of additional stories as well!

Disclaimer: I do not own Boys Over Flowers... yet, I will however on day write an American version which has my beloved Kim Bum in and will become amazingly popular :D But this has tragically not happened yet...

Before you read this I want you to know that I have never and probably never will be a 'normal' girl. I'm not entirely sure I would want to be anyway.

"Jandi-ah, do you know what your nickname is?" I asked amused looking up from the Laptop for a second. "You've been called 'Wonder Girl', the true Wonder Woman of our Generation!" I exclaim trying to suppress my laughter. "Geum Jandi, Fighting!"

My best (and only friend) in the entire world Jandi snorted. "Stop it already!" She yelled annoyed. I failed and burst out laughed. It really was easy to wind up Jandi-ah, not that I did it on purpose of course.

"You're awesome!" Our beloved weird Boss added in amazement, although admittedly not much was required to impress him.

"But I'm curious about the F4…" I ask before I can stop myself. "Are they really all that good looking?" I curse slightly (but not that much) embarrassed. That's right Ga eul. Get to the really important questions first

Jandi ignored me. I don't blame her but I'm not prepared to give up now. Besides, I was actually curious. I sigh, thickly laying on the dramatics.

"I wish I could see them up close…" I added in a pathetically day-dreamy like fashion. Is my life really that deprived of hot guys? Yes… however my life is deprived of guys in general though so that's not much of a surprise.

This is also, of course, why I am so obsessed with romantic films though. Hot guys with such sweet and cute plots. My friend (although it is a plural now so hooray for me. I found more people who can put up with me) thinks I need to go into rehab for them. Romances Anonymous. She's probably right…

"F4? Flower four, my foot. They seem more like flies! Four flies!" Jandi retorted bitterly. I burst out laughing at my friends ridiculous antics.

Our conversation was however rudely interrupted when the Paparazzi came to harass Jandi-ah, something she was definitely not prepared for. I mean, I've always known she is awesome and brilliant but having people follow her all day was totally not her style. She would get very freaked out by all the attention. She froze. I felt sorry for her; I really did, and for once in my life would not have wanted to switch places.

Wow, I've managed to make myself seem almost normal so far. I seem like any other normal high school girl don't I?

I've given a totally inaccurate account of my messed up self.

See, I knew I shouldn't have written this. This was a stupid idea. Jandi-ah you should never have talked me into this! I know you say this whole crazy scheme was only to help me (somehow turned into us) to get over our recent mess up but I know it was secretly because you knew I would never lie about what happened in a story (only about my sanity) and you wanted to know if you needed to murder Yi Jeong-sunbae for me.

Ah… about that… I will have to inform him to get bodyguards (although I'm not sure even Won Bin's people could save him from Jandi's wrath).

Actually… I wonder if a person can get killed twice. In fact, thinking about it, maybe more…

I really am going to put his life in danger.

Sorry Yi Jeong-sunbae.

Ah well, anyway… must try harder on the accuracy thing.

"What!" I gasped in a state of absolute shock. "You've been given a scholarship to Shinhwa High School?"

"Yeah…" Jandi murmured. Jandi-ah had called me up saying there was an emergency. I rushed over immediately but I was most definitely not prepared for something like this. I did feel a flash of jealousy of course. Jandi was escaping the local hellhole that is sometimes termed a 'school'. Not only that, but to a posh one. Filled with nice, kind, well brought up civilised people… (Umm, maybe not). I don't begrudge her this opportunity of escape. She deserves it; she had always been the courageous one.

"That's amazing Jandi-ah! I'm really happy for you!" I smiled cheerfully. Jandi looked up uncertainly at me. I sigh. She had always been able to see through me. Well, not that much, but better then most people.

'I don't want to go but I suspect my parents are going to force me. I know I can cope…" She was right. She would definitely be able to. "But what about you?' Jandi asked fidgeting slightly and not totally looking me in the eye. It's almost comic. Was she really that embarrassed to bring up my oh-so-obvious flaws?

I blink with exaggerated bewilderment. I may not be the best actress in the world but I have had a lot of practice so I must at least be OK. "What about me?" I asked feigning innocence. I of course know exactly what Jandi is asking. I just don't like the answer very much.

Jandi sighed impatiently. "Ga eul-ya… don't fake ignorance. We've been friends since Kindergarten. Are you really going to be OK on your own?"

I give a rather sarcastic smile. I can answer this question. "I'll be fine. Promise. I mean, I've dealt with much worse then some of our stupid classmates."

I will be OK. I have to be. If I'm not then I doubt there will be much of a 'me' to not be ok.

I pause as I look up at the 'School'. I take deep breaths and grasp on to the straps of my backpack in a childish attempt to gain emotional support. Breath Ga eul breath, I remind myself. My hand reaches to my pocket and hovers on its contents. I pause. My brain gives me plenty of logical reasons for not doing what I am most likely about to do. My hand falls stiffly by my side. Good Ga eul good. My self control astounds me.

Unsurprisingly it doesn't last long. Addiction wins over self control, logic and courage. I grab my water bottle, swallow a pill, take a swig and start feeling better.

I send a mental 'Fighting Geum Jandi!' to my friend in the vague hope it might bring her luck. I sigh, she really needs to get a mobile.

I debate about procrastinating some more but decide it isn't really worth it. It is certain doom even if the doom comes five minutes later.

As per normal I skip Homeroom. My teachers have gotten use to it by now and just let me sign in using the late book even though I am rarely ever late. I wonder what they are talking about. Geum Jandi the Wonder Woman I suppose. Even more of a reason for me to ditch, I prefer to be invisible.

I do turn up for first period art though. This is my favourite subject. My teacher (who is admittedly awful) has realised there is no point trying to teach me anything so just lets me do my own thing. I am extremely grateful for this. And yes, that is the reason why it is my favourite lesson. Pathetic, I know.

The lesson starts as per usual with the contents of my pencil case being thrown around the room. Jandi never joined this Art class you see. I was always on my own. And on my own I always do nothing.

"Hey freak." Someone calls for me. Mi-ah, I realise. She is –was- Jandi's 'arch nemesis' at this school. Mi-ah (and her friends) would bully some poor pathetic kids and Jandi (with me doing absolutely nothing) would fight against her. They hated each other since the first day of high school. This meant Mi-ah hated me. I didn't really care one way or the other. It was just another thing. "Your weird friend isn't here any more."

"I've heard." I reply not looking up from the sketch I was in the middle of drawing.

"Heard she got accepted into that spoilt brat's school. Maybe she thinks she's too good for us?"

She is, I think. Definitely. I continue my sketch. I think she gets bored as Mi-ah changes subject.

"Still doing your stupid pathetic drawings?"

"Yes." I reply this time. "I apologise if you don't like them. I will try harder next time to create one you like."

Mi-ah seems speechless as I give my by now predictable response and looks away disgusted (a sensible response I believe). I would've laughed, that is if I hadn't been so focused on my sketch of course.

"Don't you have a boyfriend yet?" There's a pause. "Oh, I forgot who I'm talking too. No guy would ever date a freak like you." There's a pause. Most of the class is silent now, listening to this weekly ritual. The teacher is of course doing paperwork at her table and ignoring everything. I wonder if she would even notice if a fire was started. No comes the probably answer. "Oh sorry, did I hurt your feelings? Are you gonna go and try and commit suicide again now?" She waits triumphantly for my response, hoping, praying, that she has finally pushed me over the line. I finish the line on the sketch I was doing before I respond.

"Thank you for your concern, I'm touched that you care so much about me. I really would feel sorry for any guy that had to date me. How humiliating for them. And about suicide, I'll try not to just for you." I pause for a minute. "Does anyone know where my ruler went?"

I think she gives up by this point. Mi-ah obviously isn't too concerned with me today or it would've been a lot worse. I assume the news about Jandi is more important. I sigh and go back to my sketch. The rest of the day wouldn't be good.

I happened to be right.

My hand hesitates on the handle. I could hear my parents (as always) arguing inside. It was a Friday so my Dad was back (he worked during the week). I wonder vaguely if the argument was about me and my strange behavior again. I laugh, they don't even know half of it. Home, a place of refuge, of safety and of tranquility. Yeah right. I bit my lip, smiled and opened the door.

"I'm back!' I call, slipping off my shoes and switching to slippers. "Mum? Dad?"

"Dear? Is that you?" My Mum hurries out and smiled when she saw me. "You're late. Where were you? We were worried" She reprimanded.

"I wasn't feeling very well and I felt like some fresh air after work so I went for a walk. Sorry." I explained, well… it wasn't a complete lie.

"You should have called us. I was getting very worried. I was just about to call you." Mum put her shoes on and gave me a quick hug. "Sorry I have to go to work now."

I smile. "That's OK. I'm seventeen. I can look after myself!"

But Mum had already left without hearing what I had said.

I was feeling worse then normal a few days later when at the Porridge shop Jandi made an announcement. That, after everyone looking down at her in the crazy rich person's school she now went to; she had actually found a friend.

"I'm glad you've made a friend." I informed her, I was genuinely happy for her. "I was worried people would pick on you."

Jandi burst out laughing and I joined in. It continued in an awkward way for a bit then Jandi froze and looks at me with what I can only describe as dead eyes. "They do."

"What?" I ask slightly confused at Jandi's sudden mood switch.

"Pick on me." She replies. "But actually, I'm glad they don't want to talk to me. I hope I can lead a quiet life until I graduate."

I stare at her in disbelief. What had happened to the Jandi I knew? The one who did everything she could to protect her friends. The one who couldn't cope with seeing people get bullied.

"Who are you and what have you done to Geum Jandi?" I ask her shocked. Jandi blinked and had a puzzled expression. "Remember how you helped me when I was in trouble? And how you fought against that gang in junior high? You were all about Justice, but now what?"

Jandi thought for a minute. "What other choice do I have? If I did what I wanted my Mum would probably kill me."

Time eventually passed as I always figured it would (minus the gatecrashed holiday of course). I was still faking happiness and living on pills. I was worse at school and skipped lessons (ie, stayed at the nurse's office for a bit as I was 'ill') sometimes when I felt particularly bad. I mean, I've always tried to be a good kid. Really, I'm just not very good at it. I try to get good grades and have never got a detention.

I spoke to no one at my school. The only real friend I'd ever had was Jandi. Now that she left all her other sorta friends stopped talking to me. This was fine with me though.

Home became worse and worse. Both my parents worked a lot so mostly I had the house to myself but when they did come back they automatically started arguing. I hated it. Most of the time I would curl up in a ball on my bed and think of the latest romantic comedy I was going to watch when I was free and safe and alone.

My Mum was becoming more worried about me and demanded that I regularly text her to tell her I was still alive and OK. I didn't really care as the only places I went was home, school and work. It was annoying though as I used up so much more credit.

Work was my only escape. I enjoyed it and laughed at Jandi's stories of the ridiculousness of the students at her school and of course (the extremely good looking) F4. It was always possible to pretend to be happy and normal in front of Jandi. She made it easy. I think she was happy to see me coping so well without her. She's seen me when I was at my worst and knew that I would never be able to fake saneness so well if I was like I was then.

Because you see, I've been trying really hard recently to get better. My counselor (who is admittedly no help but at least she's a nice person and I always enjoy my sessions. The tea is nice too.) says I have made tremendous progress since I started seeing her.

But what was most interesting to me was that Jandi seemed to almost be becoming friends with the F4. I could also tell she had a crush on the 'fairytale prince' Ji Hoo who admittedly I would have loved to meet (I still wasn't convinced anyone could look that good without surgery). Although she never mentioned it I could also pick up from her stories that Gu Jun pyo (the leader of the F4) seemed to like her (in his own way).

It was on this particular note that I received a surprise visit one day at the Porridge Shop.

Work had started normally enough.

"Ga eul-ya, are you going somewhere?" My Boss had asked me pleadingly. He really was a bit pathetic sometimes. I felt almost sorry for him.

"I'm not going anywhere!" I protested. Our Boss treated us well and we got good wages but he could be very insecure and immature. I sighed and looked out the window. "Not because I don't want to go but there's nowhere for me to go."

"Don't leave me here all by myself." He begged. Now although neither me or Jandi believed it (except when we were in desperate need of guidance which was actually pretty regularly) our crazy Boss consider himself physic, generally Aliens were very willing to share their information with him and who would doubt the knowledge of extraterrestrial beings? I suspect he'd had a feeling that he was going to be left all alone.

"What are you talking about?" I muttered at our crazy boss. "Go make some Porridge!" I yelled and shoved him into the kitchen.

But then I heard the door open. Little did I know this would be a turning point in my life. As I look up I see a tall extremely good looking guy of around my age. And when I say good looking I mean could be a mega successful actor good looking. Embarrassingly I did stare at him a bit longer then I should have but… anyway, I'm only human.

I knew who he was. Due to Jandi's current predicament I had done a bit of research on the F4 (I would say it had nothing to do with them being hot but I did tell myself I wouldn't lie so…) and I could identify him from that and of course Jandi's stories as So Yi Jeong. He is a famous potter from a very wealthy artistic family who own an incredibly successful national museum. But what he was most famous for was being an unrepentant cold hearted Casanova. A playboy. The type of guys I really hate the most.

But even I have to admit he was hot. Really hot.

His eyes flick around the shop taking in the (not very glamorous) surroundings.

"Doesn't Jandi work here?" He asked in an almost uninterested way after he noticed me. Wait, noticed me? No one ever notices me. My brain goes into shock at being noticed… by a guy… a hot guy at that. Or it would have if it hadn't still only been focusing on the hot guy bit. My brain only just manages to form coherent sentences. "Ah, yes."

"I don't see her."

"She has the day off." I reply, admittedly still staring at him, possibly the only person to ever notice me, ever. He turns to me again and smiles. My heart starts beating ridiculously fast which is ridiculous and probably only because I've watched and read too many over the top romantic movies and chick lit. My brain was probably telling my heartbeat to speed up so I could delude myself that I was going to be chucked head first into one of my romances which might give me a slightly better grasp on my sanity and therefore cause me not to do anything stupid and suicidal. Who thought my body had such an advantaged self preservation instinct, especially after what I've already done to it.

"Are you Jandi's friend?" I just nod. "For how long?" If my brain had been properly functioning I would have realised the superficial charm he was now laying on, so typical of Sunbae to lay it on thick to any girl he happens to find. It's cruel really.

But it wasn't and I was a (trying to be) normal teenage girl, albeit one who had never had a boyfriend before. Or even talked to boys that much…

Although I think I secretly realized that this was all superficial. All the films remember?

"Since Kindergarten…" I inform him proudly. I can't believe I'd keep such a good friend for so long without scaring her off or being too boring and freakish.

"So you're her best friend?" I nodded happily that he understood the gibberish coming out of my mouth. He smiled at me and took my hand.

"Let's go."

"Eh?" I asked confused. "To where?"

He just smiled though and led me away.

I guess our Boss was right after all. He was left all alone after all.

Author: ^embarrassed^ Ah... Actually I absolutely no idea. Sorry.

Anyway... hope you like it! Please reveiw!