I do not own glee or the characters, this is an experiment for my own amusement and fun

This is the first fanfic I actually published, I've always been quite shy when it comes to my writing but I decided to give it a try and do this...

My first language isn't english, so bare with me! If you spot a grammar or spelling mistake plase do let me know!

"I told you I'm not thrilled with the idea" he said for what seemed the 50th time that week. "I'll be fun" she said with her big hopeful green eyes looking at him softly and he knew it was just matter of time, he would have to give up, he was tired of the constant discussion and never ending hints and she wouldn't stop until she got what she wanted.

"Fine" as soon this word came out he felt her body pressing to him in a hug, followed to a soft tender kiss, all he could think was that she was happy and that should be enough for him.

One thing was for sure, he had to avoid her and her memory altogether, New York was a big city and with the right directions he knew he could make it through the trip making it pleasant and pain-free. He sat in his empty apartment, grabbed the remote and turned the tv on resisting the urge to go to his laptop and google the two words he came to fear the most, he found himself doing this often and feeling terrible about it, he should have moved on by then, it had been years, he was in a committed relationship with a beautiful girl. "it should be enough" he said to himself over and over trying to convince himself his life was good and the pain was gone, but deep inside there was something telling him this was not true.

He kept flipping through the channels... remembering the last time he could recall seeing her, it wasn't even in person, he was walking to work and like every other morning grabbed some coffee and the day's newspaper before starting his day at work, that day he noticed something different, it was a magazine, something theatre related he couldn't remember the name, he only remembered her face framed in a little square on the cover of the magazine, he stared at it for a while and before he realized he was buying it, he flipped through the pages, there she was as pretty as always, her big expressive brown eyes, her lips... it was like he could feel her skin all over again, her soft willing skin... he spent most of his day just looking at the picture he couldn't bring himself to read the article, it wasn't very long anyway, not even a full page, he was sure it said something about a big new talent, the pain that brought that little article made him snap out of it, he threw the magazine and promised himself he would avoid every little thing that could bring him to her again. The pain wasn't healthy wasn't normal and he had to move on, that day was when he finally gave up and asked out Lauren, he knew she could be the one to help him heal and forget... she did... at least most of the times, as long she didn't leave him alone too long with his own thoughts.

He was carrying Chinese food as instructed in the phone, she opened the door right away, one of the biggest smiles he had ever seen on her, it was nice to see her smiling like that, maybe this trip wasn't such a bad idea after all, she gave him a quick kiss and stated filling him up with plans and information, she jumped from one way to the other chatting away, prices, tickets, locations, everything, he wasn't really excited about the planning, but he knew this was the only way he could be a little bit more in control if anything started going the wrong direction, everything was going great until he heard one word

"Are you sure about this?, I mean, I think I'll be boring" he said hoping to convince her
"What do you mean by boring? Mom said a trip to New York wasn't a trip to New York without a Broadway play in the way"
"I still think you won't like it" it was worth the try
"Now, don't be silly Finn, it'll be fun, we just have to find a fun play"
To contradict her at this point would've been pointless, so he decided to volunteer and help her with the search took the laptop and moving to the coach, he was content that at least she wanted a cheerful play, Les Mis wouldn't come as an option at the end The Lion King and Hairspray were the options, of course his hopes where on the Lion King which in his mind was a safer option, of course he didn't say that, he just explained how the play had some awesome costumes and had won some awards and somehow he talked her into it, he was feeling better and better about this trip, maybe he was wrong, he could have fun and enjoy just as much as Lauren, with no worries, everything seemed to be working out perfectly anyway.

Lauren removed the computer from his lap, placing it in the coffee table and leaned to kiss him, the light of the moon made her look prettier, her brown hair, her pale skin, she looked almost like an angel, her lips interacting with his like never before, then something changed, something inside, something in the way she was kissing him, in the way she was moving his lips, her taste was sweeter, better... he opened his eyes to find her, so different of what he'd seen before so right, so perfect "Rachel?" her image was now fading away, he tried to hold on, to stay there with her, to kiss her, only her... but now there was just darkness instead
"Finn?"
"Finn"

Somehow he managed to fall asleep on the couch and was trying to figure out what had actually happened
"Come on, honey, let's go to bed!" she said softly pulling him to her room, right to the bed, rounding her body with his arm, he did it willingly, and watched silently as she fell into a deep sleep, he didn't know if he wanted to sleep, that'd mean to dream and as much as he wanted to see her, to touch her, to only taste her again, he was scared, because he'd know it was a dream, that he could never really have her, it was the first dream of her in a while and he was still not over it, still hurting with the thought of watching her disappear, and yet his arm was rounding Lauren's making him feel guilty, like he cheated and in some ways he was...

He unattached himself from her body and walked to the window, the sky presented a good amount of stars unlike the majority of the nights, and he found himself staring, remembering the name he always related to a gold star, the name that made him feel like a pathetic excuse of man, he wondered if she was contemplating the sky just like he was, as if that'd connect them some way, somehow...

Please let me know what you think...

should I keep on writing? :)