Kenny sat at his usual table in the library for study hall as always. He never actually studied, of course; today, he was busy checking out Craig. "Fuck," he said aloud when Craig turned around to survey the bookcase (which earned a scowl from the librarian). Boy's jeans fit him great, that was for sure.

He heard someone sit next to him and could tell from the cologne that it was Stan. "Have you ever noticed how hot Craig is?" Kenny asked, giving Stan only a quick glance of recognition.

Doing this, he saw Stan scrunch his nose and look over at the guy in question. "Uh, no," he said awkwardly. Kenny almost giggled. Stan always tried to be "supportive of his bisexuality" as though it were a huge deal, rather than a matter of Kenny's whoreish nature.

But Stan changed gears almost immediately. "Whatever. Dude, why is Butters crying?"

Kenny paused and turned a little, reluctantly tearing his eyes away from Craig's ass to look at Stan. "Gee, Stan, I don't know," he said nonchalantly. "Because he's a bit of a pussy?"

Stan laughed mirthlessly. "That's very interesting. Interesting that you don't know, I mean."

Frowning, Kenny shook his fringe out of his eyes. "And why is that, Stan?"

"Well, it's interesting that you don't know, since Butters told me he was crying because he told you and had a crush on you and—according to him—you said something very mean to him in response." Stan's eyes were locked on the blonde beside him.

Kenny cleared his throat nervously. "Is that what he told you?" he asked pleasantly.

"Uh huh." Clearly, Stan was not amused.

"And you assumed he was—"

"We all know Butters doesn't even know how to lie," Stan said darkly. "And we also know that Butters cries all the time. But he doesn't sob in front of everyone unless he has a damn good reason to."

With a slight laugh, Kenny joked, "What about that time when Cartman told him his shirt was inside out and he got all embarrassed? I wouldn't say that count as a damn good reason, would you?"

Stan flicked him in the back of the head. "Ouch!" Kenny said, rubbing the offended area. "What was that for?"

"Why the hell did you have to be so mean to the poor kid?" Stan questioned in annoyance. "What did he ever do to you? Like you? Not a crime!"

Kenny scowled. "And it's your job to stick up for him? How is it any of your business?"

"Because you're my friend, and Butters is my friend, but Butters is the one in tears!"

With a sigh, Kenny slouched even further in his chair. "I told him he wasn't my type and he never would be," he said.

"I know," Stan said, watching him carefully. "The question here isn't what you said; it's why you said it."

"I said it because it's true."

"Is it?" Stan let that hang in the air for a moment before swallowing and continuing gently, "Ken. It goes without saying that you're supposed to apologize here, but since you're not, I'm going to say it. Apologize to him!"

Now it was Kenny's turn to be annoyed. "Why?" he whined. "For giving him the cold hard truth? He's never gonna go anywhere if people always sugarcoat everything for him. We're in tenth grade. He needs to learn that you can't always get what you want!"

Stan rolled his eyes. "Don't pretend you aren't aware that Butters is a special case. And don't pretend you can't stand him, either. You like him just fine; I can tell. Believe it or not, I'm not an idiot."

This made Kenny groan. "Please don't try to guilt me," he said reproachfully. "It isn't really your job to tell me that I'm in love with Butters. I'm really not."

"Yeah you are," Stan challenged. "And it's not fair to Butters for you to cocktease him all year, only to dump him when he finally admits—stop sniggering, this isn't funny. I know an awful lot about relationships, and about love, and even about turning people down, and I can say right now that you two would be the most messed-up couple ever, especially after this, but I really think you two need each other."

"Stan." Kenny said seriously, sitting up straight to look his friend in the eye. "Just shut up. You're right, okay? I fucking like him. Whatever. But I would totally ruin the kid! I'm fucking white trash, man. I'm a nasty, trashy, ho. A pervert and a man-whore. Butters, on the other hand, is basically the epitome of childhood innocence that never went wrong. He's afraid to say the word 'hell' around adults. He still sings that stupid song about apples. If he's sad or nervous or anxious, he will cry." Kenny paused to sigh again. "His purity, his incorruptibility—that's exactly what I love about him. I don't want to mess with it. I won't mess with it. And that's why I sent him running in the other direction when he told me he loved me for real." Squeezing his eyes shut and slumping all over again, Kenny asked glumly, "You say you know a lot about turning people down—I believe it, you're a jock and stuff. But what do you know about turning someone down who has been secretly dying to be with you for years?"

Apparently, Stan was surprised at all of this, because he sort of blinked and coughed before coming up with a response. "Well, uh," he started, "I don't think I've ever had to do that."

Kenny opened one eye, slightly startled. "What about when Kyle admitted he loved you?" he asked. "What did you do?"

Stan frowned. "That never happened!" he exclaimed. The librarian yelled something in their direction in whatever language it was that she spoke, and Kenny paused to flash her a dazzling smile and a nod of feigned repentance.

"Um," he said, turning back to Stan. "Really?"

"No!"

"Oh," he said thoughtfully. Then: "It will."

"He doesn't swing that way," Stan growled. "And anyway, that's not the point. I don't care that you think you're gonna ruin Butters—you won't. All I have to say is, Butters is heartbroken. Fix it." With that last warning, Stan stood up, swinging his backpack over his shoulder and taking those long strides of his out of the library without a last glance.

"Well…Boo fucking hoo, Stan!" Kenny yelled after him. "Not everyone gets a happy ending! Especially here!" He scowled again at Stan's retreating form. He'd been hoping for at least some sign he'd been acknowledged.

"Dal nga bibliotekën time tani, shejtan!"

Kenny looked up and to his left to see the angry, foreign librarian standing over him, hands on her hips and glare on her face. He didn't know what language she was speaking, but he sure as hell got the hint.

Picking up his bag and heading for the door, Kenny dreaded what he was about to do. On his way out, he slapped Craig's ass with a "Hey, sexy"—if he was about to get himself tied down, he at least wanted to get to touch that perfect thing just one time…

Predictably, Kenny found Butters hiccupping and rubbing his face behind the old agriculture building's greenhouse. Ironically, this was the place people went when they needed some privacy. AKA: Butters' home away from home.

He stopped about ten feet away, watching the crumpled figure try to dry his tears (with no success) for a minute before making his presence known. "Hey, cutie," he called, watching Butters turn and register who it was. Fuck, he was adorable.

"Oh," Butters said dully as Kenny took a few steps closer. "Uh, well, hello there, um, Kenny." He hiccupped childishly and looked away in shame. "Is there, uh, something you needed?"

"Um, yeah!" Kenny said in a tone intended to sound as though it were obvious. He pulled his face into one of those over-emphasized grins meant to cheer up someone miserable. He slid down the wall of the greenhouse to sit right next to Butters, who scooted away about an inch. "It's you!"

Butters sniffled and turned his face to the right, away from Kenny. "Well, er, what is it you needed me for, K-Kenny? I haven't got all, uh…day. You know." His voice was so hopeless that Kenny wanted to both hug him and to roll his eyes and tell him to man up.

Biting his lip, Kenny thought over what he was supposed to say to that. He fervently wished Cartman was there because, despite his usual rude nature, Cartman really knew how to sweet-talk a woman scorned. He figured the same approach would work on Butters.

But he was all alone in this. "Well, Butters," he started carefully, "I've been thinking an awful lot about what you told me earlier. You said that you loved me as more than a friend, remember?"

This at first seemed as though it was about to open a whole new can of worms, as Butters let out a dry sob and hid his face in his knees. But he at least responded. "Y-yes, Kenny. I do remember that." From the noises he was making, Kenny could tell he was crying again.

"Hey, don't cry," Kenny said soothingly, reaching a hand out to rub Butters' back. "That whole thing is why I'm here." He cleared his throat. "You see, uh, what I told you? I was kind of lying."

At this, Butters lifted his shiny pink face out of his knees to look right at Kenny. "Well, uh, Kenny, what do you m-mean by that?" It seemed as though he might be getting the hint, because his eyes seemed slightly hopeful.

Encouraged, Kenny went on, "Butters, I only said that shit because I was worried I'd be a bad influence on you, you know? But if you don't mind that—or if you think it doesn't matter, or whatever—Butters, I would love to have the chance to court you." It was old-fashioned words like "court" that he knew made Butters smile, and it worked.

"R-really?" Butters asked in the silly voice of his that Kenny loved so fucking much. "You l-like me too? Well, hamburgers!"

"I sure do," Kenny nodded firmly. "So, what do you say? You want to give me a second chance?"

"Do I ever!" Butters yelled, flinging his arms around Kenny's neck and hugging the shit out of him.

Kenny laughed heartily, his heart's pounding having gone down. He pulled Butters even closer to him, returning the hug gratefully. "I'm glad," he said, grinning into the back of Butters' turquoise jacket.

They stayed like that for a while, Butters crying happy tears and Kenny patting his back gently. But eventually, Kenny knew he had to go. "Butters, I have to get back to study hall or I'll get suspended again," he said.

"Oh no!" Butters cried, pulling away, but leaving his arms in the same position. "You should g-go then!"

Kenny nodded. "You stay here for a while, okay, doll? Pull yourself together a little bit." he reached out a finger to push Butters' chin up a little. "Be happy now, 'kay?"

"You don't have to ask me twice!" Butters said, his perky grin back in its rightful place on his face. "I'll see you later!"

"Mhm. You sure will." With that, Kenny (reluctantly) stood up, savoring the look of genuine happiness that Butters executed so well. It was a look that made him more optimistic, more content, and more in love than ever.

It also made him kind of sick, but that was okay.