This is the grotesquely deformed love-child of too much Ita/Sasu brotherhood and a cheesy quote about sadness. Ain't she a beauty?

E x c e s s O f J o y

"Excess of sorrow laughs. Excess of joy weeps."

-William Blake

Itachi never thought that things could end up this way. Even now he can remember the dark hopeless terror he'd felt at the thought of having to leave his home, his village Konoha, forever. And he would have done it; he would have gone through with it if the small black-haired boy hadn't snagged his pudgy fist on his shirt as he tried to run.

"Nii-san," the boy had said quietly, tears in his eyes and a sob cracking his voice. "Mom and dad. Someone… somebody, they-" Sasuke had sobbed into his bloody chest, too young or too scared or too much in denial to realize his brother's hand in the attack. Itachi should have run the boy through right then and there, or should have shoved him off and told the small boy just who'd killed their parents. Their parents and their friends and their cousins. But Itachi couldn't.

Sandaime had let him stay. The old man had come with the ANBU and seen the way the six year old clung to his chest, bawling his black eyes out in fear and loneliness. The man had given Itachi a sharp, almost sad look before declaring that they must investigate, but not yet. He made the ANBU leave, grudgingly as they did, and after that he too left the brothers to themselves.

In spite of everything, at the time Itachi had only felt selfishly relieved.

Even now Itachi can feel the blood on his hands. It physically stains his katana and his arm guards, but even more so he can still see it whenever he closes his mangekyou sharingan eyes. The Sandaime had passed it off as feeling responsible for not being able to protect his clan, but Itachi can still feel his hands on Shisui's chest, pushing his one and only friend's body into the river below.

But even now, all Itachi can feel is a soft warmth growing in his heart. Itachi grabs his pillow to his chest and tries not to remember how the flesh and blood felt beneath his hands. Instead he tries to think of how now he'll get to watch Sasuke grow into a man, get to teach the boy for a little while longer. Itachi thinks of how, now, he can finally be the big brother Sasuke always deserved, even if it's only a lie.

Itachi can't help the tears dripping down his cheeks and soaking the grey pillow-case, as hard as he tries to stop them. He shouldn't feel like this. It shouldn't be this way.

Across the hall his younger brother only pulls his dark blankets over his head and laughs.