Disclaimer: PoM does not belong to me. Story is in all dialogue.

"Uh... wha? Where am I? And why are my joints all stiff...?"

"That's a normal side effect of my new stun gun. It'll where off momentarily."

"BLOWHOLE! Where am I? Where is my team?"

"You're in my base... duh. As for your team... Kowalski and Rico got away. Private... well, I apologize."

"For what? If he's hurt at all..."

"No, not hurt. Dead, Skipper."

"..."

"It wasn't my intention. I only shot him with a minor dose of sedative... barely enough to knock him out. What happened was he had an allergic reaction to it. Oh, how terrible. Be glad you weren't conscious to see it."

"..."

He was convulsing and bleeding from the mouth... I injected him with something to put him out of his misery. If he had lived... he'd be messed up for most of his life. It was really the only way..."

"..."

"If it helps... there was no pain-"

"No... NO! YOU'RE LYING! YOU HAVE TO BE LYING! HE'S NOT DEAD, HE'S NOT!

"Oh, the five stages of grief. First denial. then, if I remember correctly, anger-"

"HOW COULD YOU? YOU MONSTER... YOU MONSTER!"

"-followed by bargaining-"

"I'm sorry... please, forgive me. I couldn't save you. I'm sorry..."

"-next comes despair-"

"WHY? HE WAS SO YOUNG, SO GIFTED! HE DIDN'T DESERVE THIS!"

"-and last, but not least, acceptance-"

"YOU! I'M GOING TO CAUSE YOU SO MUCH PAIN, YOU'LL BEG FOR THE MERCY OF DEATH!"

"-or, more anger. Well, I'm sorry. But Skipper, please, think about the little Private. He'd want you to be safe, right? Not die, like he did."

"...what do you want from me?"

"I want you to live. That's what Pri- he would want for you, too. And without him... your team can't beat me anymore. I simply request that you stay here-"

"-and join you?"

"It's really the only way. Without Private, your team can't beat me. But if you join me, I'll spare them. And multiple others, perhaps even give your old friends a place in my new government. A fair proposition, if I do say so myself."

"..."

"Imagine it. A world, where everyone has a chance, despite species, age, color. No more unneeded casualties. Everyone living in perfect order. A place where everyone is needed."

"..."

"Think about it. It's what little Private would- OW! My nose!"

"Well, that's what I was aiming for. And Private wouldn't want me to join you, because I don't believe in your views. He would hate me if I fought for a cause I don't believe in."

"...I'm disappointed Skipper. I thought you were smarter than that."

"Perhaps I am. You'll never know. Now leave before I have to hurt you again."

"Alright. But I'll be back tomorrow. It won't be long..."

"...Private...forgive me..."

"Ugh... my head, it aches. What...?"

"A normal side effect of the sedative. It'll pass."

"What? YOU! How did I- oh yeah, I remember now. Where are the others?"

"Kowalski and Rico escaped. As for Skipper... well, I'm sorry for your loss."

"Loss?...you mean...?"

"Dead. The stun gun I used hadn't been tested yet. Stunned his heart muscle when it hit his chest. Without oxygen flowing to his brain, he died. If it helps, I don't think there was any pain..."

"...no... it can't be. Not Skippah..."

"...I'm sorry. I'll keep you here for a while, but I need to talk to you about something."

"...guess I gave no choice..."

"Excellent attitude. Now, imagine a perfect world, with no killing, no violence. Everyone gets to do what they love and money doesn't matter."

"..."

"I strive to create this perfect world. The way I go about it is simply destroying the world of old to make room for the world of new. Sometimes lives are taken in the process. The perfect world wouldn't come without sacrifice."

"..."

"But to prevent as many deaths as possible, we need speed. With your creativity and rare form of cleverness, this goal would be possible within our near future."

"You want me... to join you?"

"If you do, I promise the rest of your friends would be spared. All you have to do is pledge loyalty to me, declare me your new leader- AH! MY EYE!

"Bulls-eye."

"How is that even possible?"

"Rico taught me."

"That freak..."

"I will NEVAH declare you my leader. Skippah is the only person I will evah listen to like I do now. You are NOT Skippah. You can't gain my loyalty."

"I'm disappointed Private. I'd assume you were intelligent enough to know when you're beaten. Looks like I was wrong."

"Pity. Now GET OUT!"

"Alright, sheesh. But I will be back tomorrow."

"Of course... Oh, Skippah..."

"Rico, come on! We've been planning this rescue for two weeks, we can't stop to blow up his macaroni collection. Why would he even have those?"

"I'unno"

"Well, we're gonna need to split up at the end of this hallway. You go left, I'll go right. We're looking for Skipper and Private... no blowing things up."

"Aw..."

"Maybe next time. Now let's go, every moment spent here is a moment wasted."

"I'm not afraid of you, Blowhole... do your worst."

"Skipper it's me..."

"Kowalski?"

"Rico's here, too. We should actually go catch up with him once I free you."

"What's the point?"

"Skipper! Get a grip, man!"

"Why?"

"Because we need you! You are the best leader I've ever had, and you don't hesitate to do what's right. Come on... we gotta-"

"Kowalski!"

"What was that?"

"Walkies-talkies. Rico: update."

"Good news, bad news."

"In order of importance."

"Found Private."

"That's great!-"

"Badly hurt."

"Oh... that's not so great. We'll be down in a moment. We've gotta go."

"I dunno... it's either go with you or stay here... which one do you really think I'm gonna choose?"

"Now that's the Skipper we know and love! Now come on, let's go get the others."

"Others? I though it was just you and-"

"It was. Now lets go."

"Ugh..."

"Private?"

"Wha?...Rico? What's going on now? Am I hallucinating?"

"Nuh-uh."

"Oh, this is- AH! I'm still sore from Blowhole's torture."

"Bleeding."

"Oh. That's probably why I feel all light-headed... oh dear!"

"PRIVATE!...Kowalski!"

"Rico: update."

"Good news, bad news."

"In order of importance."

"Found Private."

"That's great!-"

"Badly hurt."

"Oh... that's not so great. We'll be down in a moment."

"Wake."

"Uhh... I don feel so good..."

"Relax."

"I'll try..."

"RICO!"

"KOWALSKI! SKIPPER!"

"RICO!...Private?"

"Oh, Private..."

"Hurt bad"

"We can, uh-"

"Rico: First aid kit"

"Uh... Skippah?"

"Hey kiddo..."

"I thought you were dead..."

"So did I... I'm so sorry..."

"For what?"

"...It doesn't matter. We have to get out of here before-"

"-I show up?"

"BLOWHOLE!"

"Bluhhole!"

"YOU!"

"OW! Watch it!"

"Sorry, Private."

"Alright, you caught me. I tried to manipulate Private and Skipper to join me."

"Well, it didn't work!"

"So what? Look at Private, Skipper; You've still failed. He's a walking disaster, with all those cuts."

"WHY YOU-! HOW DARE YOU INSULT SKIPPAH!"

"PRIVATE!"

"AAH!AHH!AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Private..."

"I wanna go home."

"Yeah, okay. Kowalski: how do we get home?"

"Blowhole's helicopter on top of the building."

"Excellante... Rico: you can drive. Kowalski: keep us from crashing. Private- oof!"

"Sorry, Skippah. I just can't believe you're alive..."

"Yeah, I know... I missed ya, kid."

"Me, too. I con believe I just BOUGHT Blowhole's story. Just like that. I'm an idiot."

"No you're not. But we'd better get to the roof before Rico takes off"

"Alright..."

"Rico- you are never driving an aircraft again."

"Aw..."

"Hey guys!"

"Welcome home, silly penguins! Now, where were you all the last two week, instead of worshiping me?"

"Well, as fascinating as that does sound... we were being held captive by Blowhole-"

"Oh, another Blowhole story."

"Still don't believe in our arch nemesis, Marlene?"

"Where else could I have possibly gotten these cuts?"

"Oh, those look pretty bad... that's awful. Couldn't be anything but real."

"He could've done it to himself."

"Julian!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Rico. Hammer."

"Hey, uh, what are you going to do with that? Are you going to-? NO! DON'T HIT ME! OW! I AM STARTING TO BELIEVE YOU WANT TO HURT ME ON PURPOSE! AAAHHH!"

A little piece to help me recover from my hiatus. Written all in dialogue cause I wanted to do one like that. Deal with it.