21

Yay! So this is Chapter Four. I will continue trying to put chapters up asap for the time being, but, I just got into the study abroad program to Japan so for about 6 months I will not be able to write anything, so I must write as much as I can in the time that I have!

There I lay in bed, staring up at the cream white ceiling and counting the dull ticking of the clock. I was exhausted, yet as much as my body wanted to, I wasn't able to fall asleep. So I had nothing else to do besides just laying there, bored out of my mind. My mother had come in earlier but I pretended to be asleep; not at all wanting to talk to her. She was the reason why I was strapped down by the wrists to this stupid bed in this stupid hospital, trapped with the most sadistic man in the world. Besides, even if I wanted to talk to her I wouldn't have been able to do so. It was as though my mind had shut down completely from last night. When I had woken up today I had almost forgotten everything that had happened yesterday and where I was. It was as if I knew what Karasu had done to me but my mind couldn't remember any detail of it. I only remember him on top of me and my passing out soon after that. Perhaps I wasn't even raped in the first place. Perhaps I had jumped to conclusions when I had woken up half naked on that cold floor. Perhaps, perhaps- I was interrupted by a soft knock on the door.

"Good morning Shuuichi," the nurse from yesterday entered holding a tray of food. "You must be quite hungry, hmm?" Not in the least. None the less, she placed the tray on the table besides me and sat down on the bed. "Now," she said turning to look me in the eye, "can I trust you enough to take these off, or would you rather me leave them on?" I averted my eyes and nodded. I really hated the way she talked to me as if I was some kind of pathetic small child. "Which one Shuuichi-kun?" She asked again. I tried to tell her the first one but when I opened my mouth nothing came out. At all. I really couldn't say a word? She must have understood my trying to speak as she placed her hand on my shoulder. "Don't force yourself dear, it's okay," she gently reached over and untied the restraints, "there you go dear. Now for some breakfast."

About five minutes after a failed attempt to get me to eat, the nurse finally gave up and picked the tray up, turning to leave. "I'm going to have to tell Dr. Aiyomiya about your refusal to eat." I cringed at his name and pulled the covers over my head. "And know that it is a privilege to have the restraints off, understand Shuuichi? Dr. Aiyomiya will be here in a few moments to question you a little with your mother so be good for him, okay dear?" My stomach churned and my head spun. I wanted desperately to tell her not to let him come, but I couldn't even make a sound. Quickly I got out of bed and grabbed her hand just as she was about to leave and gave her the most desperate pleading look I could, trying, trying to tell her how much I didn't want to see him, but she only patted me on the head and smiled.

"Don't worry Shuuichi-kun, they'll be here in only a moment. You won't be alone for long at all." Letting go of her hand I walked back over to my bed defeated. I curled up as small as I could under the covers hoping, praying that he would just think that I was asleep. I did not want to see him, to be in the same room as him or to even hear his voice. All I wanted was to be home in my room with my favorite razor blade. Just then there was another knock and the sound of the door opening. Lying as still as I could pretending to be asleep, I tried hard to stop the tears welling up in my eyes.

"Shuuichi-kun?" I heard his voice call. I shuttered feeling his hand on my back stroking me gently. "Shuuichi, may I talk to you?" I bit my tongue, not as though I could shout out anyway… "Your mother is here." Just a little longer and maybe he'll leave- "Shuuichi, I know that you are awake. The nurse told me." Shit. Slowly I pulled the covers down, my eyes still shut tight. "That's better."

"Shuuichi…" I heard my mother whisper. "It's me dear, I'm here."

"How are you feeling today?" Karasu asked sitting down beside my bed. Seeing how I couldn't speak, I just shrugged my shoulders.

"Shuuichi, sit up and talk to Dr. Aiyomiya." My mother said now placing her hand on my back. I pulled away yet obeyed her, slowly sitting up, pulling my knees to my chest and burring my face. I still didn't want to be near him.

"Now," Karasu said taking out something, "the nurse said that you are not speaking right now."

"Is he mute?" My mother gasped.

"Very likely. Muteness is a common sigh of post traumatic shock." He mused. "Anyway Shuuichi, I still need to ask you a few questions to find out what is going on so," he handed me a yellow tablet and a fountain pen, "if you cannot speak, then write." I slowly took the objects from him, avoiding his eyes at all times. "So, first what I want to know is if you know why you are in here." Bastard, you know exactly why I'm here. Still I scribbled down an answer.

-No. I have no idea why I am here.- If he was going to ask a stupid question then I would give a stupid answer. Then again I couldn't just write 'because I think you raped me' when my mother was mere feet away from a murderer.

"Is that so?" He asked looking at my answer. "Well, if that is true, I will explain exactly why you are here. One," he said holding up a finger, "your mother found out that you cut your wrists-"

-A lot of people inflict self-harm on their wrists.- I wrote.

"Many people inflict self-harm upon their forearms yet normally do not have suicidal intent, while people who cut directly on their wrist, especially as much as you do, usually do have some sort of suicidal intent. Anyway, as I was saying, the second reason why you are in here is because according to your mother you had a major panic attack upon your mother finding out about your wrists. Do you deny this?" What was he, some kind of lawyer?

-No, I don't deny it.- I scribbled down quickly. –But I do think that everyone is over reacting.-

"Well, that raises the question, why do you cut your wrists?" I didn't respond, just staring straight ahead at the blank white wall. "Shuuichi, we need to know-" I cut him off turning and glaring right at him, my angry boiling over. I hated everything about him from his stupid confident posture to his violet eyes which always seemed to mock me, even now. He was planning something and he had my mother and I exactly where he wanted us. This was all some big sort of game to him that he was sure he was going to win. Not wanting to spend another minute near him, I got out of bed and headed towards the door, once again not thinking of the consequences.

"Where are you going?" Karasu asked getting up from his chair.

"Shuuichi, you have to stay in this room!" Cried my mother also getting up. I turned, giving her the dirtiest look I could and was about to leave when out of nowhere Karasu grabbed my arm pulling me back. Suddenly my body tensed and I couldn't breath as if someone had just socked me in the stomach. The feeling of his hand on me, gripping my arm, controlling me, brought back all of the memories from last night flooding into my mind. The pain, the fear, the shame, everything. I screamed grabbing at his hand, tears falling down my face.

"LET GO OF ME!" I sobbed, suddenly able to speak. "PLEASE! Not again, PLEASE!" Surprised, he let go of me causing me to fall to the ground.

"Shuuichi!" My mother ran to my side pulling me into a tight embrace.

"Please. Please not again… please!" I continued to whisper to myself burring my face in my mother's lap.

"What just happened?" My mother cried.

"Shuuichi-kun…" He said crouching down beside me. I pulled away desperately wanting to leave more then ever.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry! Just don't hurt me again…"

"I'm not going to hurt you Shuuichi," he sighed turning to my mother, "but I do think that I know what happened to your son Hatanaka-san." Once again I heard my mother gasp.

"W-what do you think happened doctor?" Karasu gave a slight sigh and place a hand on my mother's shoulder.

"I believe," he said drawing a breath in, "that in some way your son was sexually abused." Panic and shock shot through me causing me to pull away from mother and give him a horrified look. What the hell was he thinking admitting that I was raped? Wasn't that digging his own coffin? Did he want to get caught? But that would mean my mother's life! Was he punishing me for my mother finding out about my abuse? Was he going to kill her?

"No!" I cried not caring anymore at how ridiculous I was acting. This was my mother's life up in the air. "Nobody raped me, I swear!"

"You were not raped?" He asked skeptically.

"No! No, nothing happened!" My head began to spin. "No one ever touched me-"

"Really?" He cut in. "Because the way you just pulled away from me in fright is very common in people who were sexually assaulted."

"Shuuichi honey, you have to tell us the truth." My mother said trying to wipe her tears away.

"No… nothing happened. No one raped me…" Whispering, I got up slowly backing away from Karasu and my mother.

"Then what happened Shuuichi?" Karasu asked getting up after me. "Why did you pull away from me the way you did? Were you having flash backs of any kind of the rape?"

"NO!" I screamed, my back hitting the wall. "STAY AWAY FROM ME!"

"Shuuichi." Karasu commanded looking me square in the eyes. "You have to tell the truth or else," he glanced at my mother briefly, "you will not be the only one who ends up hurt." I stared right into those violet eyes trying desperately to find out what he wanted me to do. Did he really want me to admit that I was raped? Then what? "Shuuichi, I'm serious-"

"Fine!" I blurted out startling even myself. "I-I…" My mother came and put her arms around me.

"It's okay Shuu-chan." She whispered.

"I-I didn't…" I sobbed not being able to drop my gaze from Karasu's. "I didn't… mean to. I-I thought…" I cried finally breaking down. My body trembled, mother holding me close to herself. I felt sick, sick and cold as if I was surrounded by ice.

"It's okay baby, it's okay." My mother kept on whispering to me as I clung to her crying. "What should we do, call the police?"

"What we need to do first is to test Shuuichi to make sure he is still psychically healthy." Nodding, my mother pulled me to my feet, embracing me once again. "After the tests he is going to need to stay for an extra day just to make sure that he will not try to take another attempt at his life."

"It's going to be alright Shuuichi! Dr. Aiyomiya will make sure you get all better.

"That's right Shuuichi." He said smiling that eerie smile I was all to use to. "You'll be in… good hands…"

Two days later, Shuuichi sat staring, eyes unfocused, at the same white wall of the same hospital room. At first he was glad that he had gotten a room all to himself but recently all he wanted was the presences of another person besides all of the nurses and doctors who believed that he was 'mentally unstable' and a 'danger' to himself. It had already been three says since Karasu had raped him and never before in Shuuichi's life had he felt so mentally drained. The constant worrying of his mother combined with the careful watch of the head nurse made him feel worse, not any better. At least on the bright side, after telling the 'truth' to Karasu, he was allowed to have the restraints taken off for good, which had really been doing a number to his already sore wrists. Still being stuck in a building with Karasu wasn't worth it…

One of the other reasons why Shuuichi hated being alone all day was because that gave him time to think about the things he didn't want to think about. A lot. Like where were his old 'friends' and why were they not trying to find him? Why couldn't he talk or get in contact with Youko? Why did Karasu rape him and most of all, why did this bother/freak him out so much? He had fought demons five times the size of Karasu, been inches away from death many times before, yet why did whenever he had those ridiculous flashbacks did his breath quicken, his chest tighten and fear spread throughout his body? What scared him the most (besides the fact that he was someone's slave) was that he was afraid. He never was afraid of anything in the degree that he was afraid of Karasu. Still somehow the way how his Master's body seemed to always be surrounded in this sort of power, how just his looks of complete superiority could almost make Shuuichi fall to his knees in pure fright. There was no way the poor boy was going to be able to continue living like this.

Thinking of which, the boy remembered, any minute now Karasu was going to come in to his room to give his a 'psychological evaluation' in able to see if Shuuichi was or was not 'mentally stable' enough to leave the careful watch of his nurses and go home. That meant that if Shuuichi wanted to get out of the hospital he couldn't scream, cry or generally panic at the sight or touch of Karasu. That would only give the sadist another few days alone with Shuuichi's mother. Not only that, but Shuuichi was just tired of always acting so afraid around him, so pathetic, so… slave like. This wasn't like him at all, he was going to have to leave this frantic mind set he had taken up and return to his normal clear minded, level headedness to find a way out of his bondage 'contract' and away from Karasu. He was going to have to prove to Karasu, whether or not he believed it himself, that he wasn't afraid of him anymore.

Just as he was thinking this, there was a knock at the door. Knowing exactly who it was, Shuuichi cleared his throat readying himself.

"C-come in." The boy barley whispered compulsively bringing his knees up to his chin in almost a protective manner. The door opened and Karasu strode in slamming the door behind him causing Shuuichi to jump in surprise.

"Oh, you are awake…" Karasu muttered with almost a hint of disappointment in his voice. "How are you feeling today Shuuichi?" He asked ignoring the chair beside the bed and sitting right on the side of the bed only inches away from the young boy.

"I-I" Shuuichi found himself stutter. "I'm fine." He managed to say trying not to drop his gaze from Karasu's. Karasu merely rolled his eyes leaning closer to Shuuichi, staring right into those green eyes.

"You can't lie to me, pet. I know you too well." Smirking, he placed a hand on top of Shuuichi's head. "That is why you'll never escape from me." Shuuichi jerked away, almost hitting his head against the wall.

"Are you here to do your job or are you just here to harass me Karasu?" He snapped winching instantly.

"Excuse me?" Karasu's eyes narrowed leaning closer to the boy. Shuuichi shuttered feeling as though someone had just punched him in to stomach. "I'm going to dismiss that blatant display of disrespect as you being extremely fatigued, but do it again and your punishment will be much worse then last time." He growled, eyes burning holes in the boys. "Understand?"

"Yes sir. I-I mean, yes… Master." Shuuichi said instantly dropping his gaze. Once again he'd forgotten how much respect Karasu demanded.

"Very good." He said with a smile. "Now," Shuuichi's heart nearly stopped as Karasu wrapped his arms around the much younger boy, "I am suppose to say whether you are fit to leave the hospital." He stopped to look Shuuichi straight in the eyes. "I suppose you can leave."

"R-really… Master?" Shuuichi gasped.

"That's right pet." Shuuichi winced as he felt the 'caring' embrace tighten. "Because I'm feeling… generous today." Once again Shuuichi cringed. Karasu was only 'generous' when something bad was going to happen to him. "So you are free to go today." Shuuichi nearly fainted.

"Thank you…?"

"Sure, why not." Karasu got up pulling Shuuichi by the wrists. "And if anyone asks, I gave you the psychological examination. Now come on, your mother is waiting in my office." Shuuichi had little time to wonder what his mother was doing there as Karasu nearly dragged him by the wrists to his large office. Inside Shiori sat staring out of the large window at the grey sky. Karasu gently knocked on the door frame and entered, Shuuichi still behind him.

"We are here." Karasu said, bowing, instantly switching to a more polite tone. Shiori looked up and nodded, smiling at the site of Shuuichi.

"Shuuichi, how are you today? Are you tired? Hungry?" She asked. "Is it alright for him to leave yet? Or-or should he stay a few more days?"

"I have talked to him and I believe that Shuuichi is ready to leave. At least on our conditions Hatanaka-san."

"Of course." She said moving over to her son. She tried to hug him only to have him yank away. "Shuuichi-"

"What 'conditions'?" Snapped Shuuichi glancing back and forth between Karasu and his mother.

"Well…" His mother began. "We were thinking that since such a traumatic… incident happened to you-"

"You mean I was raped, right?"

"Ye-yes… well, it's hard to get over such things by yourself, well, I mean you'll have the love and support of your family, but well…"

"Your mother and I decided that it would be in your best interest for you to see me at least once a week for a while." Karasu said.

"No!" Cried Shuuichi. "No, I'm not going to see a psychiatrist and I'm especially not going to see him-"

"Do you think you have a choice Shuuichi-kun?" Karasu asked with a slight smirk.

" You're going to let him talk to me like that?" The boy demanded to his mother.

"Shuuichi, it is one thing to let you out of the hospital so early but it is another thing to not have you talk to someone about what is going on in you life."

"I don't need to talk to anyone about what's going on in my life," Shuuichi snapped back. "I can take care of my own problems!"

"Do you mean by cutting your wrists?" Karasu asked sitting down on the large couch. "That is not a healthy way to release your stress."

"I'm sure it works better then sitting down and telling you how I feel. Mother, I'm not going to do this-"

"You either promise to see me at least once a week now, or you can stay here until you do." Karasu cut in looking him straight in the eye. Shuuichi was sure that if his mother wasn't in the room, Karasu would defiantly be beating him for speaking so rudely to him, though right then he didn't care.

"Mother!" The boy begged. "Don't make me do this." Shiori only shook her head trying to hold back tears.

"Shuu-chan, you have to do this. This is the only way to heal you, to make you feel better." Every bone in Shuuichi's body was begging him to scream out 'but he was the one that raped me!' yet he knew that would defiantly mean the death of his mother.

"I don't have a choice do I?"

"Not at all." Karasu shook his head.

"…Fine. I'll do it." Shuuichi said after a long pause. "But only for a month-"

"I will decide when you do not have to see me." Karasu stood up and smiled, obviously pleased that he had won. "Now, if you will come here." He beckoned. Shuuichi visibly shuttered yet complied walking slowly over to him. Karasu gently bent down, took his wrists and unwrapped the bandages reveling once more the many cuts and scars. Ignoring the glare of the younger boy, Karasu counted the cuts, stroking each one of them, then looked up and smiled.

"Wh-what…?" Shuuichi asked skeptically pulling his wrists out of his Master's grasp.

"There are exactly ten cuts on your left wrist and six on your right." He said standing up. "If, by the time I see you next week, there are any new cuts on your wrists, you will be in trouble. Understand?"

"Sure."

"And Hatanaka-san, make sure that you remember to keep a very close eye on Shuuichi for a while. He should take the rest of this week and the next off from school but if he really wants to, I suppose he can start going again in two weeks depending on his health."

"Right." Shiori said giving a deep bow. "I really do appreciate all you have done to help out with Shuuichi and I truly apologize for my son's… rudeness."

"No, no." Karasu said with a wave of his hand. "I will see you two next Thursday."

"Alright," Shiori turned and nodded to her son, "we can leave now Shuuichi." She headed out of the door and Shuuichi was about to follow when Karasu grabbed him by the arm stopping him, and whispering fiercely in his ear.

"There will defiantly be repercussions for the way that you've talked to me today Shuuichi." He gripped his arm tighter causing it to bruise before letting go and saying a little louder, "I will see you next week Shuuichi."

"Whatever." Shuuichi muttered yet all he could think about was exactly how bad his punishment was going to be the next time he saw him. Damn him.

Twenty minutes later, Shuuichi sat inside of his mother's car watching the raindrops drip slowly down the foggy window. He was finally going home, yet somehow he didn't feel excited at all. Sure the boy was away from his Master and wasn't being tied down to a bed, but his mother was still going to have to always watch him, he would get no privacy, and she had just been brainwashed into thinking that Karasu was some sort of saint or something. Whatever lies he'd told her, Shuuichi would have to find out. Shuuichi sighed, once again staring down at his re-bandaged wrists. He would know if Shuuichi cut again, right? Well he would just have to find away around that-

"Well, I'm glad that you're coming home today Shuuichi." His ever optimistic mother said breaking the silence. When Shuuichi didn't answer she just continued on. "The house seemed so empty without your presence and Kakoda-kun and your stepfather have missed you a lot these past few days." Yeah right. "Then again, I wasn't home most of the time since Dr. Aiyomiya paid for me to stay in a hotel room near the hospital so I could be close to you. It was quite nice, a suite-"

"Wait." Shuuichi cut in. "He paid for you to stay in a suite?"

"Y-yes." Mother said a little surprised at his sudden outburst. "He's quite nice isn't he?"

"No," Snapped Shuuichi. "He is not 'nice' at all."

"Shuuichi!" She said angrily. "You don't even know him and all of the wonderfully kind things he's done to help you get better!"

"And I'm sure that he's glad that he got you to believe that he's such a nice guy." Since when was he so rude to his mother? "He just wants our money or something."

"I can't believe what you're saying Shuuichi!" She said pulling into their driveway. "I know you must be angry at what has happened to you but you shouldn't lash out at the people who are just trying to help you."

"Well I hate Dr. Aiyomiya and I refuse to talk to him during our little sessions!" Shuuichi yelled getting out of the car door and slamming it shut. "He's an evil person, he's not what you think he is!"

"That's just your depression talking Shuu-chan, you don't really mean it." Shiori sighed unlocking the door.

"My depression? What are you talking about? I'm not depressed!"

"Shuuichi, just how about we worry about Dr. Aiyomiya later? You're finally home, shouldn't you just be happy at that?" The boy only rolled his eyes and strode past his mother into the living room.

"I'm going to go take a nap because I'm tired." Shuuichi began to climb the stairs when his mother stopped him.

"How about you take a nap in my bed Shuu-chan so I can watch over you?" Shuuichi nearly ignored her, climbing the stairs and slamming shut the door of his room leaving Shiori alone in the living room. "Welcome home Shuuichi." She whispered to herself staring up after him.