A/N: AU 3x01. I love the 'All you gotta do is survive' scene. I think without Alex meaning to he said exactly what Addison needed to hear. The song in this is 'Beside You' by Marianas Trench, and is possibly my favourite song at the minute. It's beautiful, and it's one of those songs where the lyrics really make sense.
I like certain parts of this and hate others!
Apitty293 requested a hot Addex or MerAdd. Here you go =D I do have a hot MerAdd on the way too, just need to finish it! Hope you enjoy! Reviews please!
"Poor little guy. The minute he's okay we're going to have to turn him over to his mother who's going to juvie" Addison sighed "And grandparents are so clueless they didn't even realize their own kid was pregnant. Imagine the kind of childhood he's going to have"
"You can get over a bad childhood" Alex said simply "I mean you can have the worst crap in the world happen to you and you can get over it. All you gotta do is survive"
~x~
"That was, interesting, what you said in there today Karev" Addison said as she stood in the NICU with Alex.
"Hmm?" he said looking up at her.
"About surviving" she said softly "It was, surprising"
"It's the truth, I only speak the truth" he said simply.
"Yeah, you do" Addison said with a small smirk.
"Look" Alex started "She's my friend, she's, she's my friend but, what they did, that was low, you deserve better than that"
Addison looked up at him skeptically.
"Like I said" he said with a small smirk "I only speak the truth"
"Right" Addison said with a laugh "I, do you know how I found out?"
"No" Alex said shaking his head "I, I could tell that you knew, just the way you've been today but, I assumed he told you"
"He hasn't got the balls" Addison muttered, she moved over to the corner of the NICU and took a ziplock bag holding Meredith's black lace underwear in it that sat in her purse and handed it to him "He left those in the pocket of his tux, I washed them and put them in there, I'm trying to decide what to do with them"
"What an ass" Alex muttered "But, I have an idea" he said with a grin.
"An idea?" Addison said with a raised eyebrow.
"Put them up somewhere, the bulletin board, as lost and found"
"Your insane" Addison laughed "But, kind of a genius"
"I know" Alex smirked.
"Well uh, I'm gonna go do that, then I'm moving into the hotel and then I'm going to spend tomorrow getting very very drunk, you'll probably be in the pit but if you can come up and check on this little guy I'd appreciate it" Addison said looking into the isolate.
Alex walked over to her and squeezed her shoulder reassuringly "You can have the worst crap in the world happen to you and you can get over it"
"All you've gotta do is survive" Addison finished softly, she reached up to her face and wiped a stray tear from her cheek, Alex turned her around and wrapped his arms around her.
"Karev" she mumbled into his body "What are you doing?"
"I'm hugging you" Alex mumbled into her hair "Shut up and hug me back"
Addison tentatively wrapped her arms around his back, without even realizing it tears fell slowly from her cheeks.
"He's an idiot" Alex sighed.
"I'm the idiot" Addison sniffled "I knew he loved her, I knew he did, and stupidly I thought we could make it work, I thought we'd be Addison-and-Derek and again, but, we never were, and I knew we wouldn't be, the day Mark came out here I knew we wouldn't be"
"What d'you mean?" Alex said pulling back a little.
"He finds me in bed with his best friend, like in the sheets, his favourite sheets, and he walked away, he sees Mark talking to Meredith, ok so they were flirting a little but, he sees them talking, and he hits him, and Derek has never been violent, ever, not like that anyway, and especially not with Mark"
"You love him" Alex said softly "Thats why you held on, because you love him, he's the one who let you, he let you hold on, and if he was a real man, he would have let you go, let you move on, he's not a real man Addison, he's an ass who pretends he's a real man, at least I admit I'm an ass"
"You're not always an ass" Addison said softly "The Alex I met before wouldn't be this nice to me" she said with a laugh.
"I'm sorry" he said quietly.
"It's fine" she said wiping her eyes "Ugh, I need to stop thinking about it, I'm gonna, go, I'll, I'll see you in 2 days"
"Ok" Alex smiled "Here" he said scribbling his cell number down and handing it to her "If you need to talk, or you need someone to help you home after your drinking, just call me"
"Thank you Alex" Addison said softly before she left, and for the first time since the prom she had a small smile on her face.
~x~
"Alex Karev" Alex said answering his phone in the locker room the following evening.
"Hi" Addison hiccuped "Y'know, Joe said he'd call me a cab, but, you can drive me right? Because I spent all my cash on" another hiccup "Vodka and" hiccup "Cabs don't take platinum cards with the name Derek Shepard on them" another hiccup "But my hotel room does" hiccup "So he's paying for all of my drinks when I get back"
"Ok" Alex said with a laugh "Do you need me to come and get you now or have you still got some drinking to do?"
"Nope, Joe said it's time I go home, so, come and get me now ok? Ok, well, I'll see you soon Karev, Alex, Alex Karev, Alexander Karev, Dr Alexander Karev, y'know" she said in a whisper "I'm not just saying this because I'm drunk and depressed" hiccup "But you're a really nice, guy, sometimes, and, you're kind of, hot, hotter than my husband, old husband, that guy with the stupid hair, you're hotter than him"
"Thanks" Alex smirked "I'll be right there ok?"
"Ok, bye" Addison said hanging up.
Alex laughed to himself as he closed his phone and grabbed his bag.
"Who was that?" asked Meredith.
"Just a friend" Alex shrugged before leaving.
~x~
"Karev!" Addison exclaimed from outside Joe's as Alex pulled up next to her "You came!"
"Of course I came" Alex laughed stepping out of the car "Dude, what the hell are you wearing?" he said looking at her tracksuit bottoms, a coffee stained oversized shirt, a large coat, unbrushed hair and an ugly fisherman's hat.
"My drinking clothes" she slurred grasping onto his arm "The Archfield please Mr Cab Driver" she said with a grin.
"You weren't kidding when you said you planned on getting very very drunk were you?" he smirked as he helped her into his car, reaching over to put her seat belt on.
"I only speak the truth" she mumbled before closing her eyes, Alex let out a soft laugh, he closed the passenger door and got back into the drivers seat, he pulled off and made his way to The Archfield.
~x~
"Ok, I've got you" Alex said pulling Addison from his car, he closed the door and locked it before digging around in her back for her room key "2214, are you kidding me?" he mumbled, he scooped her up and carried her into the hotel, ignoring the strange looks he got from everyone, he stepped into the elevator and showed the attendant the room key.
"Alex" Addison mumbled into his shoulder "Can you tell Meredith that I don't hate her"
"What?" Alex smirked.
"Tell Meredith that, I don't hate her, she made a mistake, she made a mistake like I made a mistake and, I don't hate her ok?"
"Ok" Alex laughed "Can you walk?"
"Yep" Addison nodded, Alex dropped her to her feet and supported her as they stepped out of the elevator, he guided her to her room and opened the door up, he kicked it shut with his foot and led her to the bed, he sat her down and moved to the mini-bar, he grabbed a bottle of water and handed it to her "Drink" he said simply.
"Thanks" Addison whispered taking a sip.
"You need some coffee"
"I need some vodka" Addison said with a laugh.
"You've had enough of that" Alex laughed moving over to the coffee machine and pouring out some black coffee, he sat next to her on the bed and handed her the cup, she took a sip and grimaced a little.
"That's disgusting" she shuddered.
"It'll help though, drink" he said nudging the cup.
"I just want to sleep" Addison yawned.
"I'll leave you to it then" Alex said softly.
"No" she said holding his wrist "Just, can you, stay with me, just until I fall asleep"
"Ok" Alex whispered "Well, you should get out of these" he said tugging at her sweats.
"Are you coming on to me Karev?" Addison teased.
"No" Alex laughed "But, you'd love that huh? You think I'm hot"
"Oh god" Addison said hiding her face "Did I say that?"
"When you called" Alex smirked.
"So" Addison said standing up and stumbling slightly "I'm gonna go change, and you are going to forget I ever said any of that"
"Ok" Alex laughed.
~x~
Half an hour later and Addison lay in bed staring at the ceiling, Alex lay next to her on top of the covers.
"You ok?" Alex whispered.
"Hmm" Addison sighed, she turned on her side to face him "When I was a kid" Addison said quietly "And I was upset, and I couldn't sleep, my Nanny used to sing to me, Loving You by Minnie Riperton, it's the only thing that would get me to sleep"
"Well, I'm not singing that" Alex smirked "But I will sing for you"
"You will?" Addison said with a raised eyebrow.
"Yeah" Alex smiled, he took a breath before starting to sing softly.
"When your tears are spent on your last pretense
And your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense.
When it's in your spine like you've walked for miles
And the only thing you want is just to be still for a while
Oh waaii oh waaii oh oooo
Oh waaii oh waaii oh oooo
If your heart wears thin I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I'll be right beside you
I'll be right beside you"
Addison reached out and stroked Alex's cheek, she inched closer to him and kissed him softly, Alex responded for a second, Addison's kiss got more desperate, her hands coming to the bottom of his shirt.
"No, no Addison, not like this" he whispered pushing her away a little "Not like this"
"Please" she begged "Just, just for tonight, please"
"You're drunk, and upset and, I'd be taking advantage Addison" Alex said softly.
"I'm not that drunk" Addison whispered getting closer to his lips "Please Alex"
Alex moved the last few inches between them and kissed her gently "Let's get some sleep, and if in the morning you still need it, I'll be here ok?"
"Ok" Addison whispered "That'd be for the best"
"Yeah" Alex said softly "Do you need me to sing some more?"
"Yes please" Addison yawned snuggling into him.
"Close your eyes" Alex said kissing her forehead.
"If your heart wears thin I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I'll be right beside you
Nobody will break you"
Alex pressed another kiss on her forehead as her breathing softened and closed his eyes, falling slowly to sleep holding her close against him.
~x~
Addison and Alex both woke slowly, Addison's arm slung over Alex's body, her head buried into his chest, Addison let out a groan as her hangover hit her.
"Ow" she moaned lifting her head up.
"Not feeling so great huh?" Alex said brushing her hair from her face.
"No" she said burying her head back in his chest "I'm sorry"
"What for?" Alex asked softly.
"For trying to come onto you, I shouldn't have done that"
"It's ok" he said kissing the top of her head "But I meant it, if you need someone to, feed your beast, I'm here"
"Feed my what?" Addison laughed looking up at him.
"Sex Addison" Alex said simply.
"Oh" she blushed "I, I don't want to, use you"
"It's not using me, I promise, I just want to make you feel better"
"I haven't had good sex in, months" Addison mumbled.
"Shepard didn't do it for you?" he asked with a raised eyebrow "How the hell did you stay married to him for so long?"
"Well no before, before it was good, for the first, 9 years, we've had good sex twice maybe since I've been here, we've had sex but, it just wasn't, the same, I just want toe curling, mind blowing…." Addison was cut off by Alex's lips on hers, it was a rush to get their clothes completely off, the covers were even thrown to the floor. Alex slowly brushed his lips down her neck and to her breasts, Addison gasped as he nipped his teeth at the skin, he took one breast in his hand and the other in his mouth suckling against it a little.
"Oh god" Addison gasped, she groaned when he removed his lips but moaned a little when she realized where they were headed.
Alex sucked a little on her flat abdomen before pushing her legs apart with his hands, his tongue almost instantly connecting with her clit.
"Oh fuck" she said bucking her hips a little, Alex hooked his arms under her legs and wrapped them around her thighs, his hands holding her hips down as he swirled his tongue around her clit and dipped his tongue inside her already wet hole.
"Don't stop" Addison whispered "Oh god Alex"
Alex sucked against her, nibbling a little on her clit before lapping up all her juices "You taste good" he mumbled into her, he placed his tongue flat against her clit before circling it again.
"Oh god, I'm nearly, oh god" Addison moaned, Alex moved one of his hands down to meet his tongue, he placed a finger not even an inch inside her hole, he rubbed a little at it as she moaned louder and louder, as he knew she was about to cum he slipped in two fingers and pressed hard against her g-spot.
"Alex!" she moaned loudly, Alex scraped his fingers inside her and sucked hard on her clit, Addison's body writhed beneath him as she came, Alex moved up to kiss her hard on the lips as she pulsated around his fingers.
"How do you feel?" he whispered against her.
"Amazing" Addison moaned, Alex pulled his fingers out of her slowly, he brought them to her mouth and pushed them inside, she sucked off her juices with a hum.
"You taste good huh?" he said kissing her.
"Mmm" she hummed, she moved her hand to his crotch and took hold of his hardness "I think you might be the biggest I've ever had Karev, I hope you know what to do with it" she whispered huskily in his ear.
"Crap" Alex groaned.
"What?" Addison smirked.
"Condoms" he said simply.
"I'm on the pill" Addison replied "Haven't missed one since I was in New York so I think we're pretty safe"
"You sure?"
"Like I said" Addison smiled "I hope you know how to use this" she said brushing her thumb over his tip, Alex let out a small groan, Addison took the chance to flip him on his back and straddle him.
"Hello there" he smirked, which turned into a groan as she took hold of him and slipped him inside her.
"Oh my god" she groaned as he stretched her "Oh god you're, you're so big" she said rocking herself a little.
"Your so tight" Alex said thrusting inside her, he gripped onto her hips and held her still as he kept up his thrusts, Addison ground herself against him and moaned loudly as he hit her cervix, she placed her hands flat on his chest and dug in her nails slightly, her teeth biting at her bottom lip as she groaned.
"How about" Alex started breathlessly "We take this into the shower?"
"Absolutley" Addison whispered against his lips, she almost reluctantly pulled off him and dragged him through to the bathroom, as soon as the shower was on their lips were back together and Addison's legs were around his waist, her back against the cool tiles, Alex slipped a hand between them and guided himself into her before gripping onto her buttocks and thrusting up inside her.
"Oh my god" she moaned "Oh my…."
Alex connected his lips with her neck and sucked hard against it.
"Alex" she moaned "Harder"
Alex held onto her tighter and thrust as deep and as quick as he could, his tip slamming into her cervix, Addison started to pulsate around him, her hips bucking, she cried out loudly as her orgasm waved over her, Alex dropped one of her legs to the floor and hooked the other over his hip as he gave his last hard thrusts, they came in sync, Addison screaming his name, Alex groaning hers, his cum spurting inside her and mixing with her juices, he pulled out slowly, placing her other foot on the ground before kissing her hard on the lips.
"That was amazing" she whispered.
"It was" Alex smiled placing a kiss on her lips and then her neck and then her shoulder "You, are amazing"
"Thank you" Addison breathed as she held onto Alex.
"It was my pleasure" Alex said with a small smirk, Addison reached up and kissed him deeply, their tongues swirling together, their hands exploring each others bodies, Alex moved his kisses to her neck and across her collar bone.
"How do you feel?" he mumbled against her skin.
"Amazing" Addison breathed "Just amazing"
"Good" Alex smiled kissing her lips again.
"Well, I'm hungry so, I'm gonna go, order room service, you stay here, you smell like sex"
"So do you" he laughed.
"We can have another shower later" she winked before stepping out.
~x~
"I thought you were room service" Addison said quietly to Derek as she answered her hotel room door in her robe, she walked back into the room Derek followed her in, closing the door behind him, she sat down on the bed with a sigh.
"I feel terrible" Derek said softly "I'm not proud of what I did. You deserve better. And I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry about the panties, the prom. I, I'm sorry I did that" he said moving to the bed and sitting down next to her.
"Yeah. I'm sorry you did that too"
"Our marriage is over" Derek said simply.
"Yeah, I guess it is" Addison said shakily.
"It's all my fault. God this is incredibly sad. Incredibly sad"
Derek looked over his shoulder when the bathroom door opened, Addison tensed beside him, Alex walked out dripping wet and wrapping a towel around his waist, Derek looked back at Addison and then back at Alex.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Alex asked harshly.
"What am I doing here?" Derek exclaimed standing up "What the hell are you doing here?"
"Shouldn't you be with Meredith?" Alex asked with a smirk "Or have you hurt her like you've hurt Addison?"
"This is none of your business" Derek hissed.
"Derek. Leave." Addison said firmly as she stood up.
"Wha…."
"Leave!" she exclaimed "Get. Out. I don't want you here. I don't even, I don't even want to look at you" she hissed "How dare you come in here and question my life when you were the one who slept with someone else…."
"But…"
"Yes, I know, I slept with Mark, and now I've slept with Alex, I know!" she exclaimed "But Mark, Mark was scratching an itch, because you left me a long time ago Derek, those last 2 years in New York, you weren't my husband, you were just the guy who'd come home at gone midnight and be gone before I woke up, you weren't anything, and Mark was there, and he wanted me, he wanted me and I gave in, I gave in because I needed to feel something, and I know it was wrong, and it was a mistake, but you weren't there!"
"Addison you can't…."
"And since I've been here all you've been doing is trying to be a good guy, you've been staying with me because you didn't want to look bad, but you looked bad anyway, because you broke Meredith's heart and you kept breaking mine, my christmas present was you telling me you were in love with her!" she exclaimed, tears falling down her cheeks "And I feel so, stupid, I feel like an idiot, because I knew all this and I still, I still wanted to make it work, and just, just when I think we're ok, you sleep with her, and, that, that is just, that makes me hate you, not her, but you, and yes, I've just slept with Alex but I needed to feel for just one night that someone wanted me, not Meredith, me, so you do not get to judge me, I'll be calling my lawyer as soon as I can, now if you don't leave I will call security"
"We need to talk about this" Derek said lowly.
"There's nothing to talk about" Addison said hoarsely, Derek threw Alex a dirty glance before walking out of the room with a slam of the door, Addison sat back on the bed and sobbed into her hands, Alex came and sat beside her and wrapped his arms tightly around her body.
"Sshh, it's ok" he whispered kissing the top of her head "You're ok"
"My marriage is over" she sobbed.
"I'm so sorry Addison, I'm so sorry"
"It's not your fault" Addison said with a laugh, she wiped her tears from her cheeks and kissed his neck softly "Thank you"
"What for?" Alex asked.
"For being here, you barely know me and, you've been so good to me and, thank you"
"I want to know you" Alex said softly "I already know what makes you scream" he said nudging her a little.
"Shut up" she said hitting him on the arm.
"Look, I'm not saying we start anything serious, you still love that ass and even though she dumped me for a heart patient I kind of still feel something for Izzie but, I've been getting over her, I'm pretty much over her, and you'll get over him, it might not feel like it now, but you will" he smiled cupping her cheek and brushing it with his thumb "So, how about we hang out a little, get to know each other, and maybe occasionally have some mind blowing sex"
"So basically, friends with benefits, exclusively I hope, because I don't just want to be another notch on your bedpost"
"Exclusive friends with benefits" he nodded "Deal?" he said holding out his hand.
"Deal" she said shaking it "But we're not having sex in the hospital"
"But.."
"Alex" she glared.
"Ok" he smirked "No sex in the hospital, but, I want a key card for this place, and you can have a key to mine, that way if our shifts don't match and stuff we can wait for each other or whatever"
"Ok" she smiled, she reached up and kissed him softly "Do we have time to do it again?" she grinned.
"Always" Alex whispered pushing her onto her back, they groaned when there was a knock at the door.
"Now, that would be room service" Addison smirked.
~x~
1 month later.
"Dr Bailey can I get a….oh my god" Addison said freezing on the spot, Meredith, Cristina, George and Derek who stood close looked at her, then followed her eyes to the conference room to see Mark Sloan shaking hands with the board members.
"Oh. My. God" Derek said slowly.
"Is that…." George started.
"McSteamy" Cristina grinned.
"Oh my god" Addison said again.
"What the hell is he doing here Addison?" Derek hissed.
"How the hell should I know?" Addison exclaimed.
"I thought maybe you were bored of Karev, needed someone else to scratch your itch"
"Derek!" Meredith exclaimed slightly horrified.
"It's fine Meredith" Addison whispered "You do not get to judge me anymore" she said pointing to Derek "We're divorced Derek, divorced, and if you're allowed to move on straight away then so am I! And no, I am not bored of Karev, I'm having a fantastic time with Karev, a hell of a lot of a better time than when I was with you" she spat, Cristina and Bailey both let out a snort "I don't know why Mark's here and I don't even care! So don't you even dare. If you want to know why he's here ask him yourself, Dr Bailey I need an intern, send someone to find me in half an hour" she said before walking away.
"Oh I knew I always liked her" Cristina smirked.
~x~
Addison approached Alex quickly, she grabbed his wrist and pulled him into the nearest supply closet, instantly pushing him against the door in a bruising kiss.
"Woah, woah woah woah Addie, slow down" Alex said pushing her back a little "What's gotten in to you?"
"I have half an hour, I'm pissed off and horny so are you going to stand there gawping at me or are you going to press me up against these shelves and fuck me?" she said with her hands on her hips, within a minute the door was locked, their scrubs were around their ankles and Alex was pressing her against the shelves.
~x~
"What happened Addie?" Alex asked softly as they sat with their backs against the supply closet door.
"Mark's here" she said simply.
"As in….Mark Sloan?"
"Yep" she nodded "I haven't, spoken to him, but he's here and, he was in a lab coat so, he's working here, and Derek got mad at me and…."
"I'll kill him"
"No, no it's fine, I handled it, I yelled at him"
"Good" he smirked "Why do you think he's here?"
"Probably for me" she sighed "But I just, can't, I can't go back to him"
"You have me now" Alex said kissing her cheek.
"Yeah" she smiled "I do"
~x~
1 month later.
"Good morning Addison" Derek smiled walking into the research room.
"What's that supposed to mean?" she said looking up at him curiously.
"It's a greeting. Used in civilized cultures in their civilized environments"
"Funny" she said dryly "So, we're being mature about this?"
"Yes. We are going to peacefully co-exist in this hospital. Unless you've reconsidered moving back to New York" she gives a look that says no "Ok then, peacefully co-exist, we're adults, we're educated, I think we're capable of many, many things"
"So no more dirty looks, no more comments about Mark being here, or me and Alex, that's just, over"
"Yes" he nodded.
"Interesting" she mused "You do know you have to be nice to them too right?"
"I can manage a working relationship with Mark, nothing more" he sighed "And Karev, we were never anything more than a working relationship but he's Meredith's friend and she's not exactly happy with the way I've been talking to him so…."
"She got you whipped already huh?" Addison teased.
"Hmm" he smirked "So we're good?"
"We're good" Addison nodded.
"Good" Derek smiled.
~x~
1 month later.
"Addison" Mark nodded as he stepped into the elevator.
"Mark" she said tightly, avoiding his eyes.
"Addie, when are you going to give it up and come back to me?"
Addison let out a laugh "Mark, I don't want you, me and you, it's not happening, you're wasting your time"
"I love you" Mark said stepping closer to her.
"I don't love you" Addison replied.
"You can't seriously be falling for that intern!" he exclaimed.
"I didn't say I was! I just said that I don't love you, it's the truth Mark, and I'm sorry if that hurts you but, I just don't"
"Please Addison" Mark said reaching up to her face and stroking her cheek "Just one more chance" he said moving close to her lips, before Addison could push him away the elevator doors opened and Alex was stood there staring straight at them.
"Y'know, I had a feeling this would happen" he said almost sadly.
"Alex it's, it's not what it looks like" she said quickly, Alex just shook his head and walked away "Alex!" she shouted after him.
"Ooh, sorry" Mark said mockingly, Addison reached up and slapped him.
"My biggest regret, is you" she spat "Get the hell out of my life" she said before chasing after Alex, as she reached him she jumped in front of him.
"Move" he said firmly.
"Alex, he tried to kiss me, I was about to push him off when you saw and…"
"Save it Addison" Alex said looking straight through her "This is done, I knew the minute he got here you'd go running back to him, I don't even want to look at you" he said pushing past her.
"Alex" she whispered "Please don't leave me"
Alex turned back briefly "Go and be happy with Sloan, we all know he's who you really want" he said quietly before walking away.
~x~
Addison sat alone in the doctors lounge flipping through her charts, one glance at Alex's handwriting and she was in tears. She quickly tried to wipe them away when Derek walked into the room but it was already to late.
"What happened?" he frowned.
"Nothing" she whispered wiping her face "It doesn't concern you"
"Addison" Derek sighed "I thought we were ok"
"We are" she said shakily "I just, don't want to talk about it"
"Sloan or Karev?" he asked sitting down on the coffee table in front of her.
"Both" Addison said with a laugh "Alex walked in on Mark trying to kiss me, he jumped to the conclusion that I was happy about it and basically dumped me, I didn't want Mark to kiss me, I don't even want Mark, I don't love him, he is, a mistake, he's my biggest mistake, but Alex, Alex isn't a mistake, Alex is, my best friend, I can't lose him Derek"
"You won't lose him" Derek said softly "Just talk to him"
"I tried, I told him what happened and, and he walked away"
"He's just angry" Derek sighed "Give him some space and then talk to him again, I have to go" he said glancing at his pager as it bleeped "You gonna be ok?"
"Yeah" Addison breathed "Thank you Derek"
"No problem" he said squeezing her hand before leaving.
~x~
"Karev" Derek said approaching him.
"Yes Dr Shepard" Alex mumbled.
"Don't let her get away" Derek said quietly.
"What?"
"Addison, don't let her get away because of Sloan, she doesn't want him, she doesn't love him, she's in the doctors lounge crying her eyes out over you"
"She doesn't want me either" Alex grumbled.
"Don't be a moron, she loves you"
"No she doesn't" Alex said with a laugh "She loves you, and she loves Sloan, she wants to have everything and everyone, and I'm sick of it" he snapped "Keep your nose out"
"You're acting out because you're pissed, but seriously, you need to think about this with a clear head" Derek sighed "She loves you, and if you didn't love her you wouldn't be acting like this" Derek said before walking away.
~x~
1 week later.
"Al….Dr Karev" Addison said with surprise as she walked into the NICU "What are you doing up here?"
"I was just leaving" he said trying to push past her to get out of the door.
"Alex" she sighed "Please, we need to talk about this"
"There's nothing to talk about" Alex said tightly "I need to go"
"Y'know, I thought you were different" Addison said choking slightly "I thought you knew me, but, you obviously don't, because if you knew me you'd know that I don't want Mark, but you know what, if that's what you really think, if you think that I'd be stupid enough to go near him, then I don't want you in my life, goodbye Dr Karev" she said stepping past him and walking over to the incubators, Alex saddened when he saw her wipe tears from her cheeks, he let out a sigh and left the room.
~x~
"How long are you going to keep this up Alex?" Meredith said sitting down next to him on the abandoned gurneys in the tunnels.
"Keep what up?" he mumbled.
"You love her" Meredith said softly "Addison. You love her. And you know she didn't do anything with Sloan, you know that, you're just being stubborn now, she's a wreck, I haven't seen her like this since, since I don't know when, you're her best friend Alex, she needs you, stop being an ass"
"I don't know what to do" Alex sighed "This wasn't supposed to happen, I wasn't supposed to fall for her, we were just having sex, that was it, I don't know what to do"
"You need to tell her how you feel" Meredith said squeezing his hand.
"Yeah, I guess I do" he sighed.
~x~
"Is this seat taken?" Mark said approaching Addison at Joe's.
"Yes" she said putting her purse down on it and avoiding his eye as she took a shot.
"Okay then" Mark muttered "Beer please Joe" he said nodding at Joe, Joe grabbed a beer and passed it to him, Mark took a sip and then sighed a little.
"Addison..." he started.
"Don't" she said firmly "Don't speak to me, you've caused enough trouble in my life, back in New York, yeah, that was me too but here, that was all you, you've ruined the only good thing I have right now, that is on you, so you do not get to talk to me"
"I thought you were just sleeping with him" Mark mumbled.
"That's not the point!" Addison exclaimed "Just leave me alone"
"But…."
"Leave. Me. Alone" she said firmly.
"I think she wants you to leave Mark" Derek said from behind him.
"Fine" Mark sighed before walking away, Addison took her purse of the stool next to her so Derek could sit.
"Thanks" she said quietly "I, I should go" she said starting to stand.
"No" Derek said grabbing her wrist "Wait a second"
"Why?" she said impatiently.
"Just wait" Derek said firmly.
"Hey" Meredith said quietly "All systems go" she muttered.
"What's going on?" Addison frowned.
"Hey, everyone can, can I have your attention please" Alex said through a microphone on the small stage in the corner.
"What's he doing?" Addison mumbled.
"Just wait" Derek said softly.
"This is for someone very special to me, I'm sorry, for everything I've said, for everything I've done, you're right, I do know you better than that, I'm just scared, because this wasn't supposed to happen" Alex sighed "I wasn't supposed to fall for you but I did anyway, so just sit, and listen, I sang this song for you on the first night we spent together to help you get to sleep, and I meant every word then and I mean it twice as much now" Alex said sitting down on the stool behind him and picking up a guitar.
When your tears are spent on your last pretense
And your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense
When it's in your spine like you've walked for miles
And the only thing you want is just to be still for a while
Oh waaii oh waaii oh oooo
Oh waaii oh waaii oh oooo
And if your heart wears thin I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I'll be right beside you
I'll be right beside you
When you're overwhelmed and you've lost your breath
And the space between the things you know is blurry nonetheless
When you try to speak, but you make no sound
And the words you want are out of reach, but they've never been so loud
And if your heart wears thin I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I'll be right beside you
I'll be right beside you
I will stay
Nobody will break you
Yeah
Trust in me, trust in me
Don't pull away
Just trust in me, trust in me
I'm just trying to keep this together,
'Cause I could do worse and you could do better
Tears are spent on your last pretense
And your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense
And if your heart wears thin
I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I'll be right beside you
Nobody will break you
If your heart wears thin
I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
I will stay beside you
Nobody will break you
As Alex placed down the guitar the bar erupted into clapping and cheers, he looked up and saw Addison walking straight for him, he stepped off the stage and met her halfway.
"That was, amazing" she whispered tearfully.
"I'm sorry" Alex said hugging her tightly "I'm so sorry Addie, I'm so sorry"
"I know" she whispered "It's ok"
"I love you" Alex said looking her directly in the eye.
"I love you too" she smiled, she reached up and kissed him softly on the lips, Alex pulled her in closer as they deepened the kiss.
"Alex" she whispered into his mouth "Take me home"
"Just one second" he said letting go of her, he walked straight over to Mark and squared up to him "If I ever, ever, see you trying something with her again I will kick your ass, I don't give a shit if you're my boss, she doesn't want you asshole, try and get that into your thick skull oh I don't know, now, goodbye Dr Sloan" he grimaced before taking Addison's hand and leading her to his car.
~x~
"I'm so sorry Alex" Addison whispered as they lay together in her hotel room.
"Hey" he said stroking her cheek "You have nothing to be sorry for, I'm the one who jumped to conclusions, I hurt you and I promised you I wouldn't do that, I am so so sorry, I love you so much and, I've never felt this way before, I've never been in love before, not really, so when I saw you with him I just, I freaked out and, I'm sorry"
"You've never been in love before?" Addison said looking up at him "What about Izzie?"
"I think, deep down I was just, trying to love her, and she did hurt me but, I wasn't in love with her, now I'm in love with you I know I wasn't in love with her, you are the love of my life Addie, and I'm not going to be stupid enough to let you go"
"I love you too" Addison whispered, kissing him "I love you"
"It's just me and you now Adds" he said linking their fingers.
"Just me and you" she smiled.
~x~ ~x~ ~x~