Sweet Child of Mine Chapter 16

Authors Note: I know that this was a long time in coming so I won't ramble on other than to say I'm sorry about the hiatus, I am back now and I will try harder for any of you that still read this.

Now….

"Dean?", Cas said as he ran to the hunters side. He could see that the young man was scared, it was obvious and that made the angel nervous.

"I'm fine Cas, it was just a dream", the hunter said calmly as he tried to reassure the worried angel. He knew he wasn't buying it, hell he didn't even have to see the angels face to see how worried and stressed he was. The way he held himself told Dean everything he needed to know. He had always thought Cas was uptight, but the angels ridged posture led the hunter to believe that he had never really as much of a stiff as he had been led to believe all these years. In fact the Castiel he had always teased about being so uptight over the years seemed positively laid back compared to how he was now. He wasn't quite the sex crazed hippy he had met in the future, but it wasn't as hard to imagine him that way now. " I'm fine Cas, I promise", he said as he reached out and squeezed the angels knee that was pressing against the side of the ratty old bed without a second thought.

"Okay Dean", the angel said a little shocked at the hunter's gesture of comfort, yet still knowing that Dean was hiding something from him. "I was going to wake you anyway, it's time for our shift", he said getting up and preparing to leave the room to give the hunter the privacy to get up that Dean had yelled at him about many times in the past. "I'll give you a few minutes and then I'll send Sam and Gabe up so they can get some rest", he said closing the door.

When Cas entered the living room he was shocked to find that Gabriel was still there, he had felt sure that he would have left when Cas had refused to leave Dean's side as he slept and he felt himself let out a breath that he hadn't known he had been holding, alerting the other angel to his presence.

"I've come to relieve you and Sam so you can both get some rest", Cas said getting straight to the point. He wasn't sure why he felt so uncomfortable to be alone with his brother, after all Gabriel had always been his favorite sibling.

Gabriel had always been good to Castiel as he grew up and always had the time to spend with him, teaching him what it was to be an angel without resorting to yelling at him as all his other brothers had. Castiel had always been curious about everything when he had been younger and while the others had grown tired of his constant questioning, Gabe never had. He had always taken the time to answer every single question he had, no matter how dumb it may have seemed to the others. They thought that an angel had no place to question anything that was expected of them and believed that their father had lost his mind when he created their youngest brother.

Maybe their father had made a mistake when he had created him, after all he was unlike any that had come before him. It was these differences that had made Castiel try harder than any other angel to make their father proud. He had a lot to live up to when it came to his older siblings. Michael was heavens warrior and he had lived up to that by punishing any that disobeyed or had the nerve to think for themselves, he had even banished their fathers favourite son from heaven and locked him away for eternity in hell, just for questioning why man was to be worshipped by heaven, when they were so flawed. They all had their specific roles to perform and did them so well that Castiel had always felt there was no way to measure up. Even Gabe had been tasked with placing and protecting heavens son on earth, so what was left for him?

His brothers had been right, he was just another faulty angel like Lucifer. He had failed and fallen from grace so many times now that he wondered why he had been resurrected so many times, when he should have been in the pit with his fallen brother. Despite all his faults Gabriel still had always accepted him without question and he never judged him, well except when it came to the Winchester's.

"Ah Deano, so good of you to join us", Cas heard his brother say, snapping him out of his thoughts. All he needed now was for his brother and Dean to start fighting again. He was tired and that worried him, he was an angel and they never really got tired, yet he was both physically and mentally.

"Good to see you to Gabe", he heard Dean say, yet the sarcasm he had expected to hear in the hunters voice was absent. "Has there been any problems we need to know about?", Dean asked sounding tired but remarkably friendly.

"Nope nothing to report, except your brother's snoring being loud enough to wake the dead", Gabe said sounding as friendly as Dean had earlier. Something wasn't right here, Cas knew it. Dean and his brother had hated each other right from the moment they had met…

"Cas!", Gabe yelled trying to break the trance his brother had been in since he walked in the room

"Huh…Sorry what Gabriel?", he said, trying to focus on his brother who was in front of him looking concerned. "Welcome back to earth, brother", he said with a chuckle that held no amusement. "I was trying to say that you and I need to head out and round up supplies for the humans before we starve them to death."

Castiel couldn't believe that food and drink had not even occurred to him once, even though he had once been human. Gabe was right they did need to get the hunters food or they would be too weak to fight if the angels attacked, but leaving worried him. "Are you sure it's safe enough for both of us to leave? I mean if Michael attacks while we are gone…", Cas began to say only to be cut off by an annoyed Dean.

"Are Sam and I not good enough to take care of everyone for ten minutes? Jesus Cas. I've been doing this my whole life, you would think I was a kid the way you're babying me at the minute", Dean spat at him earning a death glare from Gabriel "What- you agree with him?", Dean snapped at the other angel, sending him his own death glare but Gabe just didn't answer, he just looked sad.

"Fine Dean I will stop babying you if that is what you wish", Cas said before there was a rustle of feathers and he was gone, Gabe following quickly.

"Shit…", Dean cursed loudly when the angels had gone. He just couldn't seem to help himself from lashing out at Cas, even if it was the last thing he wanted to do…What was so wrong with him that he couldn't just discuss his problems with the angel rather than yelling and being a dick? " I'm sorry Cas…" , he said hoping that the angel heard him.

"He knows you don't mean it", a voice said behind him making him jump. "Shit Cas, I really need to put a bell on you", Dean said as he turned to look at the Angel sadly. "I do mean it, I am sorry but I just can't seem to help it" he said sadly waiting for the future angel to rip him a new one.

"Not what I meant Dean. I meant that he knows you're sorry", the angel said trying to comfort the hunter, making him mad all over again.

"It isn't good enough for him to know that I'm sorry every time I lash out at him" he said , thinking how surreal it was to have this conversation with his angels double. "Is the me from the future still as much of a douche-bag as I am…Never mind you don't have to answer that, he isn't here to protect you is he?", he said walking over to the couch and sitting down heavily waking the baby that was still lying on the couch making him cry. "See Cas, what more do I have to say? Our son even hates me. Maybe it's for the best, me not being around to screw him up to." He said picking up the baby and kissing him gently on the head before passing him the angel before he could do any more damage.

"Dean you need to stop doing this to yourself. Yes you have a temper- you don't know how to show your emotions and you lash out when you're scared which is what you are now. You have a family and you love them and it scares you to think that one day they may be gone. You put yourself in danger time and again for those you love and even though you can't say it, they know how much you do by your actions. But Dean you can't live your life that way, it's not healthy and one day it's going to get you killed", the angel said around the lump that had formed in his throat.

"So what you're saying is that I'm a controlling, over protective jackass with no hope of change?" Dean said putting his head in his hands, hoping it disguised the pain and the tears on his face.

"No Dean, that's not what I'm saying at all. I am telling you that you need to accept that sometimes others want to do things for you, they want to be given the chance to protect you.", Cas said as he laid the sleeping baby back on the sofa.

"It doesn't matter how you word it Cas, all I hear is 'Dean you're a fucked up excuse for a human' tell me Cas how can anyone love that?" the hunter said with pain evident in his voice.

"Dean that is not what I am saying and you know it", the angel said angrily. "You're far from being the way you describe yourself. Dean you are a strong, kind, funny and gentle Dean. That's why people love you, that's why I loved you. I put you through hell and back before I admitted how I felt about you Dean, but you never gave up on me. Every time we got close I ran away like a coward and yet you always waited for me to come back or came to find me. You were so patient with me and you never got angry about any of it and you never looked at any one else. Most men would if they had been messed around as much as you were and I kept waiting for that penny to drop were you decided I wasn't worth all the hassle, it never did and it made me love you all the more" Cas told him even though he knew that he had told him too much about the future and he was risking messing up the timeline even more than he had already.

"If I'm all those things you said Cas, then where am I ? I look at you and our son and I know that I would gladly go back to hell to have a chance to have all this with Castiel. I never realized until he left how much I need him around. All the things he did that I used to hate, I missed so much when he went back to heaven. All I wanted was to find him standing behind me, close enough to feel his breath on my neck like I always yelled at him for doing. I missed having to explain things a million times a day as he just looked back at me confused with that adorable little head tilt. The whole time I was with Lisa I thought I was grieving for my brother and mourning the loss of my best friend to heaven, now I know I missed him…You, god it's so confusing" Dean said with a sigh " I know now it's because I loved him. That's why I got so mad just now when he left, I'm scared something will happen to him and I will never get to experience any of this", Dean said embarrassed that he was acting like a chick in some dumb rom-com.

"Then tell him Dean before it's too late." Cas said getting up and giving the hunters shoulder a squeeze before heading to the kitchen in search of formula, leaving Dean alone with his thoughts.

Gabriel and Cas had spent the last ten minutes flying all over the globe in hope that if they somehow drew the attention of Michael's army they at least would have confused them enough not to lead them to their little groups hideaway.

"Before we go in can we talk?", Gabe asked when they arrived back outside the run down house. He felt sure his brother would try and fob him off with some excuse so he could get back to the Winchester's he was surprised when Cas stopped and waited for him to speak. The problem was that he had been so convinced Castiel would say no, that he hadn't thought about what he wanted to say to him. Really there wasn't much he could say to Cas that wouldn't seem like he was playing the overly protective big brother card. Shit….

"Cas, do you love him?" Was all he managed to say.

"I do Gabriel and I am sorry if this disappoints you.", he said unable to look his older brother in the eye. Gabriel felt guilt hit like a ton of bricks. He should have known how his brother felt about the hunter from day one. All the things he had done over the years to hurt the hunters he had done because he had been trying to toughen them up and prepare them for the war that was to come with Lucifer, Michael and all the other angels they had faced. He had always been rooting for them, that's why he had been so hard on them and Dean did have a way of getting under his skin and making always go that one step too far. It didn't mean that he didn't like them, if he didn't they would have been dead by now as there was no way he would have broken his cover for them otherwise. But Cas, his baby brother was standing there looking at him with such guilt because he loved a man he thought his brother hated.

"It's okay to love him Cas, don't let anyone ever tell you it isn't and never feel ashamed of those feelings. You're jealousy on the other hand is something we do need to talk about. I almost never healed your double yesterday because I was afraid of what you would do to him when I did", he said as Cas looked at his shoes guiltily. "I know how hard and confusing yesterday's events were for you and they were for me to. But you have to understand to Dean that Castiel in there is you and he thought he was going to lose you. He would have reacted exactly the same if the roles had been reversed and it had been you laid on that couch fighting for your life. Jealousy has a way of making things seem much worse than they really are and can lead us to do things and think things we never normally would. Fight those feelings Castiel or you risk losing everything," Gabe said hoping his brother understood his garbled attempt at explaining how he felt before he did something they would all regret. "Now lets go feed the monkeys", he said with a smile as he opened the door to the house.

Castiel reluctantly followed the other angel into the house. He wasn't sure just how much more time he would be able to spend in the house without losing what little self control he had left. Gabriel had been good enough to explain to explain the mixed emotions he felt towards the other angel, and that should have made him feel better about the situation, yet it only made him feel worse.

He felt trapped in a never ending loop of emotions and if this was the way humans felt all the time he was sure no angel would ever look on their existence with jealousy ever again. It made him believe that they were the lucky ones, with their entire existence mapped out for them, never having to use their own judgment in situations that were complex and painful. At this moment Castiel wished he could go back to being that way. To be able to look at a situation with the cold and calm demeanor he had once hated, that Dean had hated. Now he was just as messed up as ever other human that had ever existed, but he knew it was too late for that now. He was in too deep and there was no escaping this time.

"Cas, are you coming in?", Dean asked looking at the angel in concern.

"In a minute Dean", Cas said trying to make his voice sound normal, trying to hide the panic he felt at the thought of entering the house and knowing he had failed when he saw the worried look on the young hunters face.

"Cas, are they coming?", Dean asked worried that their brief rest bite was over and that Michael was homing in on their location.

"No Dean, we are fine here for now", He said as he took one last free breath before he was trapped inside that house again and fighting with every ounce of strength he had to gain some semblance of his former cool and calm self. "I'm coming in now Dean, I just needed to ensure we hadn't been followed", Castiel lied hoping that the hunter bought his thin excuse and feeling guilty at breaking his oath never to lie to Dean again.

It was stifling in the house with tension so thick it could be cut with a knife. Dean was sat at the table pushing his food around the plate while Castiel was stood at the window not moving a muscle, or taking part in the debate the other angels and hunters were having on when and where they should move to next.

Future Castiel knew that Dean was still struggling with his self hatred and was blaming himself for the way the other version of himself was acting, but he knew the truth…Castiel was fighting with the urge to just run and abandon all of them when they needed him. He never did cope well in situations like this, he was drowning in the vicious onslaught on emotions being in this house was causing and him being here wasn't helping anything.

"I think that it should be me that goes with Gabriel to find us another safe house", the future angel said causing Dean to drop his fork on the on his plate angrily and Castiel to turn away from the window for the first time since he had come back inside.

"Sounds like a fantastic plan, I mean why not send Sam and the baby along while we're at it", Dean spat angrily at the future angel "I mean what's the worst thing that can happen? I mean it's not like you were at deaths door not even twenty four hours ago. I'm sure if you are unlucky enough to end up as angel kebab again you'll be able to get Samuel to heal you again. I'm sure it won't cause our tiny son any long term emotional problems. Sammy and I turned out fine after patching dad up a million times and we never worried that every time he left the house we wouldn't see him alive again. So sure why the hell not, knock yourself out Cas." Dean said pushing his plate angrily across the table.

"Don't you think you're over reacting Dean?", the future angel said, not backing down despite the evil looks Dean and the angel both had trained on him.

"Oh sure yeah I'm sorry I'm over reacting…Have you even spared a thought to what will happen to our son if you get your dumb ass caught by Michael or worse, killed. Who would take care of him then? Sure I will give it my best shot, but when Michael is done with you I will be next and even if I am lucky enough to escape I have no idea how to raise a half angel child", Dean yelled loudly as he scraped his chair loudly as he stood up, his fists clenched tightly and Castiel knew that even though Dean had always been a kind and gentle partner, right now he wanted to hit him.

"Dean you are over reacting. Something could happen to me while I sit here and wait for Gabriel and Castiel to return if they were both to leave. If I am so weak and unable to leave this damn house then how am I meant to look after our son?" the angel yelled back at the bright red ticking time bomb formally known as Dean Winchester. "Our son will be safer with Castiel here taking care of him and you Dean Winchester have no right to try and tell me what is best for Samuel. I am the one that has looked out for his well being for the last six weeks, I am the one that has always put his needs and safety above everything else and I have made my feelings clear on this matter, he is safer here with Castiel and that is the last thing I will say on the matter", he yelled back, even though he was already regretting the things he had said but knowing that this was the way it had to be if Dean and the other him were to be able to break the tension that was between them. For them to be able to have a chance of being together before the other him ran like he knew he wanted to.

"You better go deal with your kid", Dean to Castiel as the baby started to wail and Dean stormed past the window he had only moments ago been staring out of.

Authors Note : That's all there is for now. I hope you don't hate me too much for the long wait and that some of you are still interested in reading this. If you feel kind enough, leave a review. If you want to kick my ass feel free to put that in a review to. Jaybee x