I plunged into the wide ocean of pain before me with a swan dive, might as well make a good entrance.

Bella is dead. I heard her heart stop beating; her lungs stop breathing, her blood stop moving. She's dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead.

The little monster in her hadn't survived either; my only regret was that I couldn't kill the demon myself.

"Jake!" Seth called running up to me. "You okay man?" He asked taking in my expression.

"No." I mutter before using my alpha voice with the strong words, "Seth, go back to Sam's pack. You are not in my pack anymore. You are with Sam. Go, now." The alpha voice sounded strangely right coming from me. Like I was born to be alpha. Which actually I kinda was.

Seth's shoulders slumped and his lower lip jutted out, his frame shook uncontrollably and ran off in the direction of La Push. Good, he belongs there.

Leah whimpered coming up next to me, her dark grey fur brushing against my arm. "Yeah, you can stay in my pack Leah. If you want, I mean." Her large brown eyes were sympathetic. "You can basically go wherever you want too I guess. Makes no difference to me. I'll probably be wolf from now on."

Leah poked me with her wet nose and ran off out of my sight to un-phase.

When she came back she said two words to me. "Thank you." I felt the sincerity and genuine gratitude in her words even though I'm not connected to her mind right now. Well, at least I could make someone happy here.

Leah's POV

"So, how'd … uh, Sam take it?" I asked into the phone. I heard Seth's heavy sigh.

"Not too good. There was a lot of howling, and screaming, and cursing, and running around trying to find either you or Jake. They all really do miss you though Leah," then he gave an embarrassed chuckle and said, "I know I do. Hell, even Paul misses you; he doesn't really have anyone to fight with anymore. Emily feels terrible about it. She blames herself but I think she's also kinda happy that you left 'cause you always wanted to. Anyway … we all really miss you big 'sis. And Jacob."

I pause and grip the phone a little too hard, almost crushing it. Razor blades glide along my body slowly, letting me memorize the pain. Sam. Misses. Me?

"Okay, that was a pretty convincing speech but it doesn't change anything Seth. Sorry. Tell mom I love her okay? Bye." I forced my voice to sound strong and brave but it did crack just a bit when I talked about mom.

"Wait, Leah, where are you-" I hung up on my little brother.

Shaking uncontrollably I sprinted back to the woods, leaving the little payphone behind me along with the small town I hadn't bothered to look up the name.

I exploded out of my skin, calming myself down just long enough to strip down and tie my dirty, torn clothes to my leg. Then I just ran.

I could hear Jakes thoughts but tried my best not to snoop on where he was, what he was doing, or how he felt. But it's hard, trying to keep my mind to my own. The second I morphed I already knew he was somewhere up in Northern Canada, he was just running, not really doing anything, and he was in more pain that I could have imagined. Oh, wait. No I can imagine this torture; I've already been through it. Still am.

He wasn't really thinking about anything, or at least attempting not to, and just focused on the smells around him. I followed his example and learnt all the different scents of Lower Canada.

Hunger grew in the pit of my stomach and I distracted myself from his pain and mine by stalking a herd of deer, my sights of the largest one. I try to let my wolf instincts rule me, like before when Jacob showed me how, as I snap the male deer's neck with my teeth.

And to much my surprise, Jake helps me. Again. I'm not totally sure if it was intentional or not but his wolf instincts helped bring out mine. Hmm, I could see how going total wolf like this could be appealing if you knew how.

All too soon, a highway is coming up. With a sigh I morph back and put on my tattered white tee, and ripped jean shorts. The guys are so lucky they don't have to carry around shirts; they're the most fragile and always end up getting shredded on a branch. I look like a homeless, which actually I am, poor, yeah that's me too, feral and aggressive, damn still me, woman. So the outside reflects the inside for me then. Cool.

A couple truckers ask if I need a ride, I ignore them.

Walking bare foot down the dirty side of a highway though, I don't recommend it.

I pretty much have all I need right now. Plenty of deer in these woods. A river I passed coming over too; good place to drink and bathe if I need it. I miss french-fries though, I'll admit that. I don't have any money and, unfortunately, everything these days cost something! Oh well. I casually walk back in the woods and run till there's no way anyone can see me. Phasing back into wolf I start sprinting again, racing against the wind. Trees zip past me; I only pay enough attention not to run into any of them. My phone conversation with Seth keeps replaying in my head and I feel Jake tentatively look into it also with his mind. Razor blades again follow the contours of my wolf form. No, not razor blades, these are longer. Sharper. Must be daggers.

Jake shies away from my pain instantly but then reaches out and accepts it, taking some of the burden on himself. It's like I said before- I'd rather deal with his pain than my own; apparently it's the same for him too.

We're silent for a couple hundred miles, sharing my agony and focusing primarily on the smells and plants of the woods, before suddenly I'm at the coast. I skid to a stop, avoiding the cliffs edge. That would've been messy. I wonder if I would have died or just been in a world of physical pain rather than my own mental and emotional suffering. Actually my hurt does feel quite physical. But every time I look down at myself there aren't any scars or blades cutting into me.

For a second the thought of jumping over the cliff in human form pops up in my head and Jake becomes livid.

Don't even fucking try it Clearwater! He pretty much screams this in my head. I jump, not used to having just one other voice in my mind. He didn't use his alpha voice but I'm pretty sure he would if I didn't get away from the cliff and fast.

My first reaction had it been someone else would have been scream right back and if he was in biting distance try to take an ear off or something, but this was Jacob. And he doesn't deserve to take on all this shit by himself. And I can't try to make it harder for him. I won't.

Taking some careful steps back into the woods, and away from the edge, Jake slowly starts to calm down but not enough to phase back to human.

I start running again, not much better to do. I doubt there's a town around here for at least another couple hundred miles.

Seth's little speech about everybody missing me comes back to mind again, damn it, I'll probably have it memorized pretty soon. Then I'll never forget- OH! DAMN!

A vampire's scent fills my nose setting it ablaze.

I vaguely notice Jakes change of direction; he's coming towards me in hoped of getting to tear a leech to shreds. I wince as I follow the scent, also wanting to rip someone apart.

The vamp is standing before me then, her eyes a bloody crimson. She couldn't be older than 14, maybe 15. Her blue dress looks two sizes too big, probably stolen, and her black hair is tangled and dirty. I lunge at her and by the time Jake shows up I've already gotten her right arm and a part of her leg torn off. Jacob takes her by surprise and catching her head in his massive jaws, I pull by her two legs in my mouth and we tear her in half with a loud metallic screech.

You got a lighter? Jake asks.

Nope. What do you wanna do with her then?

Um, well, the next town is a long way off. We could spread the pieces off. I doubt anyone will be trying to put her back together. I didn't cross other vamps smell the whole way over. Jake states.

Sounds good.

We have some fun spreading them out, imagining a vamp trying to find them all like a scavenger hunt. For an hour or so, we both forget about the throbbing pain.