A/N: Beware—EXTREME STUPIDITY! Like it says in the summary, I was suffering from a case of the sillies when I got the idea for this story. So sit back, grab a bucket of popcorn, and wait for your brains to begin melting out of your ears.

…

"Ezio, I'm telling you, this won't end well."

The young Italian just continued to stare in defiance at the one-armed kill-joy.

"I agree," his brown eyes flickered over to the red-headed Brit. "If you go through with this, there's little chance of your survival. And if you die, where would that leave poor Desmond?"

Desmond narrowed his eyes. "If you get us killed, I'll never forgive you."

"Leonardo, please," Ezio pleaded, "You—of all people—must see it my way. This will be fun."

The inventor just proceeded to quietly pray that this dumb idea wouldn't be the death of him. "Ezio, you know you'll be a dead man if he catches you."

That statement offered just enough of a window of opportunity. "Who said he could catch me?"

"Ezio, don't—," Desmond began, but Malik interrupted him with a sigh.

"Fine, idiot. Go on. It's your death wish."

Ezio thanked him with a grin and stood.

…

Altair lay back on the sand, hands comfortably behind his head, Bullet for my Valentine's lead guitarist sending shockwaves of sound directly into his brain (I always imagined him as a metalhead), when a shadow fell over the orange of his closed lids. He pulled out the vibrating earbuds and opened one eye to glare at his look-alike descendant. "Sigurezza e pace, amico mio."

"Ezio," he said patiently, which portrayed his annoyance because he was never patient, "You're in my way."

Ezio grinned. "I don't believe you were going anywhere."

"Are you just here to annoy me, or is there something you actually wanted?"

"I want to race you," the answer was short, sweet, and definitely not what Altair expected.

"What? No."

"Altair, please," Ezio begged, dropping to his knees in the sand.

"Leave me alone. Go swim or something."

"Fine, then. Codardo," as soon as the word left his mouth Ezio knew he'd struck a chord from the look on Altair's face. He grinned and stood to leave.

"Ezio," Altair growled, more apprehensive. "For your sake, tell me that doesn't mean what it sounds like."

"And if it does?"

"Then I'm going to hurt you," he replied darkly, standing so he could glare more properly.

"Not if you can't catch me, old man!" Ezio shouted gleefully, breaking into a run. Altair would follow, he knew—he wouldn't allow blows to his ego to go unavenged. It was one thing they had in common.

With Altair having been as far away from the water as possible, it took a while, but at last Ezio jumped into the cold salt water, his safe haven from the angry Arab chasing him.

Said man stopped in his tracks at the edge of the wet sand near the shore and narrowed his eyes at the smug look Ezio was giving him. "Who's the coward now?"

"Still you," the Italian teen laughed. "Come on, Altair. It's not even that deep."

"No."

Ezio sighed. "Fine. Okay." He stood in the shallow water, his white trunks dripping, and trudged his way back to the sand next to Altair. "I really don't see what your problem is, but I think it's time you got over it!"

And with that Altair was falling, and he landed on his chest with 170 pounds of Italian teenager on his back. "I…hate…you," he seethed, when the waves rolled in and his head was drenched in cold foam. He wanted to arch away in an instinct that definitely wasn't fear, but Ezio was friggin' sitting on him.

"You okay down there?" Ezio taunted, his words nearly unrecognizable, as they were riddled with laughter. Altair didn't answer so he got off of his ancestor, suddenly afraid of the slow, painful death guaranteed him. "Altair, you know I didn't me—,"

Before he could finish the sentence Altair was up with fire in his eyes as he grabbed Ezio's neck. "If you ever do that to me again I will personally see to it that you are never born. Understand?"

He nodded vehemently.

"Good, now get away from me."

"But Altair, you might want to know," Ezio murmured.

"What?"

He said nothing, but held up the thoroughly soaked remains of his iPod and earbuds. "Ezio, I'm going to KILL YOU!"

Back on the sand, the four men watched helplessly as Ezio ran for his life. "I do believe that he should listen to us more often," Shaun stated flatly.

…

A/N: Yeah, it was dumb. If you've made it to the end of the story and still have a brain, cookies for you^^! Thanks for reading, please tell me how dumb it actually was!

(I command you to press the review button. You will do as I say. Do it. DO IT.)