Not Myself Tonight

A/N at the bottom!

Disclaimer: Don't own it, doesn't mean I don't want it…but then again I can never have it. Sad.

Not Myself Tonight II

Paul's POV

"You look like you're about to throw up dude." Jared points out with a chuckle as I sit with my elbows on my knees and my head cradled in my hands as I sit hunched over on the couch in the groom's prep room.

"Jared, shut up." I growl out with frustration.

He lets out a laugh as he pats me on the back, "Chill out dude. What's the worst thing that could happen on your wedding day?"

"Jared, dude, get out. I-I need some time alone right now."

"Whatever bro." He says with another chuckle as he walks out and closes the door behind him, leaving me alone in the small room.

Am I doing the right thing right now? I mean, the obvious answer is yes! She's pregnant with my kid, and he left me. I have to support her. There's no excuse for me not to be here for her when she needs me the most. But then why do I feel sick to my stomach? I know that I re-imprinted on Jacob, but my feelings for Rachel are still here…right?

OH GOD! I cannot be doubting myself right now!

I get up and walk over to the mirror that was placed near the closet. It was one of those ones that was made of wood and had a stand so that it didn't have to be connected to a wall or anything. I grip the wooden frame of it and stare at my sweating face and watch myself take in one deep breath after another for a good two or three minutes.

"He left you Paul. He couldn't handle the pressure and he left. Jacob is gone. Rachel is here and she needs you, that's why you're gonna marry her today. Get yourself together Paul."

I don't know where it all went wrong…

3 Months Earlier…

"Rachel is pregnant…and it's my kid."

There was such a long silence between us as Jacob just stared at me with this…confused and utterly crushed.

"So that's it then?" He finally asked as he turned away from me to look straight ahead.

"No. Babe, look at me." I sound as though I'm begging, but it works and his glistening eyes lock with mine, "I've been thinking about this all day. I…I really want to be in the baby's life, ya know? And I'm sure that Rachel wants the same. And I want to be with you still because I love you so, so much babe. And there might be a chance that I'll have to go to court for custody, which I am more than willing to do. But what I want to know is, will you stay and help me raise this kid?"

He leaned in and pressed his lips against mine gently and then murmured a small, "yes," against my mouth.

And that was that. We were happy together. We had told Rachel of our plans, and she agreed to give me full custody of the baby because she didn't want the baby to be raised in a torn environment, and having to switch from one house to the other. But then, something had changed in Jake's mind within the course of two weeks.

"Paul, I really need to talk to you." He had said, with sadness evident in his face, body expressions, and eyes.

"About what babe?" I ask with concern as I sit next to him on the edge of our bed. We had just finished taking a shower together after running patrols, so neither of us had anything other than a towel covering our bodies.

"Paul…I don't know if I can…if I'm strong enough to deal with the fact that, a part of her will always be with you."

"Babe, I've told you this over and over again; just because she's the mother of my kid, that doesn't mean that I have any feelings towards her or anything. I love you. I'm with you. Not her. So…let's stop, alright?"

I could tell that my words hadn't really helped to reassure him because he still looked sad as fuck. It almost looked like…he was trying to make a decision in his head. A decision that was tearing him apart inside. I had a plan to take whatever this thing was, and put it far, far, far from his mind.

I initiate it, as I usually do, by pushing him back on the bed and pushing his thighs apart with my knee and settling between them. I crash our lips together roughly, and things quickly grow intense from there. Our towels are quickly thrown away from our bodies, and no sooner than a second after, we're grinding our aching erections together with such heat and fervor that it's got me seeing stars with the simple action. His hands are gripping my upper arms tightly as my own are down controlling the pace of his bucking hips.

He moves his mouth from my own and to my ear to breathe out the words, "I want you in me."

I quickly comply, as I move one hand from his hips and bring it to my cock as I position myself at his hot, awaiting entrance and slowly begin to push in until I'm balls deep inside of him; surrounded by his tight warmth. We've done this enough times for me to know that he wants me to kiss him and wait to let him adjust before I begin to thrust my hips. So I do. I mold our lips together and let them move fluidly against each other in eager anticipation for what's to come. He moves a hand up my back and further up until it's gripping my hair tightly, and that's my green light.

I pull out until only the tip is inside of his heat, and then plunge back in quickly. Building a pace off of this, as we groan into the other's mouth and no other noise but the clapping of skin fills the room. We continue like this until he pulls away from my mouth once again to moan out, "Oh Paul…Paul, t-touch me. Please."

I don't answer, but simply recover his mouth with mine and reach one hand in between our bodies and grip his neglecting and pre cum oozing cock, giving it a soft squeeze and causing him to arch his back up against my body with need and desire for more as I continue to thrust into him. I rub him quicker as I feel my climax coming up on me, and to my relief I'm not the first to cum as he shoots his white hot juices all over our stomachs. My own jizz shooting deep inside of him as my body slows down with both exhaustion and contentment. We lay with my own body collapse onto his own, both of us breathing rough and heavy trying to catch our breath.

Finally, I roll off of him, and then he rests his head on my chest as we both lay together still covered in mess.

Lying in the ever so sweet afterglow of our love making, I ran my hand up and down his back as he slept soundly on my chest. God I love him so much, and everybody in the fucking pack knew that I would do anything for him. I fell asleep within a few minutes, dreaming about our future with the child that we would soon be raising together. But I woke up to realize that I was alone in bed. I got up wearily, calling out his name, but got no reply. I found a note taped to the front door, it was from Jacob. He had left me, saying that he couldn't deal with the fact that we would be raising Rachel's child and that he thought that I should be with Rachel because she needs my help.

Present Day…

And so I did. And here we are three months later, on mine and Rachel's wedding day; with me on the verge of vomiting and running out of the church. But there was no time for any of that because Jared, my best man, was now standing in the doorway with a cheesy grin on his face. He's been really happy ever since he imprinted on that girl named Kim. I've only met her a few times, and we never really interacted because I've been less than social ever since Jake left me. Nobody knows where he's staying, and that only adds to the nerves that I feel.

"It's time dude." He tells me, and my mouth goes dry. "You look kinda-"

"Don't say it. Let's just…let's just go." I say as I march my way past him, tugging at the collar of my shirt as I begin to feel constricted by the suit.

We walk out to the altar, in front of the all of the expectant guests. I stand right next to the priest, whose name keeps slipping my mind. Standing to the left of me is Jared and Sam. The double at the end of the aisle were closed still, but I found no relief from the fact that nothing had happened yet. My eyes roam over the side of the small church where my family and friends sit, and look over the few people that are here. In fact, now that I think about it, mostly everyone here is from the Black family. I hold my breath, hoping that by some miracle I might find Jacob sitting somewhere in the crowd. And of course, I didn't. I did, however, lock eyes with Seth who looked as though he was extremely uncomfortable. Probably missing his imprint, that Cullen guy. Lord knows that there was some hell being raised when people found out that he imprinted on a vampire; in fact, the only reason that he hasn't been banished is because Harry Clearwater is a very respected member of the council. I felt bad for the kid; he was only seventeen, and he's already going through so much because he imprinted on the wrong person. The rest of the pack members are always keeping an eye out for the kid because there are more than a few people that have been harassing him at school. Poor kid.

I'm pulled out of the weird gaze that we share as the doors open and the bridesmaids start walking in. And then I see Rachel, looking stunning in her white gown with her hair done. Still, I feel nervous if not even worse than I did before.

Standing in front of her now, our hands joined, the priest begins to speak, "Dearly beloved, we are-"

"She cheated on you with Jared and she's pregnant but the baby is Jared and it isn't yours but she didn't tell you and she threatened to have someone do something to you if he didn't leave and so now he's gone and you're getting married but now I'm telling you…" He shouts in a rushed breath as he stands from his seat in the middle of the bench seats in between his parents. Everyone's looking at him with shock, and he fidgets with his hands nervously, "So…yeah."

I manage to tear my eyes away from Seth and look back at Rachel, who was staring at me with a blank expression. "Is it true?" I manage to ask through clenched teeth as I try to control my anger.

"I-I…Paul you have to understand-"

"Is. It. True." I growl out as I drop her hands and clench my hands into tight fists at my sides.

She looks down to the floor and gives a small nod. I bring a hand up to roughly run it through my hair and I rub it down my face. I turn around and face Jared, who looks as though he's about to shit himself. I decide that there's something far more important than either of these two that are here now.

I growl out a low, "We're done," to Rachel before making my way down the aisle to get out of the church, but I stop midway and point at Seth, "You, outside, now."

He quickly follows me out of the church, and then further and further until we were standing in the forest. I began to pace back and forth, trying to walk out the frustration because if anything, he's the last person that deserved to have my frustration taken out on.

"How do you know?"

"J-Jacob told me." He mumbles nervously, causing me to stop dead in my tracks.

I practically run to where he stands and grip him by the shoulders, "You know where he is?" He was looking away from me, and still hadn't answered so I shook him roughly and yelled, "Do you know where he is?"

"Yes!" He finally answers, "I'll…I'll take you to him. C'mon." He slips out of my grasp and turns his back to me as he begins to remove his jacket, "We should phase; it'll be faster."

I nod, even though he can't see it, and begin to strip my suit. As soon as I'm in my wolf form, I only pick up my pants in my mouth and begin to follow Seth, whose done the same and started running off. I quickly notice that he's trying hard to keep his mind on some song lyrics, and continues to repeat them over and over. After the fiftieth time of hearing the chorus of, "We R Who We R," by Kesha, I'm about ready to bite his fucking tail off; but I restrain myself as I keep reminding myself of the fact that he's the one that's taking me to Jake.

As Seth comes to a halt, my heart begins to race. We're both humans now, wearing the pants of our suits, as we walk up to a very familiar looking house. It was huge, and mostly made up of windows. This was the Cullen's home. She was leading the way up to the front door, which burst open suddenly, revealing that huge bloo-er…vampire. Is that the one that Seth imprinted on?

"Baby!" He calls out with excitement as he rushes forward and picks up Seth, then carrying him away.

I hear Seth's loud laughter as he starts to protest, "Emmett! Calm down, I have to take him to Jake!"

I wait in the doorway as I watch them come back to me from halfway up the staircase. They're joined at the hands, and Seth is all smiles while Emmett looks just a bit frustrated.

"C'mon, he's in a room upstairs." Seth tells me, and I quickly follow them up the stairs and down a hallway until we reach the third door on the right side of the long hallway.

It's white, just like practically everything else in this house. I'm the only one standing in front of it, as Seth and Emmett have left me to go back downstairs. I grip the doorknob and take a few deep breaths before finally pushing it open.

He's asleep, I think as a relieved sigh passes my lips; my eyes raking over his exposed back as he lays on his stomach with the sheet stopping at his waistline. I stepped inside and gently closed the door behind me. I take quiet steps and sit on the edge of the bed and begin to lightly run a hand through his hair. I smiled when he seemed to snuggle closer to my sitting form. After a few minutes, his eyes finally flutter open and we lock eyes.

"Paul?" He murmurs out with disbelief.

"Yes my love?"

"W-What're you doing here?"

"What does it look like?"

"No, I mean…you're supposed to be marrying R-"

"No. You see, I almost did because the love of my life left me and didn't tell me that she cheated on me and that the baby wasn't even mine. But, luckily for us, Seth decided to tell me…and everyone else in the damn church." I say with a chuckle.

"But she…she said that she'd get somebody to hurt you…I didn't anything to happen to you."

"Jacob…really? You really believed that she was gonna find a way to hurt me? I find that insulting." I chuckle again, "For one, I'm no fucking pushover, and two, I have the pack on my side. I highly doubt that anything would hurt me…well, anything but you."

"So…what now?"

"Well, you look a little sick. So, we'll wait for Dr. Fang to give you the a-ok, and then I'll take you home." I shrug with a wide smile.

"That's it? We're just gonna be together?"

I nod with the same smile, "Yup. Just us."

"…okay then."

I crawl over to be behind him and begin to hold him from behind, "Get some rest babe. I'll wake you when the doc gets here."

"Paul?"

"Hm?"

"I love you."

"I love you too. Now get some rest."

We lay there, listening to his soft breaths, feeling his warm skin against mine, holding him in my arms, feeling totally and completely content with him. This is how life should be…how it will be. We're gonna be happy, and be together no matter what bumps may come along through our life. Because it will be a life that we share together; and it might not be full of good times, but the good times that we will have will be so worth any of the bad.

And it all started when I decided that for just one night…I was going to be what Jake needed me to be. Now, that person is who I want to be all the time. So no, I'm not gonna be myself tonight, or tomorrow, or ever again if it means that I'm going to lose him. Because he's all that matters to me.

He's all I have, want, or will ever need.

A/N: Yay! Hahaha the end! Hahaha I do realize that this was rushed, but to me it just seems right. Hahaha but I will promise you all this! If I can get to 110 Reviews, then I'll do a future-take so that you'll be able to see how our boys are doing. Ahahaha, but! For now, I just want to thank everybody that read this story! Hahaha, it was a huge success, and I'm so proud of it. I love writing Jacob/Paul stories…and I think that I'm gonna make them my full time pairing. So, sorry to all those that love when I write Seth/Jacob, but I think that I do these two so much better! Hahaha so yes! There may be a chance of a future-take and lemme know what you think of the whole Paul/Jacob thing. Hahaha who knows. Anyway! Thanks so much for the support, and thanks so much for reading!

Notoriously Yours,

GoinnGaGa