title: hello, this is big daddy speaking
pairings: Amuto...ish?
disclaimer: don't own SC
note: SECOND one-shot, I feel proud. :)

-EDITEDverison. 7/18/2010

BEFORE WORD. Now, let's pretend that Hospitals in Japan actually care enough to have their secretaries call young women's husbands to tell them their wives, or finaces are having a child.

Or more specifically, their child.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Ikuto!"

"Amu."

"What's up?"

"...the sky."

"Can you stop acting so..."

"So what?"

"Ugh, I don't know. So you, perhaps?"

Pause.

"Is there a reason why you're calling me?"

"I'm bored."

"Really? Let's have sex then."

"I—YOU—WHAT?—ACK, HELL NO!"

"But you're my fiance, and you're bored—you need to be pleasured."

"Oh god no!"

"I'm coming over, okay? Are you housemates there?"

"Ikuto I swear to god if you come over—"

-click-

NINE MONTHS later.

"Hello?"

"Ri-ri?"

"Amu? What's wrong?"

"I'm pregnant...THAT'S WHAT WRONG!"

"Really? I thought you were just fat."

"Not funny."

"No, seriously. You don't even have the kind of belly an actual pregnant lady would have."

"Rima!"

"You should be on that show, I Was Pregnant And Didn't Know It."

"RIMA!"

"Sorry, you were saying?"

"I'm saying that apparently the baby will most likely be out by next week."

"Uh...isn't your engagement party next week?"

"...BALLS!"

"You know, you guys should have had that party ages ago..."

"RIMA!"

"Hey, screaming hormonal pregnant chick, call me when you're not acting all hormonal. And I want to be the godmother!"

"Rima don't you dare—"

-click-

A WEEK later.

"Hello?"

"IKUTO! AMU'S HAVING THE BABY—VERY SOON!"

"And your point is...?"

"Aren't you going to see here?"

"...not really. No."

"OH MY GOD. THE GIRL YOU ARE GOING TO MARRY —AND MY SISTER IN LAW— IS GOING TO HAVE YOUR CHILD, IKUTO — AND YOU'RE NOT THERE!"

"Utau, it's not my child."

"Whose child is it then?"

"Tadase."

Pause.

"YOU, ME, AND TADASE KNOW THAT'S A LIE!"

"I'm going to hang up now."

"IKUTO, DON'T YOU DARE HANG UP—"

-click-

A MOMENT later.

"Hello?"

"Ikuto! Amu's having—"

"—the baby. Yes, I'm aware, Rima."

"So aren't you going to see her?"

"Nope. Goodbye."

"Ikuto? Hey that's not cool—"

-click-

A MINUTE later.

"Hello?"

"Hi, this is Nagasaki Hospital and we—"

-click-

A FEW SECONDS later.

"Hello?"

"Ikuto? Yes, this is Nagasaki Hospital and—"

-click-

ANOTHER FEW SECONDS later

"Hi, this is Ikuto. I'm not here right now, so leave a message...and yeah."

"GODDAMMIT, THIS IS NAGASAKI HOSPITAL! YOU GOT YOUR FIANCE PREGNANT, AND SHE WANTS YOU TO BE THERE TO WITNESS YOUR FREAKING CHILD'S BIRTH! SO STOP ACTING LIKE A GHETTO PLAYBOY DADDY AND GO SEE YOUR DAMN CHILD."

-end of message-

THREE MINUTES later.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Ikuto! It's Tadase!"

Pause.

"...hi."

"Amu's having her baby, and I'm allowed to hold her hand while she's giving birth...isn't that great?"

Pause.

Footsteps.

SLAM!

"Hello...? Ikuto? Hey, are you there?"

A FEW DAYS later.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Ikuto; its Utau."

"Hi."

"Why didn't you tell me you have a fear of seeing children get pulled out of their mother's va—"

"I'm going to hang up now."

"NO! I want to talk to the baby!"

"...it can't talk. It's a baby."

"Can I hear it cry, at least?"

"Sadist."

-click-

Reviews make me write :)