Song: The Way I Loved You by Taylor Swift

Rating: T (for my sailor's mouth)

Pairing: Mainly Tiva (with a little bit of Michael/Ziva)

Time: Whenever Rivkin was alive and dating Ziva

He is sensible and so incredible

And all my single friends are jealous

Ziva sat across from Abby in the Labby, explaining the date she had dressed up for yesterday. It had been a perfect date, but she knew something was missing and that something was Tony. It had been Michael instead, and even if it was perfect and even if Abby was jealous, it still wasn't what she wanted

He says everything I need to hear

And it's like I couldn't ask for anything better

"You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen Zivaleh," he whispered in her ear, as he walked her to the car. She knew he was probably one of the best and most kind people she has ever dated, and she should be thankful, but it's still not enough.

He opens up my door and I get into his car

And he says, "you look beautiful tonight"

And I feel perfectly fine

When they reach his car, he quickly walked around the side and opened up her door; a perfect gentleman. As she leaned into the car, he whispered into her ear, "You look amazing tonight,". She wished that she would blush or giggle, anything, but the plain feeling that always appeared when he was around stayed inside of her, and she felt guilty. He deserved better than this.

But I've been screaming and fighting

And kissin' in the rain

"It's all my fault!" Tony yelled to the sky, rain pouring down onto him and soaking through his expensive suit, as though the heavens were mourning Director Jenny Shepard's death.

He didn't notice Ziva approach him, just as wet as he was. She placed a hand on his shoulder, and he spun around, pulling out his SIG and pointing it, unwaveringly, at his forehead, watching her as she didn't even flinch.

"It is not your fault Tony. It was her own choice," the Israeli beauty whispered, her voice just barely rising above the thunder. She reached for the gun and he lowered it, laying it softly in her hand, his head bowing in shame. He thought she wouldn't notice the tears that were dripping down his face, because of the rain, but being Ziva, she reached up, and stroked a tear off of his cheek.

"It is my fault," he whispered, his voice hoarse from screaming. He felt himself giving up, but the brunette wasn't going to let him lose.

"Stop blaming yourself Tony!" she hissed, her voice fierce, "We cannot change the past. We can only move forward. Quit biting yourself up over this!"

He couldn't help but let out a snort of laughter, and immediately correct her, "It's beat, Zee. Quit beating yourself up over this,"

This caused her to smile, a mysterious sparkle lighting up her the dark, chocolate brown-colored pools, in her eyes. She placed a kiss softly on his lips, tasting salt and water on his lips. She needed him to feel better, because when he felt horrible, she felt just as bad if not worse.

"I killed her," was his response to the intimate moment, and she felt herself grow angry again, her eyes squinting and her mouth pursing into a thin line.

"Stop it Tony! Just stop it!" she yelled, turning away from him and throwing her arms around angrily, her eyebrows furrowing together.

"What do you want from me Ziva?" he roared back, just as loud. She spun back around, her curls sticking to her damp face. By now, her clothes were attached to her body, looking as though they were a second skin.

"I want you to forgive yourself Tony!" she replied, her voice still loud, drowning out the clap of thunder that sounded when she began to speak.

"I can't!" he hissed, falling to his knees and placing his head in his hands.

She knelt down beside him, once again placing a hand on his shoulder, waiting for him to look up at her. When he refused to move, she placed a finger under his chin, and moved his head upwards, so his eyes met hers. What she saw there was guilt, anger, and sadness.

"Yes you can Tony," and she placed her arms around him, feeling him embrace her too, and she put her head in the crook of her neck, listening to him sigh in content. For one night, he would forgive himself.

And it's two am and I'm cursin' your name

"Anthony DiNozzo, how could you get yourself blown up?" Ziva hissed, pacing around her apartment, the images of Tony's car, swimming through her brain. Her heart had broken, and the only thing she could do was curse him for being so stupid. Later, she would feel guilty, but for now she needed to get away.

You're so in love that you act insane

And that's the way I loved you

Breakin' down and comin' undone

It's a roller coaster kinda rush

And I never knew I could feel that much

And that's the way I loved you

She remembered all those nights when she and Tony had poured their hearts out to each other. Staying over night at each others apartments, laying in each others arms, seeking comfort and finding it. One would cry and scream, while the other sat patiently and quietly, nodding their head in understanding, and when the story was over, calming them down so they could fall asleep, and get a good nights that was always so rare.

It wasn't Michael's fault at all, not in the least. It was her own. Tony and her had so many good memories together, and nothing could live up to that.

He respects my space and never makes me wait

And he calls exactly when he says he will

"I just need some space right now Michael," Ziva said, holding the phone in between her ear and shoulder, cleaning the dishes that sat in her sink.

"Alright, Zivaleh. I'll call you tonight at 7, and if you want, we can go out" the voice floated back through the phone.

"Fine," she replied, hanging up quickly, and setting her phone on the counter. She was upset with Tony. He had come into work drunk, and nearly gotten himself fired. Being the anniversary of Jenny's death she should have suspected this but she hadn't even thought about it. Gibbs had ordered her to take him home, and a drunk Tony was not fun to be around. It had basically ruined her day.

When seven o'clock came around, sure enough her phone buzzed, and she answered it. She was still angry and almost automatically declined Michael's invitation to go dancing, which she normally would have accepted with gusto. He didn't seem to mind, promising to talk to her first thing in the morning. She knew he would

He's close to my mother

Talks business with my father

He's charming and endearing and I'm comfortable

He was a perfect match for her, according to her father. Of course, he was a Mossad agent, Jewish, and one of his top agents. She agreed that he was nice, and that she was happy to be dating him, but he didn't make her heart pound, and there was nothing exciting in the relationship. He was nothing compared to Tony.

But I've been screamin' and fightin'

And kissin' in the rain

And it's two a.m. and I'm cursin' your name

You're so in love that you act insane

And that's the way I loved you

Breakin' down and comin' undone

It's a roller coaster kinda rush

And I never knew I could feel that much

And that's the way I loved you

He can't see the smile I'm fakin'

And my heart's not breakin'

'cause I'm not feelin' anything at all

When she saw him, she'd fake a smile, always pretending to be happy to see him. He'd scoop her up in his arms and kiss her passionately, while she pretended that it was Tony instead. She knew that the senior field agent would be out on a date with some blond, and she felt the comfortable numbness settle over her, that usually would when it came to the womanizing. Her heart didn't break anymore.

And you were wild and crazy

Just so frustrating, intoxicating, complicated

Got away by some mistake and now

Memories floated back. Some were of wild nights, where they sang karaoke and drank until they wouldn't be able to remember anything anymore. They were happy and crazy together.

When they argued, and made up quickly. Both of them were complicated, and they never understood each other, but that's what made them last, until, by some misunderstanding, they slipped out of the others grasp and they were no more.

I'll be screamin' and fightin'

And kissin' in the rain

It's two a.m and I'm cursin' your name

I'm so in love that I acted insane

And that's the way I loved you

Breakin' down and comin' undone

It's a roller-coaster kinda rush

And I never knew I could feel that much

And that's the way I loved you

And that's the way I loved you

I never knew I could feel that much

And that's the way I loved you

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