Summary: Eric writes Sookie a list of things he wants to with her. 1/2
Rating: T for language and suggestion
Author: wicked18writer
Spoilers: There are some references made to books but if you just watch the show you'll get it.
A/N: Every Time I Think I'm OUT the plot bunnies, pull me back in. BTW this is part 1 of the list, part 2 will be up soon….or will it…dun dun dun!
…..!…!…..
Dearest Sookie,
After out fight last night concerning if and when you will be turned into a vampire, I've decided to make a list of all things I want to do with you before your mortal shell ages and becomes too decrepit to take part in these activities.
Note by reading this list you are agreeing to take part in said activities, and let me pay for any necessary expenses in relation therein, this is a binding legal document drawn up by my demonic lawyer so don't even think about finding a loop hole.
-Eric
Begin each number with the sentence "With you, I want to":
1 Do bad things…..
2 Embark on an expedition to find the reclusive species known only as 'the Smurffs'
3 Throw a party at Fangtasia with a 'prom' theme and then have Pam crowned 'prom queen' and then dump a bucket of blood on her head…
4 …Then I would like us to help clean her up….using our tongues
5 Go to a water park and go down one of those giant vertical slides naked
6 Start a bunny ranch and breed rabbits to sell to whiny broody vamps who do not want to feed on people and do not like tru blood, target demographic may be named Bill Compton, Stephan Salvatore, Angel, or Edward Cullen
7 Crash a redneck wedding in an deliciously atrocious manner, leading to our subsequent arrest for indecent manner
8 Bake the perfect soufflé, then watch you eat and enjoy it, then let me eat and enjoy you
9 Go shark diving, you in the cage, so you can see me punch a shark right in the nose
10 Beat up a mall Santa, you can take on one of those little midget elves
11 Enter your shifter friend in one of those dog contest and hopefully lose 'best in show' to a fluffy poodle
12 Burn all of your underwear so we can get to having sex quicker
13 Teach you how to speak Swedish so you can hear all the things that Pam says about you behind your back in front of your face
14 Hang out with the non-shifter 'Snoop Dogg' who created that wonderful video 'Oh Sookie'
15 Re-enact certain scenes from Pretty Woman, of course to do this properly, I'll have to start wearing ties
16 Pop out of a cake and then have sex in front of a roaring crowd
17 Watch you lick chocolate off of certain parts of my anatomy…
18 …Then lick blood off of every part of your anatomy
19 Foil an evil plot to take over the world, possibly by two white lab rats, or Republicans
20 Go bareback horseback riding, Lady Godiva style
21 Write and record a hit pop record on which we perform a duet…
22 …Which wins me/us a Grammy
23 Attend a foam party where we will be submersed in a room full of foam and bubbles and where I'll be subjected to dance to awful techno music all because I know you enjoy that type of frivolity
24 Wear an ascot, buy you purple go go boots and a 60's inspired purple mini dress, make Pamela wear thick glasses, a turtle neck, and penny loafers, force Compton to grow a scraggly beard and feed only on donors who smoke marijuana, and make your shifter boss take the shape of a great Dane….
25…Then I will buy a light blue and lime green 1966 Chevrolet Sportvan, paint Mystery Machine on the side and we can all travel the country solving formulaic crimes and mysteries
26 Watch porn
27 Create a Sookie scented soap so I can always smell your lovely aroma on my skin
28 Release a menagerie of animals upon a busy unsuspecting metropolis, a la '12 Monkeys'
29 Pants the Prime Minister of Canada, just for laughs
30 Participate in a WWE wrestling match with all of your ex's, where I am introduced as the Villainous Viking and you are the have clothed girl who tells everyone what round it is
31 Institute a 'Naked Day' at Fangtasia
32 Take all of Pam's shoes and encase them in Jello
33 Shave a wild beaver
34 Film a grocery bag, wafting in the wind, and enter in a film festival and then intimidate the competition so that we win and see how many pretentious people rave about the genius of our award winning film
35 Have a "A Very Potter Musical" viewing party at Fangtasia and force people to wear shirts that either say 'Team Dumbledore' or 'Team Rumblerore' or 'I went to Pigfarts and all I got was this lousy t-shirt'
…..!…!…..
A/N: PART 2 coming soon, sooner if you're a reviewer!
A/N: If you're the kind of reader who reviews, review me. If you're the kind of reader who just reads and doesn't review, telepathically send me a message telling me what you think of the story…and if your not telepathic you know the whole review button works too.
A/N: #6 is a reference to all the pop culture emo vamps out there not just those in the SVM fandom so if you didn't get it don't worry about it.
#35 is a reference to the BRILLIANT musical parody of the Harry Potter book series, called 'A Very Potter Musical' which can & should be viewed on youtube for any self-respecting Potter fan.