Yamamoto looked at the clock on his mantelpiece: 9:55am; just five minutes until the Captain's meeting. The old Soutaichou slung his haori over his broad shoulders, grabbed his sealed zanpakuto, and slowly walked to the meeting room, which was a few rooms down, smirking.

Komamura and Soi Fon arrived first (having had no hissy fits, no patients to check up on, no saying goodbye to their accessories, or no trips to a food stand).

"No armour today, 7th Squad Captain?" asked Soi Fon, looking the fox Captain up and down.

"No," replied Komamura. He glanced at the 2nd Squad Captain's tousled hair. "No extensions or hoops today, Soi Fon-taichou?"

"No."

And with that small talk done, they proceeded to stand in their places and wait in silence. That is, until they heard two people shouting outside the door.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO! I DON'T WANNA!"

"It's not a question of whether you don't want to. You have to go, taichou."

"BUT THEY'LL LAUGH AT ME!"

"No they won't."

"PLEASE, NANAO-CHAN! I'M BEGGING YOU!"

"Get your lazy, good-for-nothing ass in there now, taichou!"

The doors opened and Shunsui Kyoraku stumbled in, slightly deteriorated from his hangover. No hat was seen on his head, or his flowery pink coat on his shoulders. His waist-length, curly brown hair flew around him like reiatsu.

"NO! WAIT! NANAO-CHAAAAAAAAAAN!" he shouted, as the doors promptly shut with a loud bang. He clawed at the wood and attempted to pull it open, but, alas, Nanao Ise had locked it and was obviously waiting outside, ready to capture him should he do any sort of desperate escape.

Shunsui turned his head around and grinned sheepishly at the two other Captains. "Yo!"

Soi Fon nodded in reply, her eyes taking in every strange new inch of the usually pink-clad man's body. Shunsui noticed this and emitted a strange, perverted growl, while winking sexily.

"Kyoraku-taichou, I sincerely hope, for your sake, you are not eying me up," said Soi Fon, her tone dangerously low.

Shunsui laughed. "No, my dear Soi Fon, it was you who was eying me up."

"You should watch your tongue, Captain of the 8th Divisi-…"

"Stop this childish arguing. You are both Captains, and should behave as such," interrupted Komamura. Soi Fon narrowed her eyes and turned away, while Shunsui merely chuckled and walked to his place, saying "Yes, sir!"

And again, silence reigned upon the seemingly desolate room (with the exception of a few whimpers from Shunsui, who was mourning his beloved accessories and his 'broken love' with Soi Fon).

Hitsugaya arrived next, in all his glory of greasy, floppy hair. In fact, his usually white hair had turned a sort of mouldy whitey-grey now. All eyes were upon him as he happily strutted into the room.

"What?" he asked quizzically. He had totally forgotten about his horrible hair in his thoughts about teaching his loudmouthed lieutenant not to drink anymore.

Shunsui snickered. "Nice hair."

"Uhh…" Hitsugaya faltered for a second, before remembering his disgustingly greasy hair.

'I need a comeback. NOW!' he thought desperately. He readied himself for some poisonous words to appear on his sharp tongue, and took a deep breath.

"Same to you, Jesus!"

Everybody paused.

"I don't like you…" growled Shunsui, his eyes narrowed. Hitsugaya swallowed; this was one of Yamamoto-soutaichou's personally trained students!

Shunsui suddenly gave a bark-like laugh. "Just joshing with ya', Toshiro-kun! That was quite a comeback!"

Hitsugaya sighed in relief as he felt the 8th Squad Captain's big hand clamp on his shoulder comfortingly and heard his gleeful laugh. But when Shunsui paused and looked to the door questioningly, Hitsugaya held his breath once more.

"Come in, Kurotsuchi-taichou!" called Shunsui, a goofy grin spreading over his face in replacement of his laugh. The other three Captains looked towards the door too, as it slowly, cautiously opened. All of a sudden, the squeals of hundreds of girls echoed throughout the building, and Mayuri burst through the door and slammed it into a shocked Nanao's face.

"What are you staring at, you fools?" snapped Mayuri, noticing that all of the Captain's eyes were on him.

"Wow, Kurotsuchi-kun, the girls sure like you," teased Shunsui, wiggling his eyebrows knowingly. But with a swift, death-promising glare from the 12th Captain, he shut up pretty quickly.

"Now this is why I don't like going out in public like this!" muttered Mayuri, gesturing frantically with his hands to his blue hair and tanned face.

"Don't forget your awesomely battle-scarred body," added Shunsui, unhelpfully.

Soi Fon looked at Mayuri's upper chest with wide-eyes, and spluttered out, in what she hoped was a sharp tone of voice, "Not battle-scarred. More like experiment-scarred."

"Precisely!" cried Mayuri, waving his hand towards Soi Fon. "My point exactly! Shouldn't these rabid females notice I'm more interested in science than in them! Why would I want those disgustingly horrid women?"

Shunsui grinned. "Oho, so I see where your interests lie…"

"I know what you're going to say, you stupid moron! I AM NOT GAY!" screeched Mayuri, now positively fuming.

"I don't care. Just stop your girly screaming," snarled Kenpachi, as he entered the room.

Mayuri glanced at him and scowled. "Are you indicating I'm homosexual too? Because, coming from a man who wears feminine BELLS in his hair, you're not all that heterosexual either!"

"I'm not wearing bells in my hair right now, nor am I in love with those 'girly' things; they're just to help my opponent, so my battles can last longer. So quit your blabbering nonsense."

"THAT'S NOT WHAT KEN-CHAN SAID TO HIS JINGLYS THIS MORNING!" squealed Yachiru, jumping through the open window onto Kenny's back.

Now, this caused a lot of confusion. 'Jinglys', I mean. Some might interpret this as his bells, knowing Yachiru's obsession with giving nick-names to everything and everyone. Yet, others might interpret it as…well; replace the 'e' with an 'a' in bells.

And one of those 'others' was Shunsui Kyoraku.

"You said you loved your jinglys, eh?" he said, winking. "Can't blame you, mate."

Kenny's mouth dropped open. After a few seconds to digest this information, he grabbed Yachiru and threw her out of the window, yelling "GO AWAY, YOU LITTLE SNOT!"

"Whatever, Ken-chan! I know alllllllllllllllllll!" shrieked Yachiru, as she landed lightly on her feet and skipped away happily.

Everybody looked at Kenpachi, who flushed slightly and turned away, cursing his little, talkative lieutenant.

"What is going on here?"

Komamura looked towards the door and bowed his head in greeting. "Good morning, Unohana-taichou. I see you did away with your beard…uh, plait."

"Yes, although I am worried about my long hair disrupting my work," replied Unohana calmly, as though she had never noticed the whole beard comment (even though she did give Komamura a very scary smile). She walked to her place and looked around, before saying kindly "Everyone looks lovely."

"I agree," commented Yamamoto, as he walked briskly to his chair, bowing his head so that his small smirk wasn't seen.

"Genryuusai-dono!" barked Komamura, bowing low. Yamamoto gave his loyal subordinate a quick nod and sat down. He looked around, narrowed his eyes and asked "Where's Kuchiki-taichou and Ukitake-taichou?"

"I'm not sure, sir. Maybe Ukitake's taken ill again?" suggested Soi Fon.

Kenpachi regained his usual grin. "And maybe Kuchiki is too stuck up his own ass to come to a meeting without his Kuchiki heirlooms."

"Or maybe Kuchiki was simply late after having to sort out an affair between the Four Noble Families," stated Byakuya, as he entered the room and calmly walked to his place in the lines. Kenpachi look startled for a second, before melting his expression back into a smirk. "I see you've ditched the posh scarf, gloves and kenseikens,' he said teasingly.

Byakuya looked away (so as to prevent the rest of the Captains from seeing the tears in his eyes), and simply replied "Yes."

Hitsugaya suddenly spoke up, after being quiet for so long in case he offended Shunsui again or in case anyone said anything about his greasy hair, "What about Ukitake?"

"I'm here, Shirou-chan! Never fear!" panted said Captain, as he stumbled into the room, eating a hotdog that was absolutely oozing ketchup everywhere. He stared around at everyone's confused faces and grinned, making sure to hold back his coughs. He shoved the last half of his hotdog in his mouth with an emphasised "Om nom nom!" and started wiping away the ketchup - and blood - from his lips, mumbling, as though abashed (although inside he was jumping with joy at having completed his well concocted plan, 'That even Mayuri would have been proud of!' he thought excitedly), "Sorry I'm late…and have ketchup everywhere. Y'see, I got up late and ran here, stopping at a hotdog stand on the way to keep me energized for toda-…"

"That's fine, Ukitake. Just take your place," said Yamamoto sternly. Ukitake nodded, fastened a massive smile on his face, and stood in his place, trembling slightly with excitement (and attracting a lot of strange stares – especially from the ever-so-wary-of-the-whole-Shirou-chan-thing-and-now-this-ketchup-thing Hitsugaya).

"Right. Now that everyone's here," said Yamamoto in his usual dull fashion, pointedly looking at Byakuya, who was subtly wiping his eyes, and Ukitake, who was cheerfully sucking his ketchupy fingers, "I have to congratulate all of you on your diligence for Au Natural Day. I am very pleased with your efforts, and I'm sure the Rukongai citizens will be too."
Silence. Reiatsu-flaring, I'm-going-to-kill-the-Soutaichou-any-second-now silence.

"Its good to know we're all happy," continued Yamamoto, a sly smile creeping up on his aged face.

And it was silence no more.

"Happy? HAPPY? I HAVE A HORDE OF FANGIRLS AFTER ME, AND YOU THINK I'M HAPPY?" screeched Mayuri, flailing his arms about indignantly.

"YAMA-JIIIIIIII! YOU STUPID, OR WHAT? GODDAMN, I'M NOT HAPPY! YOU HAD NANAO-CHAN TAKE AWAY MY COAT, HAT AAAAAND HAIRBAND!" cried Shunsui, dropping to the floor and folding his arms stubbornly, his eyebrows furrowed.

"If you think I am happy, Yamamoto-soutaichou, then you are gravely mistaken…" snarled Byakuya, his anger overtaking his woe for his precious Kuchiki heirlooms.

Soi Fon flicked her hair hopelessly. "Where's my braids and hoops, you ask? At home, with my fat lump of a lieutenant, all because of a freaking 'Au Natural' day! I'm not happy. I'm definitely not happy!"

"Not to dismiss your wishes, Genryuusai-dono, but I agree with Kuchiki-taichou that you are gravely mistaken if you think I'm happy. I feel defenceless and vulnerable without my armour!" growled Komamura, patting his shoulders sadly.

"Aww, boo-hoo!" muttered Kenpachi. He raised his voice to a shout, and shook his head back and forth angrily. "FUCK YOU IF YOU THINK I'M HAPPY! I MISS MY JINGL-err, BELLS! HOW AM I GOING TO DRAG ON FIGHTS TODAY? YOU TOOK AWAY MY FUN! AND MY FUCKING HAIR KEEPS GETTING IN MY FUCKING EYE, AND MY NECK FEELS BARE WITHOUT MY BLACK COLLAR!"

Unohana narrowed her eyes at the 11th Squad Captain's serious swearing, but nonetheless effortlessly raised her reiatsu enough to make even Kenpachi step backwards, and said in a dangerously sweet tone, "I am sure that it is inappropriate for a nurse to have loose hair dangling about everywhere. So I am really not happy, Soutaichou."

"MY HAIR'S ALL FLOPPY AND GREASY!" wailed Hitsugaya, his childish nature finally appearing. He ran to the wall nearest to him and started beating it with his small, though mighty, fists, and making huge dents in it.

Ukitake glanced around and felt slightly left out. So, abandoning his calm, peace-loving nature, he squared his shoulders, took a deep breath and shouted the first thing that came to his mind, with pausing. "I'M NOT HAPPY BECAUSE MY THROAT HURTS 'COS I COUGHED UP BLOOD THIS MORNING AND NOW I'M SHOUTING BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO FEEL LEFT OUT AND I HAD TO BUY A HOTDOG TO COVER THE BLOOD 'COS I DIDN'T KNOW WHETHER KEEPING BLOOD ON MY MOUTH IS 'AU NATURAL' OR NOT!" And with that, he fainted, falling flat on his face.

Everybody blinked at the motionless 13th Division Captain on the floor, before turning back to Yamamoto and shouting at him.

The 1st Division Captain had finally had enough; this just wasn't funny anymore.

"Silence!" barked the old man sternly. When he realised he obviously wasn't going to be heard above the din, he raised his own croaky voice louder and shouted ferociously "BE QUIET, YOU MORONS!"

Every Captain in the room (except Ukitake, who was still knocked out) stopped yelling/beating the wall/screaming incomprehensibly/flicking their hair/raising their reiatsu/having a childish tantrum and looked angrily at Yamamoto, biting their lips to prevent themselves for speaking (for they were all scared of what the powerful Soutaichou would do to them if they did not obey his orders – possibly scorch their arses).

Yamamoto glared at them. "You are behaving like children. I merely complimented your looks, and you all started shouting like incompatible youngins! I am ashamed of you all, as should you be."

Komamura, Soi Fon, Hitsugaya, Unohana and Byakuya gazed down at the floor, as though it was the most interesting thing in the world, to get away from the Soutaichou's piercing gaze. Kenpachi grunted, but stood his ground, while Mayuri lowered his yells to mutterings and continued to insult the Soutaichou under his breath. Shunsui, being like a son to the old man, remained where he was, staring accusingly at Yamamoto, pouting hugely, crossing his arms and sitting stiffly on the floor. He blew a loud raspberry and narrowed his brown eyes, scrutinising the man who had Nanao take away all of his distinguishing trademark accessories.

"Shunsui, do not behave childishly. You are the worst of them all!" declared Yamamoto. He looks sideways at his other student, who was on the ground, finally conscious again, but coughing blood with a pathetic smile on his face. Ukitake gave a hopeful thumbs up and attempted a puppy-eye look to soften his sensei. Yamamoto blinked and said shortly "Except that silly rascal on the floor."

Ukitake's puppy-eye's turned to a crying face.

Komamura suddenly coughed, causing Ukitake to look at himself in alarm, wondering how the hell he had coughed without knowing he was going to. The fox-Captain looked up from the floor and muttered abashedly "I apologise, Genryuusai-dono." He growled and a light shone in his eye. "Although I do think that we should never, EVER do this again." He coughed again, presumably to clear his throat. "To keep the peace, I mean."

Ryuujin Jakka tapped on the floor repeatedly, its master looking deep in thought and thoroughly confused. Everyone's eye twitched at the irritating sound, but calmed themselves when they looked fearfully at the lethal zanpakuto and said nothing.

The old Soutaichou looked up, a puzzled expression etched upon his face. "So...it wasn't funny?"

Everyone blinked. Then scowled. Then flailed their arms.

"NO!"

All of a sudden, a sound that hadn't been heard in a millennium erupted. Everybody looked in awe at...at...

The Soutaichou collapsed in his chair, in fits of laughter, tears running down his crinkled face and being absorbed into his unnaturally long beard. "Clever, clever!"

The Captain's took one look at their supposed leader, felt his raging reiatsu, and made a swift escape. If the Soutaichou razed entire villages when he lost a board game, no-one would like to know what he would destroy when having a laughing fit.

And, to be honest, after that trick, who would want to be anywhere near the Soutaichou anyway?