Glitter Freeze

By ZAFO

A/N: This is the result of my crazy daydreaming at work. Please note this is an ongoing series of completely unrelated or related (depending on what I feel) snippets and one-shots of the Hetalia crew at Hogwarts. Lengths will vary and nations are just humans here.

Most importantly, this is crack—so don't take it too seriously. With that being said, enjoy! :)

1.) Getting in the Holiday Spirit

Tino winced, burying his face into Berwald's arm under the scrutinizing, condescending gazes of the entire Slytherin table.

Berwald continued to crew his food nonchalantly, oblivious to the glares around them.

"So." said Draco, breaking the silence. "What's a little Hufflepuff like you doing here?"

Tino stuttered.

The blonde boy's expression was far too similar to Ludwig's for his tastes...

"I-I...I came to eat with Berwald!" he squeaked meekly.

"Hn?" said Swede grunted, looking up at the commotion with a fork halfway raised to his mouth.

"Is this true?" Draco demanded, his voice rising as their eyes came to meet.

And then he quickly shrunk back, not quite expecting the terrifying look on Berwald's face as he stopped chewing and swallowed.

" 's w'ht true?"

"Well—" Draco stopped. Damn it, this guy's stare was really unnerving him! "—are you really, you know, associating with this Hufflepuff?"

"H's m' w'fe." Berwald said bluntly, and Tino's ears burned red with a striking similarity to Weasly's.

"I'm not your wife!"

"How does that even work?" Pansy Parkinson wondered aloud, as the Slytherin girls turned to whisper and giggle girlishly with one another.

Draco looked absolutely scandalized, Crabbe and Goyle looked simply gobsmacked, and Blaise Zabani merely snorted before returning quietly to his meal.

"What the—"

Suddenly, an energetic yipping echoed throughout the air, followed by an ear-piercing screech that cut off Draco's sputter of surprise.

The entire dining hall looked up at the source of sound, only to see a not-so-majestic eagle come barreling through the windows, smashing into the Slytherin banner above their table, and dropping a snow-white puppy into Berwald's waiting arms.

"ACK! LIBERTY!"

A bespectacled blonde boy came running to to the eagle's rescue, who was now lying on the cold stone tiles looking rather dizzy and disoriented.

"ALFRED! YOU STUPID AMERICAN, GO BACK TO YOUR OWN TABLE!"

"Oh shut it, Arthur!"

"Hanatamago?" Tino asked confusedly, holding him gently as Berwald transferred the puppy over to him. "What is this...?"

Hanatamago opened his mouth to allow Tino to retrieve the red letter from his teeth. Tino wiped the excess drool on the edge of his cloak while Berwald looked on expectantly.

When he opened it, the letter instantly floated between Berwald and Tino, taking on the form of paper lips covered in candy and cake crumbs as a rather loud and annoying young voice blazed throughout the air:

"HI MOM, HI DAD!" it shouted. "GUESS WHAT? DANTE AND SHEILA(1) SAID THAT HOGWARTS ALLOWED VISITORS DURING CHRISTMAS! I'VE ALREADY PACKED MY BAGS AND STUFF SO I'M READY TO GO, BUT HANATAMAGO WOULDN'T FIT IN THE SUITCASE SO I SENT HIM WITH LIBERTY AHEAD OF TIME! SEE YOU SOON! LOVE, YOUR SON, PETER!"

"But Christmas is two months away..." Tino said faintly, trying hard not to die of embarrassment as the table (mostly Søren[2] and Gilbert) erupted in a rambunctious laughter.

The howler tore itself to pieces.

Berwald shrugged.

"H' m'sses y'."

"I guess..."

The table fell into a natural mood now, the tension broken at last. The Slytherins chattered amicably amongst each other, save for Draco Malfoy who was scowling at them quite openly and Pansy who was gazing at them with a doe-like, adoring look in her eyes.

'Oh no...!' Tino thought, with horror. 'She..she looks like Elizaveta!"

"T'no?" grunted Berwald, snapping the petite Finn back to attention.

"Oh! I'm sorry! What is it, Berwald?"

For the first time in a long time, the Swedish boy looked very unsure of himself. His scary, twenty-four-hour trademark expression faltered a bit before he continued:

"...w'll y' wear th' outf't Fel'ks g've y' l'st year f'r Chr'stm's?"

Tino smothered his cherry-red face into his scarf upon hearing Søren and Gilbert's hoots and cat calls stir up once more.

2.) The Unwanted Roomate

Draco sniffed angrily, ranting to Crabbe and Goyle as they made their way up the winding staircase.

"I swear! People like him shouldn't even be in this house! I mean, sure—the kid looks like a Slytherin! Hell, he even glares like one! But the git certainly doesn't act like it, fraternizing with a Hufflepuff of all—HEY, WATCH IT!"

"YOU WATCH IT" yelled Gilbert, flashing Draco the middle finger before leaping over the railway altogether.

The trio gaped.

Suddenly, the rough and tired sound of panting came near.

Ludwig had entered the scene, glancing around desperately before turning to face them.

"Have you seen my brother?" he asked, a repressed sort of irritation grinding on the edge of his voice.

"You mean the albino?"

Ludwig nodded.

Now Gilbert may have been a bit of a douchebag, but Ludwig was definitely someone to be respected...

How they were related; he had no idea.

"Jumped over the railing just a second ago." said Draco, trying to sound disinterested.

"Thank you." grunted Ludwig, before heading off on his way.

He, of course, took the staircase, albeit with a rather alarming speed that bordered on dangerous.

"I wonder what Gilbert did." Draco said aloud.

"I don't know." Goyle said slowly. "But..."

"But what?"

The burly boy shifted uncomfortably.

"Just before he jumped, I saw him holding a pair of panties(3)."

Draco and Crabbe blinked owlishly.

"What?"

"They were really small and frilly." Goyle added, as if that would have cleared anything up.

"Okay." Draco said simply, shoving the entire incident into the back of his mind. "Whatever."

He really, really didn't want to tarnish the image of the only other Slytherin he respected so much, even if the panties really did belong to him...

A few minutes later they reached their house portrait at last and entered the common room ("The password. Wurst. It's wurst, right?") then headed up into their dorm. By this time Draco had finished his long and rather repetitive little rant, and he was feeling quite ready to go to sleep when he opened the door...

The sight that awaited him, however, made his jaw drop open in shock.

Sprawled out on his bed was a very, very pretty blonde girl with short hair in a very, very short skirt, smacking on a lollipop and flipping through the latest fashion magazine. She was so engrossed in her reading that she didn't even seem to notice them enter, and Draco raked his mind for the countless pick-up lines he could use to interest her enough for a date at Hogsmede.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he cleared his throat.

"Ahem."

The girl looked up at him, her luscious pink lips opened in a small 'o' of surprise.

"So, uh..."

Crabbe and Goyle, being socially awkward as they were, coughed and thus threw Draco off completely.

A short, awkward silence passed between them.

"...so what's your name?" he finished lamely, feeling self-conscious at the rather bored look she held in her eyes.

Damn it, that witch could pull of the Slytherin colors so well—

"—Feliks Łukasiewicz." 'she' said bluntly, and at this Draco nearly toppled over from shock.

"YOU'RE A BOY?" he shouted

"Umm...like, yeah! Totally! You can't tell?" Feliks snapped.

"Not really..." Crabbe said gracelessly.

"Your skirt looks nice." mumbled Goyle.

At this comment the Polish boy seemed to brighten instantly.

"Like, really? Since the dress code is like, soooo uptight here I like, re-designed my entire uniform! It really looks that nice?" Feliks asked eagerly.

"Yes?" Crabbe and Goyle answered in unison, still unsure of what to make of the situation.

Feliks hopped to his feet, briefly (purposely?) flashing the trio his underwear before daintily straightening his skirt.

With a satisfied sigh he sauntered over to the three, swinging his hips as he walked.

Draco's cheeks flamed red with embarrassment.

"Hi! I'm like, your new roomie! Apparently Dumbledore is like, reeeeaaaally lame and said that the dorms are all filled up, so for now I'll be bunking with you three!"

Suddenly an ugly scowl appeared on the boy's pretty features as he gave the three—Draco especially—as critical once-over.

"Like, what is up with that hair of yours?" Feliks sneered. "You look like that freaking German guy!"

"You mean Ludwig?" Draco asked, more than offended. "There is nothing wrong with him!"

Feliks rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, besides for like, that big stick stuck up his ass!"

The cross-dresser then promptly snatched Draco's wrist and pulled him into the dorm, gesturing to Crabbe and Goyle with his other free hand to follow.

"Wh-where are you taking me?" Draco shouted, trying in vain to pull himself away from the blonde's iron-like grip.

Feliks was a lot stronger than he looked, that was for sure...

"Like, shut up!" Feliks retorted. "We're going into the bathroom!"

"WHY?"

"Because all my make-up and hair supplies are in there, that's why!"

"CRABBE! GOYLE!"

Draco's self-appointed bodyguards trotted clumsily along after them, but just when he thought they were about to save him...

"...hair supplies?" Crabbe patted his head with an insecure expression. "Do you think that you can change my hairstyle?"

"Mine too!" added Goyle. "That Alfred bloke in Gryffindor sure has nice hair..."

"GRYFFINDOR?" Draco screeched. "YOU WANT TO LOOK LIKE A FREAKING GRYFFINDOR?"

"Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!" laughed Feliks. "No problem! I think that Mr. Grumpy-pants here would look nice with Toris's style as well, once we like, get all that icky hair gel out..."

"BLOODY HELL, TORIS LORINAITIS? THE RAVENCLAW?"

"Totally! Like, the one and only! Heh, I rhymed..."

Blaise Zabini snapped his quill in two as he heard the noise level next door increase, with crashes and yelling and sobbing, feeling his desktop start to shake all the while.

Søren's loud, lazy snores behind him only added onto his irritation.

'Sometimes I wish I got sorted into Ravenclaw...' he thought bitterly.

3.) With a Side of Extra-Obnoxious, Please

The Gryffindor common room was alight with a warm, familial feel. The fireplace was crackling with red-orange flames and the students were talking casually with one another, some sitting on the couches and some laying freely on the red carpeted floor.

"Really, Alfred." sighed Hermoine. "Can't you go pester someone else for help?"

"But whhyyy?" Alfred whined. "Everyone knows you're the best at Divinations!"

Hermione flushed a bit at the obvious compliment, but steeled her resolve and shut her textbook.

"No." she said firmly. "It's getting late."

Upon seeing Alfred's kicked-puppy look, however said resolve crumbled all over again.

"Oh, alright." she said miserably, while Alfred whooped in jubilee. "I'll help you."

"Hey Hermione." Harry said guiltily. "I suppose you wouldn't mind helping me on the homework either, right?"

She felt like knocking their heads together.

"No, no, not at all... okay. Alfred, look down at your teacup. What do you see?"

"That old British bastard's face." Alfred said seriously, and at this Harry had to laugh.

Everyone knew about Alfred and Arthur's rather rigorous rivalry; it was almost as infamous as Draco and Harry's, though the both of them looked ready to burst into tears whenever the other one would go too far...

"Alfred..." Hermione said slowly. "...in case you've forgotten, Harry and I are both British."

"Yeah, but you guys aren't old." he shrugged.

"He's only three years older than us!"

"So what? That's still old...er."

"Oh, alright!" she said exasperatedly. "He's old, okay? He's old!"

Alfred grinned.

"Damn straight!"

"...just tell me what your interpretation of the tea leaves are, Alfred." Hermione said patiently.

Alfred looked down at his teacup, gazing into the liquid intently. A few seconds of seemingly-intense concentration passed, before a slow smile began to overtake his face.

"They tell me...that I'm...GOING TO BE A HERO!" he finished zealously, raising his arms up in a 'BANZAI' manner and promptly smacking Harry in the face.

"OW!"

"HARRY!" cried Hermoine.

"...I'm alright." the-boy-who-lived said awkwardly, readjusting his glasses.

Harry had gotten no immediate apology from Alfred, but that was only to be expected, as the boy was still basking in the afterglow of his over-the-top hero complex.

Despite the regular damages Harry suffered from letting Alfred into their circle (Hermione had to use a spell to fix his glasses every other week), he rather liked the American's energetic and cheerful demeanor.

Suddenly, another all-too-familiar shout echoed loudly throughout the Gryffindor common room, causing everyone in it to stop and glance over at Ron, Parvati, and Im Yong Soo sitting together in the corner.

"YEEAAHHH! CHESS ORIGINATED IN KOREA, DA-ZE!"

"No it didn't!" Parvati fumed. "It originated in India!(4)"

"How could I have lost to Yong Soo?" Ron moaned. "How could I have lost at all?"

Hermione shook her head.

"Gryffindor with a side of extra-obnoxious, please." she muttered.

(1) Dante and Sheila = Seborga and Wy.

[2] Søren = Denmark

(3) This should be really obvious, but those are Chibitalia's panties, if I am to go with the Germany-HRE theory! ;D

(4) According to Google, chess really did originate in India, around 500 B.C. I think.

A/N: Anyway, I hoped you all enjoyed the first installment of Glitter Freeze! Prepare yourself for the next chapter, and remember to review if you liked it! :)

Edited 27.5.14