SOMEDAY I WILL WRITE ACTUAL HALO FANFIC. THAT DOESN'T SUCK. SOMEDAY.

But for now I give you more TFxRvB crack crossover.

Close Encounters: Closer Yet

"Woah!"

"Holy Shit-"

"Don't shoot!"

"Yeah, jeez, Tex, calm down."

"They're friendly."

"Look, no offense to you guys, but when I see a bunch of metal and guns my first reaction is shoot first, ask questions later. Not to see if it'll be my penpal."

"Now you're just making fun of us."

"… What are these things, exactly?"

"Who, not what."

"We are Autonomous robotic organisms from the planet Cybertron."

"Yeah, these're my new friends, so treat 'em nice. Guys, this is Tex. She's got more balls than a brass monkey, if you get my meaning."

"Up yours."

"We've only known you for twenty-six seconds, including when we were being shot at. Does that really qualify as friendship?"

"Eh, I'm a bomb. Friendships are easy come easy go."

"I see- wait, you're a what?"

"Sooo, Tex. What brings you to this corner of the canyon?"

"Right, I was looking for Junior. Tucker, being the great parent that he is lost the brat again. He said Doc might know."

"Nu uh. I babysit, but I won't bring an infant anywhere near explosives. That's just irresponsible."

"… So you left him."

"Well, yeah. I wanted to ask Andy something, and then the robots showed up and I got distracted. I only left him alone for a few minutes."

"Wow Doc. You suck like a whor- Hey Tex, where ya goin'?"

"Well I'm not going to stand around here and listen to you all day."

"Why bother going to find the idiots kid anyways? I'm way better company than them anyways, and you don't even wanna here what that kid tried to do to me yesterday."

"Oh wah. Poor Andy. You must have it so hard."

"Exactly. Stupid kids. Wait- Hey! Where are your maternal instincts?"

"Must've left them in my other armor."

"Aw, don't be like that, Tex. That's no way to live life."

"At least I'm useful. You aren't even a qualified doctor."

"Okay, that was definitely out of line."

"What are you going to do? Fire your non-existent gun at me?"

"Well, I- I'm sure I could find something… or something…"

"Nice."

"Yeah. I'm going to leave now."

"Aaaaaaaand there she goes. Bitch."

"…I liked her."

"Forget like."

"I vote we keep her and Grimlock very far apart."

"Seconded. Where is the big brute, anyways?"

"Over that…. Way."

"… You mean the direction Tex happens to walking in?"

"Of course."

"Hm."

"Well slag."

"Come on guys- Hey! Fill me in! What's going on, I'm dyin' here!"

"I thought you were a bomb?"

"It's an expression numbnuts."

"Oh."

"So then- come on. Who's this Grimly character, or whoever?"

"Grimlock is… one of our more interesting compatriots."

"He's a slagging pain in the aft is what he is."

"Is he that big dinosaur talkin' to Tex now?"

"Yeah. That'd be him."

"You can turn into Dinosaurs? That is so cool."

"Why are you guys so worried about all this anyways."

"We don't like it because Grimlock has the inexplicable ability to charm his way into anyone's good graces, despite the fact that he is a clumsy dolt."

"He's not that bad."

"Yes he is."

"Slag, look- he's talking to her."

"And she… isn't impressed. Woo! Two points for Tex!"

"How can you tell? She's wearing full body armor and a helmet you can't see through."

"So?"

"We're Transformers. Faces are optional."