Okay everybody, this is my first real story, so please, keep in mind that I've never done this before if it sucks ^_^. HAHAH...no but seriously I'm sorry if its really terrible. I have a tendancy to not stay in the same tense (aka present and future tense) when writing, and even worse, Toshiro is running around in the first chapter, so i spoke from his first person point of view.

This contains boy x boy/ GinHitsu/ Yaoi lovin' so if you dont like it, dont read! Nothing lemony happens in this chapter but its rated M for upcoming good times. ;]

I DONT OWN BLEACH, not even a little bit cause if i did, there would be no fillers and a lot more yaoi fanservice. Read, review, enjoy!

**p.s. when Toshiro is talking to himself, everything is italicized. I specifially said that in this chapter but later on, I wont. Also a memory of something Gin said is BOLD but it doesnt mean anything. I just liked how it looked.**

Its hard to explain how running for your life feels. I suppose some might say its like running a marathon, but that only covers the physical aspect of things; the tug of hot sweaty limbs as your legs pound the pavement, a wild surge of adrenaline and all the while your lungs feels as though they've lit up and you're breathing dust. Yet, there's one major difference: what you stand to lose at the end of the race. Any Olympic athlete runner would say there's a sense of delayed gratification. They can they stand to lose fame, bragging rights and life changing endorsement deals. But right now, I'm pretty sure none of those factors apply to me because I know exactly what punishment I'm gonna get if he catches me. Even if I somehow reach the finish line - could run clear across the country - there's really no prize for me because he'll never stop looking. I could fake my own death and he would still keep after me. But he'd laugh at my dedication though.

"There is no escapin us, Hime. No matter how far yah run, you know that every road leads right back to me, ne?"

His voice echoes through my head as I slip behind the trees of the forest and head to town. "Ha. His voice follows me even when I'm trying to run away. Seems like I'll never get him out of my head" I think with a dry laugh. I remember the day he said those words so clearly. It was in the beginning of our relationship, I was 15 years old and having second thoughts about being with a man almost twice my age: suppose he isn't the one for me? What if I'm not good enough and he gets bored with me? How do I know if he really loves me? I've learned that brooding never leads to anything good. I would sit day in and day out with my mind running in circles about exactly where I wanted to go with our relationship, till I couldn't take it anymore. Eventually we had a huge fight, I told him I didn't want to be with him anymore and to stop calling me because we both knew it would never work out between us. Naturally he told me he knew no such thing: he had known the minute he saw me that we were meant to be together. I tried my hardest to walk away him, I really did. But like always he caught me.

He snuck over to my house and came through the window - I usually left it open for him and forgot to close it - the very night of our first argument. I was still heated and understandably annoyed that he came to see me. What I didn't know was that we would be in that room for days, making love in every possible position known to man. And the whole time, he wouldn't stop whispering to me how much he loved me, how he couldn't live without me, and that he would never leave my side, even when I amitted I would stay. He drove me crazy. I also remember that we never left the bed once; I had to tell my parents through the door that I was studying for a final and not to bother me when they finally came to check. Not that either one really cared since my absence had zero affect on their busy schedules. With my father so caught up in work and my mother in another one of her affairs nobody really noticed I had skipped school for several days. But when he finally left, those were the words he said to me. Something about those words made me feel so hot inside, like a fire was burning in my soul just for him. Maybe it was then that I should have noticed then that something was off about us because despite his obvious obsession with me, I didn't feel afraid in the slightest.

So now, with that warning in mind, I know that failure isn't an option unless I'm prepared for the consequences and they wont be nice. To run from a man who doesn't draw a lie between love and obsession is a scary thing. Yet, I still love him. It's really a catch 22: if I fail I'm not sure how much pain I can take before he stops punishing me for being "so cruel" to him, as he would put it. On the other had, if I get away its gonna hurt even worse to be away from the only person in the world I truly love. I'm not running from him forever…I just need some space, something he'll never understand.

"Toshiro! Get back here right now. SHIRO!"

Damn it, he's close. Quickly I swing a corner onto the residential streets of Karakura. Its been so long since I've walked in town. Usually its straight from school back to his house on the outskirts of town. Some people might mind being isolated, but there wasn't really anything to come back to Karakura for when he was all I needed. Where's a good place to hide a small boy? Ah! Up ahead, two houses are squeezed close together and I dash between the alleyway they form. Fitting myself behind a garbage can of the house to my left, I pull my brown hoodie closer to my body. The only thing I hear is the whistle of the chilly air blowing by the houses. As I sit, trying to stop breathing all together, I glance up to see thousands of white flakes fall into the palm of my hand. Its been snowing for two days straight, yet it had only occurred to me that this would be the best cover for escape this afternoon. "But why am I running? I love him. Surely we can talk about this…" The idea died before I even finished thinking it. Hes not logical. He's not gonna want to talk this out, hes gonna beat it out of me. What a scary man. But the only constant reoccurring thought in my mind is that I love him. No one has ever look at me or touched me the way he has. Its very likely that I have been ignored by everyone, but the stream of nannies my parents have hired, my entire life. One of the reasons I was so attracted to him in the beginning was the burning passion he had for me. Every touch had a meaning behind it and he never said something to me that he didn't mean. Yes, we have our issues but at the end of the day with him is where I want to be, so why was I fighing what I wanted? "Freedom!" shouted the logical part of my mind, "freedom is worth fighting for Toshiro, right?" Right. All I ever asked for was a little breathing room and freedom, which he refused to give to me. The latest argument was over college. After all, this is the last year of high school and with only five months of school left, the utmost idea in my mind is deciding which college to go to.

**flashback**

"Arghh! I'm so glad I'm finally graduating. I can ditch those sorry excuses for parents and live my own life. " I sighed and fell back dramatically onto his lap, my back to his chest. We were in the middle of his living room floor two days ago with the snow storm beginning to brew and the TV. buzzing in the back ground. I had less than half a semester left but had already received acceptance letters from several top colleges.

"Mmmm. High school sure is a hassle when yah have an underage lover. Imagine all the things we can do legally now…" he hummed thoughtfully.

"Shut up you pervert. That never stopped you before. I doubt there's anything left that we haven't done."

"Mah Mah, yah make it seem like I've been corrupting yer youth."

"Definitely. Ever since freshman year. What kind of teacher are you?" I poked playfully

He laughed, pulling me closer. "The dedicated kind, o' course. I put a lot of work into you."

"Sicko. Anyway, so I think I'm definitely going to pick M. University. I've got the best marks in my grade and I know I can handle the work. I can get an apartment in Toky-"

"No."

"….What do you mean, no?" I pulled back and looked carefully into his face. The way he said it with such finality made me a bit apprehensive. When he decides something, usually there's no changing his mind.

"Just what I said. No. its too far and you're not going." His wide smile was still on his face but his voice took on its commanding tone that left no room for argument, but I considered the chances of me getting through to him and tried again.

"Well its not that simple. It would be so great for my future. And if you think its that's far away, you could move always in with me! We'd get a nice little apartment and spend every afternoon in bed," I suggested with a small smile.

"Are yah insane o' just plain stupid?" he said in a low voice. I instantly began to pull away. "We've talked 'bout this Shiro. There's no need ta go that far and I cant just up and leave my job. The pay in the city is too low, so T. University or G. University is just as good."

"What are you talking about? First of all, you could leave teaching in Karakura High anytime, you're over qualified anyway! Second of all, you're loaded, what do you care about the pay? In fact, it would make more sense for you to take a job at M. University! Sometimes you can be so inconsiderate. W-w-why would I want to pass up the best thing that's ever happened to me?" I turned away quickly to hide my angry tears and tried to sit up and walk away. Then I felt his long, slim fingers close around my wrist and yank me back, hard. "Ow! What the hell, stop it!"

"The 'best thing that's ever happened to you'? So leavin' ta live miles away in Tokyo is the best thing for yah, for us…why do yah always try to run from me?" he whispered, gripping my wrist tighter. I took a breath, realizing my mistake.

"Hey," I said in a shaking voice, "take it easy. You know what I meant. I'm not running from you. Any future with you is perfect but I want the best future with you and M. University can do that for us. Don't you trust me?"

His fine silvery hair brushed my cheek as he leaned down into my face. " Yah always try to leave me, Hime. Every time I think I've got you, you get nervous and run, so I think its best that yah stay right here."

"That doesn't make any sense! Just because you're insecure doesn't mea-"

His hold tightened to a bone crushing strength. And I whimpered, trying to squirm away.

"Shut up Hime and listen close 'cause it seems yuh've fergotten somethin' really important. If I say yer not going, that means there's no room fer discussion, ne? So either decide if yah want to stay with me o' go to M. Univeristy, 'cause if that's the case, I can help yah pack right now."

"S-s-stop. This isn't fair," I stuttered on the verge of tears once again. "Please, just…how am I supposed to choose? Don't do this…"

His eyes opened and his blood red eyes bored into me, burning with fury. "It shouldn' be a tough choice, Hime," he said gruffly, almost as if he was surprised by my hesitation.

"I-I-I don't know! Please, I love you so much but just think about this! Don't make me…don't make me choose!" I pleaded but there was only silence.

"Mah Mah…Hime, looks like yah already did." He suddenly pushed me away and I fell, landing on my back. For a second he looked down, like he was waiting for something, but when I only looked up crying he smoothly walked away into the bedroom, slamming the door.

"B-b-baby please… stop, ok? Just come back and talk to me. This is silly. "

There was no answer. Only a rustling of fabric, as though he was going through all the vanity drawers. Quietly I crawled over on my knees to knock on the door. As I raised my hand timidly, the door suddenly swung open and I had to jump back to avoid getting hit in the face. By the time I looked up, I was once again reeling as a myriad of clothes started falling onto my head.

"Wha-"

"Get out."

"What!" I gasped. I looked down and realized with a sinking feeling that these were my clothes scattered on the living room floor. He had walked away again, returning with another armful, tossing it at my face. "Put these back! Stop it!"

"Be quiet Toshiro and get out. You can still go back to your parents place, can you not?"

I knew he was completely serious for two reasons. Firstly he didn't like me being at my parent's house even more than I did. He said it got in the way of our time together and that if they didn't want to take care of me, he would. And secondly, he was speaking with impeccable grammar and no smile on his face. Just a tight lip, close eyed expression that made my skin crawl. When I made no move for the door he grabbed my arm and began to drag me. I screamed, thrashing to try and get away, so I could run back to our bedroom and lock myself in there until he realized just how much I needed to be with him. Down the hall and out into the foyer of his large house, he continued to pull me but the rug burn on my back was nothing compared to the fright I felt at that moment. Once I saw the front door, I freaked, kicking his shin and biting at his hands while crying like someone had died. "What's wrong with you! STOP IT!" It happened so fast that I didn't even realize it happened until I felt the sting and my head whip to the side: he backhanded me with all of his might across the left side of my face. The sound rang in my ears and off the walls, making my head hang heavily as I tried to cope with the sudden pounding of my brain. I had stopped fighting, trying to comprehend if this was all a dream because he might have hit me, but surely he wouldn't kick me out, right? This was happening way too fast for my mind to catch up. Then my face was leaning against the cool solid oak doors as I looked up at him reaching for the handle and I snapped. Knocking him back and shooting to my feet with my head down, I stood in front of the door like I was the one barring him from leaving.

"No! You cant do this to me, I love you! You are my life, w-why don't you believe me…" my voice cracked horribly as I tried to express myself. " I'll say it how many times you need me to, just don't throw me out. I-I cant breathe without you, it hurts too much. I'll never leave you, ever. Please, please let me stay please…oh god…" I broke into tears again and hid my face in my hands, unable to finish. For a minute there was total silence besides my sobbing.

"You'll never leave me…hmmmm. Are you sure that's what you want Toshiro? I'd never want to get in the way of your future," he asked in a cold, aloof voice but his eyes were still wide open and burning holes into my hands.

"Yes! I'll do what ever you say! I promise, if you don't want to leave Karakura, then we'll stay here forever. No matter what, I wont leave you, whatever you want I'll do it! Okay? Please…" I begged pathetically. I didn't want to but I didn't know what else to do.

"Ne, so dramatic Hime. If that's what yah really want, then yah can stay" his smile slipped back into place slowly and his eyes disappeared into their fox-like slits once again.

I ran to him so fast and flung my arms around him, hugging him like he was my life line out at sea, that we nearly toppled.

"I can stay? We're okay, right? I-I-love you, more than anything else, so its all okay now…I don't ever want to be without you…" I cried into his broad, chest and breathed in his scent of warm wood and coconut. In the back of my mind I realized I was ruining his favorite wool knit sweater with my tears and kept a vice grip on his waist, just incase he changed his mind.

"I already said yah could Hime," he carted his fingers through my hair. "I promise yah can stay. Forever"

"But do you still love me?"

He chuckled and kissed the crown of my head, tilting my head back to kiss each tear soaked eye and pepper kisses along my face as well "I love you Toshiro. I'll always love you, no matter how angry you make me. Now, calm down. Cryin' that hard will make yah sick."

And I felt sick. Sick to my stomach that he had this control over me. Here I was, proud little Hitsugaya Toshiro crying into the chest of a man who could bend me and shape me into whatever he wanted. It was a strange feeling and I wondered as my sobs became louder and my tears soaked his shirt, if I would ever grow out of this. He was my lover, my teacher, my friend, my everything…he was Ichimaru Gin. The moment I ever heard that name it was over for me. "Gin, Gin I love you. I love you, I love you-" I repeated it like a mantra, and he hummed in content, but I don't know if I was convincing him or reminding myself.

Eventually he picked me up in his arms like a baby and took me back to our room. We made love again and again like he was afraid I would forget how it felt to have him inside of me and I loved every minute of it. Afterwards, I laid in bed, with his arm around my waist, thinking through exactly what had happened. Since the moment our fight began I hadn't had enough time to processes what I was doing and saying; I think he wanted it that way so he would have to do the thinking for both of us. In all the moments when he was the one hurting me, I needed Gin to hold me and love me as much as I loved him more than anything in the world. I needed to be safe and Gin was the only one to ever give that feeling to me. But I still wanted M. University, I wanted independence, I wanted…freedom. I had to get away from him for a while to clear my head and I needed to do it fast. "I'm sorry. I guess you're right Gin. I do keep running from you but sometimes it too much. Sometimes, you're too much." Smothering would be a good word to describe Gin's love. It surrounded me at all times, pinned me down, seeped into every pore of my body, gave me what I needed to live but at the same time it would scare me. "God, why do I love him so much. I need…space. To think about what I really want." I knew that if I said this to Gin, he would flip and definitely keep me locked in a room for an unknown period of time, so I would have to leave out of the blue. After all, every now and then I got the unquenchable urge to test if it was Gin who had me under lock and key of if it was I who had him.

**end Flashback**

AHHHH that was soo fun! As the first chapter, it wasnt really the best and personally i think the next few chappies are much better. This was just a slight insight to the unhealthy relationship Gin and Toshiro have but dont worry, chapter two continues where we left off, with Toshiro out in the snow. We're not in the past forever. Criticism is very welcome - I'll never grow if I dont learn!- and nice big fat reviews make me greedy to pump out more updates . See ya next time!