Hello Beautiful Readers in beautiful reader land!

I'm not even sure what to say in this post. I'd like to start by saying sorry. I feel like I abandoned a part of me when I went off to school and things got hectic. There is so much creativity and love for this story that has been locked away and now, for the first time in ...(what like two years?) God knows how long, I have time to be the author I swore I would be.

First of all let me thank QueenofCitrus and SirenShadow for being my ROCK and checking in on my crazy ass when I know half of you had given up on me as a flake writer! You guys are amazing and please believe, I will be responding to you privately! ^_^ I just pumped out this bad boy of a chapter and I had to post Asap. The christmas spirit got me, yall lol.

Jrmarion510, Lovesythe, Heavenknowsmyname, f3296, Youri and so many others, you are not forgotten! You all helped kick my ass into high gear and get this chapter out! I wont fail you guys! I will be writing my little but off all winter and giving you guys what you deserve. A proper ending to this story, updates on Penny for My Thoughs and of course, the long alluded to Prequel to Lock and Key (whoever guesses the name gets a Gin/Shiro oneshot =P).

I adore everyone who reads this story, anyone who's just finding this story, and anyone else who actually stuck with me for so long! So here it is, the long awaited chapter, entitled...

Leap of Faith

Falling.

I was tragically falling through air, feeling the wind whip around as I looked on with unseeing eyes. Everything around me was stark white, shockingly bright and blinding in its purity. The wind howled as I picked up speed and I yell out, grabbing blindly for something to stop my fall. Yet, I wasn't necessarily scared; I was just concerned. I knew there was nothing beneath me, nothing to catch me. I feared not the fall, but not knowing how it would end.

"Stop fightin it, Hime."

My eyes snapped open and I sucked in a short breath, turning frantically to look for the voice.

"Just let go."

Breathing out slowly, I closed my eyes and did just that: I let go. Sooner than I could suck in another breath, I jerked to a stop as something soft and strong caught me. I was caught in a web of satin, pure white satin that enveloped me from either side and I smiled as I breathed in its scent. Pure joy shot through me as I rolled through my satin cloud, desperately searching for him. I knew he was there. Gin.

I must have spoken out loud accidentally because I heard him chuckle softly. "Yer still fightin, Hime. I'm right 'ere."

"Where? Where are you?"

"Right here with ya. Cant ya see?"

I huffed, tumbling faster through the sheets, angered by the futility of my search. "I cant see anything, damnit!" He laughed again and I felt warmth slide past me, but I couldn't see him. "Gin, please, I need you! I cant do this alone."

"If ya stopped tryin so hard, ya'd find me. I'm 'ere. I've always been right 'ere, darlin. Just let go."

Screaming at him silently in my mind, I did as he asked and let go. I stopped looking and started feeling. Suddenly, I could feel him all around me. On me, over me, in the air blowing through me and then...he was behind me. "Gin."

"Hello darlin. Ya miss me?" He laughed, pulling me into him with those long, cool arms I remembered so well.

I turned over and recoiled instantly, squinting as he glowed in pure white, shining silver hair framing his ethereal face. "I'm dreaming, aren't I?"

"Ne ne, who's ta say? Yer where ya want to be, aint cha?"

"Sure," I whisper, running my fingers through his sparkling hair, tracing his lips. "But it wont last."

He frowned, kissing the fingertips that rested near his chin. "Why not?"

"Nothing good ever lasts." I sighed, pressing closer, breathing him in. "And we were so good, Gin. Theres no way you're real."

He rolled over, pulling me on top of him as he leaned back in leisure, frowning still. "Sounds like yer givin up."

"You just told me to give in. To stop fighting." Gin's hands stroked down my back and I hissed like a cat in heat, moving against him anxiously.

"Give up on the fight, not on fate" he laughed again, kissing the tip of my nose.

"Whats the difference? How do I know when I'm fighting destiny and when I'm just fighting? Aren't they one in the sa-" My sentence cut short as a sudden rip formed in the sheet and we rocked to the side, falling apart. "Gin!"

He smiled brighter, moving further as the tear widened and I fell forward through the hole. I screamed, grabbing a hold on the sheet as I teetered above a yawning black chasm. Again, I feared what was at the end of the fall. What lied waiting for me in the dark, without Gin to light the way.

"They aint the same, Hime. Ya'd know that if you stopped tryin to fight every one and everythin around ya. Ya know whats worth fighting for."

I cried out as the sheet tore again and I fell further. "Gin, pull me up, quickly! I dont want to go, I dont want you to go! I dont want to be alone again!"

Gin leaned forward, so close I could taste the air of tobacco and mint around him. I instantly regretted not kissing him while I had the chance. There was so much left for me to do, but no time to do it. "Yer not alone, Hime. Stop thinkin its always about you. Its about us."

"What us?! Its just me! Im all alone and I'm scared. You're not here to help me, Gin. What am I supposed to do?" I screamed again as I pelted backward, falling "Dont let me go!"

"Live, Hime. Do whatever ya gotta do to live. Stop fightin who you are and start fighting for somethin. Yer stronger than ya think."

You are my strength! I thought to my self as I fell into the black chasm beneath me. You're all that I know, Gin.

Then use me to survive. You just have to survive, Hime. I'm comin...

– – – – – – – –

"Gin!" I came awake with a start, jerking upright and hitting the back of my head against something hard with a yelp. "Goddamn it. Shit!"

"Keep your voice down, trash."

Ulquiorra's ice cold voice helped to pull me back to reality as I pulled myself from the unnerving dream. "Good morning to you too," I groaned slowly.

My perch on the armchair in Orihime's room was precarious as I teetered on the edge, leaning towards her bed. It had been two days since our run in with Grimmjow and she was doing well. Technically, it was her shift to watch me and no one else had the time to babysit. I used that excuse to resign myself to her room but truthfully, I was still racked with guilt about the entire ordeal. I needed to look over her and remember what would happen every time I was weak. I needed to remember what it was like to feel for someone other than myself.

"Would you care to explain how in my three day absence Orihime, has been reduced to this pathetic state?" Ulquiorra clipped out coldly. I froze as I stared into his eyes. I had been so worried about Orihime pulling through that I did not consider how I was going to explain the situation. I said the first word that came to mind.

"Grimmjow" I hissed.

He slanted his cold gaze back to her bruised face. "What provoked him?"

Another bitter name bubbled to my lips. "Aizen. He said he was going to use her as a means to...train me. Grimmjow was bitting at the chomps to hurt her and...I played right into it. I'm so sorry" I finished sourly, grimacing at her miserable appearance.

"Grimmjow took joy in this, did he?" He mused, twirling a finger through her silken hair.

"Greatly," I muttered, immediately wary of his cool tone. He was too calm, calculating. Something told me that was never good. "I really am sorry I couldn't protect her, Ulquiorra."

He lanced me with a burning sneer that surprised me. "You couldn't protect her any more than a child can protect himself from his own shadow. Please, spear me the crocodile tears, Hitsugaya Toshiro."

I scowled and a burning need to ask the question plauging me since we first med took over. "Why do you hate me so much?" I blurted out before I could stop myself. "What have I ever done to you?"

He stood and I leaned back instinctively as he stalked around the bed to stand before me. "It's not what you've done, Hitsugaya. It's what you haven't done. You want so badly to be your own man, to live freely but you have yet to stand up and take what you want for yourself. Instead, you snivel and weep like a maiden in Gin's shadow"

"Hey, wait a minu-!"

"I call you trash because you act as such. You live like a peasant, scouring from one great man's tower to another. You are a pawn, a tool, a nobody. It's no wonder you and Gin did not last. He may have fallen in love with the child but he too is still waiting for the man in you to emerge."

The outrage on my face burned into an embarrassed blush. "You don't know me, Ulquiorra. You don't know the first thing about me."

"I know you are a child who got Orihime involved in one of your weak attempts to establish your manhood and it got her hurt." His mask slipped back into place smoothly and he dismissed me with a turn back to Orihime. "Get out. By doing nothing, you have done more than enough."

Grinding my teeth together, I gathered myself and rose. Although his delivery was poor, his message was clear. Ulquiorra was clearly having as hard a time dealing with the situation as I was – if not worse. They needed time alone.

"You're an ass," I growled as I moved towards the door. "You might have some nasty feelings about me, but for some ungodly reason, Orihime cares about me and thats what I'm concerned about. Its putting her directly in Aizen's line of fire."

"Orihime cares for all petulant children," He stated blandly. "Now get out." If I could have hissed at him and still left with an ounce of dignity I would have. Instead, I swallowed my snarl and snatched open the door. "A word of advice, Hitsugaya."

Again, I froze and gritted my teeth. "Whats that?"

"If you're going to find that courage you've been searching for, now is the time to do it. Serious changes are coming... you need to be strong when they do."

I blinked, stunned and opened my mouth to respond but thought better of it. Without another word, I moved through the door and closed it behind me, ambling blindly towards my room as I thought rapidly. Of all my captors, truthfully only half seemed like the ominous gangster you see in movies. From day one, Stark and Orihime had thrown me for a loop with their curiously, prying questions and odd show of support. Ulquiorra had always seemed like a wild card; I was as unsure of where his alliances stood as I was of his ever changing but undetectable moods. Which was why I was so shocked by his final tidbit of advice. Ever prickly and rude, it was a jeer. Yet, it held that rattling undertone of fear for my safety that Orihime's words usually did.

For the life of me, I couldn't understand what was going on. Here I was, hostage in this vast lair and not one of my "captors" had hurt me. Technically, Aizen had yet to even lay a finger on me. The question of why I was here and what these people wanted from me re-emerged. Aizen seemed to have no intention of killing me and half of his Espada appeared seconds away from starting a prayer circle for my safety. It didnt make any sense. What did they want from me?

"Stop fightin it, Hime."

The words of the dream rushed back to me and my mind was suddenly flooded with phrases.

" ...stop tryin so hard... ya'll find me … dont...give up...on fate. Ya know whats worth fighting for...Cant ya see?...Its about us. Live...Hime. I'm comin."

Gasping, I sucked in air until it felt like my lungs would burst. As I let it out, I shot forward, sprinting for my room. Live. Live. You just have to survive. I'm comin'. I could see now. As I pelted forward, the bright light streaming through the long hallway shot past my eyes and I was back in my dream. But this time, I wasn't falling wildly. If I had just stopped fighting what was happening, from the very beginning I would have seen the truth. I would have know he was with me all along. Gin was pulling the strings, behind every shadow, every veiled warning, every lingering stare. He was with me.

Turning the corner, I slammed the door to my room open, nearly knocking it off the frame. Stark jumped up – from what looked like an impromptu nap on the couch – with a hand perched on his gun. He studied my frantic eyes, tensing slightly. "Easy there. What's got you in such a hurry you had to wake me from a nap?"

Slamming the door shut, I stalked forward, nervous energy rolling off of me in waves as I felt the conviction of truth slam through me. I stopped in front of him, unperturbed by his frown and the grip he kept on his pistol. Smiling brightly, I squatted and leaned forward, encasing his long frame between my arms. His uncomfortable frown turned to a grimace of distaste.

"Look, you're a cute kid and all, so dont take this the wrong way. But there's this hot blonde I got my eye on and word is, your man doesn't share very well, so..."

I waved him off, eyes unwavering. "Start from the beginning, Stark. Tell me the truth."

"The truth?"

"Sure!" I beamed, leaning in even closer as he recoiled in fear. " Tell me: when exactly was the last time you spoke to Gin?"

The mixture of surprise, fear and relief I saw in his eyes was conviction enough for me. I already knew the truth: Gin was coming for me.

Please comment guys, let me know if you think I still have it! Sorry if this was a bit short, the next will be longer! And juicier. Things are heating up! I feel like the environment of fanfiction has changed a bit but I have not! Tell me you hate me, tell me you love me but I am still a shameless comment grubbing whore. Lavish me with your words, ladies and gentlemen. Until next time...

~Ciao for now 3