SATPA part 6

I stole a phrase from Roguelane. Thank you!

Pepper stared at the closed the door.

She took a deep breath, then slowly exhaled.

"Oh, my God," she whispered. She couldn't believe what just happened.

Hew! That was awkward.

The mocking tone was more than Pepper could stand. She'd just put Tony –and herself- in the most embarrassing situation ever -one that could have cost her the best job she'd ever had!

Awkward was an understatement.

Oh, lighten up!

Pepper closed her eyes in exasperation. She couldn't go on like this, holding imaginary conversations like a lonely teenager. She was an adult, for God's sake; it was time she started behaving like one.

Determined, she turned and tossed the white box in the suitcase. She closed the suitcase, pushed it to the back of the trunk, then shut the trunk with an imaginary bang. That was the end of this crazy episode of her friendship with Karen. There'd be no more snide remarks from now on; no more imaginary conversations, and, more importantly, no more acting against her better judgment.

Briskly, she started picking her stuff; first she'd go to the guest room and freshen up, then she'd go downstairs and help Tony defrost whatever he was in the mood for, ('did he say hot dogs? it sounded like hot-dogs'); then they'd talk business and eat. There was so much to do, after all; Tony was getting the Apogee Award in two days, he was flying to Afghanistan the day after… There were schedules to establish, decisions to be made...

'Adults behaving like adults,' Pepper thought pointedly.

Her inner Karen didn't utter a peep.

Pepper's plans started to crumble the minute she set foot in the kitchen. Tony was there, putting soda cans in a cooler.

"We're not eating here," he said.

"But we always eat here."

"Exactly," he said. He paused to give her a glance over. "How do you feel?"

"Fine," she said casually, then she remembered she wasn't supposed to be all that well. "I have a little headache; but -"

"Headache?" He frowned.

"It's nothing," she said quickly. Personal Assistants weren't supposed to have headaches.

He eyed her thoughtfully.

"Tell you what," he said, "I'll brew you some tea later on. One of Master Tsiao's infusions. It'll make you feel better. You're not feeling queasy or anything, are you?"

"I'm not, Tony, really."

"Good. 'Cause I got some good food waiting." He picked the cooler. "Get the glasses will ya?"

She picked the glasses and followed him into the hallway. Idly, she noticed he'd showered and changed clothes -loose fitting jeans and a long-sleeved shirt; comfortable clothes that he'd worn for years, cherished for some reason she couldn't fathom. It certainly had nothing to do with fashion or comfort; he just liked some things better than others. But why...?

He glanced over his shoulder.

"We should do this outside," he said. "But you're feeling under the weather, so…" He paused just as they came into the living room. "We're gonna eat here."

She took a look inside and gaped. The cushions that normally adorned the couches were now on the floor, arranged in a semi circle in front of the fire.

"Whoa," she said. "When did you do all this?"

He walked past her.

"Take a seat," he said cordially.

"But -"

"Have a drink," he added, putting the cooler on the carpet.

Pepper gingerly sat down, (you didn't just plop down on cashmere cushions) and dutifully picked a can of soda.

"Can I help?" she said.

"No, thanks. You're my guest; sit back and enjoy the music." He paused. There was no music. He raised his gaze. "JARVIS?"

"Yes, Mr. Stark?"

"Campfire mix, please. And you," he added, looking at Pepper. "Sit back and relax. Tell me about New York."

Pepper obediently sat back and told him about her trip, but she couldn't quite relax, not with Tony doing all the work. She knew better than to offer her assistance though, and truth be told, it didn't look like he needed any. Tony'd brought a portable grill to the living room, along with packages of sausages, buns, and bottles of mustard and relish. He deftly split the buns, and now was carefully turning sausages so they browned evenly.

She smiled. "I don't think I saw you cook before."

"Well. It's not Coq au Vin, but…Everybody likes a hot-dog." He glanced at her. "You like them, right?"

"Love them."

"You're in for a treat then," he said immodestly; "I mean, they say the best come from New York but I think mine are pretty good."

"How often do you do this? I've never seen any sign of your cooking."

"Oh, I don't cook in here. Normally, I go down to the beach at night, and -"

"The beach?"

"It depends on the weather," he added. He lowered his voice. "Sometimes I skinny-dip too."

Pepper's eyes bulged.

"You do what?"

Tony shrugged. "It's really not that cold."

"Forget about the cold. Is it safe?"

"Yeah, it is." He looked up, noticed she wasn't mollified yet. "I swear, Potts. It's a secluded spot; the Paps will never spot me."

"But what about -"

"And I check on the weather before I go down there," he cut in. He smiled. "And I don't bring any booze."

She smiled a little. Tony was very open about his own weaknesses.

She watched him work a little more, then, "By the way, do you have your speech for the Apogee Award ceremony?"

"Pepper, you know me; I don't need to prepare speeches."

Pepper narrowed her eyes. "Planning on skipping the ceremony, are you?"

Tony smiled impishly.

"Oh, Tony. This is a very important award."

"Important to who? I didn't ask for it."

"No; Obadiah did. And if you don't attend the ceremony -"

"He'll cover for me. He's the one who campaigned for the award, he's welcome to it." He frowned. "Do you really wanna talk about work right now? Technically, you're still on vacation."

"Well, I don't feel comfortable sitting here, while you do all the work."

"Tell you what," he said. "You cook breakfast for me tomorrow; then we'll be even."

"You don't eat breakfast."

He smiled.

Pepper sighed. Ah, well. She might as well sit back and relax. There was so much to enjoy, after all: the music –soft rock from the seventies- the softness of the cushions and the carpet, and Tony's quirky turn as cook.

He looked up, and seemed surprised to see her still looking at him.

"I forgot; you want mustard with this?"

"Sure."

"What about coleslaw and pickles?"

"I'd like lots of coleslaw, please. And one pickle." She didn't like pickles, but felt bad about saying so.

Moments later, they were eating hot dogs, picking them from a plate he'd set between them.

He'd dug into his food with little ceremony; she ate more daintily but just as steadily. She didn't realize how hungry she was till she finished her second hot-dog.

He smiled at her with his mouth full. "It's good, huh?"

She nodded. She would have gladly eaten a third but held back because, after all, she was supposed to be feeling under the weather.

Tony certainly didn't forget; he insisted on making her the tea.

"It's guaranteed to cure every infection known to man." He paused for a couple of seconds, then, "Well. Maybe not every infection." His eyes twinkled humorously.

She grinned. She raised the mug to her lips, took a sip… and had difficulty keeping the smile. The tea tasted awful and was sweeter than she liked.

"It's good, huh?"

Tony looked so pleased she didn't have the heart to say no. She merely smiled and pretended to take another sip. The minute he looked away she'd get rid of the tea. She covertly glanced around, gauging her chances. There were flowerpots all around her; she could easily pour the tea in them… But what about the orchids? Who knew what the tea might do to them?

Finally, she picked a paper napkin and wrapped it around the mug, then she tilted the mug ever so slightly until the napkin was soaked. Soon, the tea was half gone.

Meanwhile, Tony seemed restless. His foot followed the beat of every song they listened to.

I've been searching for the Daughter of the devil in the town

I've been searching for an angel in white

I've been searching for a woman who's a little of both...

Pepper looked up just in time to see Tony covertly eyeing her white outfit. He raised his gaze and realized she was watching. He eyed her thoughtfully.

Feeling inexplicably flustered, (she wasn't the one who got caught staring, after all), Pepper forced a smile.

"I didn't know you liked the Eagles."

He raised an eyebrow. "You didn't? Then you've been lax in your duties, Miss Potts. You're supposed to know everything about me." He paused. "Or maybe you do," he added a bit wearily.

Their gazes met, and Pepper knew exactly what he was thinking of.

The vibrator.

And here she thought they'd put that episode behind them.

She looked down for a couple of seconds, then looked up, ready to apologize. To her surprise, (and relief) there was a playful gleam in his eyes.

"That was embarrassing," he said sheepishly.

She smiled just as uncomfortably, but now she was glad he'd brought the matter up. It was better than to pretend it never happened, and besides, she had a legitimate interest in the matter.

"Do you think there might be other, er, devices that I should be on the lookout for? You know, on EBay, or…"

"I don't think so. Not of that kind, anyway." He snorted, "Obie would have a stroke if he found out about that one. He thought he'd incinerated every copy."

Pepper looked up.

"Maybe I should incinerate this one too."

"You would? What about your friend?"

She shrugged. "I'll get her something else."

"Someone else's," Tony added humorously.

She smiled back. She was going to say something, when a sudden thought struck her.

"Wait a second," she said. "'Not of that kind,' you said. What does that mean?"

"Weeeell. There's something I did in my misspent youth…." He let the word trail off.

He looked so contrite she was immediately on her guard.

"What is it?" He didn't immediately reply, which only added to her worry. "What did you do?"

"You tell me. What is the worst thing you could imagine me doing?"

"Oh, no," she said, shaking her head. "I'm not going there."

"Why not? You know me; you know what I'm capable of. What's the most disgusting thing I could do?"

"How can I even…?"

"Go ahead, guess."

"Tony, you're my boss -"

"Yeah, but I'm your pal too." He tapped her foot with his own as he spoke, a gesture that was playful and yes, friendly. "Go on. Speculate."

Pepper sighed. She knew what a man in Tony's position could do, especially considering his occupation. Yet no matter how ruthless a business man, Tony Stark's worst behavior had never hurt anyone but himself.

The thought made her a bit sad.

"Well?" Tony insisted. "Say something."

Pepper shrugged. "You posed for nude pictures...?"

"Yes, I did. But it was for artistic purposes."

Pepper gave him a skeptical look.

"I'm serious," he said. "I didn't even get paid. That painting of me's hanging in a little church that -"

She waived her hands as if to block him, "I don't wanna know."

"Hey, that little old lady insisted I was the perfect Adam! How could I say no to her?"

Pepper sighed. "Oh, Tony -"

"But that's not the worst thing I've done." He was about to say something more, then backed down. "Nah. I'd better not say anything. It's too disgusting."

This only fueled her curiosity, (which is what he intended, of course). "What is it?"

Tony took a deep breath as if to gather the courage to speak.

"Ok. I, Anthony E. Stark, cut a demo tape."

"A demo tape? You mean, a music tape?" Tony nodded slightly. "But that's not so bad."

"You say it like it was a cute thing to do. It wasn't. I recorded a bunch of Country and Western songs."

"Country…?" Pepper had trouble saying the words. It was shocking. "But you hate Country –well, not hate-hate, but…" She stared at him. "I can't believe it."

"Hey, I was only fourteen; what did I know? And those Nashville guys were very convincing; they said -"

"Oh, my God. Fourteen? Did your parents know?" But she knew the answer to that. Then, because it was her job to protect his reputation, "Do the tapes still exist?"

"I don't think so. I even bought the studio to ensure they'd been destroyed. But you never know."

She nodded slowly.

"So. A tape." She smiled a little. "It could be worse, I guess."

"That's because you never listened to it," he retorted. "I sounded like a girl."

"Still. It's kind of… sweet." She smiled. "I wish I could hear it."

He eyed her speculatively for a moment, then rose. "Wait here," he said.

She glanced over her shoulder, saw him walk to the far end of the room, where his favorite guitar was.

Nice ass, she thought idly, then quickly turned her head so he wouldn't know she'd been watching.

"I still remember one of the songs," Tony said as he returned. He sat by the chimney this time, his cherished guitar on his lap. He tentatively strummed a melody, frowned, then tried again.

Pepper changed seats too; on her knees, she moved until she was facing Tony; an audience of one.

"Oh, yeah," Tony muttered suddenly. He looked up. "I think I got it."

Pepper called out in a high voice, "Oh, Mr. Stark, what are you going to sing?"

"Well, young lady," he said gruffly; "I'm gonna sing you a very manly song."

Pepper put her down her mug, then clapped noisily.

Tony sang,

Funny face, I love you

Funny face, I need you
My whole world's wrapped up in you

Pepper clamped a hand on her mouth. This was the last thing she expected to hear.

Tony was having a hard time keeping a straight face himself. He looked away first, then finally closed his eyes in order to sing the next verse.

When the road I walk seems all uphill

And the colors in my rainbow turn blue

You kiss the tears away

You smile at me and say

"Funny face, funny face, I love you"

Pepper smiled goofily. Just when she thought nothing Tony did could surprise her, he went out and did something unexpected and completely adorable. In a way, it was almost as if… well, as if she were seeing him for the first time ever.

She leant closer, listening and following his every move. He looked cute with his eyes closed, singing earnestly of someone's face.

Funny face, I love you

Funny face, I need you
These are the sweetest words I've ever heard -

She was mesmerized. Mesmerized, bewitched -yeah, those words would do. How else to explain what happened next?

She, the least spontaneous person in the world, leant forward and, just as Tony was starting the chorus again -Funny Face, I love you – she closed the distance and pressed her mouth on his.

It wasn't a real kiss; it was, well, an invitation –a brief one. She pulled back a little, just enough to look at him and gauge his reaction. Tony's lips were parted and slightly curved in a smile, and his eyes were closed, as if he were still feeling her kiss. And then he blinked his eyes open and –BAM! They almost popped out of their sockets.

It was as if he'd momentarily forgotten who he was with and now it hit him, all of a sudden.

He instantly pulled back.

"Gee, Potts," he muttered. "If you don't want me to sing, just say so."

Pepper felt her face burn to the tips of her ears. Embarrassed, she raised her mug to her lips –not to drink the tea but to hide behind it.

Tony quickly took the mug out of her hand.

"Ooops, no more tea for you, Miss Potts!" He took a quick whiff at the tea, then he looked back at her. "Pepper? You ok? Not dizzy or anything?"

"I…I don't..." She didn't know what to say. Her hesitation only added to Tony's worry. He put the tea and the guitar on the floor, then looked closely into her eyes.

Pepper didn't move, pined down by those beautiful eyes –and how come she never noticed they were a shade darker at the center….?

"That son of a bitch," Tony muttered under his breath. "He must have put something extra in it. But what…?"

Pepper quickly put two and two together. Tony' obviously thought his herbalist had added what he called "happy pods" to the tea leaves, something he'd done at the very beginning of their association.

That she'd barely tasted the tea wasn't something she was about to mention.

"I'm... a bit dizzy," she said. She hated lying but it was better than admitting she'd wanted to lick the mustard off her boss' mouth.

"Oh, man," Tony muttered. "I'm so sorry, Potts."

"Maybe I ought to…" she vaguely glanced in the hallway's direction.

"Sure," he said, helping her to her feet. "You'll just got to sleep it off." They stood face to face now, his hand gently wrapped around her arm.

He looked worried and apologetic all at once.

"Come on," he said. "I'll help you."

"No!" She abruptly pulled back, then regretted doing so. "I'm fine, Tony. I just… I need to lie down, and -" She flushed again. "I'll be ok. Thanks."

"Drinks lots of water," he said kindly. "It usually helps."

She nodded. She turned and started walking away, on legs that were inexplicably wobbly. She didn't stop till she was in the safety of the guest room.

TBC

Funny Face was sung by Donna Fargo.