Okay, first Author's Note. Hey people this is a oneshot based off a oneshot called Before We Come Undone. I would strongly suggest that you read that (link in Profile). I'll keep this short. If you like this check out my other stories. Hope you like it. And I'll stop talking now and let you read.
ENJOY!
When It All Falls Down
Sequel to "Before We Come Undone" by Dance Alice Dance
I stood in front of him, desperate for an answer. Does he want me to stay? Does he want me to leave? And then it clicked…He was too selfish to let me go. Too selfish to care if I even wanted to leave. Because he wouldn't let me. He wouldn't let me leave. He knew that he didn't have to beg me to stay. All he had to do was ask and I would. I would come back and not look back.
And even in knowing this, I couldn't find it in myself to want to leave. I closed my eyes so he wouldn't see the pain that was there. The truth that I refused to believe for so long. That I was too weak to leave him…
I tossed the book aside and growled in frustration. Why did it have to say that? Why did that passage have to be in this book? It was just too similar to me and Jasper. It was too similar to how it's been over a year since Alice's death and still we've gone nowhere. Too similar to how he refuses to acknowledge how I feel about him. Too similar to how he can't just fall in love with me already! I sighed, calming myself down. And this is why I hate when he goes to the store without me.
No sooner than I thought that statement did I hear the door open. I turned to see Jasper coming in. His honey blonde hair was all messed up from the wind outside and his baby blue eyes were bright. It was a good day. He put the grocery bags on the counter before giving me a calm smile. I sent him back a smile. I moved over as he sat on the couch beside me. Before I could speak, his hands were in my hair and he was leaning in to me.
Jasper kissed me and a heat surged through me. I didn't hold back from him; I never did. It just felt so good. I kissed him back, like I always do, wrapping myself around him. He held me tight to him. I sighed in pleasure as his lips moved to my neck. My body trembled under his, as he laid me down on the couch. I tugged at Jasper's hair and he pulled up. He looked at me. I looked in his eyes.
And my body ran cold.
It was a distant look. Like he knew I was here but he couldn't see me. He was looking right through me. Like I didn't even exist.
I know that look. It's the same look I get every time we do this. Every time he kisses me; every time he holds me; every time I think he might be changing his mind about me, about us, I see it. Alice.
My stomach twisted in a knot. I fought a frown as Jasper lowered his lips to mine. I tried to forget about it, but the thought haunted me. I could see her as clear as day. Her dancer-like steps, the pixie haircut, the 1000 watt smile…and the way Jasper smiled at her. Not the calm, friendly smiles he gives me but the smiles that screamed I love you. I couldn't take it.
I pushed Jasper roughly away from me. He fell back on the couch, perplexed. I put my head in my hands, taking deep breaths. I can't keep doing this. How could I have done this in the first place? I couldn't believe that it took me this long to realize this. Jasper will never love me. Not like I he loved Alice. Not the way I deserved to be loved.
"What's wrong, Bella?" Jasper asked. He reached out but I flinched away from him. "What is it?" I took an unstable breath.
"Do you love me?" I asked him, my voice barely above a whisper.
"Of course. You're my best friend, Bella." I turned towards him, tears pricking at my eyes. He was dumbfounded; clueless. I squeezed my eyes shut to try and block the pain. I could feel him getting closer to me. He kissed my shoulder and I shoved violently against him.
"No." I told him. I stood from the couch, walking quickly to the door. I heard him following me. Jasper wrapped his arms around me.
"I don't understand," he said, "I do love you, Bella. Just like you love me-" I turned around so quickly, he stumbled back. My eyes blazed. I stalked towards him. How dare he say that to me?
"You love me like I love you? You are such a liar, Jasper! You can't possibly love me like I love you. And you've proved that. Over and over again."
"What do you mean by that-?"
"I'm in love with you, Jasper." The shock on his face was almost comical. So he really was oblivious to it…and I thought it was painfully obvious. I shook my head at him as he tried to recover from the shock he was feeling. I waited patiently, the anger I felt towards him dissolving my tears.
"I'm...I'm sorry, Bella. I just don't…" he trailed off, flustered, his southern accent annoying me. I stood there, sick of it. I'm so over this. I can't believe I dealt with him using me for this long.
"Do you ever care?" I asked him calmer that before but no less angry.
"Well…" he said, "It's just that after Alice…" I clenched my fist. I never wanted to hurt more than I did at that moment. I almost wanted to kill him. I felt myself shaking with rage.
"It's been a year," I said through clenched teeth, "Alice is dead!"
I whipped around, walking to the door. I opened the door, stopping when I heard him speak.
"No," he said with an angry edge, "I don't care."
"I didn't think so." I slammed to the door close. Then it was silent. I stood there for a moment, seeing if he would come out. To see if he would try to fix this. He didn't.
And I couldn't have been more relieved.
I breathed in the lilies that were in my bouquet smell so sweet to me. I sighed as they started to calm me down. My nerves weren't shot. I could finally think straight. This is it. Today was the day that would change everything. And to think it started about 8 months ago is unfathomable. It seemed so long while it was happen but, in reality, it really isn't.
9 months ago, I moved out the apartment complex that Jasper and I both use to live at. 8 months ago, I meet Edward. 7 months ago, we started to date. 4 months ago, Jasper came to my door and apologized. I forgave him…and told him about Edward. They meet and seemed to get along well. Last month, Edward proposed. Last night, Jasper was here at the wedding rehearsal. Today, I'm getting married.
And Jasper isn't here.
I peeked out at the crowd a bit. He still wasn't here. I sighed trying not to frown. If he wasn't here by now, he won't show up. I took another breath of my bouquet to slow the whirlwind that's going through my head. I looked up to see my dad approaching me. He was grimacing. I chuckled a bit. He hated wearing suits. More than that he hated how soon Edward and I were getting married. But it doesn't matter. I love Edward and, more importantly, he loves me back.
My dad held out his arm for me.
"Ready?" my dad asked. I nodded. The doors opened and I started to walk out.
I looked around briefly at my family and friends before I settle on Edwards. He was smiling his signature crooked smile. His emerald eyes had such elation in then, it showered over me. I smile was automatically on my face. Everything was perfect. Yet I still felt that there was something that was…missing. I shook it off as I stepped up to the altar and took Edward's hands. We never lost eye contact.
It was all a blur really. The priest speaking, the vows we said, the "awes" from the crowd; I didn't really register it. I could only really remember Edward's eyes and how they showed his love so greatly for me. I've never seen it before so plainly. It was almost overwhelming. Before I knew it the priest was asking the most important question in the entire ceremony.
"Is there anyone who objects to this union? Speak now or forever hold your peace." He said. The room was silent. As the priest opened his mouth to speak, someone coughed. Or maybe someone was scoffing. I don't know, but it was enough for me to pull my gaze away from Edward and see who it was.
I almost jumped when I did.
It was Jasper. He was in jeans and a plain black t-shirt. He was sitting in the first seat in the last row. Everyone turned as soon as I did. Jasper looked around wondering what to say before rolling his eyes in a "what the hell"way. He stood up.
"I object." He said loud and clear. Everybody gasped in disbelief.
"What?" I said, confused. I stepped down from the altar as Jasper jogged down the aisle to me. He took my hands like Edward just did. But this time it felt different. My heart was pounding as soon as he touched my head. I looked up at him. His blue eyes entranced me, hypnotizing me. They were desperate and pleading.
"Bella, don't do this." He told me, "You're making a mistake." My eyes widened as I heard him. I tugged my hands out of his but he held on tighter.
"Are you serious right now?" I asked him. I ripped my hands out of his. I gestured around us. "Are you seriously doing this when I'm standing at the altar at me wedding?" Jasper just rolled his eyes at me.
"Come on, Bella," he said, "You know you could never love him as much as you love me."
SMACK!
An angry red mark that looked similar to my hand started to form on Jasper's face. Jasper looked at me shocked, cupping his face. I glared into his icy blue eyes. I couldn't see the guy I called my best friend. I could only see the selfish bastard that I allowed to use me for an entire year. I looked him up and down in disgust.
"Go to hell." I told him under my breath. I knew he heard me by the despair in his eyes.
I turned to Edward. His eyes were livid but a smirk played on his lips at the sight of Jasper's face. He held out his hand and I took it. As we exit, I remembered something.
This was supposed to be the best day of my life
"Bella, I know you hate right now, but we need to talk. Call me back." I instantly deleted the voicemail. He was finally right something, though. I did hate him.
"Just call him back!" Edward called from the kitchen, exasperated. I turned to him. He gave me a look of frustration. I sighed before falling back on the couch. Ever since the wedding disaster two weeks ago, not a day has gone by that Jasper hasn't called or text me. The only thing from him coming here is the fact that I would probably call the police on him or Edward would kill him. Or I would.
Edward sat next to me and wrapped his arm around me. I knew I was being stubborn but I couldn't find it in me to forgive him. Why should I? But Edward, knowing the longer this goes on, the longer the wedding will be delayed, wants this to stop. And I'm not sure if I'll ever be ready for that. I love Edward, but I'm not sure if I'll ever really want to get married. I don't know what's worst about the situation.
Having to face Jasper or having to face what comes after it.
I stared down at my engagement ring. I shut my eyes and snuggled in Edward's arms. As he adjusted his hold on me, I couldn't help but feel like he was suffocating me a little. It was comfortable but slightly overbearing. No, argued my head, he's protecting you. He doesn't want you to get hurt.
"Call him," Edward told me once more. I looked up at him. He gave me a knowing look.
"Why should I?" I asked him. He gave me a small smile.
"Because you know you should." He told me. "Because it'll make you feel better." I closed my eye turning away from him. I heard him chuckle a bit before, kissing my cheek. I hate it when he's right.
"Call him." He repeated, handing me my cell phone. I sat up straight as he left the room to give me privacy. I started to dial Jasper's number before looking back to the room. Did I really want Edward to hear this?
I stood, getting my jacket and text to Jasper: MEET ME PARK IN 10.
I was opening the door when he texted back: OKAY.
Jasper was sitting on a park bench anxiously. I could the mark I gave him starting to fade. My anger sparked up but I took a deep breath. I had to be calm. Otherwise, everything would be worst and I'll get nowhere. I walked up to him. He didn't notice me so I decided to speak.
"I see the swelling went down." Jasper jumped at my voice. He scrambled to his feet. He opened his mouth to speak but I raised my hand to stop him. I sat down and he followed my lead, for once. We stayed quiet until I decided to break it. "I can't believe you did that."
"I know and I'm sorry." Jasper said.
"Why did you do that?" I asked him, perplexed, "What made you think that was ever okay? You even had a chance to back out but you didn't. You ruined my wedding day. You embarrassed me in front of my family and friends! Why didn't you just tell me how you felt before the wedding? Why? What could have possibly possessed you to do that? Since when did it bother that I actually did something that me HAPPY?" Jasper flinched away from me when I said the last statement. My jaw was tense waiting for him to answer all my questions.
So much for staying calm.
"Bella, I'm sorry. I just couldn't watch you go like that. Ever since Alice died, you're the one who has been there for me. When he had our fight, I missed you like crazy. More than I thought I would. I just got you back and I didn't want to let you go." I looked at him in disbelief. I couldn't believe it. I could feel the tears swimming to my eyes as I realized what had to happen. I closed my eyes. I opened them, looking away from him
"I wouldn't have abandoned you, Jazz. I get it. I know how much you got hurt by Alice's death but you cannot keep blaming it for how you keep hurting me. I didn't just fall in love with you overnight. I was in love with you when we were friends, when you were dating Alice, when you were getting married. I was ready to watch the chance of us ever getting together walk right out the door. But you couldn't do it for me!
"Bella-"
"You just couldn't deal with the fact that you couldn't use me anymore!" I snapped. Jasper was quiet. He knew I was right. "You are…the most selfish person I've ever known. I thought you could change. But if 9 months and my wedding couldn't do that, then I don't think you ever will. I gave you everything. My heart, my soul, my body…" I looked at him with a pained expression. "And I am tired. I'm tired of trying and giving you chance after chance. You're just too selfish to be a good friend to me. In anyway." A look of devastation crossed over his face. I closed my eyes, trying to hide the pain that was in my chest. It hurt more than I thought it would.
"Bella, please-"
"Could you just leave?" I pleaded him, thickly. He hesitated but eventually got up and left. I waited until he was out of earshot before I started to cry.
"Are you sure you'll be okay?" Edward asked me over the phone for the third time. I rolled my eyes while walking down the stairs to the kitchen. He is so overprotective sometimes.
"Yes, I'll be fine." I said. "I'll be in one piece when you get home, okay? Now go have fun with your dad." I told him. I heard him sigh into the phone.
"Fine. I'll go now." I chuckled at his reluctance. "Good night, Bella."
"Night, Edward." I said, hanging up. Edward was spending time with his dad in Las Vegas for the weekend. This meant three days where I could breathe on my own. I took a deep breath and savored the silence. Three days that I could frown, cry, laugh whenever I want without someone trying to see if I'm okay.
It's been a few days since I ended my friendship with Jasper. Honestly, I felt brokenhearted. Most days I didn't want to pretend for Edward. I just wanted to sit and mope around. It hurt to smile most of the time. And the engagement ring only made me feel guilty. I shouldn't be feeling this way about Jasper at all. I act like we broke up when we were never in a real relationship. Maybe that's why it hurt so much.
I looked down at where my engagement ring was supposed to be. My finger was nice and free for the weekend. I felt a lot better with it off.
I sighed, looking through the refrigerator, when I heard a light tap. It was crisp, clean. I listened a little and heard it again. It sounded like it was hitting a window upstairs. I walked quietly over to the knife drawer, pulling out the sharpest I could find. I walked slowly over to the window, my heart pounding so loudly against my ribcage. My hands started to shake as I peeked out the window to the backyard.
Under the moonlight, there was a guy. He was sitting on the ground, throwing rocks. I looked closer. He had blonde hair, a grey hoodie, and if the light hit him just right, you could see his eyes. Baby blue.
My fear was gone in an instant. I growled in frustration, slamming the knife on the counter. What was Jasper doing here? I stomped to the door that leads to the backyard. I saw Jasper the second I got out. I glared at him.
"Jasper!" I called in a hushed tone. He turned his head to me. "What the hell are you doing here?" He got up slowly and started to walk over to me. I struggled to breathe as he got closer. I tensed up. Why was my heart beating so fast?
"I'm sorry." He said. I rolled my eyes.
"I know that. You told me that-"
"I'm not talking about the wedding," he interrupted quietly. I stopped completely. I looked in his eyes. A look of submission, acceptance, and tears resided there. I couldn't look away from them.
"I am so sorry for everything I've ever done to hurt you. From ignoring your feeling to using your body to ruining your wedding. I shouldn't have done it. And I shouldn't have blamed Alice for doing it. She had nothing to do with it. It was my own fault. You were right. You're an amazing friend and I don't deserve you. I guess I was kind of afraid that you would realize that when you got married." He laughed at himself. I didn't like it. It was sad and self-mocking. I held back from reaching out to him. "I guess I only sped it up, huh?" I cracked a pained smile.
Jasper then pulled out an envelope. He held it out to me. I gave him a questioning look as I took it. It was heavy and thick. I looked inside. There were two things inside. I pulled out the first. The paper was stiff and fancy. The words were silver and pressed into the paper. It read: YOU ARE CORDUALLY INVITED TO WITNESS THE UNION OF EDWARD CULLEN & BELLA SWAN…it was an invitation. To my wedding. I looked up to Jasper in shock. He cracked a tiny smile.
"I'll cover everything that needs to be covered for the change of date." He told me as I pulled out the next sheet. It was the guest list. It was exactly the same as the original. Except one person was missing…
"I think your right." Jasper said softly. I looked up at him and he met my gaze. A couple of tears were trailing down his face. My throat burned with my own. "I'm too selfish to be a good friend to you. I want you to be happy, Bella…and I'm afraid I might not be able to let that happen if I stay around." His voice broke as he told me this. I think I heard my heart break. I hated it.
"So this is…goodbye?" I asked roughly, struggling to hold back my own tears. He sighed, looking around. His eyes landed on something and a slow smile spread across his face. It reminded me of the sun breaking through storm clouds. I looked where he was looking. He was looking at soccer ball. I looked back at me. He gave me a real smile.
"How about a quick game first?" He asked playfully. I felt my own self smile and nod. Soccer was one of the ways me and Jasper would settle an argument. We must have played a hundred games by now. I felt a small thrill as I raced back inside to get my tennis shoes. When I came back outside, there were two makeshift goals with Jasper in the middle. He had the soccer ball under his foot. I met him in the middle.
"First to five?" I asked.
"You know it!" I laughed a little at his excitement. I forgot how much Jasper loved soccer. We both took equal distance away from the ball. "Ready…set…GO!"
The game was a series of kicks, trips, and falls. Mostly falling. And each and every time I fell, Jasper would hold his hand out to help me up. Ad every time a shock would spread through me. And I would think of how much I would miss him.
Then I would stand and be back in the moment.
It was 4 to 4. I had the ball under my foot. Jasper stood in front of me, ready to try and block the ball from getting into the goal. I smirked at him, kicking the ball in front of me and to the side of him. We both took off after. I was a step of Jasper, kicking it to the goal. As I did, I felt myself falling. Jasper reached out and grabbed my waist to stop me, only to lose his footing. We both tumbled to the ground with him landing on top of me. I felt the wind get knocked out of me. Jasper quickly lifted some of his weight off of me.
I looked up at him and was struck by the look he had in his eyes. There was a certain happiness that I found there. It wasn't exactly happiness but something deeper. Something than had more meaning to it. I reached up to his face. It felt so smooth under my hand. He turned his face so that it was in my hand. He sighed on to it and warmth seeped through every bone in my body. A smile I never saw before crossed his face. He placed his hand on my face and I closed my eyes. It was so comforting.
Then we both remembered.
Jasper bit his lip as he helped me up. I looked over to the goal. The soccer ball rested in it. I looked back at Jasper. His shoulders sagged, his excitement replaced with the sadness that he had earlier. He sent me a pained smile.
"Bye, Bells." He left before I could say anything. I didn't I could've if I tired. I ignored the pain I was feeling as I walked back inside.
Well I guess I could call Esme tomorrow. I wonder how much the wedding would be now that the date was changed. I paid of the flower, food, and the location may still be available. I hope my dad will still be able to come. Edward would be elated when he finds out. I looked down at my hand and vacant ring finger. I liked it better like this. But it would soon be over. I wonder what the date should be. Maybe next month-
What am I doing?
I can't get married to Edward. Sure, Jasper was a jerk. And he was right. I didn't deserve a friend that selfish. But what if he wasn't trying to be a friend? What if he lied about why they stopped my wedding? What if there was a different reason?
Because I saw it. I saw it in his smile. I saw it in the way he wanted to have fun with my one last time. The way he helped me up every time I fell. The way he was willing to walk out of my life if it was what I wanted. If that was what was best for me. A smile spread across my face slowly. Maybe it wasn't about our friendship when he said he want me to walk away. Maybe he didn't want to be just friends. Maybe I was just being stupid and naïve. But maybe I wasn't. Maybe…
Maybe he did love him.
I sprinted out the backyard, running away from the house. I kept running through my neighbor, searching. I ran all the way to the park. Where was he? I looked around. There was nothing. Nobody. I walked around a little, feeling tired and helpless. I fell to my knees. How could I let him walk away like that? Why? Now what am I going to-
Then I saw him.
He was sitting on the same bench that he met me at a few days ago. But instead of being anxious, he seemed sad. I couldn't help but smile as I approached him. He didn't notice me at first but I wasn't surprised. I could see his shoulders shaking a bit. I put a hand on his shoulder. He looked up at me, his face tear-stricken. I smiled at him softly. He watched me in shock as I sat down next to me. I leaned back on the bench. He watched me carefully.
"Rematch." I told him. He raised an eyebrow at me.
"Excuse me?" He said, his southern accent drawing it out. My smile widened.
"We need a rematch." I told him. "The person whose right always gets the ball first." I bit my lip. "And you were right." Jasper's eyes lit up at my words. A smile broke out across his face. He moved closer to me.
"Well in that case." He said, pretending to yawn and putting his arms around me. I laughed as he did. I looked up at him and was surprised with the look he gave me. It felt like sunlight on my skin. "You're on." I started to laugh again but was cut off by his lips.
He didn't kiss me aggressively. Instead it was soft, gentle. Warmth spread through me. I shivered against him as it ran through me. It was like sunlight and lightening mixing together. But somehow it was better than that. There was something else that made it more than just a kiss. More than him holding me tighter and kissing me better than he ever had. More than just me melting into his arms in a way I never could with Edward. More than our heart beating at the same time. There was just something more to it.
There was a truth to it. Most people would say I was stupid. Others would think it's romantic. But when it all falls down, the truth comes out. And I finally know what it is. And as he repeated it as kissed me again and again. When we pulled away for air, I was breathless. He was the same. I smiled at him and snuggled into his side. He tightened his hold on me once more.
"I'm in love with you, Bella." Jasper told me.
"You better." I said teasing but was serious. He laughed softly against me and a sudden completeness came over us. I sighed with a smile. Finally, we were complete.