Summary: How Finn & Kurt's basement fight might have gone if Burt hadn't been there. Written for the angst_meme on LJ.

Characters: Finn and Kurt

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any of its characters.

The Words We Never Said

"...the first thing that needs to go is that faggy lamp! And then we need to get rid of this faggy couch blanket! And after that I'll be throwing out your big stupid gay flowers and your sissy little scented candles! I mean, let's face it, everything about this room is fag city so let's just tear it all down and throw it in the dumpster where it belongs!"

Finn was out of breath by the time he had finished yelling. He had been charging around the room, raging at the decor surrounding him, throwing those soft white flowers down on the carpet and stamping on them. Finn panted and reeled, gripping the chair at Kurt's vanity for support. It felt like he had just thrown up all over the room. The words he had vomited out left a bitter taste in his mouth.

Finn heard a sob behind him, a little bubble of despair that had caught in Kurt's throat, causing him to choke. It was a sharp fractured sound like glass shattering on a hard stone floor.

Finn lifted his head and stared at Kurt in the mirror. It seemed easier than looking him directly in the eye. Kurt had lowered himself onto the couch, his arms embracing his chest, trying to hold himself together. His eyes stared down at the trampled petals on his new burgundy rug. No matter how quickly he blinked Kurt couldn't keep the tears from sliding down his cheeks.

"Are you quite finished?" asked Kurt, struggling to keep the tremors out of his voice.

"Dude, I..." Finn didn't know where to begin. "I was talking about the room, not you..." It was the lamest excuse ever but he didn't know what else to say. "I only meant the room, okay? I didn't mean..."

"I know exactly what you meant, Finn."

Finn sat down at the vanity, burying his face in his hands. He sent the little bottles rattling on the tabletop. The chair felt tiny underneath him, like Finn was a big clumsy ogre in the bedchamber of a princess. He could never live in a room like this. He'd end up breaking everything.

"Dude, listen..." Finn blurted, rising to his feet again and turning to face Kurt. "Dude, I'm sorry, I just - "

Kurt recoiled at his sudden movement. His eyes were nervous as they watched Finn's frantic hand gestures. He thinks I'm going to hit him, Finn realised, dropping his arms to his sides.

"Please stop calling me 'dude'..." Kurt said sourly, rolling his eyes.

"Kurt..." Finn corrected, crouching down on the rug so he wasn't towering over the smaller boy. "I just...lost it. I didn't mean what I said. I just let it all get on top of me, you know? I've been struggling with the idea of moving house and stuff, but I want my mom to be happy and I think your dad's really cool. I just wasn't ready for it. And then I've been getting all this hassle from the guys on the football team. They keep calling me 'gay' or 'bisexual'. Because I'm in Glee club, because I hang out with you...with us moving in together, just made it so much worse. And I know I worry too much about my reputation. But I just don't know how to handle those guys. I didn't know what to say to anyone." He sighed. "I...I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

Kurt smiled bitterly. "That's okay, Finn. We both know I'm an easy target. Nothing I haven't heard before..."

Kurt bit off his last sentence to hold back any more tears that were welling up in him. He still wouldn't raise his eyes. Finn knew Kurt had heard it all before. He had been there with his friends when they had spat out the words - fag, fairy, homo, queer - and Kurt hadn't even blinked at them. Finn had never seen Kurt cry over these words. He had never seen Kurt show any fear when they surrounded him and backed him towards a dumpster. Kurt had been resilient against it all; a little toy the jocks could throw around for their amusement, trusting it would never break. Before now Finn hadn't seen the slightest crack of vulnerability in Kurt Hummel. Part of him had wanted to weaken Kurt, to knock the flair and superiority out of him, to make him feel as powerless as Finn felt himself. Finn knew he had power over Kurt's emotions in a way his football friends never did. He always knew it.

"Listen Kurt...if you like me..." Finn paused, taking a breath. "If you liked me, then I'm flattered. But you know I can't feel the same way back. Us sharing a room, it was only going to make things worse. Not just for me, but for you too."

Kurt nodded, closing his eyes. "That's fine. That's all you needed to say."

He winced. "I wish I hadn't have said that other stuff."

Finn was still kneeling on the carpet while Kurt sat tensed up on the couch, hands clinging to his own sleeves, tears streaming his face.

"Don't cry," Finn said lamely. "I don't know what to do when you cry. If you were a girl I'd hug you."

"Well, I'm not a girl," Kurt snapped back. "I'm a fag."

"Don't say that!" Finn was shocked by how cruel the word sounded coming from someone else's mouth. Had he really been yelling that word only a few minutes ago? His stomach turned over again.

"You want me to be honest about this?" Kurt sighed. "Fine. I liked you. I liked you for a long time. It didn't take much for me like you. I'm gay, I'm weird, I'm at the bottom of the food chain and you seemed like one of the only guys in school who thought I was worth more than garbage." Kurt flushed, staring at the wall. "It was a stupid fantasy. I never really expected it to come true. I'm sorry I was so stupid. I won't even look at you again if you don't want me to."

Finn swallowed. Kurt was already talking about his crush in the past tense. And he suddenly feared his outburst had put an end to Kurt liking him in any sense of the word.

"I still want us to be friends," Finn said softly.

Kurt shook his head. "You're a completely different person to me now."

"No, I'm still me..." Finn protested. "I...I was out of my head just now. But I'm still your friend and I still think you're awesome, Kurt." Finn really did feel this way. He'd never met a guy like Kurt before. "What do I need to do to prove that to you? What can I do?"

Kurt still couldn't look at him. "I think you should leave."

Finn blinked. "What?"

Kurt clutched himself tighter. "My dad will be home from work soon. He always knows when I'm upset and I don't want to have to explain why. Don't care what you say to me, Finn, but you can't ever say those words around my dad. He can't handle it."

"I won't say anything like that ever again," said Finn. "And you should care, Kurt." Finn backed off, moving towards the stairs. "Okay, so...I'll go back to my house tonight. We'll talk about this tomorrow, okay? After Glee club, we can talk..."

"I don't know," said Kurt in a small voice. "I don't know anymore."

Finn left Kurt's words hanging. He climbed the stairs, looking back one last time at the flowers, the candles, the curtains, the lovingly furnished room that Kurt had spent a whole two days decorating for him, only to have Finn rip it to shreds. If Kurt had been a girl Finn would never have been so cruel. Hell, if Kurt were a girl they would probably be making out on the couch already. It's not like Finn wasn't easy. He just wasn't gay.

Finn knew what he had done. He could've found some kind way to reject Kurt's attempts at wooing. Instead he had rejected Kurt as a person, treating his very identity as though it was something disposable, something to be thrown out with the garbage. Just like all those guys who'd ever put in him in the dumpster had treated him.

Finn knew he shouldn't, but after he left Kurt's room he lingered out in the hall and pressed his ear to the door. He heard it again; another of Kurt's frail broken sobs. Then another and another. Finn felt tears stinging at his eyes too. He wanted to go back downstairs and hold him till he stopped crying. He wanted to be that guy who Kurt had stared at so adoringly. The guy who didn't even have to be gay. He just needed to appreciate Kurt for who he was.

Yeah, Finn liked that guy a lot more than he liked himself right now.

Ends