searching-
zemyx – loveless inspiration

(credits: Zexion and Demyx belong to Square Enix. the dialogue between them is adapted from Loveless, by Yun Kuga.)

I can't find him.

The sound of rain dashing itself against the walls of the castle isn't helping my mood any. I turn down corner after corner of endless white halls, but none of the figures looming in them are the one I'm looking for. I don't even know why it's so suddenly important that I find him- it's just an impulse. I've barely even spoken to him, and somehow I suddenly feel like I have to do everything to find him.

I've barely ever spoke to him, but I've been watching him the whole time he's been here. And today, I couldn't find him. Something was off, odd, strange, bizarre, weird-

Where the hell is he?

Stopping by a window, I glance outside, thoroughly annoyed by all of this. I hate chasing people down… actually, it's more accurately said that I hate wasted efforts. And I can't find him.

Stop hiding.

The entire world is slicked black and neon by the perpetual sheets of water. I can barely remember any times when it wasn't raining. He thinks it's funny, makes the world perfect, butwhen you're not so attached to water, it's horribly annoying. Then it occurs to me- outside. I'm there almost as soon as the thought is complete, shadows wrapping around me.

I don't want to search for you.

He's sitting there, sure enough, on the front steps. His entire self has long since been drenched, but he doesn't seem to care about the water dripping into his eyes. He's staring at his wrist, which sports a cleanly wrapped bandage.

"You've always got wounds," I comment, sitting next to him. He doesn't object, doesn't even look at me. I guess it makes sense. I've barely spoken to him in the year he's been here. "Is it because you're careless?"

"No," he replies, not looking away from the bandage.

"Why are you cut there, then?" I tap his wrist, lightly.

"Leave me alone." He looks away, and I can see a flash of silver in his other palm- a razor. I take it from him, watching the light reflect from it.

"If you make a mistake, you'll die." My tone is almost conversational.

He almost smiles at that. "I'm not in a mood to die. I wanted to know if it would hurt. What it would feel like."

"Hm." I shake back my own sleeve, bringing the blade to rest on my skin. "Then it's the same for me." It hurts, a lot, when I make the cut, even though it's shallow.

"Z- what are you doing?" He snatches back the blade, staring at me in shock. Then he relaxes a bit. "Hurts, doesn't it?"

I nod, almost imperceptibly. "But, it hurts worse here." I tap my own chest, almost smiling.

"Your… heart?" He's back to confusion and shock. "But…"

"You make me feel the pain," I say, quietly. "Especially when you do things like this."

He's still trying to come up with a response when I walk away.

I don't want to search for you because I want you always to be there.

And the idea of you being gone is more than I can comprehend.