A.N: This is an LxLight pairing. This idea came to me, and my muse told me to write it or die...

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note. Obviously.

Warnings: Crackish, but it is a parody... Yaoi. Hints of het. Possible dub-con.

Basic Summary: If Light knew he was being watched, why couldn't he have some fun? Too bad it backfires.

L munched on one of the many cookies before him, watching the monitor. Everyone else was either at home, asleep, or on the floor, asleep. Yagami Soichiro, the exception to the task force, had been wise enough to pass out on a sofa when he had also volunteered to stay the night. Matsuda had volunteered to stay all night, and had passed out, hitting his head hard on the floor as he fell. L figured he should worry at the fact that there was no cry of pain, and merely silence, but he had more important things to worry about at the moment.

Like trying to see if Yagami Light would do anything suspicious to alert L of him being Kira.

So L continued to stare at the monitor. The cameras had just been set up the prior morning, so they hadn't gotten to see much so far.

Light had gotten home, done his homework, eaten dinner, studied, and then laid down on his bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. It was... strange. Yes, strange was definitely the word L had been looking for.

Light abruptly got to his feet, making his way out of his room. L quickly switched cameras so he could catch all of Light's movements. He was curious to see Light entering Sayu's, his younger sister's, room. Was he tucking her in?

"Hey, Sayu?"

"Yeah, Light?"

"Could I borrow Mr. Fuzzy?" L frowned at this. Mr. Fuzzy?

The girl's eyes widened, but not in surprise. No, it was in curiosity. "Something you can't tell anyone again?"

"Yeah. I just need... someone to talk to."

Light talking. This could be the beginning of a major clue. L waited apprehensively for 'Mr. Fuzzy' to come into view.

A light brown Teddy bear was pulled from beside Sayu's pillow, leaving behind the rest of the stuffed bears. She handed it to Light. "Just don't rip anything off. It took me a week to sew the arms back on last time."

Light was back in his room, shutting the door almost gingerly. He held the bear in two hands as he lay back on his bed. Then, he squashed it to his chest in a tight hug. "Oh, Fuzz, what am I going to do?"

L leaned closer, intrigued. Right now... the whole case could be solved...

"I'm so smart. And gorgeous. No one can resist me."

...so Light was a narcissist.

"And yet, I can't be with the only person worthy of me." Light lifted the bear, snuggling the faux-fur cheek. Abruptly, he threw it across the room, a scowl taking over his features. "What do you mean, I'm not worthy of him? Yagami Light doesn't have to be worthy of anyone! It's the other way around!"

...so the boy was an insane narcissist that took out his aggressions on stuffed bears.

"Oh, so you said it without even knowing who they are? Why do I even bother with you, stupid bear!"

The door to Light's room flew open, Sayu's young face peeking through. Her eyes searched the room, anguish only fading once she saw 'Mr. Fuzzy'. "Few. I thought you killed him!' She mock-slapped Light. "Be nice to him! All he does is try to help!" She left with a slam of the door.

Light picked up the bear by the ears. "Fine, I'll tell you. The person I like is..." Light glanced around the room, eyes suddenly locking on... something. His desk? Light dashed across the room, gripped his computer mouse, and shoved it into his desk drawer. The boy sighed in relief, before turning his attention back to the bear. "Now we can talk in private. The person I like is... well, it's L."

The cookie in L's hand fell to the floor, beside his jaw.

"I don't know what he looks like, or even his name, but... he's amazing. That trick he pulled on TV, with Lind L. Taylor? And his sense of justice?" Light pulled the bear close to his chest, eyes dreamy. "Maybe, if I act suspicious or something, he'll accuse me of being Kira. And then, I could get onto the task force somehow... and get to be close to him! He wouldn't be able to resist me once he saw me, so he'd be mine!"

L blinked, dumbfounded.

"I bet he'd actually be worth playing chess against. And he's a recluse, so he's probably deprived of se-"

L choked on the bite of cookie he had picked up off the floor.

"-tting his sights on people as gorgeous as me." A pause. Then, "What? That's impossible!" Light looked around his room, eyes wide. "No way... he's always watching? Like Santa Claus, but instead of giving kids toys, he gives the world justice? So, what should I do?"

Was Light blushing? Interesting...

Light took off his shirt, very slowly, fluttering his eyelashes. "You think this'll work, Mr. Fuzzy Bear?" A pause. Then,"No! You shut up!" Light kicked the bear, before returning to his... stripping...

L wondered if he should still be watching when hands lowered to undo the belt buckle. He was supposed to keep Light under constant watch, as his number one suspect... Long, muscular legs came into view. Hmm... Maybe Light wasn't a narcissist. Maybe he was just self-aware...

Oh, fingers hooked on boxers? L leaned in until his face was practically glued to the screen. To make sure there wasn't a weapon of death hidden on Light's person, of course...

"Did you find anything?"

L jumped, toppling right out of his chair and onto the floor. "Y-Yagami-san!" He looked up at the worried-yet-confused expression of Light's father. Not good. This situation was enough to even shake L's cool. He hoped his jeans were baggy enough to hide-

"What's my son doing?"

Fortunately, Soichiro's attention was now focused on the screen. Or was that... unfortunately?

L got to his feet, casting his eyes to the sexy...er...strange image upon the screen. The boxers were sliding down Light's legs. "Giving me a strip show." At Yagami's scowl, L wished he had just lied. "I could rewind it if-"

"Ryuuzaki."

L lifted his thumb to his lips, looking up into the burning eyes. "Yes, Yagami-san?"

"I'll watch for a while. You go find a girl-" Soichiro coughed. "-a boyfriend. Or get some sleep."

"That is unnecessary, Yagami-san. I am fully capable of watching Light-kun. You should return home if you are troubled and return after a night of rest."

Soichiro's scowl didn't flicker, nor did his determination. He stole the now-vacant chair. "You need a break." L couldn't keep from looking over Soichiro's shoulder, from a foot or two back.

On-screen Light paused in his stripping, pulled up his boxers, and looked around. He picked up the bear. "I'm sorry I hurt you... Your idea was really good, after all. I guess L just doesn't like guys."

L was amused when Soichiro choked, despite himself. That's what he got for stealing L's spot! ...no, wait, L was worried. Yes, definitely worried... So worried, he kept watching.

"You're right!" Light exclaimed. "You don't need to like guys to fall for me. You just have to be subject to my charms!" Abruptly, Light slugged the toy. "No, I'm bisexual. Get it right!"

"Yagami-san?" asked L. No response. L leaned over the chair. The man was unconscious. Was he tired, or was it just too much to take? L unceremoniously shoved the man to the floor, retaking his seat and ignoring the gasp of pain.

"What happened?"

"You fell off," he lied, "and Light needs to be observed."

Soichiro didn't argue this time. "I'll... just go home." Then, in a mumble, "And hope this was all a bad dream..."

L was pleased, because Light had soon resumed stripping.

-A While Later-

L sat beside Light at the To-Ho entrance ceremony. They had both returned to their seats after giving their speeches. "Light-kun...?"

Big, amber eyes focused on L. "Yeah?"

"I just want you to know that... I'm L." He waited, mentally crossing his fingers.

"OH MY GOD, IT'S YOU?" Heads swiveled as eyes focussed on the pair.

L grimaced. "Light-"

Said boy looked around, blushing and quieting down. The ceremony resumed. Light turned back to L, eyes big and wide, filled with excitement. "Seriously? You're the real L?"

"Yes."

-After the Ceremony-

Light held back a smirk as he sat beside L at the diner. He had encouraged 'Hideki Ryuga' to meet at the place in celebration of their hundred percents, and to discuss the fact L had just announced himself to Light.

He was positive it was L. He could feel it. Plus, who would be convinced by the strange dress and odd demeanor of the man? No, it couldn't be a proxy. Which meant it was time to go to part 2 of scare-L-off-Light's-trail. Technically, it had already began, since he had sat beside L instead of across.

Light snuggled close to the detective, sighing as if immensely pleased. He was. The detective was tensing up. If L hadn't been sitting in such a strange, crouched manner, Light could have taken it even farther. As it was, his molesting options were limited. But Light was not one to be deterred!

"Light-kun... don't you think you're getting a bit... close?"

"What makes you say that?" Hah! L was already getting freaked out! Soon he'd leave Light alone for good! The yelling he got when his dad came home to Light prancing around naked in his room would finally pay off!

"The fact that you're pressed up against me."

"Hey, I am, aren't I," said Light, smiling flirtatiously.

The waiter approached, a notepad in hand. "What would you like?" she asked of Light, voice short and brisk. Maybe she was having a bad day? "Coffee, please."

Her mood did a 180 as her eyes landed on L. "What would you like, sir?" She was smiling, eyelashes fluttering appealingly. Hmm... Wasn't good to let the detective think of others.

"Ryuuga," Light said, voice urgent.

The detective locked eyes with Light. "Yes?"

Light buried his hands in messy black locks, crushing his mouth to L's. The raven-haired man tensed, entire form stiff. When Light ran his tongue against L's lips, he was counting down the seconds to his freedom from being suspected as Kira...

...and was thus taken aback at the low moan he received. Light went to pull back, freaked out by this change of plans- L was not supposed to enjoy it- only to be held in place by long-fingered hands as the detective kissed back. And, while L was hesitant and obviously new to this, his tongue was very dexterous... it might not have been part of the plan, but-

A loud coughing sound caused them to pull apart with a gasp, foreheads pressed together as they took in gulps of oxygen, faces flushed.

The waitress shot Light a nasty scowl, before turning disdainful eyes towards L. "Well? What would you like to eat?"

"Strawberry cheesecake, please. Extra strawberries on top."

As she walked away, Light tried desperately to focus his mind and adjust his plans. He didn't really like guys. He didn't even like girls. He was asexual!

Big, dark eyes locked with amber, and Light fought back a panic attack. "Yeah?"

"There's a ninety percent chance you're Kira."

"What?"

"That is why Light-kun must move into task force headquarters until proved innocent."

Light resisted the urge to bang his head against the table. No! L was not supposed to limit Light in such a way! "Why?"

L surprised Light by wearing an actual facial expression, eyes narrowed in confusion. "So we can have time together, of course. I don't leave the building often, so how else will we see each other?"

Light gaped. No, things hadn't gone as planned. Not at all.

"Don't worry, Light-kun. You may still attend school. I will adjust my schedule so we have the same classes."

Light snapped his jaw shut. He's serious? "But, the Kira percentage-"

"-is an excellent excuse. No one will be able to go against my decision when I give such a large percentage of you being Kira. You won't need to talk to that bear anymore."

Light felt his face heat up. He knew L had been watching. He just hadn't expected L to admit to it. Or for it to backfire this badly! But, if he didn't go along with it... it might be too obvious that Light was truly Kira. Not good! So, his only option was...

A.N: Well? Whatcha think? Good, bad, funny, stupid? Should I leave it as a one shot, or continue? If I continue, there will definitely be more L/Light, but it won't be as silly as this chapter. So, yes or no to continuing? Personally, I like this ending :P