[A/N: I've never written anything like this before, but I figured I might as well post it since I finished it. This is basically a love letter from Cara to Kahlan, but its not a "letter", just Cara's angsty thoughts.]

I watch you as you sleep.

I let my eyes wander over your still frame. You shift in your sleep, your hand unconsciously reaching out towards the place I usually lie-down. Your dark tresses fan out behind you, moonlight highlighting the lighter brown strands, turning them into spun gold. You sigh, your lips parting slightly. You look like a gently sleeping goddess.

My eyes travel to your hands: they are calloused from battle. I used to be afraid of those hands. I feared their ability to steal away my soul, to take away all that I am. But it seems I don't need to feel your hand on my neck and watch your eyes turn to black: my soul is already yours.

I wish I could make you feel everything I feel. I want you to understand. I want you to reach out with those beautiful hands and make the world fade away. I deserve it. I deserve a slow, agonizing death. I deserve to feel your pale fingers wrapped around my throat.

But you won't because you've forgiven me. And I don't deserve it.

I'm nothing but a monster. I don't deserve to breath the same air you inhale; I don't deserve to walk the pathways of the world with you; I don't deserve to fight alongside you. I don't know how you made me feel this way. My old life is a distant memory now. There was always a void I hid with cruelty and lies. The only time I felt anything was the blinding numbness as my agiel ended some innocent soul's life. There was nothing and suddenly there was you. I was lost and I didn't know it; I was alone even though I was surrounded by my sisters. I was a tool, easily disposed of.

Sometimes I wish you didn't make me feel. Why did you have to take away the numbness I understood so well? I wish I could hate you for it, but I don't. I can't.

I know my life means nothing. I'm not important: I'm useful, I'm cunning, I'm fearless. But not important. I know people will always hate and fear me. But you make me want to be better, to be different, to matter.

If you ever turned your back on me, if I couldn't be by your side then I would disintegrate into nothingness. I am captured in your blue gaze and only in it do I feel whole. Do I feel human. I feel as if I could change the world, as if I matter.

Your eyes flutter in your sleep and sit up halfway. Your eyes open and I find myself locked in your gaze. "Cara?"

"All is well. Sleep, Mother Confessor." I keep my voice even and controlled. You can never know any of the things I feel for you.

"Isn't it my time to watch yet?"

"No," I coo. "In another hour," I lie easily. "Sleep."

You obey, lying back down.

I never understand the term "home." I didn't know what the word meant. As confused feelings nearly overwhelm me I grab the one thing that has never let me down: my agiel. I feel the familiar comforting pain sluice through my veins and I sigh. I understand what "home" means now. To me, Kahlan Amnell, home is wherever you are.