Chapter 20: Following the Mockingjay

It's been 2 months since my victory of the 65th Hunger Games. 2 months since I watched 23 tributes plummet to their deaths. 2 months since Topaz and Lily were taken away from me. 2 months since I saw the horrible deaths played in front of me, like Aidan being sliced in two by a sword or Citrine falling to pieces by a bomb. 2 months since President Snow asked me one of the most horrid requests I've ever heard. 2 months since I've declined. 2 months since my own mother was killed.

And yet all of those things seem to come back at me, through everything, and it's even worse in my dreams. I'm alone now, I have no one. President Snow then asked me if I wanted to reconsider, saying if I refuse this time he will kill Mags. Mags, all she has done for me, and what I've seen them do to my mother, I can't submit her to that. So I said I would think about it.

Mags has been trying to coax me out of the house-she is my only family left- and trying to get me to do the things I once loved. I can't remember anything I love anymore; it has been stripped away from me ever since I entered the Games. Maybe even before that when my brother and father were killed in that boating accident. I have no family left, the only person I consider family is Mags.

The most I do each day is wander around the house aimlessly, sitting in my bathtub filled with water, looking out at the sea behind the Victor Village, and then think of the horrors I saw in the Games. I sometimes wonder what Topaz or Lily would say to me now, if they saw me in this state. Topaz would most likely slap me and yell at me to get up. Lily would gently coax me to do things, bit by bit, until my life was back in place.

The thought makes me smile. Almost.

And it's only until a nightmare of Topaz's death that brings me back. I always have nightmares, each night, always of the Games or seeing that tape of my mother, beaten to a bloody pulp and finally shot in the head. Of course I've seen nightmares of Topaz's death along with Lily's, those are the most reoccurring ones along with the last fight by the Cornucopia or seeing the 8 faces of those who I have killed float in front of me.

I have to squeeze my eyes shut and focus hard on something else when I think of this version of the nightmare. I was beside Topaz, speaking with her as she uttered her last breaths. I can't help but notice the arrow pierced through her and the blood slowly draining out of her. She looks at me, her brown eyes desperate and pleading when she asks me to take care of her daughter. I tell her I would.

I have broken that promise to her.

That part of her death had escaped me for so long, even in my dreams. So now here I am, taking my first steps outside since 2 months earlier. The air is hot and humid and the sun is high in the sky. I put my hands in my pockets as I feel a light breeze stir my bronze-colored hair. The bags under my eyes are much more defiant in the sunlight and I have to squint my eyes harshly against the sun.

People look surprised when they see me. I bet they are, I haven't come out since 2 months ago. I don't pay any attention to anyone or anything. I ignore a group of girls pointing at me and giggling and I ignore the sympathetic stares from others. I have one mission and that's it.

When I reach the Community Center, I take one extra moment. I take a deep, collective breath before going through the gates. I see the children run around me, excited that there's a visitor. I feel awkward around them, and give a slight smile before ducking my head and rushing inside.

When I'm inside I can't help but feel like I'm trapped. I come right into a kitchen and there's no air conditioning which makes it even more hot and humid than before. It's then that I see a girl.

She looks to be about my age, but she doesn't have the worn down look most children do in the Community Center. She looks up when I enter, a flash of recognition crossing her face. She has dark brown hair that falls to her shoulders in a classy yet lovely way. She has sea-green eyes, like me, but hers are a bit of a darker shade. A bit of a smile comes up when I meet her gaze and she walks over, head held high and body firm.

"Finnick Odair," She states my name.

I just merely nod to her, wanting to find what I came here for. And she sees that, but makes sure that she makes her presence known.

"I'm Annie Cresta," She says then, and I meet her gaze again. Her hand is extended in a hand shake and I take it, feeling her strong hold on mine, and we release.

"Do you live here?" I ask, my voice is slightly rough from barely talking.

"No," She smiles sadly, "I come here to visit the children, they always need visitors."

I nod slowly, having it take awhile to sink in. The way I process my thoughts have even slowed down, and it's hard to concentrate now a days. I think I may be going insane.

"Are you looking for Aquaria?" Her voice is quiet now, a kind look in her eyes.

I look at her again and say, "Do you know where she is?"

She nods and smiles, "This way."

She leads me over to one of the tables in the kitchen and there I am met with Aquaria. She's young, about the age of 3, maybe 4 which is a stretch. As she hunches over a piece of paper, drawing with a crayon in her hand, her luscious golden hair hangs down in front of her face. Her body is tan, maybe just a tad lighter than her mother. I can't see her face though, because her hair is like a door, not allowing me in.

"Aquaria," Annie whispers, kneeling down beside her, "There's someone here to see you."

When she turns around to face me, still in the chair, she looks so much like her mother that it causes the pain and guilt to rise inside of me again. Her features are fresh, beautiful, like a pool of water. When she tucks a lock of her golden hair behind her ear, it reminds me of all the times Topaz did that in the arena. Their faces are so similar it's scary. Her body is similar to Topaz's also-strong but yet having a delicate feature to it also. She has that determined look Topaz always wore and the only thing that seems to separate them are her eyes. Instead of the warm brown her mother had, she has a deep blue color, just like the color of water.

"Are you Finnick?" She then speaks, and even her voice sounds like her mother's. It is more innocent and quiet, but yet again that determination always rings in it.

"Yes," I kneel down to her height like Annie did, "Yes, I'm Finnick."

"You knew my mother?" She then asks.

"Yes," I answer, trying hard to be strong, for her.

"You were with her, in the Games?" She then asks. It's hard to imagine that a girl this young understands it, and I now see how intelligent she really is.

"Yes," I answer again.

"You were with her, when she died?"

This takes me longer to answer, because it's so difficult to even admit to myself that she's dead. "Yes."

She pauses then, biting her bottom lip. I'm sure she has watched the Games, she is old enough now to do so. She must remember everything, even the admittance of Topaz that she had a daughter. Did she wonder if it was her? Since they shared the last name? Or did she wait until her thoughts were confirmed when her mother spoke her name to me?

It was then that she puts her hand over her mouth, a choking sound escaping her. I see tears fill her eyes then and she leaps towards me. She wraps her arms around my neck and begins to sob, her head cradled in between my neck and shoulder. I'm shocked at first, but then I slowly wrap my arms around her, holding her tightly like a father would do. And it takes a little bit for me to realize it is not Topaz, but her daughter.

As I hold her, I look over at Annie who has a sad smile on her face. Her eyes are gentle and warm and she doesn't try to push as we share this moment together. She can obviously see my own pain reflected in my eyes, for she gives me a reassuring nod.

We stay like that for a while, until Aquaria finally pulls away. She sniffles a bit and Annie rubs her back. She wipes the tears from her eyes and looks down at her feet. It's then that I remember the picture.

"What did you draw?" I ask, my own voice just a mere whisper.

She sniffs again and takes it, handing it to me as she says, "A picture of my mother…and you."

I hold the picture in my hand, looking at it as my mind processes it. It's obviously drawn by a child's hand, but the picture is nearly right. It's so right, that I almost find myself crying again. The picture is of Topaz and me, in the forest on the night she told me about Aquaria. Both of us are in our sleeping bags and leaning against our own trees. We both hold vines as we make the nets and both of us are smiling.

"It's beautiful," Is all I manage to say, because I'm finding it hard to control my emotions.

"Thank you," She whispers, "I want you to keep it."

"Thank you," I say in return, giving her shoulder a reassuring squeeze, "I'm sure your mother would like this too."

"I wish I met her," She whimpers.

"So do I," I take her in for another hug, "So do I."

I stay all day as Aquaria shows me what life is like here, and what she thought of the Games, of her mother. Annie comes with us, making sure we're alright. I enjoy her company though, I think she understands what both me and Aquaria are going through. I finally say goodbye to Aquaria, telling her I'll see her in the morning before I walk outside with Annie.

"I'm really glad you came," She says as we reach the gate, "After a while I was thinking you would never come."

"I've been going through some…things," I say, trying not to show how guilty I am for not showing up.

"You're here now," She says, obviously seeing my guilt, "That's all that matters."

I pause before asking, "Is there any chance-"

"That you can take her?" She guesses, then shakes her head, "No, not until she's 18, since you're technically not her family."

"Will you-"

She finishes my question again, "Take care of her when you're not here? Of course."

I smile a bit, "Thanks, Annie. I mean, for everything."

"You're welcome," She says, returning the smile, "When are you coming over tomorrow?"

"I don't' know," I shrug my shoulders, "If I can get Mags to come with me it might be a bit later."

"That's ok," She smiles, "All that matters is that you're coming to see her." She then pauses as she asks, "Do you think we'll be able to hang out afterwards? Talk?"

I smile a bit more and answer, "Yeah, I think so."

Her smile grows wider also as she says, "See you tomorrow, Finnick Odair."

"See you," I murmur, before turning my back and leaving.

I now start to think of President Snow's deal. I now realize how crucial it is for me to agree to this. But I must, I must do this, or else they could do the same thing they did to my mother to Mags, to Aquaria, even to Annie. I couldn't do that, I'm not going to do that. So I'll have to agree, no matter how horrid it is.

I wonder how my life would've turned out if I never went into the Games. Possibly the same thing my mother and I were planning; becoming a fisherman, have a wife, children, a nice and quiet life. That has been stripped away from me now, because of the Games. But, I know that I can make the best out of it, and that means taking care of Mags, visiting Aquaria, and talking with Annie. I know I can make the best out of my life, no matter how long I live.

And it is then, when I'm walking home, that I see something that brings up the fire of hope inside of me, that assures me that everything will be alright, and that one day, it will all be worth it.

Because sitting up on a tree, singing the melody to a song, is nothing other than a Mockingjay.

To Be Continued…

A/N: And now his life will continue on, and though I may not be writing an addition to this, you all know what happens to poor Finnick, Annie and Mags. But they are free from the Games, all three of them, and Finnick lives on, in his own child.