Title: Pleasure is Pain(ful Until...)
Author: Grasshopper (A.K.A. The Undertaker's Muse)
Rated: PG
Warnings: Unrequited hetero love. Um...hopeful tragedy? (Meaning, this is post-R2.)
Fandom: Code GEASS
Challenge: No True Pair
Prompt: Milly Ashford and Lelouch Lamperouge, with the title "Pleasure is Pain"
Spoilers: Set post-series, so anything's fair game in my book.
Pairings: Milly + Lelouch, tiny bit of Lelouch/Shirley
Summary: Milly had seemingly always loved Lelouch in one way or another. But love did not equal happiness, especially when kept locked away in the heart.
Author's Notes: I love this pairing, I really do.
Disclaimer: All things Code GEASS belong to Sunrise and Bandai. Grassy only lays claim to the plot.

Milly had loved Lelouch ever since she was a young girl, though not always romantically. True, he had been a prince, but to the girl she had been then Lelouch was her first real friend. Even after all the years that had passed since the "Lamperouge" siblings had come into the care of the Ashford family, that friendship was more important to Milly than the odd pang of longing in her heart that wished for more, more, more of Lelouch.

So she stood back and watched him; with Nunnally and Sayoko, with Rivalz and Shirley. Even Kallen and Suzaku once they joined the Student Council. And later on, Rolo. After giving in just once to her heart's weakness and failing to win him, Milly was content to just watch the man her childhood friend had become. Found her own pleasure in his fumbling through the world around him, for Lelouch's smooth demeanor was practically nonexistent to anyone who truly knew and watched him.

(Even when it hurt to watch him with Shirley. She resented that pain, because Shirley was a treasured friend, as well. But Lelouch had been first in her heart for so long that even being delighted by their happiness was painful.)

But then came Shirley's death. Rolo and Lelouch's disappearance. Her own reclaiming of the life that was crumbling down around her. Milly was determined to be happy. Give her time and she would win her prince's heart. All that Milly needed was time.

(Only time was something that she didn't have.)

"Greetings. I am Lelouch vi Britannia of the Royal Family, 99th Emperor of the Realm."

And the whole world changed, in fire and blood and too many lives lost.

(But still... Even when she despaired of ever understanding Lelouch and his actions. When she hid her wet eyes and the frown that darkened her face from sight. When she abruptly cut short conversations mid-sentence to keep from thinking too much about the Demon Emperor her beloved friend had become. Even then, Milly could not help but be appreciative of Lelouch's unique fashion sense and laugh a bit at his over-the-top hat.)

Until that day, the day the world changed utterly once again. The rebirth of Zero which brought death to Emperor Lelouch.

(She would never forget that sight - the sword that slid through Lelouch's white-clad form, the bloodstain following his body's slide down the platform, Nunnally's heartbroken screams as the masses praised her brother's killer. Milly would have screamed as well, had she only been able to move, able to breathe. And later, after crying and crying and building herself back up- Milly almost wished that Jeremiah Gottwald had not restored her true memories, for they had nearly destroyed her anew.)

But life goes on and people keep on living, so long as they don't give up. As long as they keep walking forward.

"Despite everything, Lelouch... I couldn't help but love you. And despite myself, I couldn't help falling in love with you. It's okay, though. There's a lot I still don't understand about you and about the things that you did. But that's fine; you always preferred to be a bit mysterious, anyway."

Fingertips slid softly across the smirking face in the worn photograph she held.

"I'm going to be happy, Lelouch. You broke the hearts of so many people, including my own. Because of you, this world is different. And I'm going to be happy, even if it hurts.

"So keep on your guard, Lulu-chan. Years and years from now when we meet again, I'll even go toe-to-toe with Shirley for you. But until then..."

Milly slid the picture back into the album with a smile. Until that day, she had a lot of living to do. And a lot of happiness to gain.

The End