The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe Abridged

Wrote this when I was feeling bored and random.

This is my first story so try not to hate me too much.

Disclaimer: I do not own The Chronicles of Narnia, or any other popular book/film/TV show/person etc that I may make a reference to.

I know it is written in script form. Please don't ask.

First scene

Inside the bombers, the Germans are having a discussion

First German: I don't see the point of all this, we're going to lose the war anyway

Second German: Shut up, Lou!

In the Pevensies house, Edmund is looking out of the window

Edmund: Yay, fireworks!

Peter enters

Peter: Do you have a death wish?

Edmund: I may be an emo, yes

Peter: Just …. Get in the hole

Edmund: But it's dark in there.

Peter: And where are the slu.. I mean, where's your sisters?

In Lucy's bed room

Lucy: Mr Snuggles will save me

Mr Snuggles: I'm going to cut you. So many times

Lucy: I wuv you too

Susan enters

Susan: Lucy, remember no Snuggles when you're PMS'ing

Lucy: But Mr Snuggles and I are in love!

Mr Snuggles: Soon, oh soon you will die

Susan: no Lucy, He'll eat your face.

Susan grabs Mr Snuggles and throws him in a convenient safe box.

Mr Snuggles: (trying to get out of the safe box) REVENGE!...RE...VENGE!

Susan: now get in the hole while I ste... examine your stuff.

In the air-raid shelter

Grandma: we're all going to die!

Susan: who the hell is she?

Edmund: I think she's our Grandmother

Susan: (checking the script) we don't have a Grandmother, she must have sneaked in!

Peter: take...her...out!

A ninja action sequence takes place, with Edmund watching and everyone else trying to beat up the old woman, but she keeps knocking them down. Eventually Edmund draws a knife and stabs her in the face.

Mum: heh, nice

Peter: (sitting up and rubbing his stomach) where the hell were you!

Edmund: I think she's our Grandmother

Lucy: she's our mum you idiot

Mum: I was smuggling an old lady in to kick your ass. I'm sick of you.

Lucy: why don't you just send us to the country?

Mum: I know, I'll send you to the country!

At the train station

Mum: (hugging Edmund) bye everybody, Edmund, take care of yourself.

Edmund: aww mum, no fair.

She turns to Peter

Mum: bye Peter. Oh by the way, Darth Vader is your father

Peter: I f***ing knew it!

She turns to Lucy

Mum: bye Lucy, you were always the special one

Lucy: I like potatoes.

Mum: you sure do.

She turns to Susan and moves in to hug her.

Mum: you were always my favourite, Susan

Susan: no, don't hug me; I'm a kleptomaniac, No, NOOOOO.

They break up and she's holding her mums bag and her pockets are bulging.

Mum: why do I always give birth to the emotional rejects?

To be possibly continued...

You like? Yes? No? Maybe? Banana?

In any case please Review!