The Sorting Problem
by FashionStarlet

"Headmaster Dumbledore?" shouted the hat, from his spot on the stool. Several first year students jumped back in surprise.

Dumbledore looked confused, and he furrowed his eyebrows, "Yes...er...Sorting Hat?"

"I'm afraid I can't sort these students," replied the hat. The first years looked distressed, especially young Harry Potter, who just had his worst fears confirmed.

Dumbledore frowned, "And why not?"

"Well," the hat began, in a matter-of-fact voice, "I have noticed that each student tries to persuade me to chose the house they want, so I have decided on a way which will not require my opinion!"

Harry Potter looked up nervously, where Dumbledore's eyes were regaining their twinkle. "And what is that?"

"Well..." the sorting hats large rip seemed to widen. The first year students were starting to feel very scared.

"I have noticed that when each student receives their wand, it gives off a certain colour," the hat said, "of sparks. So, I have rung up Ollivander and he has agreed to test each of the students. If their sparks have a colour or two of one house, they are put in there. If they are mixed or a completely different colour, they will have to undergo sorting number 2."

"Don't you think that will take too long?" Asked McGonagall, nervously.

The hat laughed a...er...hatty laugh. "Of course it will!"

"Um..." McGonagall faltered slightly.

Harry Potter watched as the man from the wand shop walked in and started waving his hand around. He watched and waited. He saw Draco Malfoy's wand emit green sparks. Hermione Granger got blue sparks. Neville Longbottom got black. Ron Weasley (who had rushed to the top of the line) had gotten red. Susan Bones and Hannah Abbott had gotten black and small yellow sparks. They practically skipped to their table. So far nobody had gotten 'held back'. Though, it was obvious a lot of the people were getting into houses they didn't like...like Crabbe and Goyle, who got stuck in Hufflepuff.

Finally, it was time for his sorting. He was the last person, and so he was feeling extremely nervous. People started whispering around him, and the hat started to cackle evilly. Harry was feeling very troubled. He waved his wand around, and to his surprise not one or two colours came out, but six! There was: Silver, Gold, Green, Red, Black and Blue. Everybody stared at him in shock.

The hat was still cackling evilly.

"HARRY POTTER GETS SORTED INTO SLYTHERIN!" laughed the hat. Harry stared at the hat, and fainted. The hat barely looked at him and added in a hysterical voice, "AND DON'T FORGET HUFFLEPUFF AND RAVENCLAW AND GRYFFINDOR!" Everybody turned white.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAH! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!"

Dumbledore turned to Flitwick, "Er...he is getting extremely old. Maybe he's right. We probably should look out for any more Sorting options. I don't think the first years are going to get over this."

"I don't think I will either," squeaked McGonagall. Both she and Snape had gone deathly pale.

For years onward Harry James Potter, the Slytherin-Gryffindor-Hufflepuff-Ravenclaw had nightmares every day. Not of Voldemort, or even the Final Battle, but of the Sorting Hat, who continued to stare at him every time he entered the room. Thus, began the Sorting Problem.

Meanwhile, the Sorting Hat was sitting quietly in a corner of the room. He had shown his real Slytherin side that day, and now he was relieved from his job of reading first years' heads, and could know freely spy on the happenings in Hogwarts without fretting over the latest poem he had to compose and sing. (The pitch had to be perfect!) The Sorting Problem was finished!

Ollivander was hired by Dumbledore, partially because Molly Weasley's Howlers had burst only too many eardrums.

Note:

Oh my gosh, I have no idea where this idea came from. My fingers were just twitching and I just wrote this. It is a completely hyped-up, stupid story. But I've only written it for my weird amusement, so review if you feel like it. ;)