Don't Let Me Get Me Chapter 2, a glee fanfic

Part 2... Please review! Reveiws are loved and very much appreciated! 3

"I'm really sorry about all of this" Santana said when she returned from the shower, she had been in the house by herself all day, and all she could do was think about everything she had ever said or down that she regretted, she had so many greats and the person that she let herself become was like an enemy to herself, She hated who she was. She hadn't felt up to going into school that day, she had asked Puck not to say anything to anyone, She hoped no one found out for a while until she could get her head sorted.

"About what?" he had only just arrived back from school, he sat down on his bed and opened up his bag to take out his homework that he probably wouldn't do, he always tried, but he got distracted easily, school really bored him if he was being honest, he only went for football and glee, but to stay there he had to keep his grades up and it was proving difficult.

"For everything" she striaghtened the towel that was wrapped around her body and sat down beside him "I had no right to dump everything on you, I shouldn't even be here... I've treated you like shit for as long as I've known you and your still here to help me, if anyone in school found out they'd probably think I'm lying, you're a different Puck from what everyone sees" she smiled at him "And I kissed you last night and you have a girlfriend, but I didn't care I just wanted comfort and I don't want to use you like that, I'm a mess at the minute and I'm not good for you"

"Wow, slow down" Puck raised his hands a smile crossing his features "What are you talking about? I don't have a girlfriend, and you're bad for me? I'm the boy most mother's lock their little girls away from" he grinned, "Sorry" he added, realising she didn't want to think of her mom right now

"It's ok" she smiled "I would pick the lock anyway" she laughed

"I am slightly irresistible" he grinned again

"And slightly obnoxious" she laughed "But aren't you dating Quinn?" she didn't want to ask, she already felt bad for kissing him, she knew last night that he was with her, but she just kept going for her own pleasure and comfort, she was selfish, that was another thing she hated about herself

He shook his head, as soon as she looked at him she knew she had hit a raw nerve, "We broke up" he said simply

"Oh, sorry" she said

He brushed it off "It's ok, after Beth things just weren't working, All we did was fight, we just weren't right for each other, and both of us were miserable being together, it's better just being friends, although she hasn't actually talked to me since" he sighed

"She's missing out" Santana smiled

"How are you feeling today?" he asked her quickly changing the subject

"Meh" she said

"Just meh?" he asked

"I've had loads of time to just sit and think today and I've come to the conclusion that I'm a horrible person" she told him, not once looking away from his eyes

"You're not a horrible person San" he had sincerity written all over his face, but nothing would let her buy it

"I am, I'm a bitch... All this time I've tried to be someone I'm not, I wanted to be the popular girl who everyone wanted and who everyone wanted to be friends with, well I got that, but I have no true friends, only Brittany, and she's only there because she doesn't see the bitch in me and because I love her... I want to be like everyone else in glee and have that circle of friendship, but I've bullied and insulted them all so much that they all hate me"

Puck shook his head "No they don't" he told her taking her hand in his "They like me and I'm probably worse than you, They don't hate you because you are a part of glee and they don't hate anyone that is a part of them, I guarantee you that probably love you a lot more than you think"

She scoffed slightly "I've probably done something horrible to each one of them"

"So have I" he shrugged

"I don't think I can change Puck, I'll be hating myself forever"

He smiled "You can change, everyone can change"

"I may be able to, but I don't want to... I've built this person for so long how can I just sit back and watch her be destroyed? I put up this shield to block everyone from seeing what I was going through at home, I faked my way through everything, I pretended I was fine when I was broken and I did that by bullying people and having fun laughing at people"

"You don't have to suddenly become some weak person, you can still be feisty, but the way you want to do it, you can't go through life hating yourself"

"I've did it for this long, I can keep it going" she shrugged

"But is it healthy?" he asked her and watched as she thought but still came up with nothing "Just think about what will make you happy, and if it makes you feel better you can always be yourself around me" he smiled, he stood up and kissed her forehead and made his way to the shower.

"Are you sure you're up for school today?" Puck asked her, he lifted his top from the floor and placed it over his head

"Are you sure you want to wear that? Don't you have a clean one?" she laughed a little

"It is clean, I just didn't hang it up" he smiled

"Then yes I'm sure, I can't sit around all day and find more things I hate about myself, it's not like I have a reason for absence anyway, and I just need to get back to normal"

Puck nodded "Okay, are you ready then?"

"Are we going together? Won't people ask questions?" she asked, she still wasn't ready for people to know

"Nah, they'll just think were dating or something"

Santana nodded "But were not?" she asked just to be clear

"Well if you want to we can sort that out" he laughed

"Wouldn't you just love that" she laughed "I'm not ready, let me sort my head out and figure out who I am, ok?" she wasn't even sure what sort of relationship they had, were they friends, or were they dating, they did kiss and stuff, but then again she kissed Brittany sometimes, did she even ant to date him, she would just pull him down, he could go places but if he was with her, he would get no where

"Who said I wanted to date you anyway?" he asked his eyebrows raised, his head was close to hers now and she could feel his breathe on her cheek, she moved forward a few inches and kissed him "Friends with benefits suit me perfectly"

"I'm not sleeping with you" she told him, wanting to get that straight

"You think that's all I want? You're a good friend I just want be there for you"

"Ok, come on lets go" she said grabbing his hand and her back pack and making her way outside to head to school

At the end of the day when glee was about to start was when Santana felt most happiest, she smiled when she passed through the choir room door and sat down beside Brittany, Mr Shue had given them an assignment the day before that Puck had told her about, it was to pick a song that expressed what they felt at the time, Santana had a song picked out, but she wasn't sure if she could sing it, if she was ready.

When Mr Shue asked who wanted to go first Santana couldn't control her hand from shooting up "Could I go?" she asked tamely, her voice trying to deny her the words, but her heart wouldn't let her, she needed to do it, to let everything she was feeling out

Mr Shue nodded, Santana stood to her feet and informed the band of her choice of song, When they began to play her heart beat began to race as every eye in the room was on her now, and she was about to open her heart to each one.

Never win first place, I don't support the team
I can't take direction, and my socks are never
clean
Teachers dated me, my parents hated me
I was always in a fight cuz I can't do nothin'
right

Everyday I fight a war against the mirror
I can't take the person starin' back at me
I'm a hazard to myself

Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
Its bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don't wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else

I wanna be somebody else, yeah

LA told me, "You'll be a pop star,
All you have to change is everything you are."
Tired of being compared to damn Britney Spears
She's so pretty, that just ain't me

Doctor, doctor won't you please prescribe
somethin
A day in the life of someone else?
Cuz I'm a hazard to myself

Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
Its bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don't wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else

Doctor, doctor won't you please prescribe
somethin
A day in the life of someone else?
Don't let me get me

Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
Its bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don't wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else

When she finished the tears in her eyes were spilling down her face as each of the glee kids looked at her with a confused but sorrowful look. She looked back at each one of them individually before her eyes met with Pucks, the one person in the room that knew what was going on with her. She smiled at him before she began to speak

"I'm sorry" was the first think she could manage to say, the only thing she wanted to say because everyone in the room had suffered her wrath, she had bullied each one of them before, and when she looked at them now, the memories of it came to her, all the times she called Rachel names, when Quinn got kicked of the cheerio's and she called her numerous names about her weight, Artie's disability, Kurt's sexuality, she had taunted everyone of them, with the exception of Brittany, but that was because she was the one she could be herself around and no one would know, because Brittany was her best friend.

"You guys are all so amazing, and all I did was treat you like dirt, I tried to be the popular girl all the time, and made fun of you, I bullied you and it was wrong, because every time I looked at the strong bond you had with one another I longed so much to be a part of it, but I couldn't let myself do it, I would become like you, I would get called names and I would get slushied and the thought of that made me sick, I would never let that happen to Santana Lopez head cheerleader, head bitch" she sighed

"But I realise now I don't need that, I need a family more than anything and that's what you guys are, if you let me I really want to be part of that " she said her face soaked with tears, her voice broken every now and again with sobs

The glee club members were all looking at her with shock written in their faces, except Puck who looked at her with saddened eyes, he moved towards her knowing right now she needed someone to hug her, he wrapped his arms tightly around her and whispered in her ear "You'll always have me" he squeezed her hand when she felt her take hold off it and loosened the hug, he moved beside her and seen the looks she was getting from everyone.

Rachel was the first to speak, her look changing from shock to concern "Your already part of our family, you're the one who doesn't want to be seen with the family, but you're always still there" she told her "I'm sure if you ask anyone they would say the same, there are twelve member to this family, thirteen if you count Mr shue, we don't leave anyone out" she smiled

For the first time in a long time, Santana felt warmth in her heart, more tears fell from her eyes, but some of them were happy, hearing that she had a loving family meant more to her than anything right now

"Thank you" she whispered "You don't know how much that means to me" she smiled, she breathed a deep breath and spoke again "I lost my family this week, well I walked out on them" a single tear rolled down her cheek "They never treated me right or loved me, they always expected more, my mom in particular, she was never happy with me and I couldn't take, the act I did for all this time was a shield to protect myself from how I was feeling, I picked on everyone to numb the pain of my mother's picking on me"

"San" Quinn spoke, she had known her for so long and never once did she see this in her,

Santana carried on "But I left there and then I looked at my life, I hate myself I've become someone I fear, When I look at myself I see a monster and that's not what I want to see, I can't apologise enough" she sobbed, Puck tightened his grip on her, his arm felt like protection right now, from everything that hurt, because when he was there she immediately felt better.

"You'll always have a family in us" Mercedes smiled at her

Each member nodded and smiled at her, showing her the love that she needed

"Thank you" she said again, the only thing she could say without tears "I promise I'm going to change, I want to be someone you all can call a friend, someone who doesn't call you names or anything like that, and I want to love you guys"

"I love you Tana" Brittany spoke, smiling at her best friend, she left her seat and crossed the room, hugging Santana tightly

"We all love you" Rachel said, as each glee member followed Brittany, creating a large circle of people around Santana, Mr Shue was last to join the hug, he smiled at her as he placed his hand on her shoulder "Anything you need I'm here for you" he told her

She smiled at him, tightening her grip on Puck's hand, he looked at her smiling before he kissed her he was the last one to tell her he loved her, and the first boy to tell her he loved her, truly meaning it.

"I love you too, more than anything" she smiled kissing him back.