Title: Puck's badass foolproof plan to get Berry.

Rating: M for language (namely Puck's potty mouth) and themes of a sexual nature.

Pairing: PuckleBerry. MatTana. The 'Inns'. BrIke.

Spoilers: None. Set after Regionals.

Summary: Beginning of Puck's Senior year, he's about to start his badass rein as top dog, but one things missing: A nice sexy female Jew to be at his side. That's when he comes up with the perfect, badass foolproof plan... but isit as foolproof as he thinks or is he the fool?

Disclaimer: I acknowledge that I own nothing, just the plot for this story. If I did... Puck would be shirtless ALL THE TIME and dating Rachel!

Note: Totally random, practically sprung itself on me. Just a small multi-chaptered fic. But beware, as it's going to be so small I haven't searched for a beta so there are risks of spelling,punctuation and grammatical errors. I apologize in advance. Hope you all like this fic, review and let me know what you think. I'm debating on whether or not to post a separate fic of this story, but from Rachel's perspective. Enjoy...

Part One.

The final bell rang through the empty halls of William McKinley high school signaling a new day, the first day of the new school year. All at once class room doors slammed against walls with loud thuds as students rushed to escape homeroom, filling the deserted halls with a sea of students, each desperate not to be late for first period and have to face the wrath of their teachers.

One student standing out from the rest.

Noah Puckerman stormed through the bustling crowded hallway of students, a fierce scowl adorning his sharp face, a scowl that showed he was in no mood for peoples bullshit today, something the students were well aware of and went to extreme measures to avoid. But if one was to look closely, they'd see the small smirk that was tugging at his lips as they parted like the red sea for him. Some, almost unconsciously.

As he sauntered down the hallways, he thrived off the feeling. It was his first day of Senior year and he was top dog, as he rightfully should be. Last Summer after Regionals, Finn had stepped down from his position as Quarter Back as he was trying to fix his relationship with Quinn and all the extended practise he had wasn't helping. Puck immediately got recruited as QB, of course, and everyone knew it. And while Puck wanted to be pissed that Quinn had went scrambling back to Finn, he couldn't be, because for once he got the chance to be number one at something. And hell, being QB was better then being Quinn's boyfriend, sure he loved her, but only for giving him his daughter - Beth. But then she had gone and screwed that up by putting her up for adoption. So yeah, he was top dog around here now and he fucking loved it. It didn't hurt that he'd grew back his hawk over the Summer either. That shit along with being QB was going to get him pussy galore.

So if his life seemed to be going so perfect, then why the foul mood you ask? Well originally when he'd gotten up this morning he was fine and dandy, psyched to begin his badass rein at WMHS as a Senior. But then his Ma had started rattling his ass: 'Noah I'm fed up of all these skanky non-Jewish ho bags you've had over all Summer whilst watching your sister. It stops now, and you will find your stupid ass a beautiful, nice, Jewish girlfriend or so help me!' And that wasn't even the half of it! Seriously, women was batshit crazy. Jewish this, Jewish that. Why couldn't she just get off his case? This year was supposed to be freaking perfect and it was going to be if he had his way. "Don't you worry Ma, I'll have a nice sexy Jew as my girl by the end of the week." he had smirked before kissing her cheek and calling goodbye (she might be batshit crazy, but she was his ma. He's still badass, got the guns to prove it!) as he headed for his Wrangler, smirking widely at the site of the bright red 4x4.

Over the Summer his deadbeat Dad had dropped by the Puckerman household and practically begged to be allowed back in their lifes. So not badass. Puck had been ready to swing for the dude as had his Ma, (yeah that's where he got the badassness from believe it or not) when his sperm-doner had mentioned that he had a comfy paying job and had come into a ton of money because of his Mom's recent passing. To this, Arin Puckerman smirked widely, and invited him inside to discuss visitation rights.

Basically sperm-doner was allowed to see Puck and Danni twice a week to try and build a relationship, and while Puck would normally complain, how could he? dude brought him a brand new badass jeep! And as much as Puck hated to admit it and wanted to beat him to a pulp, it was kind of cool to have him back around, it didn't hurt that he was buying Puck anything he wanted and had managed to charm his Ma into letting Puck have a tattoo done. A badass tribal on his left gun and slightly on his neck. Plus, the dude was kinda cool.

Everything was basically going fanfuckingtab, just one problem: the sexy Jew girlfriend.

He knew who he was going to ask, there is only a small Jewish community in Lima, and Rachel Berry was the hottest chick there. Hell, Puck would even go as far to say she was one of the hottest chicks in the school. No shit, have you seen her legs? and her mouth... god her mouth

And whys that a problem you wonder? Because even though he is a fine ass piece of man meat, this is Rachel freaking Berry we're talking about. The girl who was loved up with Finn and kissed the ground his friend walked on. Finn being back with Quinn wouldn't stop her, and she wouldn't let anything distract her from getting Finn, and girl had some crazyass determination and could get anything she wanted.

But that was kosher, and it wasn't a problem no more. Know why? Because he was Noah 'Puck' fucking Puckerman, and he had a badass plan.