Without Nicky Clarke

Okay, so basically I always wondered why no one ever did a story like this. (If I'm wrong let me know) I sorta got the idea from toggledog's story (which you should read if ya haven't, it's quite good), but I prolly would have written it awhile ago had I started writing before last week. A lot of this is from the Call of the Yeti episode, but it's going in a different direction so it'll just be this chapter. It's a non-con and a slash fic so if you don't fancy that I would advise you to leave. The Boosh belongs to Noel and Julian.

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When Howard had told Vince that they were going on vacation, he had been thrilled. They needed some quiet relaxation after all that mess at the zoo. It would also give them some time to hang out like they used to.

Since leaving the zoo, Vince and Howard had begun to grow apart. While Howard decided that he now wanted to be a wildlife photographer, Vince immersed himself in fashion.

This little vacation could be just what they needed to get back in sync again.

Or at least, that's what Vince thought before finding out just exactly it was they were going.

"We're going where!"

"Camping Vince. Out in the wild, surrounded by all sorts of foul beasts, yes sir, this is just the type of vacation a true man of action takes. But don't worry Vince, Howard Moon will protect you." Howard exclaimed proudly.

"As if, you'll jus' run away at the first sign of danger, leavin' me ta fend for myself."

"Now see here little man, I would do no such thing, a man of action always protects a damsel in distress." Vince felt himself blush at that, no matter what he said on the contrary, Vince always felt safer with Howard near by.

"I can't believe we're going camping for vacation."

xxx

So there they were Vince and Howard alone in the cabin, Naboo and Bollo had gone out a little bit ago to get some supplies. Howard was going on about black bears and brown bears, and Vince was contemplating suicide when out of nowhere a creepy old man appeared at the window before barging in through the door.

After a short yell of fright, Howard took up a defensive stance while Vince hid behind him.

It turned out he was simply the owner of the cabin, Kodiak Jack.

Howard had made a brief introduction, when Kodiak Jack set his sights on Vince.

"Heeellooo, what's your name sugadumplin?" Kodiak asked as he crept closer. Looking at Vince with what he commonly referred to as 'rapist eyes' and making him quite uncomfortable.

"Vince…"

"Mmmm beautiful name" Kodiak said before obnoxiously licking his lips while Vince just tried to back further away looking very freaked out.

Howard managed to draw Kodiak's attention back on himself with talk of the wilderness, causing Kodiak to go on a rant about scars and whatnot. Needless to say Vince had enough.

"Yeah? Big deal! See that?" he said lifting up his shirt to reveal his scar, "Nicky Clarke, hottest you can get, fell asleep on 'em while I was pissed. Now can you get out please, cause I wanna go ta bed." Vince assumed that would be it, and Kodiak began excusing himself. But then he grabbed Vince's hand.

"I hope we meet again under… different circumstances" licking the hand he held before leaving.

Of course he wasn't gone long, and about 10 seconds later he was back asking Howard for a drink and a smoke on the porch. With Howard gone, Vince finally had some quiet time. He debated whether or not to straighten his hair, before deciding his hair was already pretty darn perfect, so instead, Vince simply went to sleep.

xxx

Outside, Howard was telling Kodiak how he was a wildlife photographer. And Kodiak was telling Howard that he had a map to a creature 'never seen by human eyeballs.'

"Can I have a look at that?" Howard said reaching out.

"Maybe you can and maybe you can't." Kodiak teased, pulling the map out of reach.

"Can I?"

"Well maybe I got something you want, and maybe you got something… I want."

"What?" Howard asked.

"Well ya know, a man does get lonely out here in the woods." Kodiak said mysteriously.

"Ah, no Jack I'm sorry, I mean I'm a liberal guy but I will draw the line there I'm afraid."

"Not you dick brain, I'm talkin' about hoochi-coochi pants in there. A man does have his standards. We don't often get a cute nubile princess like that around here." Kodiak said looking through the window at the sleeping Vince.

"Look I could never do that ok? Vince is a friend of mine, so I'll bid you goodnight." That said Howard began to walk away.

"Well that's a shame, I guess you wont be needing a photo of the one and only, the legendary, yeti."

"How long would you need him for?" Howard asked spinning around. Kodiak simply gave him the map, and just like that Howard left his best friend in the hands of a creepy old pervert.

xxx

Down at Shamansbury's Naboo and Bollo were waiting in the checkout line, there were only a few Shamans ahead of him, but by some irritating coincidence, they all appeared to be on an annual shopping trip, for each of their carts contained well over 100 items. This supply run was going to take a lot longer than he expected.

xxx

Vince had just fallen into a peaceful sleep, and was dreaming about Howard rescuing him from a crazy madman trying to destroy the world, when someone knocked on the door.

"come in." Vince said sleepily, rising up from his sleeping bag just enough to see who was at the door.

"Well heeelloooo there." Kodiak said.

"What do you want?"

"Well I uh… brought you some flowers. Picked um myself." At that, Vince started to back away.

"Where's Howard?"

"Oh he's fine, he just went for a walk on Piney Ridge. Left us alone for awhile." Kodiak said, eating something from the bag he was holding.

"What are you eating?"

"Owl beaks, Do you want some?"

"No I'm fine."

"Gets you in the mood." Kodiak said walking closer.

"Mood for what!" Vince was freaked, and he had no where to run, he backed himself into the corner, as Kodiak drew nearer.

"Purdy little thing like you, and a big old mountain man like me."

"Get away from me!"

"But I loves ya Vincey."

"No way, get off me!" Vince tried to push him away, but he was too strong and Vince had nothing to defend himself with.

"I LOVE MY LITTLE VINCEY!" Yelled Kodiak as he pushed Vince to the floor and tore at his clothes.

Vince screamed in pain as Kodiak thrust into him, tears streamed down his face and he felt the blood ooze down his leg, he yelled for Howard to save help him, to protect him like he promised he would, but he didn't. No one did, Kodiak just moaned and continued to violate Vince for hours, or at least it felt like hours to Vince, in actuality, it couldn't have been more than a few minutes.

Kodiak finally finished, and pulled himself out of the lifeless body, then after giving Vince a little smack on the arse and a few parting words, he left, leaving his victim naked on the floor covered in blood and semen.

Vince curled himself into a ball, his clothes were in shreds, he was dirty, and everything hurt. Before passing out he called out one last time.

"Howard, help."

XXX

Yeah, that's that, there's going to be more chapters soon, but reviews would be nice in the mean time.